All it will be ok, @Nemina, congratulations for going down of this poison.

Svetla

Thank you @Catbird and @skamen for responding. 
I think I am in “withdrawal normal” now. Definitely not a window, but also not a wave. Have been waking up with a little cortisol surge, unpleasant, but not terrible. Had the strength to leave my bed before it happened again. Which is good.
Have been working, but was stressed by work. I found out that I have forgotten something important that I should have done. It is a miracle that this doesn’t happen more often, considering the state of my brain. But it still alarmed me. No gym, too weak. Feeling blah, but not depressed. In the afternoon nausea.

It is interesting, in the first months of withdrawal, autumn and winter 2024, I was heavily depressed, had SI, had fits of rage, hopelessness, and so on, but I could go to the gym twice a week and it always did lift my depression a tiny bit. My problems were mainly mental ,psychological. (Which is worse than particularly in my opinion ) then came some month in which it was better. 15 months in, my mood is way more stable than a year ago , but my body hurts a lot and there this no way of doing workouts as I did before. Because of the pain and also because of the constant fatigue. This seems to be a common pattern, I have read somewhere that it is normal that first come the psychological symptoms and later more of the body symptoms. It was some post of Alto, but I can’t find it anymore.

Have others noticed that pattern? 
on the whole, I have felt this autumn in winter much worse than last summer (but better than last autumn). I’m frustrated about the development of the last four months. 😞😞

Edited February 5Feb 5 by Nemina

@Nemina lovely to hear you’re feeling more positive. For me it was always the somatic symptoms first and then the psychological ones. I think we’re different in that respect. Because I have C-PTSD I’m prone to panic, hyper arousal and hyper vigilance. I was adrenalised all the time, had lots of muscle spasms, nausea and projectile vomiting. The somatisation dominated because I had suppressed lots of painful emotions and was very numbed because by ADs. Only now 2 years into withdrawal am I starting to experience the raw emotions.

Oh… that sounds terrible. Yes, you’re right. Everyone is different.

yes, I read your post that you are struggling with really difficult emotions. I feel so sorry for you. What a long road… you will make it, you are strong and patient. ❤️

I also suffer from  C-PTSD, with lots of anxiety and feeling alarmed. I have done a lot of therapy and was in three different clinics. I have to say, the clinics were really helpful, none of them offered medication (!), but two of them offered really good therapy. 
I hope and pray for you that you will heal in every aspect, @Catbird.

 

Talking before about less difficult emotions and feeling more positive… this evening is really a bad one. I have a real wave of feeling depressed and lonely. So I cherish your post even more. 🥹 Thank you for not leaving me alone. I can understand that my husband can’t understand and I can understand that nobody can understand. But sometimes it’s hard.

I thank God for this forum.

Dear @Nemina, nobody except people in this forum can understand our suffering. There are not words in the human language to describe this Hell.

The whidrowal causes me a lot of psychological pains, unbearable. The physical ones are less and started two months ago: muscles aches. So intense, but everything with me is so hard.

Hope that tomorrow will be a better day for us. Today, after 2 hours of sleep, is a terror for me, with an increased depression...  Let's stay connected to be able to survive.

Svetla 

4 hours ago, Nemina said:

on the whole, I have felt this autumn in winter much worse than last summer (but better than last autumn). I’m frustrated about the development of the last four months. 😞😞

I also seem to have this seasonal pattern where the summers are a lot better than the winters. Winters suck… but I’m glad this one has been better for you than the previous, that’s a good sign. I think it shows that some healing is happening along the taper for you.

 

I've also noticed that symptoms change along the way, some of them go and are replaced by different things. Both physical and mental in my case. And there are also some symptoms that seem ever-present throughout.

 

I'm sorry you’ve had such a bad evening. I hope you have a decent night and a better day tomorrow.

2 hours ago, Nemina said:

Oh… that sounds terrible. Yes, you’re right. Everyone is different.

yes, I read your post that you are struggling with really difficult emotions. I feel so sorry for you. What a long road… you will make it, you are strong and patient. ❤️

I also suffer from  C-PTSD, with lots of anxiety and feeling alarmed. I have done a lot of therapy and was in three different clinics. I have to say, the clinics were really helpful, none of them offered medication (!), but two of them offered really good therapy. 
I hope and pray for you that you will heal in every aspect, @Catbird.

 

Talking before about less difficult emotions and feeling more positive… this evening is really a bad one. I have a real wave of feeling depressed and lonely. So I cherish your post even more. 🥹 Thank you for not leaving me alone. I can understand that my husband can’t understand and I can understand that nobody can understand. But sometimes it’s hard.

I thank God for this forum.

@Nemina the hyperarousal is so painful and debilitating isn’t it? What country do live in? The access to good clinics sounds amazing — every little bit helps. I hope your wave settles soon 🤗

Dear @skamen, @sarahwand @Catbird, thank you so much for your kind words! I appreciate them very much. It is so good not to be alone in this crazy time.

10 hours ago, skamen said:

Dear @Nemina, nobody except people in this forum can understand our suffering. There are not words in the human language to describe this Hell.

The whidrowal causes me a lot of psychological pains, unbearable. The physical ones are less and started two months ago: muscles aches. So intense, but everything with me is so hard.

Yes @skamen, but isn’t it great that we have the forum? I can hardly imagine how it would be to go through this constantly wondering if it is the withdrawal or something else is wrong… i’m sure thousands of people right now get terrible treatment because they don’t know what is really going on. Most of us have been there before we found the forum. 
A big shout out to @Luke and @Chippy for jumping in and running this site! 
dear Svetla , I hope you had a better night and that some window will open up for you soon. I pray for you and I will keep praying.

9 hours ago, sarahw said:

I also seem to have this seasonal pattern where the summers are a lot better than the winters. Winters suck… but I’m glad this one has been better for you than the previous, that’s a good sign. I think it shows that some healing is happening along the taper for you.

 

I've also noticed that symptoms change along the way, some of them go and are replaced by different things. Both physical and mental in my case. And there are also some symptoms that seem ever-present throughout.

Exactly! It is better than last winter but last winter I was in acute… anyway I’m really looking forward to the summer .  when I think back, I think my windows were on sunny days. And then there was one, especially good day in December, and - that is very interesting, - that was when I was visiting an arts installation that was working with light. I was bathing in this fantastic colorful light for more than half an hour and afterwards, I felt great. Maybe I should get Some daylight lamp or something like that? I will try some research. (The installation was by James Turrell)

dear @sarahw, I hope that you will come through the winter with not too much pain and that things will lift for you soon!

7 minutes ago, Nemina said:

A big shout out to @Luke and @Chippy for jumping in and running this site! 

Thanks Nemina Its honestly an honour to help the community out. 🙂 

9 hours ago, Catbird said:

What country do live in? The access to good clinics sounds amazing — every little bit helps. I hope your wave settles soon 🤗

 @Catbird I am German. Yes, it seems that those clinics were really good. We differentiate in our country between psychiatric hospitals and psychosomatic hospitals. In the first, you will get the usual treatment with medication that many here suffered so much from. But I was in the latter kind. I received excellent therapy for my cptsd. I also did some therapies from home. 
 

I hope so much for you, that you will get out of your nasty wave soon! ❤️‍🩹
 

15 hours ago, Nemina said:

Thank you @Catbird and @skamen for responding. 
I think I am in “withdrawal normal” now. Definitely not a window, but also not a wave. Have been waking up with a little cortisol surge, unpleasant, but not terrible. Had the strength to leave my bed before it happened again. Which is good.
Have been working, but was stressed by work. I found out that I have forgotten something important that I should have done. It is a miracle that this doesn’t happen more often, considering the state of my brain. But it still alarmed me. No gym, too weak. Feeling blah, but not depressed. In the afternoon nausea.

It is interesting, in the first months of withdrawal, autumn and winter 2024, I was heavily depressed, had SI, had fits of rage, hopelessness, and so on, but I could go to the gym twice a week and it always did lift my depression a tiny bit. My problems were mainly mental ,psychological. (Which is worse than particularly in my opinion ) then came some month in which it was better. 15 months in, my mood is way more stable than a year ago , but my body hurts a lot and there this no way of doing workouts as I did before. Because of the pain and also because of the constant fatigue. This seems to be a common pattern, I have read somewhere that it is normal that first come the psychological symptoms and later more of the body symptoms. It was some post of Alto, but I can’t find it anymore.

Have others noticed that pattern? 
on the whole, I have felt this autumn in winter much worse than last summer (but better than last autumn). I’m frustrated about the development of the last four months. 😞😞

Hey Nemina

 

Im glad to hear you have hit a baseline level now. Whilst I see you are still having a hard time it is non the less great news! Perhaps a dirty window! 🙂 I also find I have no windows as such just baseline. Although recently that base line is improving so maybe those days are my windows. It think post 8-12 months its hard to tell.

 

Yes I agree with you completely and this was my experience too. Lots of more psychological symptoms in the first 8 months then they all went and its been mainly but not totally sleep, head pressure, some obsessive thinking, exhaustion, back issues and pain and a whole bunch of little things that seem to come and go. But yes exactly as you said.

 

I saw you are from Germany. I love it there and have friends there too. 🙂 

 

Chippy 

12 hours ago, Nemina said:

I can hardly imagine how it would be to go through this constantly wondering if it is the withdrawal or something else is wrong…

You’re so right @Nemina I’m often is a position where I’m thinking “is this withdrawal or is there something physiological going on?” And then “what do I do now?”. It adds another to every thing sele we’ve got going on. It seems so cruel — the uncertainty 🤗

 

12 hours ago, Nemina said:

 @Catbird I am German. Yes, it seems that those clinics were really good. We differentiate in our country between psychiatric hospitals and psychosomatic hospitals. In the first, you will get the usual treatment with medication that many here suffered so much from. But I was in the latter kind. I received excellent therapy for my cptsd. I also did some therapies from home. 
 

I hope so much for you, that you will get out of your nasty wave soon! ❤️‍🩹
 

Hi @Nemina the access to drug free (or almost drug free) clinics is enviable. I think if other countries had such an approach a lot of us wouldn’t be here. Psychiatry usually seems to be a medication centric model. I understand medications can be useful in acute situations — the problem is people are left on them — there’s no exit plan. I’ve heard of a drug free hospital somewhere in Scandanavia too.

27 minutes ago, Catbird said:

I’m thinking “is this withdrawal or is there something physiological going on?

This happens to all of us, I think.  I just ignored it as much as I can.  If I never had this issues before medication, then, it's definitely a withdrawal or waves issue...but hard to combat...

14 minutes ago, Catbird said:

Hi @Nemina the access to drug free (or almost drug free) clinics is enviable. I think if other countries had such an approach a lot of us wouldn’t be here. Psychiatry usually seems to be a medication centric model.

Absolutely. I was there generally for about six weeks and it was really good and helpful. Also, it has been covered by my normal non private insurance. I’m very thankful and I would go back any time if I would feel I needed it. 
I hope you are doing a little better? 

 

1 minute ago, Raymond said:

I just ignored it as much as I can.  If I never had this issues before medication, then, it's definitely a withdrawal or waves issue...but hard to combat...

I do the same. I have constant back pain and just don’t do anything about it. Same with Tinnitus, joint pain, dizziness, nausea - I tell myself it’s withdrawal and try not to worry about it. That’s it.

11 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey Nemina

 

Im glad to hear you have hit a baseline level now. Whilst I see you are still having a hard time it is non the less great news! Perhaps a dirty window! 🙂 I also find I have no windows as such just baseline. Although recently that base line is improving so maybe those days are my windows. It think post 8-12 months its hard to tell.

 

Hey @Chippy, yes, it feels like a baseline. Maybe that is great news, I’m not so sure since I’m not feeling that well, but you’re probably right. I was hoping for a better baseline when I decided to hold for a couple months. 

I am very happy that your baseline is improving! Yes! More of this to you! 

The thing with the baseline is, even if you function, you do not necessarily feel joy. I have to say I do feel joy sometimes but it’s all kind of numbed. I think I haven’t laughed really loud and hard since that stupid withdrawal started. I miss that woman who could laugh and laugh till tears were streaming down her face.  I hope she will come back.

 

I have to say  though that after that crazy wave came over me yesterday evening and all night (cortisol , trembling, that stupid stuff)I feel much better today. I even went to the gym and did a small workout, because I know that this is always good for my mood. And it worked. So I’m very grateful tonight.

 

thanks for being there for and with us! ❤️

3 hours ago, Raymond said:

This happens to all of us, I think.  I just ignored it as much as I can.  If I never had this issues before medication, then, it's definitely a withdrawal or waves issue...but hard to combat...

I agree @Raymond. I've stopped over analysing, easier to do when I'm CNS stable and harder when I'm not.

3 hours ago, Nemina said:

Absolutely. I was there generally for about six weeks and it was really good and helpful. Also, it has been covered by my normal non private insurance. I’m very thankful and I would go back any time if I would feel I needed it. 
I hope you are doing a little better? 

 

Hi @Nemina I am doing a little better. felt good for a couple of days and yesterday I dropped my dose. Very little sleep last night - restless insomnia. I feel very washed out today but my mood is positive. bit of a change from last week.

How are you reacting since your change in dose? Well I hope, 🤗

5 hours ago, Catbird said:

Hi @Nemina I am doing a little better. felt good for a couple of days and yesterday I dropped my dose. Very little sleep last night - restless insomnia. I feel very washed out today but my mood is positive. bit of a change from last week.

How are you reacting since your change in dose? Well I hope, 🤗

Glad you're a little better, but so sorry about the sleep. We all relate @Catbird

21 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hey @Chippy, yes, it feels like a baseline. Maybe that is great news, I’m not so sure since I’m not feeling that well, but you’re probably right. I was hoping for a better baseline when I decided to hold for a couple months.

I can relate I often dont feel too good on my current baseline. However the baseline shifts over time. Its never static.

 

21 hours ago, Nemina said:

I am very happy that your baseline is improving! Yes! More of this to you! 

Thank you! Time is the healer for sure. x

 

21 hours ago, Nemina said:

I miss that woman who could laugh and laugh till tears were streaming down her face.  I hope she will come back.

Shes in there, you will I know it! 

 

21 hours ago, Nemina said:

So I’m very grateful tonight.

It is soooo important to recognise this when we feel a bit better 🙂 I had a great day yesterday, burning brain back today. But I remember how I felt the day before. Gives me some encouragement. 

 

Chippy xxx

On 2/6/2026 at 10:58 AM, Chippy said:

saw you are from Germany. I love it there and have friends there too. 🙂 

 

Chippy 

❤️!!

17 hours ago, Catbird said:

 I am doing a little better. felt good for a couple of days and yesterday I dropped my dose. Very little sleep last night - restless insomnia. I feel very washed out today but my mood is positive. bit of a change from last week.

How are you reacting since your change in dose? Well I hope, 🤗

I am happy that you feel a little better and more positive. The mood is so important. I hope you will have a better night today. ❤️