Hello,

Like so many others i came from the Surviving AntiDepressants website that is now closing.

 

i was on Seroquel XR 200mg a day and Clomipramine 125Mg a day for 13 years.

i was depression-free for about 2 years so i figured it was time ( and i felt brave enough) to try life without medication.

My doctor suggested to taper in 2,5 months, but i know i can react very sensitive to medicine change, so i figured i do it over a bit longer period.. so i did it in 4 months ...   

 

Now i know that was way to fast...

 

i went through a lot of symptoms so far, in the beginning they changed sort of every 6 weeks but last year it varies a lot.

symptoms like;

dizziness, nausea, vomiting, Diarrhoea, headache, bellyache, hot/cold sensations, strange rattling sound/feeling in my brain, sleeplessness/ very interrupted short sleep, anxious, itchy skin on my arms and hands, crotch and torso, severe temperature changes; feeling very hot till the extend it feels like my brain is boiling and soon after i get very cold to the core, very hard shivering, astma like shortness of breath, Dyskinesia etc etc.

I am still very sick with withdrawal syndrome, so 20 months into this 'journey' right now..

at the moment my biggest symptoms are Dyskinesia and very disabling phases of 'waves of feelings of Doom' that flush over me constant combined with feeling like my body is boiling hot.

when it happens i get this thick intens feeling something is VERY wrong inside me. ( well inside ME but also wrong i total..hard to explain)

Maybe the best i can describe it is that it feels like how the Dementors in Harry Potter try to suck the life out of you and all the happiness is gone , no more hope and something is very VERY wrong, most often i cant help but cry from pure misery when it is happening.

after i get very teeth shattering cold. and this continues day and night  like 4 times an hour or so.

so far in al this 20 months of misery i never got depressed so that's a big plus :)

also, it is a big wonder, but so far i sort of managed to stay positive most of the time!

just lately in this current phase with all the constant 'doom' it is hard to stay positive and hard to keep telling myself to hold on and that all will be alright in the end.

but it is what it is i guess, keep ploughing through is all we can do ;).

 

o.k, that is it for now, energy is low and i dont have more words in me right now.

greets,

Myrdin <3

Welcome to the forum, Myrdin.

 

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Hi Myrdin

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

Lovely to have you here.

 

Thanks for starting your Intro thread.

 

Im sorry to read about all your struggles. 

 

You been on quite a few different Meds over the years. This is tough on our systems as you know. I can't see how you stopped your earlier drugs like Prozac but Im guessing pretty quickly? Unfortunately a long history of drugs like you have, and run of quick tapers just adds up over time, each event adding fuel to the fire. We know our brains heal and given the right support we can recover from our injuries. Time is the key unfortunately.

 

You sound like despite a lengthy and ongoing WD you are in good spirits and have a good attitude to your recovery. This is good! :)

 

As I said it is great to have you here. I hope you find AR to a warm and supportive environment to share in your journey. Collectively we can make a difference!

 

Speak soon

 

Chippy 

Thank you for joining.

 

When you look back over the 20 months, have you noticed any trend towards improvement?

On 1/1/2026 at 11:00 AM, Luke said:

Thank you for joining.

 

When you look back over the 20 months, have you noticed any trend towards improvement?

hey, No, no improvement, just a change of symptoms every 6 weeks to 3 months  😞

i just feel the need to rant a bit right now, i hope that is allowed here...

man o man, how i feel awful..
 

i am in this withdrawal syndrome for about 21 months now.

before this happened i was a sparkly woman, overweight yes, due to gaining 60 pounds due to medication, but happy and sparkling and active.

i was 54 at the time but looked 46, right now i am 56 and i look like i am 66..and i feel like i am 75

I guess that is what feeling sick, in pain and feeling just plain miserable al the time do to a person.
the weight loss of 59 pounds did not help also although it is better for my health i guess.
 

Since this all started i have phases with a set of symptoms, each phase changes after 6 weeks to 3 months or so.

right now symptoms are changing a bit again.
 

last 3 months the biggest symptom was feeling very hot or very cold a state that changed say every 30 minutes, so clothes on, clothes off, fan on and off constant.

There are a lot more symptoms like the neck-wobble that i am wearing a neck brace for so my head movement is a bit more stable, walking is hard due to knee pain from Chronic Lyme disease but with withdrawal syndrome came bad balance so all in all i sit in a wheel chair these days because walking is panful and hard due to imbalance.

but mostly the change in temparature comes with this big ' wave' of feeling total ' Doom' wash over me.

before the ' doom phase' even though i was very sick and miserabel i managed to stay very positive 99% of the time. i worked hard to stay feeling hopeful because i think for my entire organism it will work best on all terrain for a faster recovery.

but last months with this ' Doom' washing over me, it is so ' thick' i cannot do anything else then to burst out into tears each time it happens.. for a few minutes i am not aware of anything but the Doom. maybe it is best to explain as if harry potters dementors are attacking me..

when the Doom gets less thick i am able to see what is happening and i start to mantra again ' all is good' ' all is good' in hope to gain some positive feeling again.. but it is all so hard.
 

till say 1 week ago that was the situation, it was bad but it allowed me to go online ( i am in the virtual world of Second Life a lot, building creative stuff there. since i am also handicapped from the Chronic Lyme and with WD, all in all i cannot do mush more then just sit and click my mouse most days)

but since 1 week the doom and hot and cold changed in a way that now also i feel like fainting every time it happens.. and i cant focus, i cant do nothing.. i need to go lay in bed, i cant read, nothing.. i just lay there feeling totally miserable.. nothing i can do to stay distracted from all the misery i feel..

....
 

and it is hard.. hard to find any hope, hard to find any feeling of positive..

i keep telling myself that this also will pass and maybe soon it will turn into a phase of just migraine , Nausea, and hot cold flushes again ( one can only hope  )
a phase that is allowing me at least to have a virtual life..

also i feel this sort of racing heart, a bit similar to feeling anxious although this current feeling is very much a physical feeling and not mental like the one i had since i was in my early 20's and for what i took oxazepam and lorazepam a lot.
but since withdrawal syndrome i dont take any drugs anymore and it took 3 months to learn to cope with old fashioned being anxious and since 18 months i am not feeling anxious no more ( HOORAY!!) but right now the racing heart reminds me of the old school feeling anxious a bit and it is making life more hard last week.
 

anyway, that is the situation right now.. it is hard...

and i feel sad and very angry

So angry at the manufacturers of these horrible drugs that so many people take because their doctors say ' it is o.k, it will help you'

little do they know how it can mess up your life and health when u take them for a long time and taper to quick...

it is a real crime i think...
 

o.k, ranting is nice sometimes

thank you for reading

( reading back i see the typos and the not always very coherent structure in a sentence.. sorry about that. .not capable of more right now..)

Edited February 11Feb 11 by Myrdin

hello,

i am 21 months into protracted withdrawal syndrome right now.

and i was wondering, since it seems to be my latest new symptom added to what was already happening:
 

Did anyone had a phase where you felt like u gonna faint every 15 minutes to every hour?

( in my case it goes along with severe temperature changes and a wave of ' Doom' that washes over me a lot of times a day)
 

and also, i have this symptom for a lot of months now, my balance is so off i need to walk with a stroller or sit in a wheelchair even.
 

anyone else had these symptoms?

15 minutes ago, Myrdin said:

hello,

i am 21 months into protracted withdrawal syndrome right now.

and i was wondering, since it seems to be my latest new symptom added to what was already happening:
 

Did anyone had a phase where you felt like u gonna faint every 15 minutes to every hour?

( in my case it goes along with severe temperature changes and a wave of ' Doom' that washes over me a lot of times a day)
 

and also, i have this symptom for a lot of months now, my balance is so off i need to walk with a stroller or sit in a wheelchair even.
 

anyone else had these symptoms?

Hey @Myrdin

 

We like to keep all these posts in our personal intro topics so Ive moved this back here for you.

 

I cant personally add to your question from experience myself but Im sure others will come along and chip in. 

 

Im sorry you are having this though it sounds very frightening.

 

Chippy

On 2/12/2026 at 12:53 AM, Myrdin said:

the change in temparature comes with this big ' wave' of feeling total ' Doom' wash over me.

before the ' doom phase' even though i was very sick and miserabel i managed to stay very positive 99% of the time. i worked hard to stay feeling hopeful because i think for my entire organism it will work best on all terrain for a faster recovery.

but last months with this ' Doom' washing over me, it is so ' thick' i cannot do anything else then to burst out into tears each time it happens.. for a few minutes i am not aware of anything but the Doom. maybe it is best to explain as if harry potters dementors are attacking me..

when the Doom gets less thick i am able to see what is happening and i start to mantra again ' all is good' ' all is good' in hope to gain some positive feeling again.. but it is all so hard.

@Myrdin this sounds excruciatingly awful and terrifying, I have similar bouts of doom, gloom and dread though I don’t think they’re as pervasive as yours. I do know it’s one of the worst emotional experiences and everything seems hopeless, untethered and catastrophic. I’m glad you have your mantra and more importantly I hope it works for you. 
One thing in your history caught my eye — your relatively short taper of clomipramine. I’m planning to start an Amitriptyline taper within the next few months. I find the prospect daunting as I’ve been tapering Escitalopram for the last 2 years (almost down to 1mg). I need to taper Amitriptyline because of undesirable side effects, and I plan to hold for at least 4 to 6 weeks before starting. I’m scared because my CNS is in a fragile state from the current taper and I’m unsure this decision is sound. If you’re happy to share I’d really like to know what your taper was like and if you considered your physical and mental states robust before you started.

 

I'd be happy for other knowledgeable folks reading this to chime in here.

 

i hope you find some stability and windows soon 🤗

Ooh catbird, i did not get an email saying people reacted here ! or else i would have replayed sooner!
 

it is late here now, i will try to answer tomorrow with a fresh brain!

On 2/13/2026 at 12:29 PM, Catbird said:

If you’re happy to share I’d really like to know what your taper was like and if you considered your physical and mental states robust before you started.

Hey :),
Well i started tapering because i did not had a depression in over 2 years. and since i was taking the drugs for 13 years already and really wanted to try and live life without the meds, i tapere over 4 months.
during the tapering i did not notice anything, i felt steady and strong, no withdrawal at all.
BUT after i took my last pill, a few days later the withdrawal started.
normally during my life when i had quitted the antidepressants i always had withdrawal.
you know, the brain-zaps ( bad sometimes, specially after quitting Effexor), over all miserable etc.
so i thought it was normal, so i endured it.
i thought it would pass in like 2 weeks max.
but it did not.
so after 6 weeks of bad withdrawal i started to search for info online.
Long story short:
I found Mark Dunn on Reddit, he knows so much about this matter.
we talked a lot and i started to understand what was happening to me.
he pointed me towards the now closed Surviving Antidepressants website, were i again learned a lot.
right now i am about 22 months in the protracted withdrawal syndrome.
and i am in deep, i had not yet have phases of even an hour where things felt really less terrible.
so i guess my brain still has a long way to go...

The good news is that i never got depressed again! so i am depression free for like 4 years now. 🙂
no matter how terrible i feel and how ruined my life is, i, overal, can find it in my self to keep hope and stay positive.
and that amazes me, because ever since i was like 12, i was say 3 times a year very VERY depressed.
i am 56 right now and depression free 🙂
same for old school anxiety, since i was 26 i had bad anxiety, i took a lot of lorazepam, oxazepam etc ( called xanax in the USA i think )
after 3 or 4 months into this withdrawal and the fact i could not take drugs anymore, i needed to find a way to deal with the big anxiety. and in some way i managed to finally learned to cope with it.
and no i am anxiety free.
well when i have the doom episode, a sort of anxiety rolls over me like a wave, but i really feel it has nothing to do with 'me'  really. It is just my brain who is 'injecting' some unbalanced chemical in my system, so it rushes over me , and a few minutes later it goes away.

o.k, i will stop rambling now..
i really wanted to try and help to answer your question.. and in the process i probably wrote way to much hhe

1 hour ago, Myrdin said:

Hey :),
Well i started tapering because i did not had a depression in over 2 years. and since i was taking the drugs for 13 years already and really wanted to try and live life without the meds, i tapere over 4 months.
during the tapering i did not notice anything, i felt steady and strong, no withdrawal at all.
BUT after i took my last pill, a few days later the withdrawal started.
normally during my life when i had quitted the antidepressants i always had withdrawal.
you know, the brain-zaps ( bad sometimes, specially after quitting Effexor), over all miserable etc.
so i thought it was normal, so i endured it.
i thought it would pass in like 2 weeks max.
but it did not.
so after 6 weeks of bad withdrawal i started to search for info online.
Long story short:
I found Mark Dunn on Reddit, he knows so much about this matter.
we talked a lot and i started to understand what was happening to me.
he pointed me towards the now closed Surviving Antidepressants website, were i again learned a lot.
right now i am about 22 months in the protracted withdrawal syndrome.
and i am in deep, i had not yet have phases of even an hour where things felt really less terrible.
so i guess my brain still has a long way to go...

The good news is that i never got depressed again! so i am depression free for like 4 years now. 🙂
no matter how terrible i feel and how ruined my life is, i, overal, can find it in my self to keep hope and stay positive.
and that amazes me, because ever since i was like 12, i was say 3 times a year very VERY depressed.
i am 56 right now and depression free 🙂
same for old school anxiety, since i was 26 i had bad anxiety, i took a lot of lorazepam, oxazepam etc ( called xanax in the USA i think )
after 3 or 4 months into this withdrawal and the fact i could not take drugs anymore, i needed to find a way to deal with the big anxiety. and in some way i managed to finally learned to cope with it.
and no i am anxiety free.
well when i have the doom episode, a sort of anxiety rolls over me like a wave, but i really feel it has nothing to do with 'me'  really. It is just my brain who is 'injecting' some unbalanced chemical in my system, so it rushes over me , and a few minutes later it goes away.

o.k, i will stop rambling now..
i really wanted to try and help to answer your question.. and in the process i probably wrote way to much hhe

thanks @Myrdin It's great you're no longer suffering with daily depression and anxiety.  Am I correct in thinking your protracted withdrawal state was due coming off Clomipramine?

 

On 2/13/2026 at 12:29 PM, Catbird said:

I have similar bouts of doom, gloom and dread though I don’t think they’re as pervasive as yours. I do know it’s one of the worst emotional experiences and everything seems hopeless, untethered and catastrophic.

i was laying in bed just yet and all the sudden  thought about the fact i did not even reacted on what you said!

Thank you so much for telling me about your symptoms that are sort of the same as mine!
you have no idea how much this is comforting to me!
i was so afraid that what i am currently going through would maybe have nothing to do with withdrawal  or something.. maybe that i was really ill with some other cause.. since my current set of misery i had not read about in the withdrawal forums.

But i am also sorry to hear you suffer the same.. it is really hard to endure ❤️
Do i understand you have those symptoms right now? or did u have them in  the past?

27 minutes ago, Catbird said:

 Am I correct in thinking your protracted withdrawal state was due coming off Clomipramine?

yes, from Clomipramine but at the same time i tapered from Seroquel XR (quetiapine).
looking back extra extra bad.. i so should have tapered each drug on its own.. but my doctor did not tell me..

 

@Myrdin, chronic lyme definitely does complicate matters, however my personal experience was that fatigue was an incredibly strong and persistent symptom of withdrawal syndrome.

 

I also experienced a number of the symptoms that you are/have, and did not really have windows nor better times at all until more recently. Certainly, at 2 years off (24 months), I was still pretty much constantly suffering. Really it is as I surpassed 2.5 years off that I began to improve steadily (whilst still suffering), and at 2 years and 10 months I'm clearly on the path to recovery but still in it.

 

Please don't lose hope just because you're coming up to 2 years, this is extremely difficult, but not unheard of at all.

5 hours ago, Myrdin said:

yes, from Clomipramine but at the same time i tapered from Seroquel XR (quetiapine).
looking back extra extra bad.. i so should have tapered each drug on its own.. but my doctor did not tell me..

 

@Myrdin I’m so sorry this happened. How irresponsible of your doctor. I hope you’ve found someone more knowledgeable and understanding.🤗

2 hours ago, Luke said:

@Myrdin, chronic lyme definitely does complicate matters, however my personal experience was that fatigue was an incredibly strong and persistent symptom of withdrawal syndrome.

 

I also experienced a number of the symptoms that you are/have, and did not really have windows nor better times at all until more recently. Certainly, at 2 years off (24 months), I was still pretty much constantly suffering. Really it is as I surpassed 2.5 years off that I began to improve steadily (whilst still suffering), and at 2 years and 10 months I'm clearly on the path to recovery but still in it.

 

Please don't lose hope just because you're coming up to 2 years, this is extremely difficult, but not unheard of at all.

@Luke you speak with experience and I love your words of encouragement. Anyone who’s been through or is still in PAWS has been in the worst nightmare. The tenacity is astounding 

7 hours ago, Luke said:

, chronic lyme definitely does complicate matters, however my personal experience was that fatigue was an incredibly strong and persistent symptom of withdrawal syndrome.

You also have chronic Lyme And have or have had PaWS ?!

Oh please tell me more! Or where can i read your story? i searched but could not find it, maybe because i dont understand the website very well so far.

For me the typical Lyme fatigue has not raised its ugly head much last 22 months i am glad to say, lots of other Lyme related thing i suffer though, but yeah , not the severe fatigue 🙂

i am quickly exhausted but  that is a different kind of feeling then Lyme Fatigue, and i feel it has 100% to do with being so very inactive since Paws happened also because i am in a wheelchair now due to Lyme joint ache and due to PaWS giving me very bad balance ( a bad combo hhe)

47 minutes ago, Myrdin said:

You also have chronic Lyme And have or have had PaWS ?!

Oh please tell me more! Or where can i read your story? i searched but could not find it, maybe because i dont understand the website very well so far.

For me the typical Lyme fatigue has not raised its ugly head much last 22 months i am glad to say, lots of other Lyme related thing i suffer though, but yeah , not the severe fatigue 🙂

i am quickly exhausted but  that is a different kind of feeling then Lyme Fatigue, and i feel it has 100% to do with being so very inactive since Paws happened also because i am in a wheelchair now due to Lyme joint ache and due to PaWS giving me very bad balance ( a bad combo hhe)

 

 

I don't have any health issues other than what has been caused by withdrawal.

 

The point I'm trying to make is that a lot of similar symptoms can be caused by withdrawal and that these might improve in time.

 

I'll add a link to my previous story on SA in my signature.

On 3/6/2026 at 6:12 PM, Luke said:

I'll add a link to my previous story on SA in my signature.

i tried to read  all you wrote on surviving antidepressants, but it are 6 pages and i am just not up to do that kind of reading right now. will try to do it in portions.

i saw u made a list of all symptoms over time, that is a good idea, i maybe will try to make a list also, maybe helpful to others.

thank you for responding btw, means a lot to me and makes me feel less alone in my misery ❤️
i again had a very bad day so i dont have it in me to write more here today. more later i hope

oh, and i see you responded days ago,. i changes my settings here on the  forum so i should have gotten an email saying there was a reaction, but i did not get it..

Edited March 11Mar 11 by Myrdin