Hi Everyone,

Thanks for making this space.

A bit about me. Earlier in my life I've been through some hard times and unfortunately, not knowing any better, been perscribed venlafaxine which I took for around 6 or 7 years. (til about age 27)

Long story short I tapered (in what i learned later was completely irresponsible manner, suggested by a doctor that probably knows nothing and cares even less) during a period of a couple of months. The first few weeks after my final dose felt fine. But about a month later -- hell started. About a year of:

• Feeling like body is burning inside 24/7

• Almost zero sleep (few minutes here and there, benzos to knock me out once in a while)

• Insane hair shedding

• Akathisia

• Random itching all over

• Urinary incontinence, slow urination, frequent urination, all kinds of bladder problems

• Blurry vision

• A knot in the gut that never goes away

Probably a bunch of other things that I don't remember. Back then, I was a bit of a (crazy mf) and I decided that I will never touch these drugs even if I died. I preserved on pure anger against the system, the world, whatever it was.

About a year or two later my symptoms were reduced to a much more livable situation:

• Insomnia: wake up after 3-4 hours (no matter what), stay up for a few hours then sleep for another hour or 2 (11 years of this, every day.)

• Knot in stomach: never went away. varies in intensity.

• Urinary problems, probably directly affected by the muscles in the gut that never relax. Frequent urination, urinary incontinence. Intensity varies.

I have somehow been working for many years in this condition, vision blurry, exhausted, barely moving some days. Obviously, some periods are worse than others, but I've been surviving.

My mental state however is better than it ever was. Sure im highly suceptible to stress. But I'm mentally sturdier and more flexible, I learned to appreciate myself and that my early years was me recreating the abuse that was done to me by the people who couldnt tolerate having a sensitive child, people who had very intense demons of their own to battle.

Lately, something changed in me, maybe its this newly found self-compassion, but I feel like I just got so exhausted, maybe its the fact that im approaching 40, I feel like I can't put myself through working in toxic environments, crazy hours, on the edge or madness because im so exhausted. The old me that could do that collapsed. I'm living on my savings and wondering if there's anything that can still be done to restore some ability to sleep, and to calm down. Is reinstating even a thing after 11 years? I used to think of every year as progress. But it starts feeling as if all I'm left with is permanent damage, and, you guys probably know the waves of anger that ensue.

Anyways, even just sharing this on a corner of the internet where somebody might identify is better than nothing. Thanks for reading through.

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

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I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you've had recently you will find plenty of support here for sure.

18 hours ago, dluv said:

Thanks for making this space.

Pleasure, glad youn found us. :)

18 hours ago, dluv said:

A bit about me. Earlier in my life I've been through some hard times and unfortunately, not knowing any better, been perscribed venlafaxine which I took for around 6 or 7 years. (til about age 27)

Long story short I tapered (in what i learned later was completely irresponsible manner, suggested by a doctor that probably knows nothing and cares even less) during a period of a couple of months. The first few weeks after my final dose felt fine. But about a month later -- hell started. About a year of:

• Feeling like body is burning inside 24/7

• Almost zero sleep (few minutes here and there, benzos to knock me out once in a while)

• Insane hair shedding

• Akathisia

• Random itching all over

• Urinary incontinence, slow urination, frequent urination, all kinds of bladder problems

• Blurry vision

• A knot in the gut that never goes away

Such a common story. These drugs are poorly tested, the medical community do not understand the complexities of the human mind, and I find deeply upsetting they still continue to offer these drugs out to unsuspecting members of the public who then take them in good faith.

18 hours ago, dluv said:

Probably a bunch of other things that I don't remember. Back then, I was a bit of a (crazy mf) and I decided that I will never touch these drugs even if I died. I preserved on pure anger against the system, the world, whatever it was.

About a year or two later my symptoms were reduced to a much more livable situation:

• Insomnia: wake up after 3-4 hours (no matter what), stay up for a few hours then sleep for another hour or 2 (11 years of this, every day.)

• Knot in stomach: never went away. varies in intensity.

• Urinary problems, probably directly affected by the muscles in the gut that never relax. Frequent urination, urinary incontinence. Intensity varies.

It is really good you have seen so much progress in the first 2 years of being off, but I am so sorry that 11 years has not imporved things further or to the point you would like and should expect to be. It is quite unusual, but not un heard of, for people to still be suffering like this so far out. I am very sorry to hear this.

18 hours ago, dluv said:

have somehow been working for many years in this condition, vision blurry, exhausted, barely moving some days. Obviously, some periods are worse than others, but I've been surviving.

I am so very impressed by your resolve, I am 2+ years of an ADR/CT from Mirtazapine and my sleep is still far from normal, this and other symptoms makes life very challenging and I would struggle to do this as you have.

18 hours ago, dluv said:

My mental state however is better than it ever was. Sure im highly suceptible to stress. But I'm mentally sturdier and more flexible, I learned to appreciate myself and that my early years was me recreating the abuse that was done to me by the people who couldnt tolerate having a sensitive child, people who had very intense demons of their own to battle.

I feel the same. I think this process makes us stronger, everyday stresses seem somewhat irrelevant when you have to endure this kind of suffering.

19 hours ago, dluv said:

Lately, something changed in me, maybe its this newly found self-compassion, but I feel like I just got so exhausted, maybe its the fact that im approaching 40, I feel like I can't put myself through working in toxic environments, crazy hours, on the edge or madness because im so exhausted. The old me that could do that collapsed. I'm living on my savings and wondering if there's anything that can still be done to restore some ability to sleep, and to calm down. Is reinstating even a thing after 11 years? I used to think of every year as progress. But it starts feeling as if all I'm left with is permanent damage, and, you guys probably know the waves of anger that ensue.

It is hard to say why this is. As we get closer to 40 I think many learn what really matters in life, perhaps you have pushed so hard in your 30s whilst suffering so much that you body and mind is telling you to slow down, I think I can relate. I was about 38 when I decided it was time to reevaluate my work life balance.

Im sorry about your financial situation, that is a tough one. Can you change you approach? Do you have the ability to move somewhere cheaper and reduce or get rid of a mortgage, depending on where in the uk you come from this might be possible? I think you deserve to have less stress in your life, perhaps this will help but I appreciate having no income is in itself quite stressful.

RI this far out I think would be a very bad move. Do you drink alcohol, take any psychoactive substances? How is your physical health and diet? Do you get plenty of exercise? I suspect you have a pretty well oiled routine at this point, but Im just wondering if there is anything you can improve apon to further aid healing.

I am a huge believer in the bodies ability to heal, you are still very young in the grand scheme of things, I really to believe in time things will keep getting better for you. The body is chasing balance/homeostasis, yours won't have stopped doing this. Perhaps the stress of pushing yourself this past decade hasn't been the best platform for healing. It is very hard to say, we are all so individual.

Benzo use won't have helped things no doubt, I assume you no longer take these? When did you stopped using them?

In terms of sleep. That is a tricky one. It is is seen sleep is the last thing to resolve and you seem to be proving this point here. I think time is the best healer for sleep. There are things you can do, I suspect you know most of them. Have a read of our sleep post? Happy to chat more about it as a fellow drug induced sleep sufferer if you would like. Sleep in WD

My heart goes out to you, to have suffered this long and still be having issues is awful.

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

Welcome to the forum.

@Chippy has asked some questions so I won't add any more at this stage.

I'm really sorry to hear of the damage these drugs have done to you.

As you are in the UK, please engage with the MHRA and report the long term harms you have suffered:

URGENT APPEAL! - MHRA 'Yellow Card' reports for all UK members - Activism and Advocacy - The Antidepressant Harm and Recovery Forum