I am having rough nights with you @Nemina. 

Sending you love and strength 🩷

Another bad night. Slept from maybe one to 3 o’clock. Terrible thinking loops, doom, for hours . It’s hard to stop them at night. Was thankful when I could finally cry at 6 o’clock. Afterwards, I slept a bit more. 

This morning I called in sick. It’s the first time since I started tapering, I think . Until now, I’ve always managed to push through somehow. (I work four hours each day, mostly at home, a very good working environment for me and still a very interesting job, I am thankful every day)

now it’s evening again and I feel better. We will see how the night will be.  

 

I know it could be worse and it is worse for many of you. But as @Chippy told me repeatedly, we do not compare suffering.

lying awake at night I had a lot of time to pray for you guys! And this is much better than following the doom thoughts, so I get blessed, too. 😇

 

 

18 minutes ago, Tracey said:

having rough nights with you @Nemina. 

Sending you love and strength 🩷

Thank you, my dear. I really appreciate it. Sending you a lot of love, too.

On 3/18/2026 at 6:53 PM, Kahran said:

Praying for you @Nemina to find the strength to keep going. I know I mentioned in my thread I lost my job that I didn't care much for other than income/routine, but losing a job you love could be disheartening! Please communicate whatever you are able to with your managers if theres anyway to make it easier. 

Thank you @Kahran, prayers always welcome. Yes I love my job very much. So far, I am not in danger of losing it, but sometimes I feel like I cannot go on. 
thank you for checking in!

Sending some love your way @Nemina I’m sorry for this wave. I hope it passes quickly. 😔

Another night of two or three hours sleep, then lying awake for hours, and some more sleep after the sun has come up. I hope I am not developing a problem here. Working on acceptance.

I try to use the time for prayer and meditation, seeing it as a chance for spiritual growth. But it’s not easy.

I am not even sure if it’s a normal wave. It might have to do with stress. Just an injured nervous system that has to handle stress. Anyway, does not make a big difference. It will pass. I just hope that I will be able to work.
 

Thank you @Chippy, your kind words are always appreciated.
 

 

Just now, Nemina said:

I hope I am not developing a problem here. Working on acceptance.

 

You’re not. Don’t get in your head. It’s just how it is. It’s not your fault and you’re not doing it. It will pass. It’s just how it is sometimes. Windows and waves. 
 

xxxx

Dear @Nemina, I feel you very well. If you have concentration and motivation to work, do this, even you overpasse your 4 hours per day. You are blessed that you can exercise your loved profession.

Svetla 

13 hours ago, Nemina said:

Another night of two or three hours sleep, then lying awake for hours, and some more sleep after the sun has come up. I hope I am not developing a problem here. Working on acceptance.

I try to use the time for prayer and meditation, seeing it as a chance for spiritual growth. But it’s not easy.

I am not even sure if it’s a normal wave. It might have to do with stress. Just an injured nervous system that has to handle stress. Anyway, does not make a big difference. It will pass. I just hope that I will be able to work.
 

Thank you @Chippy, your kind words are always appreciated.
 

 

So sorry about the sleep issue, right there with you @Nemina definitely one of the hardest with a lot of touch on everything.

I think often on how powerful these chemicals truly are and their widespread and destructive impact, not a single cell escapes their terrible effect which explains the endless symptoms we all experience, bizarre and seemingly unrelated as they may be. it really is a huge struggle but as wrote, acceptance is the main key here, though the mind will immediately tricks us with the most terrible and unlikely scenarios..

Keep up your great work, when this all ends we're going to be stronger than we could ever imagine.

Better days will come soon, hang in there 🙏

Edited March 21Mar 21 by Fullhealing

On 3/19/2026 at 3:39 PM, Nemina said:

Another bad night. Slept from maybe one to 3 o’clock. Terrible thinking loops, doom, for hours . It’s hard to stop them at night. Was thankful when I could finally cry at 6 o’clock. Afterwards, I slept a bit more. 

This morning I called in sick. It’s the first time since I started tapering, I think . Until now, I’ve always managed to push through somehow. (I work four hours each day, mostly at home, a very good working environment for me and still a very interesting job, I am thankful every day)

now it’s evening again and I feel better. We will see how the night will be.  

 

I know it could be worse and it is worse for many of you. But as @Chippy told me repeatedly, we do not compare suffering.

lying awake at night I had a lot of time to pray for you guys! And this is much better than following the doom thoughts, so I get blessed, too. 😇

 

 

@nemina...it is bad not to have enough sleep time, but it will improve in time.

 

I see you feel better in evening hours which it is good.  Somehow the waves make us feel bad all day and then evening improvement and then, it becomes bad in the mornings and good in the afternoons.

 

Now, I feel bad only few hours in the mornings and I have seeing improvement...

 

When I couldn't sleep much, I developed a routine with prayer and meditation.   I wake up everyday day at 530am and just pray and meditate.   It's being working for me and sometimes, I fall back asleep....

 

During the day, I developed this routine of prayer and work to manage go through the day.   

 

Hopefully, things will improve for you.

 

Hanging there......you will heal...

Just now, Raymond said:

@nemina...it is bad not to have enough sleep time, but it will improve in time.

 

I see you feel better in evening hours which it is good.  Somehow the waves make us feel bad all day and then evening improvement and then, it becomes bad in the mornings and good in the afternoons.

 

Now, I feel bad only few hours in the mornings and I have seeing improvement...

 

When I couldn't sleep much, I developed a routine with prayer and meditation.   I wake up everyday day at 530am and just pray and meditate.   It's being working for me and sometimes, I fall back asleep....

 

During the day, I developed this routine of prayer and work to manage go through the day.   

 

Hopefully, things will improve for you.

 

Hanging there......you will heal...

@Nemina @Raymond  I feel for you. The same drug and the same issues (amongst others).  I'm getting about 2-3 hours sleep a night and I take a sleeping tablet!  I now dread the night time.  Usually from 3 am I lie awake full of fear and try meditating and praying. Last night I actually got up and heated some milk so it helped to break the looping thoughts. Take care

6 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Keep up your great work, when this all ends we're going to be stronger than we could ever imagine.

Thank you @Fullhealing, this is a wonderful encouragement, I will cling to it! I have had some suffering in my life, and I can testify to the fact that suffering makes one stronger, especially if we work through it with a spiritual attitude (if this makes sense in English). 
I hope and pray for you, too, that you will reap the fruits of your suffering soon and that it will be a thing in the past that you look back on. 

Edited March 21Mar 21 by Nemina

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

When I couldn't sleep much, I developed a routine with prayer and meditation.   I wake up everyday day at 530am and just pray and meditate.   It's being working for me and sometimes, I fall back asleep....

 

During the day, I developed this routine of prayer and work to manage go through the day.   

This is beautiful @Raymond and very inspiring. I practice “ contemplative prayer”. But often I’m just either too tired or so much bothered by my symptoms that I rather look for distraction. But I am working on it…

 

4 hours ago, Bawneen said:

@Nemina @Raymond  I feel for you. The same drug and the same issues (amongst others).  I'm getting about 2-3 hours sleep a night and I take a sleeping tablet!  I now dread the night time.  Usually from 3 am I lie awake full of fear and try meditating and praying. Last night I actually got up and heated some milk so it helped to break the looping thoughts. Take care

Welcome come on my thread @Bawneen! Oh, yes, I can see in your signature that you are on a very similar path! April 2025 you were where I am now: 0.31. Mg escilatopram. When are you planning to jump to zero? Though On 2.0 there’s probably still no end in sight.

i’m sorry for your terrible nights! I have taken a sleeping pill for more than 10 years and it was surprisingly easy to let go of it, did not feel any withdrawal, just missed the pill 😅 (of course I tapered it slowly).

 

wishing you peaceful nights!

Hello friends, I’m happy to report that I had a much better night. I was awake maybe four or five times but always found back to sleep again. And I awoke without that terrible feeling of cortisol or adrenaline in my body. Thanks, God!

I am a different person today. Had the energy to clean my kitchen and enjoyed being alive.

 I really feel for all of you who are constantly struggling with sleep deprivation. This is a very hard symptom to bear.

6 minutes ago, Nemina said:

This is beautiful @Raymond and very inspiring. I practice “ contemplative prayer”. But often I’m just either too tired or so much bothered by my symptoms that I rather look for distraction. But I am working on it…

 

As saint Benedict said to his monks...."ora etc labora"...

 

If you like to read stories about Catholic saints, one person I recommend is Saint Catherine of Genova....She talked about th treaty of purgatory....She went to many symptoms we are experiencing for four years.  After God healed her in four years.  She dedicated her life to help the sick....there were many times she only slept one hour per night.  She continued prayers...

6 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello friends, I’m happy to report that I had a much better night. I was awake maybe four or five times but always found back to sleep again. And I awoke without that terrible feeling of cortisol or adrenaline in my body. Thanks, God!

I am a different person today. Had the energy to clean my kitchen and enjoyed being alive.

 I really feel for all of you who are constantly struggling with sleep deprivation. This is a very hard symptom to bear.

That's great news @Nemina may it continue!

13 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello friends, I’m happy to report that I had a much better night. I was awake maybe four or five times but always found back to sleep again. And I awoke without that terrible feeling of cortisol or adrenaline in my body. Thanks, God!

I am a different person today. Had the energy to clean my kitchen and enjoyed being alive.

 I really feel for all of you who are constantly struggling with sleep deprivation. This is a very hard symptom to bear.

So pleased to read Nemina. 😊

Hey @Nemina

 

Ive just caught up on your thread, I’m so pleased to hear you’re getting a little more sleep, it makes a huge difference! I hope things continue to improve for you. 🙂

Last night broken sleep, but not too terrible. Lay awake quite a while around 4 o’clock, but found back finally to sleep. Next week I have to work more than usually , I really hope that I would have the strength. Yesterday I had a little window, but in general the last days I felt very weak. Felt a lot of sadness today for no real reason - well withdrawal seems to be a legitimate reason for all kinds of things. As all of us I have to take it step-by-step. 
 

Glad to hear that sleep is better, @Nemina... That makes so much difference. Hope that trend continues!

5 hours ago, Nemina said:

Last night broken sleep, but not too terrible. Lay awake quite a while around 4 o’clock, but found back finally to sleep. Next week I have to work more than usually , I really hope that I would have the strength. Yesterday I had a little window, but in general the last days I felt very weak. Felt a lot of sadness today for no real reason - well withdrawal seems to be a legitimate reason for all kinds of things. As all of us I have to take it step-by-step. 
 

All the ups and downs can become really draining @Nemina. I'm feeling really activated today. Think I have become really sensitised to tea. 💕

7 hours ago, Nemina said:

Last night broken sleep, but not too terrible. Lay awake quite a while around 4 o’clock, but found back finally to sleep. Next week I have to work more than usually , I really hope that I would have the strength. Yesterday I had a little window, but in general the last days I felt very weak. Felt a lot of sadness today for no real reason - well withdrawal seems to be a legitimate reason for all kinds of things. As all of us I have to take it step-by-step. 
 

I hope and pray that you experience long-term relief and that your sleep improves, it's draining to navigate all these rapid changes but it's what we have for now and you're doing great considering.

Keep up your determination and strength @Nemina it's will all ease in time.

Tonight I had the most terrible night. I was so alarmed.  Whenever I began relaxing and dozing off a bit, it was like getting a electro shock or a surge of something toxic in my body that shocked me back into being awake. This went on for hours. What makes this even more difficult for me, is that this was the reason why I started on the sleeping pill and then the antidepressants more than 10 years ago. It was so severe then that I did not want to live anymore. This background made this night even harder for me, as I had on top all the fear of the old trauma symptoms returning. I cannot go back to antidepressants, my brain would not take it anymore, I think. Sometime during the night I even took a bit of my old Zolpidem and it helped, I could sleep a little bit. Afterwards, the torture went on.

Taking the pill once is not a big drama for me I think, because tapering it was very easy for me, that’s why I kept it so that I can use it in emergencies. And this night was really an emergency. I was screaming at one point. And I wished I could have cried more than I did, but there was too much tension in my body.

now, I am terribly tired. I had to work and I did as good as I could. I am finished with this, but I do not dare to lay down. I’m too scared of a toxic nap or of this shock sensation that happens when I let go.

i’m sorry for this really negative post. But where should I complain if not here?

 

thank you to all of you for being here.  ❤️

 

 When I was reading a bit tonight, I stumbled over the following verse (Romans 5): 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 
i’m personally convinced that God is not putting us into our sufferings. But in them, he/she is with us and works in us and for us. 
maybe building character. Maybe giving us endurance or a hope that is stronger than ever before. We will see. Right now I’m still in the middle of it.

take care everybody!

 

(by the way, I fell asleep after I wrote that and I am sending it later now. A nap was possible! Or should I say  inevitable, but it was less toxic than I feared)

 

 

 

 

 

Dear @Nemina, I feel you very well. Will we know one day why this suffering? Because it is not a short suffering for which we can say "OK, I will endure this unbearable Inhumane Hell several days, and it will pass". The length and the intensity of what happens with us cannot be described by the human language because it doesn't have vocables for this terror. But we don't have other choice, we have to survive and hope, and believe in the inner intelligence of the body to heal.

Svetla