Hi all, I am from Surviving Antidepressants and am currently still in the process of recovering. I hope to post a success story in the future.

 

I want to thank Luke for establishing this new forum. It is so important to have a community available for those currently suffering from withdrawal and the countless number of people who are still unaware or are searching for answers.

 

Please note that I am copying my intro post from Surviving Antidepressants. I am significantly ahead of the timeline indicated below if you would like to see my journey so far here is my blog on SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/24749-brokenwings-recovering/#comment-531006

 

  Hello fellow sufferers, I have had depression and anxiety since early childhood. It became all too much for me when I started college and eventually had to drop out at the ripe age of 20. This is the point in my life where I got introduced to the quackery of psychiatry and the evil practices of the pharmaceutical industry. I went to see a psychiatrist and, after a mere ten minutes, my diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder. He prescribed 50 mg of Zoloft and 0.5 mg of Klonopin as needed. The only thing these drugs ever did was dumb me down, rob me of all my emotions, and turn me into a zombie. I was eventually able to go back to college and get a degree, but it was a struggle as my concentration and memory were greatly impaired. I was able to enter the workforce and had a well-paying job for several years until the drugs finally took their toll. I could no longer manage my stress levels and had to leave the workforce. Since then, I have been unable to hold a job due to my inability to manage stress.

 

  I only used Klonopin as needed for 1 month and quit cold turkey. It was not helping, and I saw no point in taking it anymore. My dosage of Zoloft fluctuated from 50 mg to 150 mg over the years. I tried to quit multiple times before my current attempt. I was also abusing alcohol consumption during this time, which was contributing to my problems. On my first attempt, I quit cold turkey.  At the time, I did not know about withdrawal or the dangers of quitting cold turkey. Frustrated with how Zoloft turned me into a zombie, I wanted to see if I could manage without it. I was feeling great until I crashed into acute withdrawal after about six months. I returned to my psychiatrist and was reinstated to my previous dosage of 75 mg, which was eventually bumped to 100 mg. I stayed on this dosage for several years, still frustrated with how the drugs made me feel, with no improvement in my anxiety or depression. My second attempt to quit was at the advice of my psychiatrist over the course of two weeks, cutting the dosage in half each time until I reached 0 mg. I was fine again for three months until I crashed into acute withdrawal again. I went back to the psychiatrist loaded with questions of withdrawal and drug dependency. He said I was relapsing and these drugs were not addictive, nor could I become physically dependent. I was reinstated to 100 mg for a few weeks and then bumped to 150 mg. My last attempt to rid myself of these poisons resulted in taking matters into my own hands as I no longer trusted my psychiatrist. This is the point where the drugs started producing physical symptoms and signs of my body breaking down. My body could also no longer tolerate alcohol. At 150 mg, I developed mild gastrointestinal symptoms, which progressively got worse. I decided enough was enough and began researching while I quit drinking alcohol and started a rapid taper of Zoloft over the course of about one year. I reduced from 150 mg to 100 mg to 75 mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0 mg with two-month hold periods before reducing. I only wish I had researched and found out how to properly taper at no more than a ten percent reduction. Before I describe the hell that I entered during acute and post-acute withdrawal, I want to make a note that my depression and anxiety levels were less intense and immensely easier to manage before taking Zoloft and Klonopin. I was still functioning properly and able to go about my day. It was only after starting and stopping these drugs that my life and my inability to function began to progressively deteriorate.

 

  During my rapid taper, I was relatively stable until towards the end of the taper. I had my ups and downs, but they were manageable. All hell broke loose about two months after my taper was completed. These are the symptoms I have had to endure since the start of acute withdrawal: Depression, anxiety, anger & rage outbursts, crying outbursts, anhedonia, lack of motivation, suicidal thoughts, ruminating thoughts, insomnia, tinnitus, muscle pain, nerve pain, nausea, gastrointestinal symptoms, fatigue, burning skin sensation, night sweats, vertigo, headaches, brain fog, impaired memory, myoclonus, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, lack of appetite. The acute withdrawal was pure hell on earth and probably lasted four months. I have been in a state of post-acute withdrawal accompanied by a never-ending cycle of waves and windows since.

 

  It has been 39 months since I stopped Zoloft and Alcohol and I am still struggling. My waves have been fairly consistent, lasting anywhere from seven to ten days. During a wave, my symptoms vary. I am unable to function when in a wave and usually bedridden. Windows last anywhere from two to three weeks, and I am functioning and clear-headed most of the time. Over time, these symptoms have become less intense, and my waves seem to have gotten shorter with extended windows. However, I can still be hit with a wave that appears as if I have hit ground zero, and I have to start all over again. This is extremely discouraging and eats away at my hope of healing and functioning like I was before taking these poisons. I am eating as healthily as I can and supplementing with Fish Oil, Magnesium, Vitamin D, and Vitamin B-12 to help support my body and nervous system.

 

  I am furious and outraged with the ignorant medical field and even more outraged at the evil practices of the pharmaceutical industry. I have read a lot of information on these forums and countless success stories to help keep me going. I am reaching out for reassurances and guidance. I hope that one day I can say I have healed and can post my success story.

Welcome to the forum, BrokenWings.

 

I am the Recovery Assistant Bot and I am here to post some information for you whilst we await replies from other members.

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications. If you are experiencing an adverse reaction to them, withdrawal difficulties or are injured by them, we are very sorry to hear this and will do what we can to help you.

 

While we are waiting for human members to reply, there are some things you can do that will help you get the most out of this forum whilst you await further support.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help

 

Please update your signature. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the guides linked above, but here is a direct link:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help&hid=8

 

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default.

 

If you have migrated here from "SurvivingAntidepressants" feel free to post a link to your old thread in this one, or include it in your signature.

 

We hope that you will find this forum helpful.

Hey BrokenWings

 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting your introduction thread! We are very happy to have you here! :)

 

I've linked your SA blog above for you.

 

Perhaps you might post a short update on how you are atm?

 

Happy Christmas 

 

Speak soon

 

Chippy

Chippy,

 

Thank you. I had forgotten to provide a link. I revised the introduction post a bit, so there are some minor variations from the original.

 

Happy Christmas to you as well!

 

Here is an update on my current status:

 

  I feel closer than ever to recovery, but I am still experiencing windows and waves. The waves are significantly less frequent and much shorter in duration. My ability to handle stress has improved, but it is still not where I would like it to be. Too much stress can still trigger a wave, but I feel as if I am handling it better. I remain optimistic that I will one day recover from the nightmare of withdrawal.

 

If anybody has any specific questions for me, do not hesitate to ask.

 

-BrokenWings

Thank you for joining.

 

Chippy also deserves a mention for all the work he's put in.

Thank you both for your generosity and hard work!

Thank you both for your generosity and hard work!

Bless you. Just doing what we can to help the community!

Chiming in to provide an update on my recovery. I am getting closer to recovery. I am still experiencing wave and window cycles, but the waves are minor and short-lived, lasting only one to two days. My windows are much longer, and I have been in what I consider to be the longest window so far. Stress tolerance is getting better, but it is still not where I would like it to be.

 

Overall, most days I am feeling fine and functional. I may have periods of heightened anxiety and mood fluctuations, but I am getting better at managing the symptoms and not letting them spiral out of control into a long-lasting, full-blown wave. Hopefully, I will soon feel I am in a position to post a success story.

This is a fantastic update @BrokenWings looks like you are really getting there! More to come im sure. 👍 You deserve it, it’s been a long road for you, looking at your signature. 

15 minutes ago, BrokenWings said:

Chiming in to provide an update on my recovery. I am getting closer to recovery. I am still experiencing wave and window cycles, but the waves are minor and short-lived, lasting only one to two days. My windows are much longer, and I have been in what I consider to be the longest window so far. Stress tolerance is getting better, but it is still not where I would like it to be.

 

Overall, most days I am feeling fine and functional. I may have periods of heightened anxiety and mood fluctuations, but I am getting better at managing the symptoms and not letting them spiral out of control into a long-lasting, full-blown wave. Hopefully, I will soon feel I am in a position to post a success story.

What a wonderful update and so encouraging to us all! Thank you @BrokenWings Sorry to hear it's not as good as you'd like but it will get better with time, no doubt about it.

It also seems like you have good coping tools now that are helping you pull through, this is great!

Keep up your fantastic work, we are looking forward to read your success story!

@BrokenWings thank you for the update.

 

I would be delighted if you got to the stage where you felt able to write a success story, but the main thing is that it is very good to hear that your wellbeing is improving.

 

Please do check in and let us know how you're getting on down the line, and I hope you do continue to feel better and better.