I have started a thread in this forum yesterday but somehow it disappeared. This is my second try…. It was probably my fault. Thanks for all your work Luke and Chippy!

Welcome to the forum, Nemina.

 

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Thanks Nemina that worked fine this time.

 

Welcome to the forum! Feel free to update your thread and include a link to your SA blog. If you want to add a signature with your drug history that would be great!

 

Thanks so much for joining. 

 

Chippy

Thank you for joining. I hope that in time you find this forum useful.

Hi Nemina

 

Great to see you here!!

Hi Nemina

 

Great to see you here!!

Oh, hello! I am happy to see you, too. :heart: I hope you had a relaxed Christmas. it is really important to avoid stress during withdrawal.

This year I didn’t send a single Christmas card, bought hardly any gifts and did not cook a Christmas dinner. Surprisingly no one complained, we had a nice time.

I have a question, maybe somebody has had a similar experience: I am in a wave right now, it’s not a very heavy one, though. After some good days over Christmas (thank God! Great timing  ) the wave felt very familiar, mainly anxiety, heart palpitations, inner shaking and sadness. But there’s another symptom, that I always have, when I am in a wave, actually even in windows a bit, all the time since I started withdrawal. It usually does not bother me. But this one has suddenly become much stronger.  it feels like very long, but mild brain zaps. Combined with a bit of vertigo, a bit of nausea, as if somebody is taking a spoon and stirring it slowly around in my brain. It’s strongest when I wake up in the morning or at night. I don’t suffer very much from it so I usually don’t mention it. But this night this sensation was really strong over a long time, almost scary. As if the pressure in my brain was changing constantly, a heavy machine working inside it, my brain being dissolved and remodeled but in sudden bursts … it’s hard to describe. Does anyone know this? Today I feel weak and unsafe on my legs but otherwise okay. Any thoughts welcome. ?

Hey Namina

 

it feels like very long, but mild brain zaps. Combined with a bit of vertigo, a bit of nausea, 

These are common WD symptoms as you know

 

But this night this sensation was really strong over a long time, almost scary. As if the pressure in my brain was changing constantly, a heavy machine working inside it, my brain being dissolved and remodeled but in sudden bursts … it’s hard to describe. Does anyone know this? Today I feel weak and unsafe on my legs but otherwise okay. Any thoughts welcome. ?

I can't relate personally, but WD does do some unpredictable things. I think everyone is so individual. I certainly did have in my first 7 months off quite a few very strange head 'moments' normally one offs. How are things now?

I haven't specifically had that symptom (other than short term brain zaps in the immediate aftermath of stopping), but I developed new symptoms a long, long way off medication.

 

However, I am now improving considerably, finally.

 

It is very unsettling, but new symptoms popping up can be part of the recovery process, and particularly during tapering dose drops can cause all sorts.

Thank you Luke and Chippy for answering! It means a lot to me to be heard and not to be all alone in this. The people around me cannot understand and I do not blame them. So I’m so thankful for this forum, as I was for our old one. 

You are doing a great job, the site really works. 

And I am so happy to hear that you feel better, Luke!

 

These weeks, my windows and waves pattern is about a week in a wave, a two day window, another three days a wave, then maybe a four day window and so on. Very unpredictable, but I am very thankful for the windows. The waves come very sudden . Today I had a normal morning, just back pain and exhaustion, which are constant , I also have them in my windows. I think I’ve had back pain since withdrawal started. It never stopped. I did not even list it as symptom, It feels so normal to me now. Anyway, in the afternoon, I suddenly got sad, then very sad, then angry and desperate. May heart is pounding. I feel anxious. My head is heavy… and so on. I hate it, when the wave comes crashing down on me. I have been holding now for three months and it doesn’t get better.  I am sorry for complaining but I know here are people who understand. ❤️

And I am so happy to hear that you feel better, Luke!

 

I'm much improved, I'm very much still in withdrawal.

 

You're having windows, this is good.

Just a quick update: still holding the same dose since mid October, still waves and windows and the waves quite strong. I sleep a lot, which is a blessing. It’s fragmented and I am having wild dreams, but I do sleep even though I do not take much of the Zolpidem anymore. I feel very fatigued, constantly, even in the windows. I have a lot of back pain. The Waves are marked by Depression, Feeling of Dread and Doom, anxiety, anger, nausea, and even worse fatigue.
 

I consciously work on cultivating positive thoughts. I try to be kind to my husband and withdraw when negative feelings take over. I try not to brood and to focus my attention on what is good. But it doesn't always work. 
 

I keep a gratitude journal. I am enormously grateful that I can work, that I am not alone, and that so much still works in my life. There are so many people in this forum who, in addition to going through withdrawal, have to move, cope with a breakup, deal with financial difficulties, or mourn the loss of a loved one. Some are having unbearable symptoms , like Akathisia or derealisation. You are true heroes. Only those who have gone through this withdrawal can appreciate and understand what you are doing.

It seems to me that this forum is full of people who have a lot of compassion and who have gained wisdom. I am honored to be part of this community. Thank you for that.

 

 

 

Hey @Nemina

 

Thanks for the update.

 

1 hour ago, Nemina said:

I sleep a lot, which is a blessing. It’s fragmented and I am having wild dreams, but I do sleep even though I do not take much of the Zolpidem anymore.

This is good. I empathise with the fragmented sleep and wild dreams. Very common.

1 hour ago, Nemina said:

I have a lot of back pain.

Same also.

1 hour ago, Nemina said:

The Waves are marked by Depression, Feeling of Dread and Doom, anxiety, anger, nausea, and even worse fatigue.

Also common.

1 hour ago, Nemina said:

I consciously work on cultivating positive thoughts. I try to be kind to my husband and withdraw when negative feelings take over. I try not to brood and to focus my attention on what is good. But it doesn't always work. 

This is good. I think it is a continued practice. I like to think of it as having your core values there as a guiding light. Sometimes we slip but forgive ourselves and just try again. We are only human! So long as our heart is in the right place that is what matters. 

1 hour ago, Nemina said:

I keep a gratitude journal. I am enormously grateful that I can work, that I am not alone, and that so much still works in my life. There are so many people in this forum who, in addition to going through withdrawal, have to move, cope with a breakup, deal with financial difficulties, or mourn the loss of a loved one. Some are having unbearable symptoms , like Akathisia or derealisation. You are true heroes. Only those who have gone through this withdrawal can appreciate and understand what you are doing.

It's all relative and non of it is ok. Your suffering is just as valid as anyone elses.

It's impossible to understand this if you've not lived it.

2 hours ago, Nemina said:

It seems to me that this forum is full of people who have a lot of compassion and who have gained wisdom. I am honored to be part of this community. Thank you for that.

 

Glad you feel this way, I agree. With all of it. Thank you for being part of that.

 

Chippy

Hi @Nemina, I consulted the Success stories you sent to CharlotteGermany. Thank you, I need so much these recovery stories. My living hell is endless, I am at the middle of my month 11 of suffering, no window, no light. Unbearable anxiety, adrenaline rushes, hot flashes, muscle pain over all the body...

I am so glad that you are well, you work, this is wonderful.

Svetla

20 hours ago, Nemina said:

I am enormously grateful that I can work, that I am not alone, and that so much still works in my life.

 

This is a very good attitude.

 

In general with withdrawal, if you are capable of living a somewhat normal life and it makes the days pass, the absolute best thing you can do is use your (probably limited) energy to remain functional and take care of yourself as best as you can while you do, while time takes care of the rest.

On 1/19/2026 at 9:17 AM, Luke said:

 

This is a very good attitude.

 

In general with withdrawal, if you are capable of living a somewhat normal life and it makes the days pass, the absolute best thing you can do is use your (probably limited) energy to remain functional and take care of yourself as best as you can while you do, while time takes care of the rest.

Exactly. I work part time and mostly from at home. What a blessing! I would never be able to go to the office five days a week. If I have to go, which is one day a week, I usually after 4 hours come home and lie down with a migraine. It feels like a miracle to me that my output is quite normal. I put all my limited energy into this work , four hours every day , and the rest of the day I lie on the sofa.  Tomorrow I have to make a speech in front of a large scientific audience. It is terrible for me, if I have to be functional on the point, I am functional enough on the whole, but I cannot control the times my body allows me to. We will see how it goes. This too shall pass… I do not give up. I love my job.

 

On 1/19/2026 at 2:43 AM, skamen said:

Hi @Nemina, I consulted the Success stories you sent to CharlotteGermany. Thank you, I need so much these recovery stories. My living hell is endless, I am at the middle of my month 11 of suffering, no window, no light. Unbearable anxiety, adrenaline rushes, hot flashes, muscle pain over all the body...

I am so glad that you are well, you work, this is wonderful.

Svetla

Dear @skamenSvetla, you are welcome ❤️ . I also need recovery stories. My heart goes out to you and Charlotte, you’re both in such a terrible place. I think the whole forum will celebrate the day, when you have your first window. We are cheering you on. Do not give up. Sending you warm wishes, Nemina 

I feel the same way Nemina - I am also lucky enough to work part-time, from home, with flexible hours, and I can’t imagine how I would be able to manage if I had a different type of job. I'm very grateful too, but at the same time, it’s a weird place to be where on the outside I look fairly normally functional, but the inside view is quite different. I’ve had to reduce a lot of activities to keep the stress down, and because I never know how I’m going to be on any given day. At one point I couldn’t handle supermarket shopping and relied on 'click and collect'. And yet there are people in my life who have no idea anything’s different, which feels so strange, but what could I even say that would be understandable to them? Even people I have tried to tell, seem to either not get it, not believe it, or just forget easily.

8 hours ago, sarahw said:

Even people I have tried to tell, seem to either not get it, not believe it, or just forget easily.

Think we can all relate to this. 

Exactly! @sarahw it is so weird for me, too, that most people in my life have no idea what I’m going through. I am happy that my team at work hasn’t realized anything. I also have not told my mother because she is very old and I don’t want to stress her. Sometimes she probably wonders because I do not spend as much time with her as before. And even people who I have tried to explain cannot really relate. It is hard to understand and when I show up while in a window, they think everything is not so bad at all. How good that we have one another on this forum!

 

3 hours ago, Nemina said:

Exactly! @sarahw it is so weird for me, too, that most people in my life have no idea what I’m going through. I am happy that my team at work hasn’t realized anything. I also have not told my mother because she is very old and I don’t want to stress her. Sometimes she probably wonders because I do not spend as much time with her as before. And even people who I have tried to explain cannot really relate. It is hard to understand and when I show up while in a window, they think everything is not so bad at all. How good that we have one another on this forum!

 

Indeed! How did your talk go today? I hope it was a success 🙂

Thank you for asking! ❤️ I just came home and I am so relieved. Yes it went well. But what terrible stress those last two days…

I am back on my sofa with my hot water bottle where I belong. 

On 1/18/2026 at 3:34 AM, Nemina said:

Only those who have gone through this withdrawal can appreciate and understand what you are doing.

It seems to me that this forum is full of people who have a lot of compassion and who have gained wisdom. I am honored to be part of this community. Thank you for that.

Hi @Nemina, I read your threads and I am so sorry that you are dealing with escitalopram as well. It is one powerful and awful drug! You will get through it, keep going slow. You have a great attitude! I know it's hard to upkeep a grateful mind in the waves periods, trust me! I'm blown away at how many us are going through this injury, and I am also grateful for this community! 💖

I have a question. I have heard, that you should not go on tapering as long as you have withdrawal symptoms. @Chippy just wrote about this to Skamen for example. But what I don’t understand: how do people ever keep tapering if you cannot drop while experiencing withdrawal symptoms? I’m holding for more than three months now. Shall I really keep holding until I I’m not experiencing any withdrawal symptoms anymore? I am having windows and waves usually about three days long. Windows are not longer. And in the window, I have a lot of withdrawal symptoms, like back pain, nausea, headache, sadness and fatigue.  Those are constant. I consider them still as windows, because I do not feel the existential dread and the anxiety. If those two lessen down, to me it’s a window.

I am better than I was a year ago, I think, but not better than I was six months ago. so do you guys really wait until you have no more withdrawal symptoms or clean windows before you do your next drop? I think this is a very general question that many people have and it would be interesting to hear the perspectives of different people.

@NeminaIt's difficult to say. This was the standard advice given on SA.

 

However, what it doesn't account for is that many never really stabilise.

 

Really only you are the one experiencing symptoms, and living your daily reality. Advice given by others should be considered and used as a guide, but this is as a guide when making your own decisions.

 

I have no real experience with slow tapering, I was harmed by short term use and a 1 month taper.

 

However, knowing what I know now, I would be trying to taper at a rate that does practically get me off of the drugs, but that prioritises stability and maintaining a somewhat functional life as best I can whilst tapering ie. I definitely understand wanting to be at 0mg, but this needs to be balanced against not tapering so quickly that I drastically worsen myself and end up far more severely affected.

 

For what it's worth, I think the "hold until you have 0 symptoms" mantra is far too general and for some it simply does not apply. I personally never had a symptom-free moment on mirtazapine from pill #1. I do wish I'd known to taper more slowly though.