Hello All, I’m a 41yo female who went on escitalopram in 2019 after suffering from debilitating anxiety and a singular panic attack. I’ve had a lifetime of it, off and on, and after having three kids I was hitting a wall and needed something to quiet ruminating thoughts and panic. The drug was very effective the 5 years I was on it. Ruminations were replaced with food noise. I became emotionally and genitally anesthetized. I slept in a pool of sweat at least 12 hours every night. It took away any and all motivation/productivity. I was no longer anxious, but I cared about nothing. As a mother, that wasn’t acceptable so I knew I needed to make a change. I quit cold turkey, not knowing anything about ssri’s and the potential danger and damage I was doing with that decision. The next 6 months was a living hell. Debilitating panic attacks, what I can only describe as chemical terror, intrusive thoughts. I’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about.

Well, I’m coming up on the 2nd anniversary of my CT withdrawal and I seem to be in another wave. Constant buzzing, anxiety, ruminations. It resembles OCD, which I’m not saying I have or don’t have, I don’t know. All I know is this wave feels similar to the acute withdrawal I had at the beginning. Has anyone experienced this 2 years off? Will it ever go away? Before going on meds, in my mind I always had anxiety and that was the thing that needed “fixing.” Since being off of meds and doing a lot of therapy and neurofeedback, I ended up with an autism/adhd diagnosis. Well that explained my lifelong anxiety, but I’m left worse off now than before I ever decided to go on meds. I just need to hear from someone if this has happened to them this far off of meds. I have been going back and forth with whether or not to reinstate and honestly, that thought is terrifying. I did not feel like I had any control over who I was on lex and during withdrawal. I feel deep down that I’ve permanently damaged my nervous system. I want desperately to be drug-free and reach homeostasis naturally, but I also want to be able to function and cope with everyday life. Thanks for reading.

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

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5 hours ago, Helenclod said:

Hello All, I’m a 41yo female who went on escitalopram in 2019 after suffering from debilitating anxiety and a singular panic attack. I’ve had a lifetime of it, off and on, and after having three kids I was hitting a wall and needed something to quiet ruminating thoughts and panic. The drug was very effective the 5 years I was on it. Ruminations were replaced with food noise. I became emotionally and genitally anesthetized. I slept in a pool of sweat at least 12 hours every night. It took away any and all motivation/productivity. I was no longer anxious, but I cared about nothing. As a mother, that wasn’t acceptable so I knew I needed to make a change. I quit cold turkey, not knowing anything about ssri’s and the potential danger and damage I was doing with that decision. The next 6 months was a living hell. Debilitating panic attacks, what I can only describe as chemical terror, intrusive thoughts. I’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about.

These drugs work by numbing us, I experienced this too, the side effects list is massive and I can understand why you would want to come off. Unfortunately as you know, stopping these drugs CT especially after long term use, is not a good idea. Tapering Information

5 hours ago, Helenclod said:

Well, I’m coming up on the 2nd anniversary of my CT withdrawal and I seem to be in another wave. Constant buzzing, anxiety, ruminations. It resembles OCD, which I’m not saying I have or don’t have, I don’t know. All I know is this wave feels similar to the acute withdrawal I had at the beginning. Has anyone experienced this 2 years off? Will it ever go away?

I am very sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it is not uncommon to see a worsening many months or years out. Sometimes there are triggers, drinking, stress, surgery, antihimitines, antibolitics, sometimes it is impossible to see the cause. Like before, this wave will pass, it is awful that it happens, however you have the strength and skils to cope as you did before, I know it,

5 hours ago, Helenclod said:

Before going on meds, in my mind I always had anxiety and that was the thing that needed “fixing.” Since being off of meds and doing a lot of therapy and neurofeedback, I ended up with an autism/adhd diagnosis. Well that explained my lifelong anxiety, but I’m left worse off now than before I ever decided to go on meds.

My personal view is these diagnoses are handed out too often to explain things they can't explain, they mostly lead to drugging. If you felt anxious, this was perfectly natural, it may have not felt good at the time, however our systems are not broken and yours was performing as designed. How to deal with these anxious feelings is a complex subject, I had them too. I think mainly it is about dealing with diet, live stresses, making changes and then considering approaching any trauma you have through therapy to help you unpack what it is that triggers you. Unfortunately as you have found out these drugs just make us worse than we were to start with.

5 hours ago, Helenclod said:

I have been going back and forth with whether or not to reinstate and honestly, that thought is terrifying. I did not feel like I had any control over who I was on lex and during withdrawal.

I personally would not suggest this. However if you ever decide to do so, then we only suggest a very low dose of the drug to stablise the nervous system. I think at 2 years off this would be quite risky and as this is more of a pwd injury I suspect it might not help and could worsen you. Reinstating an Antidepressant

5 hours ago, Helenclod said:

I feel deep down that I’ve permanently damaged my nervous system.

I don't believe this is the case, so many people have gone on to recover, 2 years isn't actually that long and set backs many months and years out are common.

5 hours ago, Helenclod said:

I want desperately to be drug-free and reach homeostasis naturally, but I also want to be able to function and cope with everyday life.

We understand. Unfortunately more drugs is just going to make all this worse and I think you know this. In WD as hard as it sounds, we must build up coping skills to help pass the time while our bodies heal. Acceptance is so important. It is the no1 tool for coping in all of this and I would encourage you to research this in more depth. We can help here of course and we have a topic about it, as well as a team of moderators and mentors plus the membership as a whole who are all here for you, you are not alone.

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.