How do you cope with this, if the shame is agonizing, and you're the weirdest woman at work? - all because your brain short-circuits due to withdrawal, and you can't do anything about it? Heck, I've been holding the same dose for almost a year now. This is the most professional place I've ever worked at (my job is protected by the union), but because I've spent decades in a semi-disabled state, I'm learning all the etiquette and etc, as I go along. With constant, severe humiliation. Two examples of the places my brain decides to go to:

Nothing out of the ordinary yesterday; same public, noise level, etc. Colleagues are doing a collective creative writing project as a fun thing, and I was invited to participate and add my voice. I got stupendously excited, and cooked up a great story in my head during shifts, to add. Our workforce is large, and I couldn't find the person that's in charge of the project, to give him the story, so that my particular line in place of this writing project wouldn't be lost. Suddenly, my brain broke and I was frantically asking people where he was. I even looked desperate, and some gave me the weird eye. I asked a dozen different people if they had seen him, or how to get in touch - as if the house was burning, and nothing was more important. Tunnel vision, looping thoughts. In the end, I saw and approached him, and he said that several people told him that I was looking for him, looking dismayed, and not as excited as he was earlier. All of this effort was all for naught, because I couldn't even properly verbalize how I'd share my unfinished story (my brain forgot that we could have simply exchanged phone numbers then and there). I asked him to text the number I had sent him on social media I don't use, from a message I asked a coworker to send him for me. He was just confused and lost, and didn't do it. Total brain failure.

Second example is a recent colossal failure I did. It was a friendly coworker with whom I started here. Because we started together, we had a little of a bond. He had given me his phone number as a courtesy, but sometimes I'd text random things I shouldn't text out of the blue (music stuff, etc), and he'd never reply. I had terrible anxiety and feeling of loneliness recently, before my spiritual healer gave me an energetic healing and made me feel better. Because I have zero family while I'm going through this ordeal, only one friend, and don't feel safe at home because I can't clean it, since I have roaches and have a severe roach phobia - my brain was under so much pressure. I texted him a long message, letting him know that I had no family at all, and was going through many things at once that many people wouldn't be able to survive, and to forgive if I had done any social transgressions, since it was due to the former reasons. I regret that I included the term "spiritual warrior." I meant to write "true stoic." I think that made me look cuckoo. Wrote that I was deleting his phone number, so I wouldn't send any more such messages when lonely. He didn't reply, but he's giving me a very wide berth at work now. I can tell that he shared all of this with the other coworker we started with, whom I have feelings for, and he also seems super worried and weirded out.

(I do have a therapist.) I understand that people can become homeless while in withdrawal. What am I doing, worrying about all of this? Is that what I should be telling myself? What do I tell myself when these things happen, and they will continue to happen, as long as I'm in withdrawal? How do I give myself true grace & compassion, knowing how unhinged I appear to other people?

Hello?

9 hours ago, Crystalfeather said:

Hello?

I can't personally talk too much about "Colossal social mistakes in a highly professional environment ?" as I have not been in this postion whilst in WD,

What I would say is try to not beat yourself up too much for how things go at work. Take each day at a time. Work hard on not dwelling on things and trust you are doing your best. We humans to to worry fix. It gets us no where.

I get a bit stuck for time and can't answer every post on here, some topics resonate with members and they can add and others don't. Please don't be offended if people don't answer here. Perhaps read others intro threads and comment and interact with others and that may help you get more from the site rather than waiting for others to respond here :)

I get deeply embarrassed by things I say or do as well. I think it's normal for people with a bit (or a lot) of social anxiety, obsessive thinking etc. And I've definitely not solved it for myself but you know the ol' "no one's thinking about you, they're preoccupied with themselves" kinda thing. What blows my mind, is if you think about a certain, uh, politician in the highest posting in the land ... you know the one - think about how often that person does the most embarrassing **** you could possibly imagine with the whole world watching. That person does things literally every day, that if I'd done just one of them once, I'd never leave my house again because I'd be so embarrassed - or I'd just Seppuku myself. But that politician doesn't think like that at all, there is certainly no shame or embarrassment in that fella about anything, we can all agree on that. It's just interesting how different peoples' minds have completely different reactions to their own social (dys)function. So don't sweat what you said.

Given you have a lot on your plate, you may consider taking a more passive role socially at work and with work people in general. Like that guy for instance that didn't text you back, he may not think you're weird at all, and may empathize with what you told him, but he may just want to keep your relationship purely professional ... a lot of people really like to keep their work and personal lives separate. So if it were me, I'd just dial the enthusiasm for sharing info with coworkers back a tad. Whenever you feel that excitement welling inside you to BLAH, just remember these are professional relationships. You said you're learning as you go along, so parrot your coworkers - as in, only share to the depth that they have already shared with you, only be as excited as they are - read the room. And if you don't have anyone else in your personal life to talk to, and I know what that's like, just start an introduction thread and let it out HERE as this is a much safer environment to do so.