17 hours ago, Tracey said:

Sorry @Nemina that you back in a wave with the awful chemical anxiety. It is just hideous and those doom thoughts that accompany it. 

 

Yep we just have to keep plodding, tortoise and the hare. Hope your were right about your day being better. 

Hi @Nemina, 

I thought I'd come past to give you some support . I'm sorry your in a wave and I  know too well how hard it is to go through it . I too have to come off two medications ☺️ but the good thing is the lowere we go the less posion in our system . 
it's great to sit out in the sun , we should all do that , even if it 20 minutes a day . 
I will sit in my grass with my dogs and take in all the rays that the sun gives . 
be nice to yourself at this time . 
Your not alone . 
Cheeky 🌸

7 hours ago, Nemina said:

Thanks @Tracey and @Catbird, it is always so nice to receive a response.

Today we have a lot of sun, and I have already been sitting outside a bit. That helped, my mood is lifting since noon.  But it is not only the mood, it is strange how in a wave I have all the symptoms at once, like back pain, headache, nausea, anxiety, and so on, and when it lifts, everything lifts a bit. 
Thank you to you all for being here, I’m so glad not to be alone in this. ❤️🙋🏻‍♀️
 

I love your positivity @Nemina it lifts all of us. Even though you’re suffering you can put a positive spin on things — the brain believes what you tell it. Our self talk matters so much 🤗🧡

15 hours ago, cheeky said:

Hi @Nemina, 

I thought I'd come past to give you some support . I'm sorry your in a wave and I  know too well how hard it is to go through it . I too have to come off two medications ☺️ but the good thing is the lowere we go the less posion in our system . 
it's great to sit out in the sun , we should all do that , even if it 20 minutes a day . 
I will sit in my grass with my dogs and take in all the rays that the sun gives . 
be nice to yourself at this time . 
Your not alone . 
Cheeky 🌸

Thank You @cheeky, so lovely! Sitting in the sun with a pet sounds like the perfect therapy! 

Edited February 26Feb 26 by Nemina

not a good night, not a good start in the day. 😑 Woke up many times with anxiety and now I am nauseated and dizzy, brain zaps are back.

 

My sons will visit next week with their partners and I am so stressed out already instead of looking forward. They both live not in Germany and I see them not as often as I would love to. Now the house will be very full, I do not even know where everybody can sleep. And I will have to cook and clean and see that everything goes well - while  just to care for me alone sometimes is too much since withdrawal started.

I want so much to spend a nice time with them and for them to feel welcome and enjoy the time...  I offered to pay a hotel for one couple, because of the space issue. I am so overwhelmed. I could cry. I have been too sick to travel and visit them for a long time and now that they come they come all at once and I feel too sick for all that, too...🥺

Hi @Nemina, I'm sorry to hear you have so many external stressors at the moment on top of your withdrawal symptoms. I really relate to this feeling of complete and utter overwhelm. You deserve rest and to have someone looking after you & instead you have a lot on your plate. Like all difficult things, this will pass. It may be hard to host your family, it might feel impossible, but you will get through it. Just take it moment by moment, and be as honest with them as you can about how ill you are feeling. 

 

It's okay if you can't offer them the nice experience you wish you could offer them. You will heal, day by day, month by month, and there will be another time they visit where you are able to do more and be more present. It's okay that that time isn't now. Please try to be kind to yourself.

 

And who knows, maybe there will be small glimmers and glimpses of nice feelings and emotions. Maybe the novelty of seeing them will help you in some ways. We can never predict what can happen and an anxious, hypervigilant brain will throw out so many "what ifs". 

 

A week after my unsuccessful reinstatement of 25mg in December, my aunt came to visit for the weekend. I was still having intermittent akathisia, I was unable to eat more than plain bread in the afternoons, I couldn't sleep, I was having such bad palpitations I had to listen to a meditation in my ear via phone headphone to try and stay calm, I felt light headed from the amount of deep breathing I was doing. And guess what? We still went to a museum, we still watched TV together, we still went to a Christmas market. It was horrible in so many ways, but in another way, I was having a horrible time anyway, regardless of whether she was there - at least the time was passing and I was getting through it with someone I loved. I don't know if this story helps, but I don't regret the decision to have her stay in my home while I was that way. It was tough, but there were good moments too.

Edited February 26Feb 26 by molly97

Sorry you’re having a rough time Nemina. I can well understand the anxiety caused by the upcoming visit. Though I hope it will also be a lovely time with your sons and partners. I hope they’ll be able to understand that you might not be in top condition all the time. Plan to make things as easy as possible - takeout delivery, or simple meals. They will enjoy catching up with each other too (assuming they don’t live near each other) so that might work to take some pressure off you in terms of "entertaining". I’m sure it will all be fine! 😘

5 hours ago, Nemina said:

not a good night, not a good start in the day. 😑 Woke up many times with anxiety and now I am nauseated and dizzy, brain zaps are back.

 

My sons will visit next week with their partners and I am so stressed out already instead of looking forward. They both live not in Germany and I see them not as often as I would love to. Now the house will be very full, I do not even know where everybody can sleep. And I will have to cook and clean and see that everything goes well - while  just to care for me alone sometimes is too much since withdrawal started.

I want so much to spend a nice time with them and for them to feel welcome and enjoy the time...  I offered to pay a hotel for one couple, because of the space issue. I am so overwhelmed. I could cry. I have been too sick to travel and visit them for a long time and now that they come they come all at once and I feel too sick for all that, too...🥺

I’m so sorry to read this @Nemina 

 

I can imagine you must be very excited to see everyone but also worried as you are in a nasty wave by the sounds of things. 
 

I think you are really brave for taking this on its a lot to handle when feeling as you do. 
 

Be kind to yourself there is only so much you can do and you must look after yourself. Perhaps your sons understand what you are going through and can help a little logistically so you can all be together but you don’t have too much on your plate at the same time. 
 

I hope and am wishing you are in a beautiful window next week for your visitors. 
 

Chippy

Dear @Nemina, you are strong, everything will be fine.

Svetla

10 hours ago, Nemina said:

not a good night, not a good start in the day. 😑 Woke up many times with anxiety and now I am nauseated and dizzy, brain zaps are back.

 

My sons will visit next week with their partners and I am so stressed out already instead of looking forward. They both live not in Germany and I see them not as often as I would love to. Now the house will be very full, I do not even know where everybody can sleep. And I will have to cook and clean and see that everything goes well - while  just to care for me alone sometimes is too much since withdrawal started.

I want so much to spend a nice time with them and for them to feel welcome and enjoy the time...  I offered to pay a hotel for one couple, because of the space issue. I am so overwhelmed. I could cry. I have been too sick to travel and visit them for a long time and now that they come they come all at once and I feel too sick for all that, too...🥺

Dear @Nemina, 

 

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. 

It seems we share a lot  of similar experiences. 

I have old house sitter friends from Canada coming on Sunday and feeling a bit like you. Cleaning house, cooking, wanting to be my usual self ( which I am not). 

We just have to do the basics and I just think people that really care won't judge us on the state of our house or how we are ourselves.

I am hoping your sons and partners will help out when they see you struggling 🙏💚

Remember go gently, give yourself compassion no matter how much of a mess you feel. That overwhelm with wanting to cry is all too familiar. 

Hoping you have a better day today. 

 

Thinking of you xx 

 

 

 

 

@Tracey I went through something similar a few weeks ago. Old friend coming to visit. My partner did most of the tidying and cleaning as I don't have the energy. It was nice to see my friend, but fatigue meant I couldn't sustain stamina and had to withdraw to rest a fe times. You're right - my friend did not care about the state of the house.

Hi @Nemina  sorry you are feeling so unwell and overwhelmed. I know what that’s like when you want to travel or do things that will give you pleasure and you just feel to rotten to do it. My only advice is be kind to yourself and get as much rest as you can. It’s Ok if you’re not a 100%.  

On 2/26/2026 at 3:29 PM, molly97 said:

Hi @Nemina, I'm sorry to hear you have so many external stressors at the moment on top of your withdrawal symptoms. I really relate to this feeling of complete and utter overwhelm. You deserve rest and to have someone looking after you & instead you have a lot on your plate. Like all difficult things, this will pass. It may be hard to host your family, it might feel impossible, but you will get through it. Just take it moment by moment, and be as honest with them as you can about how ill you are feeling. 

 

It's okay if you can't offer them the nice experience you wish you could offer them. You will heal, day by day, month by month, and there will be another time they visit where you are able to do more and be more present. It's okay that that time isn't now. Please try to be kind to yourself.

 

And who knows, maybe there will be small glimmers and glimpses of nice feelings and emotions. Maybe the novelty of seeing them will help you in some ways. We can never predict what can happen and an anxious, hypervigilant brain will throw out so many "what ifs". 

 

A week after my unsuccessful reinstatement of 25mg in December, my aunt came to visit for the weekend. I was still having intermittent akathisia, I was unable to eat more than plain bread in the afternoons, I couldn't sleep, I was having such bad palpitations I had to listen to a meditation in my ear via phone headphone to try and stay calm, I felt light headed from the amount of deep breathing I was doing. And guess what? We still went to a museum, we still watched TV together, we still went to a Christmas market. It was horrible in so many ways, but in another way, I was having a horrible time anyway, regardless of whether she was there - at least the time was passing and I was getting through it with someone I loved. I don't know if this story helps, but I don't regret the decision to have her stay in my home while I was that way. It was tough, but there were good moments too.

Thank you so much @molly97 for your lovely answer! It’s a wonderful story you told about you and your aunt. And what a great lesson : I will spend time with the people I love and that is what counts.

and maybe, as you said, having them here will do something unexpected : give me some extra positive emotions and maybe some extra Serotonin or something like that. My younger son was here for Christmas and I felt better than before and afterwards, so who knows.

 

thanks again for your kind words! 
I hope you have a good day! 

 

19 hours ago, skamen said:

Dear @Nemina, you are strong, everything will be fine.

Svetla

Thank you @skamen! Yes, we have to be strong. Haven’t we? 
we will both come through this, whatever our different challenges may be. Take care!

21 hours ago, sarahw said:

Sorry you’re having a rough time Nemina. I can well understand the anxiety caused by the upcoming visit. Though I hope it will also be a lovely time with your sons and partners. I hope they’ll be able to understand that you might not be in top condition all the time. Plan to make things as easy as possible - takeout delivery, or simple meals. They will enjoy catching up with each other too (assuming they don’t live near each other) so that might work to take some pressure off you in terms of "entertaining". I’m sure it will all be fine! 😘

 
thank you @sarahw , I am so anxious about the upcoming time, but I have made some good decisions already. Booked a hotel room. Explained to my husband would help I will need. Let’s hope it will work out.
I hope you’re doing OK! Take care!

On 2/26/2026 at 6:36 PM, Chippy said:

I’m so sorry to read this @Nemina 

 

I can imagine you must be very excited to see everyone but also worried as you are in a nasty wave by the sounds of things. 
 

I think you are really brave for taking this on its a lot to handle when feeling as you do. 
 

Be kind to yourself there is only so much you can do and you must look after yourself. Perhaps your sons understand what you are going through and can help a little logistically so you can all be together but you don’t have too much on your plate at the same time. 
 

I hope and am wishing you are in a beautiful window next week for your visitors. 
 

Chippy

Thank You @Chippy Yes, I will talk to my sons and they will understand, I think. And there is always the chance of a window...   Thanks for your faithful presence! xxx

18 hours ago, Tracey said:

Remember go gently, give yourself compassion no matter how much of a mess you feel. That overwhelm with wanting to cry is all too familiar. 

Hoping you have a better day today. 

 

Thinking of you xx 

Thank You @Tracey. Yes, so many similar experiences. I will try to be nice to myself. My day today is not good, but it could be worse... Take care

xxx Nemina

1 minute ago, Nemina said:

Thank You @Chippy Yes, I will talk to my sons and they will understand, I think. And there is always the chance of a window...   Thanks for your faithful presence! xxx

I’ll be thinking of you next week. Xxx

Thanks for being here, @Catbird and @Pokey449. We are suffering together, we are not alone. One day this will be a time we remember...

@Nemina haven’t heard from you for a few days. Hope you’re doing okay 🧡🤗

Oh, this is so sweet of you, to ask! Thank you @Catbird!  

I am very busy right now having my both sons and their partners here for a visit.

 

 

 

I was very nervous before , because I wanted so much that this will be a good time for everyone and as we all here know waves and windows are unpredictable and there’s nothing one can do about them. I had a horrible night before they arrived, I think the worst since I started the whole taper. I hardly slept and had adrenaline rushes washing over me constantly. But now things have gotten much better. Everyone (besides me) is really relaxed and we are having a lovely time together so far. I sleep OK in the night. The hotel I booked was obviously terrible so now one couple is sleeping in the living room. Tomorrow some more family will arrive for a big dinner at our house , of course the grandmother and aunts wanted to see my sons too. Ouf…

I am very thankful, all the joy gives me some energy more than I usually have. 
 

what I find interesting now that I have to carry around so many dishes: obviously the brains zaps are making me very clumsy. I have been dropping quite some plates and full pots. 😅 I don’t understand how it happens all of a sudden things fall out of my hands. Probably my brain is having little stops that I usually don’t realize.

 

it is good to experience that I can feel happiness. Family can be a real blessing. ( and , of course, just the contrary.)

 

I am happy to be on this journey together with all of you.

 

💗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Nemina said:

 

it is good to experience that I can feel happiness. Family can be a real blessing

I’m happy for you @Nemina Family/social time can be very uplifting. Enjoy 🤗

Hi there!  Found you.  I'll be have 3 family members here very soon.  Thankful, because they are coming to help with and after my hip replacement surgery, which is a go!  Happy about that and ready this time.  I wasn't the last go round.  It will be nice but different having houseguests/family.  I got a couple new shower heads installed and had already gotten a new mattress for the guest bed, as well as my own.  And my son gets his old room.  Trying to Spring clean really and tidy up.  His old room had a bunch of stuff that landed there.  So getting things sorted too.  And going to do donations today.  First steps in some decluttering.

 

Oddly, looking forward to some post op down time.  I do have to walk every hour after, except when sleeping, and do some PT type things to help prevent blood clots.  I feel like I've been running around a lot and sometimes nice to just be comfy at home.  I've benefited though from the social and interactions.  I just don't like to overwhelm with overdoing.  And need to be patient while my body accepts new parts basically.  As well as take some precautions.

 

You are on the home stretch with your tapering now.  Congratulations.  I hope the dropping of stuff runs it's course soon.  I sure did experience some weaknesses during and after tapering.  So hoping it's now long term or persistent.

 

Hugs.  Another escitalopram survivor!  And off your Zdrug.  You rock.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

1 hour ago, Catbird said:

I’m happy for you @Nemina Family/social time can be very uplifting. Enjoy 🤗

Thank you, @Catbird. ❤️

Welcome to my thread, @manymoretodays!   It is wonderful that family will come to help you. I hope everything will go well with your hip replacement. You have been through a lot, you will make this, I’m sure. 
 

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

Hugs.  Another escitalopram survivor!  And off your Zdrug.  You rock.

Awww thank you ☺️ 

I have not completely survived it yet, but I am hopeful that I will get rid of it someday. 
 

take care!

 

So happy for you @Nemina. 

 

Enjoy your family and feeling brighter and lighter, I could feel it in your writing.