Personal thread on SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/29923-sarahw-trying-to-get-off-citalopram/

 

I was a relatively straightforward case of withdrawal, after trying to bring my 10-month spell on citalopram to a close. My 10mg reinstatement in 2021 proved that, as it resolved my symptoms quickly. At that time I had known nothing about withdrawal and I expected I was starting from scratch with the drug, after 6 months completely off, and therefore would take weeks to feel any benefit, as was the case the first time. Instead, I saw that my brain clearly remembered the drug and had been "missing" it.

 

I then did a rather imperfect slower taper off the 10mg, from Aug 2022 to June 2025. Imperfect partly because I didn’t find out about harm reduction tapering until Aug 2023, and partly because my doctor didn’t really support it, and I simply wasn’t able to face negotiating with them to get further prescriptions beyond a certain point (and nor was I willing to lie and say I wanted to take 10mg again just to get prescriptions).

 

I am writing this at 6 and a half months after reaching zero. Anxiety has been very bad, and was increasingly bad through the last year or so of the taper. I had anxiety before meds, so I don’t know to what extent this is still withdrawal. I am in perimenopause now so my "baseline" may well be different.

 

I've also had quite low mood at times, with thoughts of not wanting to live much longer, and a general self-revulsion that I remember well from my first taper, though I think it was much worse then.

 

I’m still having finger tremors and general feeling of weakness in my left hand/arm, this has come and gone a bit over the last year. I saw a doctor about it and they didn’t find it concerning. It may be a withdrawal symptom as I know others have experienced similar things.

 

Other symptoms such as irritability and rage have resolved. I’ve had some short but amazing windows of feeling alive and happy again.

 

I think now the best way forward may be to practise radical acceptance, practise dropping the resistance to everything and try to get out of the way of my nervous system which may then be able to regulate itself. Stop overthinking what is wrong with me and how long will it go on.

Hi sarahw

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

Thank you for linking your SA thread above.

 

Im sorry for the rough time you have had with these meds over the years. I have quite a few family members on Citalopram and number of them are having issues themselves. 

 

I can see as is typical with most people you had a bumpy ride getting off your drug. Wouldn't it be nice when we decided to come off if our doctors could simply suggest a safe hyperbolic taper listening to your body on the way down! But unfortunately this is a too common story.

 

Im sorry now you are off you are suffering WD symptoms. In my opinion our nervous systems are not supposed to be messed with. Taking these meds for any period of time seems to cause a lot of harm to a lot of people. The process of discontinuing incorrectly and reinstating and the discontinuing I think can cause a lot of additional bruising to the system. It's good your reinstatement worked but unfortunately not everyone who reinstates and tapers properly escapes WD symptoms later.

 

It's good you have seen some symptoms go. Must feel very reassuring. I suspect until you get to your predrug base line your anxiety is drug harm related and not your normal self. But this is for you to decide. 

 

I think your plan is perfect. As you said get out of the way of your body and allow it to stabilise. There's a lot you can do. You mentioned acceptance which I think is the most important thing too. Have a read if you haven't. https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/57-acceptance-is-key/#comment-432 

 

I'm a big fan of healthy living. Cutting out Alcohol, caffeine, sugars, GM foods and eating a nice whole food diet. Plenty of Water. Bit of walking each day. I think this all goes along way to helping you heal in my opinion.

 

We are here to help each other. You are very welcome indeed.

Thank you for joining.

 

18 hours ago, Chippy said:

I suspect until you get to your predrug base line your anxiety is drug harm related and not your normal self. But this is for you to decide. 

 

I completely agree with this.

 

You're also having windows, they are probably closer to your "normal". It's common in withdrawal to wonder if you are permanently altered, or if you actually had a pre-drug baseline that was not as good as you thought previously etc.

 

18 hours ago, sarahw said:

I’m still having finger tremors and general feeling of weakness in my left hand/arm, this has come and gone a bit over the last year. I saw a doctor about it and they didn’t find it concerning. It may be a withdrawal symptom as I know others have experienced similar things.

 

I briefly developed tremors at around 2 years off, they went away again. I had various muscle weaknesses and issues throughout but they've resolved. I think it's likely that they're withdrawal symptoms for you.

 

18 hours ago, sarahw said:

I think now the best way forward may be to practise radical acceptance, practise dropping the resistance to everything and try to get out of the way of my nervous system which may then be able to regulate itself. Stop overthinking what is wrong with me and how long will it go on.

 

That's a good plan. All you can do is look after yourself as best you can and get through each day as best you can, your body is likely to take care of the rest, in time. The windows are the signs it is working on it- the step before being well all the time is being well sometimes.

Thanks Chippy and Luke for your supportive comments, and big thanks also for providing this new forum space for sharing.

 

I'm glad to hear your tremors and muscle weakness resolved, Luke, and it’s always reassuring to hear something like that.

 

My hunch certainly is that withdrawal is still playing a large role in how I’ve been feeling. I don’t think anyone in my life really believes that, this far out, so I don’t talk about it as withdrawal any more. I can’t deal with knowing how crazy I sound to them. It’s nice to be here around people who get it.

4 hours ago, sarahw said:

Thanks Chippy and Luke for your supportive comments, and big thanks also for providing this new forum space for sharing.

Our pleasure. Good to try and do something positive to help. 

 

4 hours ago, sarahw said:

My hunch certainly is that withdrawal is still playing a large role in how I’ve been feeling. I don’t think anyone in my life really believes that, this far out, so I don’t talk about it as withdrawal any more. I can’t deal with knowing how crazy I sound to them. It’s nice to be here around people who get it.

IMO definitely. Unfortunately friends and family don’t understand all too often. The try but until you’ve been through this don’t think you can. 
 

it’s great to have you here. I know it’s the club know one wants to join. But it’s a beautiful community. We’re all here to help each others. 

8 hours ago, sarahw said:

My hunch certainly is that withdrawal is still playing a large role in how I’ve been feeling. I don’t think anyone in my life really believes that, this far out, so I don’t talk about it as withdrawal any more. I can’t deal with knowing how crazy I sound to them. It’s nice to be here around people who get it.

 

This is my own opinion, rather than anything based in studies/facts etc. It's based on my own experience.

 

I believe that our bodies tell us a lot more than we give them credit for, if we take the time to listen. For example, my whole life, before coming down with any kind of illness, I'd feel emotionally off and now that *something* was up.

 

I think that there's a good chance your "hunch" is your innate sense of the injury you've sustained- our minds and bodies are not separate and they exist as part of eachother.

 

 

Also, looking at it objectively, you began to feel withdrawal symptoms, and although you've improved you still don't feel right- it stands to reason that maybe you're not done recovering yet.

 

There is good precedent from the stories of others that more time = more healing.

On 1/19/2026 at 5:25 AM, Chippy said:

it’s great to have you here. I know it’s the club no one wants to join.

😆 thanks @Chippy! I do not laugh much these days, but this comment made my day. 👍 ….and not to get me wrong, I am very thankful for the club ❤️

10 minutes ago, Nemina said:

😆 thanks @Chippy! I do not laugh much these days, but this comment made my day. 👍 ….and not to get me wrong, I am very thankful for the club ❤️

Bless you Nemina, glad I made your day and we are thankful for you too.

6 hours ago, sarahw said:

Hi Theodore. I would highly recommend reading the book by Anders Sorensen, "Crossing Zero". He does a pretty good job of explaining how and why to taper hyperbolically, and that sensitivity to dose changes varies between people so you have to find your own pace within the general paradigm of the hyperbolic taper. There’s also advice on managing the emotions in withdrawal and post-drugs.

 

I have found I could make quite large % dose cuts in the beginning with little problem, but it got much harder at the lower doses.

 

Wish you all the best with getting safely off.

How are you now @sarahw, 6 months+ after jumping to zero?

Edited January 23Jan 23 by Chippy
Moved to sarahws topic to keep death proofs topic clean

13 hours ago, Catbird said:

How are you now @sarahw, 6 months+ after jumping to zero?

December and early January was pretty rough (constant physiological anxiety, very low mood, tremor and weakness in hand/arm). May have been triggered by a flu-like illness at the end of November, possibly.

 

I'm now in a decent window again where those issues have subsided. I still have a lot of mental anxiety, intrusive doom thoughts etc. Insomnia is also an issue that never seems to go away. But it’s better than last month, so that helps with feeling hopeful.

I’m sorry that you have to go such a long and hard road. My heart goes out to you. I always feel that anxiety is one of the worst symptoms. I hope for you that everything will get better soon!

7 hours ago, sarahw said:

December and early January was pretty rough (constant physiological anxiety, very low mood, tremor and weakness in hand/arm). May have been triggered by a flu-like illness at the end of November, possibly.

 

I'm now in a decent window again where those issues have subsided. I still have a lot of mental anxiety, intrusive doom thoughts etc. Insomnia is also an issue that never seems to go away. But it’s better than last month, so that helps with feeling hopeful.

@sarahw Wishing you all the best for a full recovery 

How are you doing, Sarah? 

4 hours ago, Nemina said:

How are you doing, Sarah? 

Thanks for asking!

In January my anxiety and mood have been better than earlier months. Anxiety is still bad, just not as bad. I’ve been able to do a bit more. I am grateful.

Oh yes, @sarahw, I feel for you. Anxiety is the symptom I hate the most. So sorry that you struggle with this s*. 😑

I do not know if you take supplements. Maybe you want to check out L-Theanin . I have the impression that it calms down my (bodily) anxiety and shakiness. 
Hope that February will be even better for you!

 

 

February has not been a good month for me. I’ve had fatigue that has been lingering, both physical and mental tiredness with a feeling of weakness in my legs and sometimes feeling spaced-out in my head. I am usually able to take decent walks but this month not very often. This is unusual for me, so it has triggered a whole surge of anxiety as well.

 

My dad believes that my ongoing issues amount to an autistic burnout. (I haven’t been officially assessed for autism, but after my daughter was diagnosed, it was obvious I have the traits too… whatever that really means.)

 

It certainly does feel like a burnout. My capacity to deal with anything has massively shrunk, even my eating has become much more restricted over the last few years as I can’t tolerate many food tastes and textures. I can’t often deal with socialising, going out or even having people round feels too uncomfortable. I can’t deal with any stress or difficulty.

 

This of course has gone hand in hand with tapering off the citalopram. So perhaps after all it is withdrawal that has caused this burnout for me. Or at least, contributed to it.

 

If I’m still in withdrawal, things can still improve. But how much? I was very functional in the past, before the drug. But my life looks different now: (1) I’m a mum - and with my tendency for intense, all-consuming focus, my tendency to find unpredictability and chaos very anxiety-provoking, and my lifelong emetophobia, motherhood has taken way more out of me than it typically does for most people. I love my daughter immensely, maybe a bit more intensely than is healthy. I overidentify with her, I am crippled by anxiety about her future. (2) I’m 46 and my hormones are likely changing; a lot of neurodivergent women find that, after managing life well enough up to that point, things fall apart in perimenopause.

 

I went on the citalopram when my daughter was 2 years old. I’d never wanted to take meds, but my anxiety was so bad I couldn’t eat properly (after a year of frequent illness due to her being in nursery, including frequent ear infections, constantly triggering my emetophobia). I did therapy as well, and I was much better within a few months. The citalopram was supposed to be a little boost to support me while I did the therapy. Of course, it’s ended up taking me years of struggle to get off it. And now things are hard again and I have no idea if I can actually do this life successfully without it.

 

I've been aware that I need to learn to manage my anxiety as part of the recovery process. I’m doing more therapy at the moment for my emetophobia. I did make some progress before, but I think it was limited by being on the citalopram, as the drug suppressed everything. It’s a very different experience now doing exposure therapy in this withdrawal-fuelled hyper-anxious state.

 

I guess I’m having doubts about whether I can recover from this state. What if facing my fears and trying to practise radical acceptance is just more than my nervous system can handle? Because what if the harder I try, the more stress I put myself under, therefore the worse the anxiety and burnout gets and the less capacity I have to do anything?

 

Last month it felt possible. I guess capacity fluctuates and I shouldn’t give too much weight to my current state which is probably just a wave that will pass at some point.

 

Most people would wonder why I don’t just go back on an SSRI. I know too much about the risks, the lack of testing for long-term use. I resent putting money in pharma's pocket given these issues. I don’t want to take something I will be stuck on because of the long-lasting withdrawal I experience. I don’t want my emotions numbed indefinitely. But I do think about it. I do wonder if I’m just being really foolish trying to go without them.

11 minutes ago, sarahw said:

It certainly does feel like a burnout. My capacity to deal with anything has massively shrunk, even my eating has become much more restricted over the last few years as I can’t tolerate many food tastes and textures. I can’t often deal with socialising, going out or even having people round feels too uncomfortable. I can’t deal with any stress or difficulty.

@sarahw this describes me to a tee.

 

14 minutes ago, sarahw said:

 

I guess I’m having doubts about whether I can recover from this state. What if facing my fears and trying to practise radical acceptance is just more than my nervous system can handle? Because what if the harder I try, the more stress I put myself under, therefore the worse the anxiety and burnout gets and the less capacity I have to do anything?

I think you don’t have to try hard, radical acceptance is about letting things be. Trying hard is the opposite of this. I can feel your anxiety, but some of these things you worry about may never happen. Acceptance will help you build a sense of safety. I know how difficult it is to let things go. I used to suffer from constant hyperarousal and panic. The first time I accepted the panic was terrifying, but within minutes it dissipated. I had to practise this many times, and still need to practise, and the cumulative effects of just letting it be there let to fewer and fewer panic. My nervous system was learning it was safe.

 

 

You’re right about capacity, it does fluctuate. At first I could only practise at home, but over time I could use these new skills in other situations and sometimes it’s unthinkable.  You’ll know when you’re ready. If you’re not in the right place it’s okay to try it when you’re feeling stronger and more capable. Don’t doubt or criticise yourself it only makes it more difficult 🤗

Hi @sarahw

 

Im sorry to read about your difficult time recently.

 

I sometimes forget that people have a whole history of life pre ADs that led them here.

 

A lot of what you are going through is very likely to do with WD from the drug but as you recognise here some of it may not. It is really for you to decide what is your 'normal' state and what is the WD.

 

Anxiety and other 'mental health' symptoms are a warning system. It's our body letting us know that something isn't right. Maybe lots of things are not right. 

 

If we ignore WD for the minute the basics look like.

 

-Life stressors (Divorce, money worries, a house move etc....)

-Trauma from past events

-Diet plays a big part in our mental health

-Diet feeds into gut health

-Physical exercise is very important 

-Social interactions are proven to be good for your well being

-I guess some element of genetics may play a role although Im not that keen on recognising this element but perhaps that is a personal thing for me.

 

What Im driving at is there is a whole bunch of things that lead us to ADs. But I don't believe antidepressants are the solution. They don't have any proven track record of working better than placebo in trials and where they do work they work by causing emotional numbing which will likely wear off as the body naturally gains tolerance to them over long periods. Ultimately they lead I think eventually for most to harm.

 

Your CNS is likely quite sensitive now and staying away from these drugs going forwards would be my strong advice to you. We see so many including me who wish we had a Time Machine. You now have the benefit of hindsight as well as lots of knowledge about this crazy little world of ours. I don't believe for a second you think the answers you are seeking are found in these nasty little pills!

 

I would try to identify what bits of how you are feeling are drug harm related and the rest I would take a careful deep dive into looking into other coping strategies to help deal with. There is so much to investigate which might help you from therapy to diet and exercise, and of course time which I think is great healer not just for WD but for a lot of what life has to throw at us.

 

Chippy xxxxx

Hey @sarahw I am happy to hear from you and sad to hear about your struggles .

2 hours ago, sarahw said:

February has not been a good month for me. I’ve had fatigue that has been lingering, both physical and mental tiredness with a feeling of weakness in my legs and sometimes feeling spaced-out in my head. I am usually able to take decent walks but this month not very often. This is unusual for me, so it has triggered a whole surge of anxiety as well.

As @Catbird said , this sounds very familiar to many many people who are in withdrawal. It can be all kinds of things, but it can be just withdrawal. I feel the same. Even leaving the house is difficult for me. Maybe this can calm your anxiety a bit.You have been through a long withdrawal. And it may still be going on. The symptoms speak to that. And if it is withdrawal, you will recover. It is amazing how long these things take.

 

2 hours ago, sarahw said:

I’m 46 and my hormones are likely changing; a lot of neurodivergent women find that, after managing life well enough up to that point, things fall apart in perimenopause.

I suffered terribly in perimenopause. Actually, 46 was the age in which I started taking antidepressants because I couldn’t cope anymore with the anxiety and stress I suffered from. For me taking Progesterone turned out to be very helpful. (in perimenopause  many women have too much estrogen in relation to progesterone. And that leads to a whole host of symptoms. You can do a little research about it, maybe).  Now that I am older, I need estrogen, too. But progesterone is the thing for perimenopause. A lack of progesterone gives fear, anxiety, sleeplessness, and fatigue. You may want to have your levels checked. If you ever take any, take the natural identical one, not the modified kind with Gestagene. This one does not cause cancer, there is a lot of proof for that. The whole cancer fear is related to the artificial kind.
 

returning to antidepressants would be one of the last things I would try. As chippy already said, there is very little scientific backing for it working long time, maybe none. Sitting outside in the sun will help you probably more or doing light exercises. You are from Scotland, right? I’m sure you are very deprived of sunlight after this long winter. all these things can play a role. Also, do not underestimate the influence withdrawal has on thinking. As you said, maybe you are just in a wave and soon things can look different.

dear @sarahw , I wish I could do more for you! 
take good care

nemina 

 

 

Thank you Catbird, Chippy and Nemina for your kind support. ❤️

 

You’re right, of course, SSRIs may have given me some relief in 2019 (and again in 2021) but it ended up causing me more suffering than before, and surely this would always be the likely outcome.
 

I will try to stop overthinking it and just give it time, but it’s so hard when my brain is constantly sounding the alarm and telling me I’m in serious danger. It’s so hard to have faith that things will be alright while in this awful state. I just can’t feel safe at all.

 

I will research perimenopause and hormone supplements at some point… it’s a bit overwhelming, but needs to be done!

 

I hope you are all doing well xxx

yes, not overthinking is good, as well as finding solid information instead of worrying about the unknown. Take your time.

If You want to research perimenopause and hormone supplements a good term to start is "Perimenopausal Estrogen Dominance"

 

sending You peace!

Nemina

12 hours ago, sarahw said:

I will try to stop overthinking it and just give it time, but it’s so hard when my brain is constantly sounding the alarm and telling me I’m in serious danger. It’s so hard to have faith that things will be alright while in this awful state. I just can’t feel safe at all.

Im so sorry Sarah.This all sounds very typical WD to me. As @Nemina said hormone shifts dont help things. We are here for you when you need and we completely understand what you are going through. I hope things pick up soon for you. Chippy x

I’m still having troubling physical symptoms. The anxiety has been worse, too, to the point I’m unable to sit still at times, pacing around, or sitting rocking, very hard to tolerate this. I don’t know to what extent the anxiety is now driving all the physical symptoms. My body feels resistant to walking much, my legs often feel weak and heavy. I get body temperature fluctuations, waves of heat / chilly feeling. I often have cold sweating hands and feet and a warm face. Sometimes my hands feel weak and jittery as if I don’t have full control of them. In fact my whole body can feel like that. I sometimes feel spaced out or slightly dizzy maybe.

 

I still try to take walks some days, walking has always been so helpful for me, but these days it’s not enjoyable as it just feels hard.

 

It’s been like this for a month now, but fluctuating - some days (like today) it all just calms down and I feel more ok. Still low energy, but closer to normal. I start to optimistically think I might be out the other side, then I go downhill again and the anxiety spirals again. I wonder if I should see a doctor about the physical stuff, but I’m so nervous of doctors these days. 

 

And in-between the awful terror, I get heavy crying spells. I embrace those because it at least feels better than the anxiety, and somehow life seems slightly more tolerable after. It’s as if I’m grieving my own existence.

 

In terms of the physical symptoms, I had a spell very like this a few weeks after I reinstated the citalopram, in 2021. I had also felt very unwell a few weeks into my original start on the drug in 2019. And I had lots of spells of flu-like symptoms during my first taper. So I eventually connected all these spells to dose changes. Why I'm having a spell like this now, after 8 months at zero following a 3-year taper, I'm not sure. But it might just be a general collapse after living with heightened anxiety for a long time now.

 

I’m trying to be brave and keep going, but this anxiety is now hardcore and very very difficult to just sit with and not start wanting to take something to make it go away. I feel like my brain is making me stare the full horror of life in the face every day and I’m not really living. I want to believe I can overcome it, but I keep feeling like I’m being a fool for even trying. Yet here I am, still trying anyway.

18 hours ago, sarahw said:

I’m still having troubling physical symptoms. The anxiety has been worse, too, to the point I’m unable to sit still at times, pacing around, or sitting rocking, very hard to tolerate this. I don’t know to what extent the anxiety is now driving all the physical symptoms. My body feels resistant to walking much, my legs often feel weak and heavy. I get body temperature fluctuations, waves of heat / chilly feeling. I often have cold sweating hands and feet and a warm face. Sometimes my hands feel weak and jittery as if I don’t have full control of them. In fact my whole body can feel like that. I sometimes feel spaced out or slightly dizzy maybe.

 

I still try to take walks some days, walking has always been so helpful for me, but these days it’s not enjoyable as it just feels hard.

 

It’s been like this for a month now, but fluctuating - some days (like today) it all just calms down and I feel more ok. Still low energy, but closer to normal. I start to optimistically think I might be out the other side, then I go downhill again and the anxiety spirals again. I wonder if I should see a doctor about the physical stuff, but I’m so nervous of doctors these days. 

 

And in-between the awful terror, I get heavy crying spells. I embrace those because it at least feels better than the anxiety, and somehow life seems slightly more tolerable after. It’s as if I’m grieving my own existence.

 

In terms of the physical symptoms, I had a spell very like this a few weeks after I reinstated the citalopram, in 2021. I had also felt very unwell a few weeks into my original start on the drug in 2019. And I had lots of spells of flu-like symptoms during my first taper. So I eventually connected all these spells to dose changes. Why I'm having a spell like this now, after 8 months at zero following a 3-year taper, I'm not sure. But it might just be a general collapse after living with heightened anxiety for a long time now.

 

I’m trying to be brave and keep going, but this anxiety is now hardcore and very very difficult to just sit with and not start wanting to take something to make it go away. I feel like my brain is making me stare the full horror of life in the face every day and I’m not really living. I want to believe I can overcome it, but I keep feeling like I’m being a fool for even trying. Yet here I am, still trying anyway.

Hey @sarahw

 

Im sorry for all you are going through atm.

 

Reading this, I can hear you are in WD. It is all very typical. Looking at your footer I can see you can recognise WD and note  you found it went apon RI in July 2021.

 

You seemed to have a rough taper, with big drops and skipping doses until you got to 2.5mg? Im not sure how your taper went from here? Did you push through it a bit or did it go well? Were you stable whilst you tapered?

 

If you are in true 'WD', ie your brain is missing the drug and struggling to catch up with you a small RI could be tried and this might help. You could hold and stablise from there.

 

If this is now just a WD injury then IMO this won't help and time is the healer here.

 

Either way time will see you right, it can take such a long time. Don't give up hope. I know the days must feel impossible sometimes but there will be light.

 

If you want to consider RI let us know and we can talk to you about how to go about this safely.

 

Chippy

Thanks Chippy. I have also thought about reinstating a small amount, but I don’t think my GP would support that; this was part of the reason my taper ended up being a bit of "pushing through" with symptoms (I also had concerns about prolonging the taper, after only having been on for a short time to begin with).

 

I might try some taurine which I just read about.

 

I still hope I can get through all this and recover without resorting to any more drugs.

 

I'll continue updating here as things progress, it seems valuable to have this documented. I read other people’s stories and it gives me new ideas / understanding about my own situation.