16 hours ago, Nemina said:

Welcome to my thread, @manymoretodays!   It is wonderful that family will come to help you. I hope everything will go well with your hip replacement. You have been through a lot, you will make this, I’m sure. 

Thank you.  And sorry for the misspells in my post.  I hope the dropping things just passes.  There was a now meant to be not.  And one more, not finding it now.  

Do keep posting and keep us updated.  It can really help so much to be where others get it.  And I do recall how tough it can and does feel as you are coming back to your natural factory settings in the brain and body.  I came off my escitalopram too fast, so it is so good you are going slowly, tapering, and taking breaks when needed.  Plus it takes it's sweet time often, the whole reset and neuroplasticity.  Nice when you are thriving from time to time.  Those waves of symptoms will not be forever.  

 

I'm often into "just breathe"  Feeling shifty sometimes as I depart from my last drug........ironically also one of my first.  The nicotine.  So I sometimes just feel this internal unrest.  I do the 4-7-8 breathing.  In through my nose for  4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and then out for 8 seconds.  By the time I get to 3 full breathes......I'm calmer, the internal unrest lets up.  And I can do it anywhere, anytime.

 

I also like EFT, the emotional freedom technique, or tapping.  So have revisited doing that to keep me calmer and collected.  I generally don't do the guided stuff, just my own little voice while I run through the tapping points 2 to 3 times.  I say...."even though........(I might add I am feeling unraveled, or anxious, or overstimulated) and then  "I deeply and completely love and accept and respect myself" .  It doesn't take long to say that for each tapping point and does the trick to calm me by round 3.

 

So many things in the way of coping. That I still use, all these years later when feeling challenged emotionally, or physically, or psychologically.   What have you found helpful to date?

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Edited March 5Mar 5 by manymoretodays
added accept to my EFT words I say

14 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

I'm often into "just breathe"  Feeling shifty sometimes as I depart from my last drug........ironically also one of my first.  The nicotine.  So I sometimes just feel this internal unrest.  I do the 4-7-8 breathing.  In through my nose for  4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and then out for 8 seconds.  By the time I get to 3 full breathes......I'm calmer, the internal unrest lets up.  And I can do it anywhere, anytime

Hi @Nemina and @manymoretodays I also find these techniques useful. It brings to mind another one I use a lot called the physiological sigh.  Andrew Huberman has a short YouTube video regarding the PS.

My family visit is over. It was really good. I’m so thankful! I think I have overstepped my borders a lot, wanting to participate. My elder son lives really far away, I will not see him for the next seven months. I cannot travel that far in my state of health and he won’t be able to travel because of visa regulations. It was really lovely having him and his wife here. My other son and his partner came, too, and even though the house was crammed we had no tension and a relaxed time.

 

today I feel awful. I am sad and worn out. Depression, chemical anxiety, fatigue, nausea, back pain. But I don’t want to complain, I’ve spent too much energy, I know, and I hope I will not have to pay too much for it. 
it will pass. Thanks to all of you for being here. 💙
 

Hey @Nemina

 

Im so pleased to hear that you’ve had a wonderful time with your family. You’re nearing the end of your taper now so I’m sure that given time, you’ll be able to travel and see your eldest son. 
 

Sorry to hear you’re struggling today, maybe having so many people around has over stimulated you a little. Hopefully things will settle down again soon. 

13 hours ago, Nemina said:

My family visit is over. It was really good. I’m so thankful! I think I have overstepped my borders a lot, wanting to participate. My elder son lives really far away, I will not see him for the next seven months. I cannot travel that far in my state of health and he won’t be able to travel because of visa regulations. It was really lovely having him and his wife here. My other son and his partner came, too, and even though the house was crammed we had no tension and a relaxed time.

 

today I feel awful. I am sad and worn out. Depression, chemical anxiety, fatigue, nausea, back pain. But I don’t want to complain, I’ve spent too much energy, I know, and I hope I will not have to pay too much for it. 
it will pass. Thanks to all of you for being here. 💙
 

Hey @Nemina

 

Im so pleased having your family visit went well. 😀 This is fantastic news, it’s great to see. Precious time with them, amazing. 
 

Sounds like it might have been a lot for your nervous system. I hope things settle down, now you can get back to routine again. Thinking of you. 
 

Chippy

9 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Nemina

 

Im so pleased having your family visit went well. 😀 This is fantastic news, it’s great to see. Precious time with them, amazing. 
 

Sounds like it might have been a lot for your nervous system. I hope things settle down, now you can get back to routine again. Thinking of you. 
 

Chippy

Thanks @Chippy! Yes, the time was very precious. Especially since both my sons live far away and I see them rarely. 
Indeed, it has been a lot for my nervous system. But today, I’m already feeling better than yesterday. I will recover and keep cherishing the wonderful memories.

 

Not feeling well these days. Fatigue, nausea and back pain as usual. Additionaly depressed, like a deep sadness without being able to cry. Anxiety in my legs, the symptom that is the hardest for me. I try to allow and accept…

Following the method of Sam Miller on YT now, I find these videos helpful. 
 

The sun is shining, spring is ahead. I can not enjoy it now but I will, definitely. 

Hang in there @Nemina, this too shall pass 🤗

11 hours ago, Nemina said:

Not feeling well these days. Fatigue, nausea and back pain as usual. Additionaly depressed, like a deep sadness without being able to cry. Anxiety in my legs, the symptom that is the hardest for me. I try to allow and accept…

Following the method of Sam Miller on YT now, I find these videos helpful. 
 

The sun is shining, spring is ahead. I can not enjoy it now but I will, definitely. 

It incredible how some symptoms affects us in different ways. 

 

Hang in there....it will pass

Thank you @Catbird and @Raymond!

Another difficult day today. I’m deeply sad. And I have this strange anxiety in my legs. Maybe I am still recovering from the family visit. In the evening, it usually is better. Same yesterday: the day was not so good (but better than today) but I could meet a friend in the evening, which was lovely.

I think that last summer I’ve felt better than all of winter and spring so far. 
The months 12 to 16 since the start of my taper have not been good. I trust that in the summer I will be better again.
March is now month 17.  we will see.

trying to set up a plan:

If I reduce the dose by 10% every month (which I probably won’t manage anyway), the half-life is 6.6 months. So by September, I’d be down to 0.15 mg. And by March of next year, I’d be at 0.075 mg. That might be the point at which I’d jump down to zero.

And as we all know with zero is not over yet. 😣 

 

it is very frustrating. But maybe this is wave thinking, maybe it is realistic.

 

Dear @Nemina, you are a lovely person. Wish things go well with you.

Svetla

8 hours ago, Nemina said:

Thank you @Catbird and @Raymond!

Another difficult day today. I’m deeply sad. And I have this strange anxiety in my legs. Maybe I am still recovering from the family visit. In the evening, it usually is better. Same yesterday: the day was not so good (but better than today) but I could meet a friend in the evening, which was lovely.

I think that last summer I’ve felt better than all of winter and spring so far. 
The months 12 to 16 since the start of my taper have not been good. I trust that in the summer I will be better again.
March is now month 17.  we will see.

trying to set up a plan:

 

If I reduce the dose by 10% every month (which I probably won’t manage anyway), the half-life is 6.6 months. So by September, I’d be down to 0.15 mg. And by March of next year, I’d be at 0.075 mg. That might be the point at which I’d jump down to zero.

And as we all know with zero is not over yet. 😣 

 

it is very frustrating. But maybe this is wave thinking, maybe it is realistic.

 

Sorry you’re still experiencing these symptoms @Nemina it can’t be very pleasant. I’m lucky if I can manage 2% per month decreases at the moment. The muscle spasms have been so intense, especially abdominal spasms. I think I’ve been on ADs a lot longer than you, so it’s not unexpected I’ve had to slow right down 🤗

19 hours ago, Nemina said:

Thank you @Catbird and @Raymond!

Another difficult day today. I’m deeply sad. And I have this strange anxiety in my legs. Maybe I am still recovering from the family visit. In the evening, it usually is better. Same yesterday: the day was not so good (but better than today) but I could meet a friend in the evening, which was lovely.

I think that last summer I’ve felt better than all of winter and spring so far. 
The months 12 to 16 since the start of my taper have not been good. I trust that in the summer I will be better again.
March is now month 17.  we will see.

trying to set up a plan:

 

If I reduce the dose by 10% every month (which I probably won’t manage anyway), the half-life is 6.6 months. So by September, I’d be down to 0.15 mg. And by March of next year, I’d be at 0.075 mg. That might be the point at which I’d jump down to zero.

And as we all know with zero is not over yet. 😣 

 

it is very frustrating. But maybe this is wave thinking, maybe it is realistic.

 

Hey Nemina

 

Im sorry you have had a rough winter/spring so far. I do hope things pick up for you. Maybe the sun will be helpful. Not that it solves anything but even in 'normal' life better weather picks us up so why not in WD! 🙂 

 

I wouldn't be in a hurry to taper off. It's better to be stable and tapering then rush off. Pwd isn't good.

 

Could you rate your symptoms at the start of your hold? End of your hold? and Now?

 

If your symptoms are too bad (above a 1-3/10) I would consider holding and waiting for things to settle perhaps?

 

Chippy

Thank you @Chippy and @Catbird.  
 

12 hours ago, Chippy said:

Could you rate your symptoms at the start of your hold? End of your hold? and Now?

The start of my hold in October I would say five (Windows 2 and waves 7-8], during the hold worse, six (less windows) and since I started my taper, I actually think it has been a bit better. Had this long window when my family was visiting, now it is worse, a wave. But it seems like resuming the taper has not influenced my symptoms in general much. 
that’s why I feel I can go on tapering down. It was not better during the hold and it is not worse since I reduced again.

But that was only in February, maybe it is too early to tell. What do you guys think?

 

1 hour ago, Nemina said:

Thank you @Chippy and @Catbird.  
 

The start of my hold in October I would say five (Windows 2 and waves 7-8], during the hold worse, six (less windows) and since I started my taper, I actually think it has been a bit better. Had this long window when my family was visiting, now it is worse, a wave. But it seems like resuming the taper has not influenced my symptoms in general much. 
that’s why I feel I can go on tapering down. It was not better during the hold and it is not worse since I reduced again.

But that was only in February, maybe it is too early to tell. What do you guys think?

 

I don't really rate my symptoms anymore @Nemina. I note down big in my face symptoms like SVT. doom and dread and more recently the intense abdominal wall spasms I've been having. The last one I've had to treat with heat. The rest is probably WD normal. I seem to "just know" when to try decreasing a dose. I'm on day 25 or thereabouts of current dose and will likely try a drop in the next few days if I'm not feeling too activated, and i need to attend a few appointments, so I also have to work around things like that.

 

I'e found overtime it's easy to get sucked in to focussing on symptoms, which I think detracts me from other things like getting on with life.  I've been tapering for a few years now so this is where I am on my journey. The symptoms I can live now take a back seat, sometimes the more one focusses on symptoms the bigger and badder they can seem. But if the rating is helping you at present and serves some purpose that's okay too.  🤗

Thank you @Catbird and @Chippy. Maybe I was too hopeful. I have had a terrible night. Activated as if I would have had 3 cups of coffee before going to bed. ( I do not drink coffee anymore). Couldn’t sleep until 2or 3 and then only until 6.   Adrenaline rushes, at least that is how it felt. Afterwards a bit of broken sleep. Anxiety, the chemical kind.  For now it’s clear: I have to hold again for a while. I had a beautiful window yesterday in the afternoon and evening, maybe that made me think too much about going to zero and when that could be. (it seems that there exists also window thinking not only the wave brain!)

I will work on acceptance again. And as you say @Catbird, try not to think about the whole tapering and symptom thing too much…

 

Who had thought that this would be so long and difficult. Not me. 😣

 

PS:     I strongly believe that a loving God is present and working for our good in everything, even in the suffering. That might be a good thing to concentrate on instead.

 

thanks to all of you for being in this with me! It is so lovely not to be alone.

Hey @Nemina

 

Im so sorry you are having a bad day!

 

You made me smile however with your 'window brain' concept! Yes I relate the optimism can be overwhelming can't it! Like you get a glimmer that this will pass one day! Which it will of course but the windows do give you that sense!

 

I think it's best to be stable and tapering rather than rush off. Id taper as low as you can possibly go and step off! Why try to jump to 0, whats the rush! 🙂 

 

In the mean time, good plan. Sit tight and let your body find some stability. 

 

Hope your day gets a bit better. We all know what it feels like to have to drag ourselfs through with that nasty 'tired' feeling!

 

Chippy xxxx

 

35 minutes ago, Nemina said:

Thank you @Catbird and @Chippy. Maybe I was too hopeful. I have had a terrible night. Activated as if I would have had 3 cups of coffee before going to bed. ( I do not drink coffee anymore). Couldn’t sleep until 2or 3 and then only until 6.   Adrenaline rushes, at least that is how it felt. Afterwards a bit of broken sleep. Anxiety, the chemical kind.  For now it’s clear: I have to hold again for a while. I had a beautiful window yesterday in the afternoon and evening, maybe that made me think too much about going to zero and when that could be. (it seems that there exists also window thinking not only the wave brain!)

I will work on acceptance again. And as you say @Catbird, try not to think about the whole tapering and symptom thing too much…

 

Who had thought that this would be so long and difficult. Not me. 😣

 

PS:     I strongly believe that a loving God is present and working for our good in everything, even in the suffering. That might be a good thing to concentrate on instead.

 

thanks to all of you for being in this with me! It is so lovely not to be alone.

Sorry to hear @Nemina. If it's any consolation after my last response to you I had adrenaline rushes and lots of dizziness today. Seems to have settled now though. I went for a walk through the beach dunes this morning on an empty stomach (aside from some tea with cream). It was shortly after that I developed the dizziness and some panic. 

 

We can't get away from the reality of tapering, and I still think its important to be in tune with our symptom patterns, but I think it's a natural response to try and diagnose our symptoms or work out why they're doing this or that. However often it doesn't really matter because they take up a lot of brain energy. Maybe try to acknowledge and accept them then move on to something else (ideally something pleasant) and focus on having some enjoyment or self care.

 

I sometimes dwell on how long it's going to take, but I know it's futile. It will take as long as it takes. I want to live and have some enjoyment or accomplishment and not focus too much on symptoms. BTW if you have anything new or are concerned about medical conditions it is often prudent to have a medical examination to rule things out and give you peace of mind.  🤗

 

I hope this makes some sense 

So sorry for your recent challenges @Catbird and definitely no consolation for me, I want to see you happy and healthy!

 

I still seem to be in this wave.

after a stressful evening yesterday, I had a terrible night again. I didn’t fall asleep for a couple hours and when I finally did, I woke up shortly after and my teeth hurt terribly because I had pressed them on one another too heavily in my sleep. I tried some more hours to fall asleep without my teeth touching because even the slightest closing of my mouth hurt.   In the morning, the teeth were OK. Strange experiences. Definitely not nice.

Today then work was stressful again. I cannot handle stress in this state I am in! But I need my job… and I love it. I want to keep it. I am 57. If I lose this job, I won’t find a new one.

 

I am trying to keep myself positive. The sun is shining today, and even if I might not make it to leave the house, I can see it from my window. I am not alone in this world. Even in all the withdrawal, I am better than before I took the meds. There is a God and he/she loves me. In the evenings, I often feel better. 
Blessings to Everybody, thank you for reading this.

 

 

 

39 minutes ago, Nemina said:

So sorry for your recent challenges @Catbird and definitely no consolation for me, I want to see you happy and healthy!

 

I still seem to be in this wave.

after a stressful evening yesterday, I had a terrible night again. I didn’t fall asleep for a couple hours and when I finally did, I woke up shortly after and my teeth hurt terribly because I had pressed them on one another too heavily in my sleep. I tried some more hours to fall asleep without my teeth touching because even the slightest closing of my mouth hurt.   In the morning, the teeth were OK. Strange experiences. Definitely not nice.

Today then work was stressful again. I cannot handle stress in this state I am in! But I need my job… and I love it. I want to keep it. I am 57. If I lose this job, I won’t find a new one.

 

I am trying to keep myself positive. The sun is shining today, and even if I might not make it to leave the house, I can see it from my window. I am not alone in this world. Even in all the withdrawal, I am better than before I took the meds. There is a God and he/she loves me. In the evenings, I often feel better. 
Blessings to Everybody, thank you for reading this.

 

 

 

Sending some love Nemina. I’m sorry you had such a rough nights sleep. We can all relate. Hope you sleep better tonight. 

No, @Nemina, you are not alone. We all here support each other during this nightmare.

Svetla

2 hours ago, Nemina said:

So sorry for your recent challenges @Catbird and definitely no consolation for me, I want to see you happy and healthy!

 

I still seem to be in this wave.

after a stressful evening yesterday, I had a terrible night again. I didn’t fall asleep for a couple hours and when I finally did, I woke up shortly after and my teeth hurt terribly because I had pressed them on one another too heavily in my sleep. I tried some more hours to fall asleep without my teeth touching because even the slightest closing of my mouth hurt.   In the morning, the teeth were OK. Strange experiences. Definitely not nice.

Today then work was stressful again. I cannot handle stress in this state I am in! But I need my job… and I love it. I want to keep it. I am 57. If I lose this job, I won’t find a new one.

 

I am trying to keep myself positive. The sun is shining today, and even if I might not make it to leave the house, I can see it from my window. I am not alone in this world. Even in all the withdrawal, I am better than before I took the meds. There is a God and he/she loves me. In the evenings, I often feel better. 
Blessings to Everybody, thank you for reading this.

 

 

 

Hey @Nemina I don't think we've corresponded directly but I've been looking at your responses to others as well as your updates and I can't help but notice how kind and positive you are to everyone despite all the hardships you're going through, you seem to have a strong spirit that is carrying this hellish journey with great courage, it's truly inspiring.

I'm so sorry for the hard times you're going through and I'm full of hope it gets better for you very soon.

Keep fighting the good fight, the reward will be worth all the difficulty in the end.

All the best to you, stay well.

Hello @Fullhealing, how nice to hear from you directly! 😊.  Thank you for your friendly words.
 

 I have seen lots of your posts , too. You are very compassionate and kind, obviously. 

 

looking at your signature, I can see that you have suffered a lot. And obviously you have endured terrible treatment from the medical professionals. i’m so sorry for that. I will have a look at your thread soon, looking forward to learn more about you. Thanks again!

Praying for you @Nemina to find the strength to keep going. I know I mentioned in my thread I lost my job that I didn't care much for other than income/routine, but losing a job you love could be disheartening! Please communicate whatever you are able to with your managers if theres anyway to make it easier. 

Hoping you have a good today @Nemina