Used to be on SurvivingAntidepressants; Vince4264, but I wanted to rewrite my introduction.

 

At the end of 2018 I started Escitalopram/Lexapro because of emotional issues during a difficult internship at school. It worked for a couple of months, then became restless and the emotional issues returned. Half a year later I was in a situation worse than before the medication. I lost my sense of boundaries and did a lot of stupid stuff. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place. At some time in 2020/2021 I got switched to Paroxetine. When I tried to lower in dose, terror/panic episodes would follow. When I upped in dose, dissociation and lethargy. Past years have been a rollercoaster of horrible symptoms and suffering, I’ll spare the details.

 

In 2023 I updosed to 10 mg and started therapy once again. Over the span of a year I improved, some of the therapies had good effect. I found some stability and a way to work with my body and brain. Did day care activies, exercised, enjoyed small talk, felt positive emotions. I was happy with this development, this is likely the period I have felt most stable in years.

 

Then I entered in a 4 month clinically admitted group therapy. On the weekends we got to go home. This was way too intense for me and here I developed very severe symptoms of withdrawal again; My ability to think clearly dissappeared, my emotions dissappeared, I became sick everytime I arrived at the location, my body often burned intensely, I couldn’t find any rest or peace in my mind, all kinds of vague feelings and sensations came up, I felt like I was going insane at times, I developed bodily ticks that still persist to this day.

 

Ever since then i’ve felt something was off. I tried moving on with my life, resumed my day care activities I did before the group therapy, went to volunteer at an animal shelter, then got a job. But I never recovered to the state of being I had before the group therapy. I tried exercising again but got very bad pains that would last for weeks, not regular muscle pain. Over the next year and a half I would start feeling vague pains in the entire left side of my body. I couldn’t bicycle normally, I would feel pins and needles in my legs, heavyness like being pulled back. Once done my legs would feel like bubbles rising in water. I can go on and on with various symptoms and scenarios.

 

I was hoping the medication was the cause and wanted to experiment with tapering off again. This has not improved my condition and at around 2 mg I crashed, coinciding with the start of the new job. Since then has been daily suffering again, that's when I found SA. I have since quit my job and all usual activities, only reccently am I doing simple day care activities again. I have updosed a couple times and my panic seems less.

 

One of the worst things is that I can’t express myself, I don’t know how I feel or what I think or what I want. I can think of things relative to past memories or describe things objectively, but if you ask me my opinion or my subjective experience/feelings in the here and now, 95% of the time I just can’t or don’t know. When people keep trying to get an answer out of me, I kinda freak out. It’s like repeatedly asking a person without arms to grab something. I wish I could but for some reason I can’t! It's like i'm always absent-minded.

 

I’ll leave it at that for now, thank you for reading.

 

My SA Thread;

 

 

 

Thank you for crossing over and joining here, and for updating your signature.

 

It's good that you found SA and were able to read more information about the potential harms that these drugs can do, and about safer methods of tapering them, but I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult time you've been having for a number of years.

 

It's probably too early to begin tapering again, as you likely need some stability (I'm sure other members may provide you with their insights on this as well), however I would like to highlight to you that the tapering process you were undertaking is considerably faster than recommended on SA.

 

There's some further information here:

Tapering Information - Tapering - The Antidepressant Harm and Recovery Forum

 

In short, the drops you were making appear larger than 10%, and this becomes more and more significant as you go towards the lower doses. This may be why you experienced a crash dropping from 3mg to 2mg- a 10% drop from 3mg would be to 2.8mg.

 

This isn't something you need to do now, but hopefully it adds some context and if further down the line you decide you'd like to attempt to taper again, it starts the process of looking into slower, safer methods that you could use that would hopefully mean you have greater success next time and avoid "crashing" or significantly increased symptoms.

 

I hope that you will find this place supportive and a good source of community.

Welcome to the forum @Vince

 

Ive linked your SA thread above for you.

 

You've been holding since October at 3.5mg Paroxetine? You seemed to respond to the up doses which is good but stability seems elusive for you?

 

I agree with Luke. Your system has been through a lot. Continuing to hold sounds like a good plan here. It can take a long time to be able to taper but being in a better place will help make your taper more smoother. 

 

Hope you find the forum a supportive place.

 

Chippy

16 hours ago, Vince said:

Used to be on SurvivingAntidepressants; Vince4264, but I wanted to rewrite my introduction.

 

At the end of 2018 I started Escitalopram/Lexapro because of emotional issues during a difficult internship at school. It worked for a couple of months, then became restless and the emotional issues returned. Half a year later I was in a situation worse than before the medication. I lost my sense of boundaries and did a lot of stupid stuff. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place. At some time in 2020/2021 I got switched to Paroxetine. When I tried to lower in dose, terror/panic episodes would follow. When I upped in dose, dissociation and lethargy. Past years have been a rollercoaster of horrible symptoms and suffering, I’ll spare the details.

 

In 2023 I updosed to 10 mg and started therapy once again. Over the span of a year I improved, some of the therapies had good effect. I found some stability and a way to work with my body and brain. Did day care activies, exercised, enjoyed small talk, felt positive emotions. I was happy with this development, this is likely the period I have felt most stable in years.

 

Then I entered in a 4 month clinically admitted group therapy. On the weekends we got to go home. This was way too intense for me and here I developed very severe symptoms of withdrawal again; My ability to think clearly dissappeared, my emotions dissappeared, I became sick everytime I arrived at the location, my body often burned intensely, I couldn’t find any rest or peace in my mind, all kinds of vague feelings and sensations came up, I felt like I was going insane at times, I developed bodily ticks that still persist to this day.

 

Ever since then i’ve felt something was off. I tried moving on with my life, resumed my day care activities I did before the group therapy, went to volunteer at an animal shelter, then got a job. But I never recovered to the state of being I had before the group therapy. I tried exercising again but got very bad pains that would last for weeks, not regular muscle pain. Over the next year and a half I would start feeling vague pains in the entire left side of my body. I couldn’t bicycle normally, I would feel pins and needles in my legs, heavyness like being pulled back. Once done my legs would feel like bubbles rising in water. I can go on and on with various symptoms and scenarios.

 

I was hoping the medication was the cause and wanted to experiment with tapering off again. This has not improved my condition and at around 2 mg I crashed, coinciding with the start of the new job. Since then has been daily suffering again, that's when I found SA. I have since quit my job and all usual activities, only reccently am I doing simple day care activities again. I have updosed a couple times and my panic seems less.

 

One of the worst things is that I can’t express myself, I don’t know how I feel or what I think or what I want. I can think of things relative to past memories or describe things objectively, but if you ask me my opinion or my subjective experience/feelings in the here and now, 95% of the time I just can’t or don’t know. When people keep trying to get an answer out of me, I kinda freak out. It’s like repeatedly asking a person without arms to grab something. I wish I could but for some reason I can’t! It's like i'm always absent-minded.

 

I’ll leave it at that for now, thank you for reading.

 

My SA Thread;

 

 

 

Truly sorry @Vince my heart goes out to you, we are on the same poison and I relate to everything you wrote, you described this inhuman torture perfectly!

We are also close in dosage, the lower the hellish, no other word than brutal.

Just know that you are not alone, we are all here for you, to support and help as needed.

Really hope you turn a corner soon, please stay strong.

Edited February 20Feb 20 by Fullhealing

On 2/19/2026 at 1:11 PM, Vince said:

One of the worst things is that I can’t express myself, I don’t know how I feel or what I think or what I want. I can think of things relative to past memories or describe things objectively, but if you ask me my opinion or my subjective experience/feelings in the here and now, 95% of the time I just can’t or don’t know. When people keep trying to get an answer out of me, I kinda freak out. It’s like repeatedly asking a person without arms to grab something. I wish I could but for some reason I can’t!

I could have written this…I stutter at times when I have to make a quick response…other times, it is like involuntary mutism…..it is so frustrating…..

Mine has gotten better but in a wave it intensifies. I know it should keep getting better since it already has. Time is so important in this healing process…unfortunately it takes longer than we want. 
The lower doses are even worse for paroxetine due to its self metabolizing nature.

As mentioned, keep stabilizing….one day at a time. ❤️

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/181-paroxetine-what-you-should-know/#elControls_2221_menu

@Chippy Yes, i’ve been holding since October. I must say elusive is a great word to put it. I found stability a year after reïnstating (from either 5 or 7.5mg to 10mg) in 2023, but after that clinical therapy thing I lost it, even without tapering. Right now i’m only stable in the sense that my symptoms remain mostly the same. I started tapering as an experiment to see whether I could do without, thinking if it failed I could easily updose again. Right before my crash my old psychiatrist found a new job. Found SA and got scared/hesitant to updose. I still regularly think about updosing to 5 mg’s (in incremental steps ofcourse). The psychiatrist/psychologist/parents suggest adding a little Quetiapine/Seroquel in the blind hope it eases things, such heedless thinking often angers me.

 

Thank you Fullhealing & LostinCanada. It’s good to know others can relate to my experience.

10 hours ago, Vince said:

Right now i’m only stable in the sense that my symptoms remain mostly the same.

Hey @Vince This is positive though you have a base line. How would you rate is out of 10 with 10 being the worse and how long have you been like this?

 

10 hours ago, Vince said:

I still regularly think about updosing to 5 mg’s (in incremental steps ofcourse).

I think if you have found a base line this points to staying put. But of course this is your call! 🙂 

 

10 hours ago, Vince said:

The psychiatrist/psychologist/parents suggest adding a little Quetiapine/Seroquel in the blind hope it eases things, such heedless thinking often angers me.

Yes you and me both! Im glad you now know what a bad move this would be!

 

Great to have you here @Vince

 

Chippy

@Vince i am curious if you are cutting pills or using a diy liquid? Thanks.

@LostinCanada DIY liquid, 10mg pill of paroxetine in 40 ml of water. Let it sit for an hour or so, use a little wooden stick to help break pieces up, give a stir and ready for use. Works just fine.

4 minutes ago, Vince said:

@LostinCanada DIY liquid, 10mg pill of paroxetine in 40 ml of water. Let it sit for an hour or so, use a little wooden stick to help break pieces up, give a stir and ready for use. Works just fine.

Thanks Vince, curious are you making it up each day?

5 hours ago, Vince said:

@LostinCanada DIY liquid, 10mg pill of paroxetine in 40 ml of water. Let it sit for an hour or so, use a little wooden stick to help break pieces up, give a stir and ready for use. Works just fine.

My question is similar to Chippy's...lol.

How long do you use it for? 2 days? Do you keep it refrigerated?

I have read some keep it for 4 days. I also know, that pharmacists that mix it with Oraplus say it lasts 24 days. I am trying to figure out stability of the diy.

Also what manufacturer fo you use? Thanks so much. ❤️🙏

Edited May 8May 8 by LostinCanada

5 hours ago, LostinCanada said:

lasts 24 days

*Typo... should read 14 days

Every 2.5 days, and yes refrigerated. Haven't updated signature but I take 4 mg now equal to 16ml a day. This seems to be a do-able baseline for me. Current manufacturer is Sandoz. (Also thanks for the reminder I need to order some more.) I'm more concerned about the water going bad than the medication.

Thanks @Vince

19 minutes ago, Vince said:

more concerned about the water going bad than the medication.

I know some boil water and cool it before using. Others use distilled. Definitely water quality isn't great anymore.

❤️🙏

Just stopping by...hope you are doing okay. 💯🙏

@LostinCanada Hey thanks for checking in.

Short update, I had to change psychologist/psychiatrist again. They seem decent. Because of this I had to get my bloodwork done again, got the option to check the paroxetine in my bloodlevels so I said why not. I'm getting the results next month. As far as I can tell, symptoms haven't changed. Same stuff different day.
I've noticed this weird chain of associations or dejavu, where I think/feel/do something, then I recognize what is happening and that it happend before (maybe a couple weeks/months back). Then I remember the next thing that I initially thought/felt, then the next etc. It's like i'm onto something, and feels like i'm re-experiencing it, but I guess all it is, is just a memory. Some neurons firing in mah brainz.

Wednesday I got sick, had a 38.9 c fever. That was horrible, the fever lasted only a day, but the burning fever sensations and cold symptoms are only now getting better. The thought of knowing that even when the sickness subsides I will still not be better was also miserable.

I think I'm now returning to regular WD misery, my sleep is OK again. I do have more pain and sensitivity in my head and neck, and allergy-like symptoms.

Sorry to hear....this whole experience is awful.... All we can do is accept and know one day it will be behind us.

We are at a very similar dose...since getting under 4 mg it has been particularly difficult.

Hope things turn around for us both. 👍🙏

Just got the results back from a blood test. Everything was fine except I drank too little water which they could measure from Albumine, and I had a lower amount of white blood cells. Which is interesting because in 2023 I also took a blood test, and there I also had lower white blood cells. I forgot the ask for a copy of the current report, but I still have the 2023 one. It isn't alarmingly low though, the most deviant one says: Leukocytes 3.4 x10^9/L
I do have been having lots of issues with allergy's or strange allergy/lymph/itching/lethargic related issues for the past couple of years.

They wanted to check again in 3 months and see if anything changes. I thought maybe it was low because I was sick last week, but I just remembered I had the blood drawn last month. So it can't be because of that. I think it will still be low in 3 months and hopefully they will do some further diagnostics and maybe figure something out.
Does anyone else have this?

16 minutes ago, Vince said:

Leukocytes 3.4 x10^9/L

Mine has been consistently low for the last couple years...last one in June was 3.8.

20 minutes ago, Vince said:

issues with allergy's or strange allergy/lymph/itching/lethargic related issues for the past couple of years.

Paroxetine inhibits histamine so as we go lower, our histamine receptors need to figure out how to work again. I am on the low histamine diet and have been for over a year...I am now able to introduce more foods without hives/reactions/itching.

Since we are under 5 mg, remember that the CYP2D6 is no longer being inhibited by paroxetine like when we were on a full dose. This makes the drug metabolize faster affecting half life and making the body think we are dropping out doses faster than we are.