deathproof: Starting my journey of healing my brain and body

January 21Jan 21

Hello, I am not a former member of SA, but I discovered that forum today, and it led me here. My name is Theodore, and I am only now beginning to parse the extent to which I have been exploited by the industry.

I've had psychiatric "care" pushed on me since I was a child suffering extreme abuse and neglect, with disastrous results for my health. Rather than help me, as a child, get away from the abuse that was causing me to "act out" and be constantly miserable, I had many different drugs pushed on me in rapid succession. I've continued to be drugged for my entire life, (currently I am 32) going from medication to medication, to different psychiatrists, being told over and over that I needed it, while only getting worse and worse. I am now truly realizing how much damage it's done to my life, my relationships, my sense of self, and my body.

I'm attempting to taper off 200mg sertraline first. My psychiatrist is woefully incompetent and he just told me to lower it by 25mg each week or two....so any advice on that front is appreciated. I just want to get off these drugs as fast as I can without damaging myself even further.

I am feeling scared, angry, and despondent that so much of my life and health has been wasted on this snake oil "chemical imbalance" disinformation, all for the sake of the pharmaceutical industries profits.

I don't even know who I am without the drugs. In my entire adult life I've only known two scenarios: being medicated, and being in withdrawal. I have no idea what a completely sober Me looks like, and that's terrifying. Hell, I don't even know what a functional me looks like, because these drugs have made me so much less functional, the opposite of what they were supposedly going to do.

Anyway, I can't say for sure how active I'll be on here, but it's very nice to know that I'm not alone. It's nice to have a reason to hope for the future. It's nice to know I'm not "crazy".

If you read this far, thanks for hearing me out

Had dozens of different psychiatric drugs pushed on me ever since I was a child in a severely abusive household. Majority of drug history unavailable due to memory loss, and lack of proper doctor's records. Will update when possible.

Current drug cocktail:

Lamotrigine 200mg 2x a day

Buspirone 30mg 2x a day

Trazodone 150mg 1x a day

Sertraline 150mg 1x a day (currently tapering from 200mg)

Any advice for tapering off the above drugs is very welcome.

"You think the itsy-bitsy spider gave a f*ck about the rain? No, he climbed the spout again. Lock in."

1

January 22Jan 22

Welcome to the forum!

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

Please make sure your signature is kept up to date with your drug history. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the FAQs section above, but here is a direct link: Update Signature

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default. For this reason please keep it clear but condensed as possible.

10 hours ago, deathproof said:

and I am only now beginning to parse the extent to which I have been exploited by the industry.

I've had psychiatric "care" pushed on me since I was a child suffering extreme abuse and neglect, with disastrous results for my health. Rather than help me, as a child, get away from the abuse that was causing me to "act out" and be constantly miserable, I had many different drugs pushed on me in rapid succession. I've continued to be drugged for my entire life, (currently I am 32) going from medication to medication, to different psychiatrists, being told over and over that I needed it, while only getting worse and worse. I am now truly realizing how much damage it's done to my life, my relationships, my sense of self, and my body.

Im so sorry to read this Theodore I really am. You are not alone in this I assure you.

What has made you want to get off the drugs specifically? Are you experiencing any unwanted symptoms or are just wanting to see what life is like without them as you mentioned above?

Could you update your signature to include dates and as much detail as you can remember?

If you could let us know these things it would be a great help. 🙂

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

-Stay Hydrated

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

Chippy

I’m not a medical professional and cannot offer medical advice. I only offer my thoughts as support. Please speak to your health practitioner about your care. This is a peer site where we support each other on our taper/recovery journeys.

If you are from the UK please make sure you fill in a 'Yellow Card' report for the MHRA. It is you doing your bit to help make a difference.

Please take the time to do it today 🙂 https://yellowcard.mhra.gov.uk

For US members details here.

January 22Jan 22

Hi @deathproof I'm in a similar situation to you with about 3 decades of being medicated. I get what you're saying. We've been duped and by the time one realises wer'e totally dependent on the drugs. I've mostly worked through the anger with the system and despair of my situation. I'm focussing on caring for myself. It's hard to not beat myself up for my situation an logically I can rationalise — dealing with my emotions is a totally different thing.

wishing you healing for the future

Link to SA Profile: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/32414-catbird-introduction-a-long-and-winding-road/

1996 Commenced on Sertraline 50 - 100mg. Many ADs trialled -Fluoxetine 20 mg, Paroxetine 20mg, Venlafaxine 75mg, Escitalopram 10 - 20mg, Vortioxetine 20mg, Bupropion 150mg. 2019 Recommenced Escitalopram 2022 Mirtazapine 30mg - Rapid taper. Amitriptyline 20mg

CURRENT MEDICATIONS: Escitalopram taper from ~ 10mg commenced 2024, Amitriptyline 20mg at night, Diazepam 7.5mg total per day, Baclofen 10mg morning, 10mg lunch and 20mg night, Polaramine 2mg at night, Ketamine troche 25mg per day (Ceased early September 2025), Valsartan 160mg evening, HRT (Oestrogen 25mcg/day)

ESCITALOPRAM TAPER: 5 April 2025 - started holding at 1.516mg. Escitalopram taper resumed July 2025; End Aug 1.364; End Sept 1.228; End Oct 1.145; End Nov 1.1 Early Dec 1.11; End Dec 1.082; 2026 End Jan 1.047; Feb 6 1.030; Feb 20 1.014; April 10 1.012; May 3 1.014; May 11 1.010 & still holding

Supplements: Mg++ glycinate, Omega 3s, Curcumin. Vit D3/K2 spray, Vitamin B12 spray, chelated zinc.

January 22Jan 22

Thank you for joining.

It's important to note that not everyone is adversely affected by a "regular" taper that doctors commonly suggest. It's just that if you are, the consequences can be severe and long-lasting.

However, knowing that you should be cautious is a huge advantage. You will know to look out for withdrawal symptoms and that you must slow down or stop tapering for a while if they become difficult.

You may wish to familiarise yourself with "hyperbolic tapering". You might not want to go very slowly if you are tolerating dosage drops ok, but extra caution is advised at low doses due to many drugs still having high receptor occupancy at low doses- this can mean that dose changes at low doses can have large effects.

The main thing, is that you know it is risky, so can approach with caution. You may be able to taper off in a reasonable, but careful timeframe and be OK. If it isn't going well, slow down and re-evaluate and seek further advice.

Nothing I say is medical advice, it is simply my opinion. I am an anonymous person on an internet forum with no relevant qualifications other than being badly harmed by a drug. For all you know, I could be an idiot. You are making your own decisions and part of that is deciding how much to listen to my opinion, if at all.

Perhaps you should consider this post an artistic work of fiction written for entertainment purposes.

Story from SA: LukeUK: Remeron/Mirtazapine Severe Withdrawal - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

15mg Remeron/Mirtazapine November starting 2022 (severe physical side effects)

Attempted to taper off January 2023, ended up having a major breakdown and going up to 30mg, took weeks to stabilise

1 month taper to 0mg

Last dose April 2023

Severe withdrawal syndrome with many physical symptoms

Summary: 5 months using Mirtazapine, including 1 month taper ending late April 2023.

2

January 22Jan 22

Hi Theodore. I would highly recommend reading the book by Anders Sorensen, "Crossing Zero". He does a pretty good job of explaining how and why to taper hyperbolically, and that sensitivity to dose changes varies between people so you have to find your own pace within the general paradigm of the hyperbolic taper. There’s also advice on managing the emotions in withdrawal and post-drugs.

I have found I could make quite large % dose cuts in the beginning with little problem, but it got much harder at the lower doses.

Wish you all the best with getting safely off.

June 2019, citalopram 20mg started due to anxiety
May 2020-Dec 2020, tapered off with fairly large reductions but longish gaps

Withdrawal symptoms were: some anxiety and low mood; emotional instability; anger and rage spells along with self-loathing, self-harm ideation; inability to tolerate any discomfort, general exhausted burnout feeling; palpitations; flu-like symptoms, body temperature weirdness; migraines; insomnia
July 2021, reinstated 10mg - most symptoms resolved quickly - this is how I worked out I had been in withdrawal
August 2022 - reduced to 5mg, no major issues

April 2023 - began reducing further by skipping days; started to experience familiar withdrawal after a few months
August 2023 - finally discovered the withdrawal community and learned about harm reduction tapering; began crushing and weighing the pills and taking 2.5mg every day; continued making reductions more gradually

July 2024 - reached 1mg; switched to water solution method to continue tapering

June 2025 - jumped to zero from 0.2mg

My thread: https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/95-sarahw-getting-off-citalopram

2

January 25Jan 25

On 1/21/2026 at 8:37 PM, deathproof said:

Hello, I am not a former member of SA, but I discovered that forum today, and it led me here. My name is Theodore, and I am only now beginning to parse the extent to which I have been exploited by the industry.

I've had psychiatric "care" pushed on me since I was a child suffering extreme abuse and neglect, with disastrous results for my health. Rather than help me, as a child, get away from the abuse that was causing me to "act out" and be constantly miserable, I had many different drugs pushed on me in rapid succession. I've continued to be drugged for my entire life, (currently I am 32) going from medication to medication, to different psychiatrists, being told over and over that I needed it, while only getting worse and worse. I am now truly realizing how much damage it's done to my life, my relationships, my sense of self, and my body.

I'm attempting to taper off 200mg sertraline first. My psychiatrist is woefully incompetent and he just told me to lower it by 25mg each week or two....so any advice on that front is appreciated. I just want to get off these drugs as fast as I can without damaging myself even further.

I am feeling scared, angry, and despondent that so much of my life and health has been wasted on this snake oil "chemical imbalance" disinformation, all for the sake of the pharmaceutical industries profits.

I don't even know who I am without the drugs. In my entire adult life I've only known two scenarios: being medicated, and being in withdrawal. I have no idea what a completely sober Me looks like, and that's terrifying. Hell, I don't even know what a functional me looks like, because these drugs have made me so much less functional, the opposite of what they were supposedly going to do.

Anyway, I can't say for sure how active I'll be on here, but it's very nice to know that I'm not alone. It's nice to have a reason to hope for the future. It's nice to know I'm not "crazy".

If you read this far, thanks for hearing me out

Your story is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry for what you went through as a child and later from the system that drugged you instead of treating you properly.

I relate so much to the identity crisis, trying to understand who you are without drugs and definitions is so confusing and scary but I believe that slowly over time and as you progress you will discover new worlds and wonderful feelings that you couldn't experience under the influence of these terrible drugs.

All the best to you, stay strong.

Edited January 25Jan 25 by Fullhealing

1998 forced on cipramil *no anxiety/depression background*

Over the years all kinds of SSRI/SNRI/antipsychotics/stabilizers due to apparently side effects/withdrawal

Many attempts to quit over the years with failure (extremely rapid taper followed by doctors' guidens)

Current attempt-Paxil 20 mg:

6/24 20 mg to 5 mg-severe AKA

9/24 Increase to 20-AKA continues

10/24 stopped completely-AKA out of control

11/24 Zoloft bridge attempt-25 mg to 75 mg+Seroquel-AKA continued-stopped them CT.

12/24 Back on Paxil 10mg (0.1789g)-some stabilization-from here tapered by about 30% each time (don't remember doses and dates).

2025 - 7.10 0.0558g (3.11mg)/7.11 3% 0.0541g (3.02mg)/4.12 1% 0.0535g (2.98mg)

2026 - 3.1 1.5% 0.0526g (2.93mg)/9.1 8.5% 0.0480g (2.68mg)/16.2 1.8% 0.0470g (2.62mg)/21.3 1% 0.466 (2.60mg)/23.4 2.2% 0.455g (2.54mg)/8.7 21.7% 0.0356.5g (2mg)/15.8 updose by 11.7% 0.0400g (2.23mg)

Supplements:

Magnesium Glycinate - started 28.5.26 1 capsule 200mg in the morning - Increased brain fog and muscle stiffness - stopped after two weeks.

Iron - liquid, quarter of recommended dose - increased anxiety and burning sensation - stopped after two weeks.

Saffron - started 8.7.26 1 capsule 30mg in the morning - pretty immediate improvement in terms of terror, body pain and sleep.

1

February 12Feb 12

Hi @deathproof

Just stopping in to say I also ended up on a horrible drug cocktail because of my emotional response to my abusive upbringing. Chemical imbalance is bullshit, we respond to the people and circumstances around us. I wish I had more to share specifically about tapering the drugs you're on, but while you are on a lot of the same drug classes I was on, they're all different drugs.

I just wanted to say your story resonates with me and I'm wishing you the best.

2011 - Prozac, don’t remember exact dose but it varied between 10 and 40mg over the years

2012 - 600 mg of lithium

2017 - .5 Ativan, 500 depakote, lithium raised to 900

2023 - February - began tapering Prozac

2024- cross tapered from Prozac to lexapro, finished SSRI taper; began tapering depakote, finished depakote taper;

August - tapered off lithium too quickly

September/October- attempted to do ill-informed damage control with a few doses each of trazodone, buspar, ativan, xanax, gabapentin

October- severe akathisia and crash, back on 900 lithium; 75 mg Seroquel, 10mg propanol 3x daily, 2mg ativan (briefly)

2025 - January- tapered off ativan, cut lithium to 750

February- tapered Seroquel

March -tapered propanolol

April - Food sensitivity begins

June - Lithium 600mg

August - Lithium 450 mg; developed severe histamine/MCAS-like issues

2026- holding Lithium at 450 mg for foreseeable future until extreme food sensitivity diminishes

Also have been on synthroid since 2017, current dose 150mcg and currently tolerate a vitamin d supplement

February 12Feb 12

On 1/21/2026 at 12:37 PM, deathproof said:

I've had psychiatric "care" pushed on me since I was a child suffering extreme abuse and neglect, with disastrous results for my health. Rather than help me, as a child, get away from the abuse that was causing me to "act out" and be constantly miserable, I had many different drugs pushed on me in rapid succession. I've continued to be drugged for my entire life, (currently I am 32) going from medication to medication, to different psychiatrists, being told over and over that I needed it, while only getting worse and worse. I am now truly realizing how much damage it's done to my life, my relationships, my sense of self, and my body.

Oh, my heart truly goes out to you! I'm deeply sorry for all the horrible things you have been through. I, too, have experienced severe abuse and neglect as a child. I know how deeply painful that is. And I think it is reprehensible how they just pushed drugs on you, and didn't rescue you from the abuser(s). Please know that there is hope, and there is healing.

Here is some information about a very safe conservative method of tapering.

Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage

Tips for Tapering Sertraline

Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.

***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them.

Paxil 2002 - 2010, Dr. abruptly switched to Lexapro 2010, no issues

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly

Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl 3:30 - 4:00 AM: melatonin 2 mg, Lactium 167 mg, magnesium lysinate glycinate chelated 200 mg., vitamin C 250 mg

suppl 7:00 AM: high quality fish oil, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium citrate 350 mg, melatonin 2 mg, Lactium milk protein hydrolysate 167 mg, aspirin 325 mg

1

February 13Feb 13

Sorry to hear about your story Theodore but just know you’re family here and you’re welcomed with virtual open arms. Thanks for joining and it’s good to see you’ve seen between the lines and want more for yourself. Tapering will be either hard or relatively easy and nobody knows that except for your brain and nervous system.

As Luke said, familiarise yourself with the hyperbolic tapering process and follow it to minimise as much dysregulation that can occur when coming off such a high dose of Sertraline for many years. I myself was on 200 milligrams of Sertraline as well, so I know what it’s like to drop from that dose.

Cut gradually and assess your withdrawal side effects if you get them, if they’re too severe or distressing then consider holding at a smaller dose from 200mg and wait a bit before continuing to cut further down. Slow and steady wins the race. You may not have to do this, but expect it nonetheless.

Reach out on here with others and just know that you’re doing everything you can to better yourself for your future. You WILL get off Sertraline, and you WILL be fine in the long run.

March 2017 - ADR to Prochlorperazine (Stemetil) treatment because of vertigo & vestibular dysfunction.
December 2017/January 2018 - started Sertraline (Zoloft) @ 25mg, then 50mg after 4 weeks.
March/April 2018 - went from 50 milligrams to 100mg, and stabilised.
2021 - experienced tachyphylaxis (poop out) and went from 100mg to 200 mg. Was neurotoxic for 7 months before going back to 100mg next day.
May 2023 - prescribed Agomelatine & Omeprazole to go alongside Sertraline.
October 2023 - cold turkey off Agomelatine and Omeprazole, and cut SSRI from 100-50mg, withdrawal began 4 days later.
December 2023 - was cross tapered from Sertraline and onto Venlafaxine XR @ 37.5mg increased to 75mg 4 weeks later.
July 2024 - tapered off Venlafaxine XR 75mg over 4 weeks to completely heal from protracted withdrawal, been drug free since this period.
December 2024 - had a brutal setback from antibiotic + antiviral use. Took 4-5 months to recover to my "normal" baseline.

2

deathproof: Starting my journey of healing my brain and body

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