On 5/3/2026 at 6:19 AM, Tracey said:

So lovely to read @Nemina .

I wish you a beautiful and peaceful vacation. You deserve a break xx 💚

Thank you, my dear! I have seen on your thread that you are really struggling. I have been praying for you and I will keep doing this. 💗

good to have you back @Nemina and I’m glad you enjoyed your time away 🧡

Thanks @Nemina

9 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello everybody, I am back from my vacation and have been working for the last week. Sorry that you didn’t hear from me.

I will try to catch up with your threads soon.

My vacation was lovely. I’m so thankful! I have had this experience for a couple times now: my brain seems to be able to stop its repair processes when other things in my life need all my attention and strength. It happened with conferences where I had to speak and it happened a couple times when I had a seminary day. It also happened when my children were here for visiting. As I had hoped, my vacation felt almost withdrawal free.

I have to add that I’m in the 20th months of my taper now and since month 19 I seem to make real progress. Especially more windows. it seems to me that this is the best window I ever had since withdrawals started in October 2024.

In the vacation I laid down to rest every afternoon, even though I usually could not sleep, but I tried to not exhaust my energy too much. Besides that I didn’t feel much restrictions due to withdrawal. Sleep was broken as usual and I had two or three nights with panic and jolts and once I took a third of a sleeping pill. But most of the days were really good.

It was a very peaceful vacation, we were at a Christian spiritual center together with a group of friends. Lots of prayer times and the prayer times were marked by calm chanting and long stretches of silence. it felt so good to be in peaceful prayer. Of course I can pray alone, too, and I do, but I could feel the strength of all this faith combined. 300 people praying and singing together in a church, adoration of Jesus Christ, …21 lovely wonderful church services in one week. I feel very nourished and refreshed after this.

My first week after the vacation was a bit stressful, but I could manage well.

Maybe this can be an encouragement for those of you, who are still under 19 months in the taper. For me month 19 seemed to have been a breakthrough with more windows than before (even though worsening issues with sleep, but not every night). And month 20 so far is really good.

I will keep you posted!

Thank you for the encouraging update @Nemina wonderful! so very pleased for you!

May this positivity continue xxx

10 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello everybody, I am back from my vacation and have been working for the last week. Sorry that you didn’t hear from me.

I will try to catch up with your threads soon.

My vacation was lovely. I’m so thankful! I have had this experience for a couple times now: my brain seems to be able to stop its repair processes when other things in my life need all my attention and strength. It happened with conferences where I had to speak and it happened a couple times when I had a seminary day. It also happened when my children were here for visiting. As I had hoped, my vacation felt almost withdrawal free.

I have to add that I’m in the 20th months of my taper now and since month 19 I seem to make real progress. Especially more windows. it seems to me that this is the best window I ever had since withdrawals started in October 2024.

In the vacation I laid down to rest every afternoon, even though I usually could not sleep, but I tried to not exhaust my energy too much. Besides that I didn’t feel much restrictions due to withdrawal. Sleep was broken as usual and I had two or three nights with panic and jolts and once I took a third of a sleeping pill. But most of the days were really good.

It was a very peaceful vacation, we were at a Christian spiritual center together with a group of friends. Lots of prayer times and the prayer times were marked by calm chanting and long stretches of silence. it felt so good to be in peaceful prayer. Of course I can pray alone, too, and I do, but I could feel the strength of all this faith combined. 300 people praying and singing together in a church, adoration of Jesus Christ, …21 lovely wonderful church services in one week. I feel very nourished and refreshed after this.

My first week after the vacation was a bit stressful, but I could manage well.

Maybe this can be an encouragement for those of you, who are still under 19 months in the taper. For me month 19 seemed to have been a breakthrough with more windows than before (even though worsening issues with sleep, but not every night). And month 20 so far is really good.

I will keep you posted!

So happy to hear @Nemina and realy lovely to hear from you :) xxxx

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

So happy to hear @Nemina and realy lovely to hear from you :) xxxx

Yes, thank for you posting this update, I'm glad you're doing reasonably well.

Very happy to read how well you are doing dear @Nemina .

May it continue and thank you for your prayers xxx 💛🙏

Raymond has asked me how I am cutting these days. Here is my answer: I have started a new cutting method. I am working with a dilution and now I bought an expensive Pipette that can measure with extreme precision. So now I drop daily very small bits. I have a solution in which 1 ml contains 0.4878 mg of active ingredient. I take about 0.6 ml per day. Each day I reduce the dose by 0.0012 ml (by turning the wheel on the pipette twice) – this corresponds to 0.2 % of my initial daily dose. After 10 days I will have reduced it by 2 %, and after 30 days by 6 %. So far it is working well. I have had days with no reduction, but this is the plan now, to go constant. When the dose gets smaller I can turn the wheel once and have smaller reductions and of course I can make the dilution thinner. This way I am trying to stress the system only with very little steps. When symptoms are ramping up I will stop and wait. In general I feel better since month nineteen, but I have bad days still, just not always, and sometimes really bad nights with cortisol alarm feeling. Today I am feeling shitty - constant alarm, nausea...etc. but I am trying to ignore it and focus on work and distractions and on the memories of my vacation. I know that I am on a good trajectory. Also, I had quite some stress the last week and now comes a long weekend so I hope things will settle again.

18 minutes ago, Nemina said:

Raymond has asked me how I am cutting these days. Here is my answer: I have started a new cutting method. I am working with a dilution and now I bought an expensive Pipette that can measure with extreme precision. So now I drop daily very small bits. I have a solution in which 1 ml contains 0.4878 mg of active ingredient. I take about 0.6 ml per day. Each day I reduce the dose by 0.0012 ml (by turning the wheel on the pipette twice) – this corresponds to 0.2 % of my initial daily dose. After 10 days I will have reduced it by 2 %, and after 30 days by 6 %. So far it is working well. I have had days with no reduction, but this is the plan now, to go constant. When the dose gets smaller I can turn the wheel once and have smaller reductions and of course I can make the dilution thinner. This way I am trying to stress the system only with very little steps. When symptoms are ramping up I will stop and wait. In general I feel better since month nineteen, but I have bad days still, just not always, and sometimes really bad nights with cortisol alarm feeling. Today I am feeling shitty - constant alarm, nausea...etc. but I am trying to ignore it and focus on work and distractions and on the memories of my vacation. I know that I am on a good trajectory. Also, I had quite some stress the last week and now comes a long weekend so I hope things will settle again.

Hi @Nemina so sorry to hear about the hard day, we how it goes but when it hits... so terrible! Hopefully it goes very soon! thank you so much for detailing your reduction, I wanted to ask if you are cutting on dry? since you mentioned liquid, is this only for measuring the active ingredient? did mean you bought analytical lab scale? Sorry, I didn't quite understand.

Thank you xxx

Edited May 22May 22 by Fullhealing

3 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Hi @Nemina so sorry to hear about the hard day, we how it goes but when it hits... so terrible! Hopefully it goes very soon! thank you so much for detailing your reduction, I wanted to ask if you are cutting on dry? since you mentioned liquid, is this only for measuring the active ingredient? did mean you bought analytical lab scale? Sorry, I didn't quite understand.

Thank you xxx

Thank You my dear @Fullhealing , still nausea and a bit of doom and sadness, but a bit better. Wont complain since I had such a great window the last weeks. I hope You have a bearable time, You are such a strong fighter but I wish You wouldn´t have to.❤️

To Your Questions: I confused You probably because I said "cutting method". I meant method for reducing/going down with the dose. Sorry for that.

I buy liquid Escilatopram medicine (1 drop=1ml=1mg) and dilute it down to 1 ml = 0.4878 mg Escilatopram. I have no scale I work with a pipette, I try to include a picture. I use the pipette daily to take my medicine (aka poison☠️😁). The advantage is that it is so precise. I think there were significant fluctuations in the amount I took each day with the syringe that I had before, even if I stuck to the prescribed dose. THis is better now, and I’m able to make very small reductions. I think this method puts less strain on the nervous system by avoiding big jumps, but just like with the Brassmonkey Slide, you should also take a 10–14-day break every now and then with the ‘Nemina Slide’ 😉 to prevent symptoms from building up in the background.
Is that clearer? Feel free to ask!

Edited May 22May 22 by Nemina

46 minutes ago, Nemina said:

Thank You my dear @Fullhealing , still nausea and a bit of doom and sadness, but a bit better. Wont complain since I had such a great window the last weeks. I hope You have a bearable time, You are such a strong fighter but I wish You wouldn´t have to.❤️

To Your Questions: I confused You probably because I said "cutting method". I meant method for reducing/going down with the dose. Sorry for that.

I buy liquid Escilatopram medicine (1 drop=1ml=1mg) and dilute it down to 1 ml = 0.4878 mg Escilatopram. I have no scale I work with a pipette, I try to include a picture. I use the pipette daily to take my medicine (aka poison☠️😁). The advantage is that it is so precise. I think there were significant fluctuations in the amount I took each day with the syringe that I had before, even if I stuck to the prescribed dose. THis is better now, and I’m able to make very small reductions. I think this method puts less strain on the nervous system by avoiding big jumps, but just like with the Brassmonkey Slide, you should also take a 10–14-day break every now and then with the ‘Nemina Slide’ 😉 to prevent symptoms from building up in the background.
Is that clearer? Feel free to ask!

Much clearer, thank you dear @Nemina so it's the liquid method which I don't have the slightest clue about but the principle of going small as possible is the same and which looks like it's going good for you so far, very pleased to hear that but it's still likely to have unpleasant bumps at times, the road is far from smooth we know but you are only moving forward and with more good days in total it's such a great sigh of healing.

I'm so impressed of how you handing this hellish process, your are doing amazing.

Looking forward for your next update, may it continue as easy as possible 🙏💞

Edited May 22May 22 by Fullhealing

Hello friends, as you have probably realized, I have been not much around lately. I’m very sorry, I hope I did not disappoint anybody. I realized that I get triggered by reading about withdrawal symptoms. So I paused for a while.

I am still going through the windows and waves pattern. Lately it seems that both are getting shorter. I try to ignore the symptoms as good as I can. I had a phase of a couple of weeks with terrible nightmares, but thank God it has passed.

I am in month 21 now.

Summary and Update:

Withdrawal began October 2024

What I was having mainly in the first half year:

Depression, SI, hopelessness, Rage , chemical anxiety, doom

Back pain, nausea in the morning during work, diarrhea

Brain zaps, tinnitus when waking up

Fatigue

but able to go to the gym and able to sleep at night

Generally, 2024 autumn and winter 24/25 were very bad summer 2025 was better and in the autumn of 2025 it got worse again, winter was very bad too. Spring 2026 started promising but the sleep issues and nights of terror make it hard to see them positive.

what I have had month 19:

Back pain, strong fatigue, difficulties to concentrate and lack of happiness

April month 20

Additional: Sleeplessness, chemical anxiety at night, chemical anxiety during the day, long and slow brain zaps, tinnitus during the day

but in April I’ve had more windows.

Generally, I was even more fatigued than in the first year of withdrawal. I could not do any sports anymore, not even very mild workouts. So it seems the waves are really bad , at night they are even worse than they have ever been. But there are more windows.

In May I had a wonderful window for about two weeks and beginning of June my sleep has become way better! I still have windows and waves, of course, in the windows I feel quite good. In the waves, it’s anxiety and alarm, nausea, fatigue, deep sadness and tinnitus .

So it’s generally a good trajectory.

I will try to come back at least every month to give an update. I hope you do understand that I need to be careful and not read too much about suffering in withdrawal. My strategy is now to ignore the symptoms as good as I can.

But of course, I think often of all of you and you are in my prayers.

Love, Nemina

13 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello friends, as you have probably realized, I have been not much around lately. I’m very sorry, I hope I did not disappoint anybody. I realized that I get triggered by reading about withdrawal symptoms. So I paused for a while.

I am still going through the windows and waves pattern. Lately it seems that both are getting shorter. I try to ignore the symptoms as good as I can. I had a phase of a couple of weeks with terrible nightmares, but thank God it has passed.

I am in month 21 now.

Summary and Update:

Withdrawal began October 2024

What I was having mainly in the first half year:

Depression, SI, hopelessness, Rage , chemical anxiety, doom

Back pain, nausea in the morning during work, diarrhea

Brain zaps, tinnitus when waking up

Fatigue

but able to go to the gym and able to sleep at night

Generally, 2024 autumn and winter 24/25 were very bad summer 2025 was better and in the autumn of 2025 it got worse again, winter was very bad too. Spring 2026 started promising but the sleep issues and nights of terror make it hard to see them positive.

what I have had month 19:

Back pain, strong fatigue, difficulties to concentrate and lack of happiness

April month 20

Additional: Sleeplessness, chemical anxiety at night, chemical anxiety during the day, long and slow brain zaps, tinnitus during the day

but in April I’ve had more windows.

Generally, I was even more fatigued than in the first year of withdrawal. I could not do any sports anymore, not even very mild workouts. So it seems the waves are really bad , at night they are even worse than they have ever been. But there are more windows.

In May I had a wonderful window for about two weeks and beginning of June my sleep has become way better! I still have windows and waves, of course, in the windows I feel quite good. In the waves, it’s anxiety and alarm, nausea, fatigue, deep sadness and tinnitus .

So it’s generally a good trajectory.

I will try to come back at least every month to give an update. I hope you do understand that I need to be careful and not read too much about suffering in withdrawal. My strategy is now to ignore the symptoms as good as I can.

But of course, I think often of all of you and you are in my prayers.

Love, Nemina

Dear @Nemina wonderful to hear from you and that things are improving, sounds like your system is moving towards a relatively balanced place which is great sign. very happy for you!

Wishing you the easiest path forward and please don’t apologize for being less present, we all understand how overwhelming it could be at times, do what is right for you.

I will wait for your next update when you feel ready and also to hear how the L-theanine worked for you.

Much healing, love and peace 🩷

@Nemina it does sound like you're slowly improving on average, with a good trajectory as you say.

Having two week windows is a good sign.

Hopefully in more time you'll improve further.

Dear @Nemina ,

Thanks for dropping in on my thread despite you being triggered.

You seem to be doing really well and I agree with trying to ignore symptoms and let them be. I am trying to do the same.

Sending you much love my friend xx We will get through this together. 💛

On 6/17/2026 at 9:06 AM, Fullhealing said:

I will wait for your next update when you feel ready and also to hear how the L-theanine worked for you.

Much healing, love and peace 🩷

Thank you, dear @Fullhealing ! I have been on your thread and seen that you are suffering terribly. I’m so sorry. ❤️‍🩹

Still I want to answer your question: I think L-theanine is helpful. At the moment, I am having a pattern with short windows and short waves. Sometimes I get a wave in the evening, sometimes I wake up in a wave or it comes on after lunch. Usually one every day. Lasts usually about four hours. Often after meal, for example, I get anxiety and inner trembling. And I take half a pill and I believe that it helps.

Hello everybody, sorry for being here so rarely . I still get triggered by reading about symptoms. I am doing quite well, windows and waves, but it seems the waves are getting shorter. Windows not completely clean, but I’m in a good phase. Broken sleep, but usually find back into sleep. Morning cortisol rush has lessened. More energy. I think it was a good decision to reduce in tiny tiny steps. Each day I reduce the dose by 0.0012 ml with a Pipette, as I have described before. So I think I am making (slow) progress without destabilizing. Also, I have found out that I am lactose intolerant. Avoiding lactose is probably helpful not only for my digestion, but for my whole system.

I’m thinking of you all!!

On 3/18/2026 at 8:40 AM, Nemina said:

So sorry for your recent challenges @Catbird and definitely no consolation for me, I want to see you happy and healthy!

 

I still seem to be in this wave.

after a stressful evening yesterday, I had a terrible night again. I didn’t fall asleep for a couple hours and when I finally did, I woke up shortly after and my teeth hurt terribly because I had pressed them on one another too heavily in my sleep. I tried some more hours to fall asleep without my teeth touching because even the slightest closing of my mouth hurt.   In the morning, the teeth were OK. Strange experiences. Definitely not nice.

Today then work was stressful again. I cannot handle stress in this state I am in! But I need my job… and I love it. I want to keep it. I am 57. If I lose this job, I won’t find a new one.

 

I am trying to keep myself positive. The sun is shining today, and even if I might not make it to leave the house, I can see it from my window. I am not alone in this world. Even in all the withdrawal, I am better than before I took the meds. There is a God and he/she loves me. In the evenings, I often feel better. 
Blessings to Everybody, thank you for reading this.

 

 

3 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello everybody, sorry for being here so rarely . I still get triggered by reading about symptoms. I am doing quite well, windows and waves, but it seems the waves are getting shorter. Windows not completely clean, but I’m in a good phase. Broken sleep, but usually find back into sleep. Morning cortisol rush has lessened. More energy. I think it was a good decision to reduce in tiny tiny steps. Each day I reduce the dose by 0.0012 ml with a Pipette, as I have described before. So I think I am making (slow) progress without destabilizing. Also, I have found out that I am lactose intolerant. Avoiding lactose is probably helpful not only for my digestion, but for my whole system.

I’m thinking of you all!!

Nemina, It's wonderful to hear you are getting some relief with more frequent windows and less intense waves, . In the beginning my windows were not as clean as you would call it, but definitely the further out I got they do definitely get brighter. I am 20 and a half months med free and this summer is better than last year, I myself have struggled more than I should because I didn't realize I had tapered to fast, but this summer I have seen great progress. I give great thanks to all the wonderful people on this site for all the knowledge and support, and the continued encouragement to know that the light in the horizon is bright, and for the belief of the Lord our God will be our strength and never give us more than we can handle. Nemina, you are so strong, caring and compassionate, and I believe you and all of us will heal and experience glorious days ahead. All my thoughts and prayers, Bernadette 🤗

14 hours ago, Nemina said:

Thank you, dear @Fullhealing ! I have been on your thread and seen that you are suffering terribly. I’m so sorry. ❤️‍🩹

Still I want to answer your question: I think L-theanine is helpful. At the moment, I am having a pattern with short windows and short waves. Sometimes I get a wave in the evening, sometimes I wake up in a wave or it comes on after lunch. Usually one every day. Lasts usually about four hours. Often after meal, for example, I get anxiety and inner trembling. And I take half a pill and I believe that it helps.

Great to hear from you @Nemina thanks for the answer, very glad you find it helpful.

thought I might try it although with great hesitation, seems that even magnesium stimulates the system from time to time so I have to be very careful.

I'm sorry you're still swinging between waves but sounds like overall you are improving which is a great sign that I'm sure will get better with time.

Sending love, take good care! xxx

16 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello everybody, sorry for being here so rarely . I still get triggered by reading about symptoms. I am doing quite well, windows and waves, but it seems the waves are getting shorter. Windows not completely clean, but I’m in a good phase. Broken sleep, but usually find back into sleep. Morning cortisol rush has lessened. More energy. I think it was a good decision to reduce in tiny tiny steps. Each day I reduce the dose by 0.0012 ml with a Pipette, as I have described before. So I think I am making (slow) progress without destabilizing. Also, I have found out that I am lactose intolerant. Avoiding lactose is probably helpful not only for my digestion, but for my whole system.

I’m thinking of you all!!

Sounds like you are doing ok Nemina! Don't apologize come here as much or as little as you need!

Micro Tapers are a great idea, nice and gentle. Be sure to have a little hold from time to time to let your system settle down from the over all reductions won't you! But I do like them, I think they go wrong when the overall monthly reduction is too fast, so long as that is in the range you can cope with all good :)

17 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello everybody, sorry for being here so rarely . I still get triggered by reading about symptoms. I am doing quite well, windows and waves, but it seems the waves are getting shorter. Windows not completely clean, but I’m in a good phase. Broken sleep, but usually find back into sleep. Morning cortisol rush has lessened. More energy. I think it was a good decision to reduce in tiny tiny steps. Each day I reduce the dose by 0.0012 ml with a Pipette, as I have described before. So I think I am making (slow) progress without destabilizing. Also, I have found out that I am lactose intolerant. Avoiding lactose is probably helpful not only for my digestion, but for my whole system.

I’m thinking of you all!!

Lovely to read you are doing okay @Nemina 💛

Very happy the micro taper is going well and you are having shorter waves.

Big hugs to you my friend xx

Hello friends, not so good news: For quite some time now, I’ve been going through a phase where I’ve been experiencing a wave (mainly inner alarm) for about four hours every day, with only the usual persistent symptoms before and after (tiredness, back pain, tendon pain, tinnitus, dizziness, lack of joy etc.), and that was a good phase. But for a while now, the waves have been getting longer again. I don’t wake up with a cortisol-induced jolt, but with a feeling of unease and sadness ; during the day I feel depressed, anxious, with an unpleasant sense of alarm in my body that makes breathing difficult; it feels as though something really terrible has happened, but I can’t put my finger on what it was. It’s lodged in my stomach and chest. In the evenings, I sometimes have one or more better hours; thankfully, I can sleep. But it’s not a good time right now. In October, it will be two years since I came off the medication too quickly – when will this misery end? And I’m still taking Lexapro... I’m going to put my micro-taper on hold for a while; hopefully things will settle down. I try as much as possible to ignore the symptoms; I’m working (and I’m very grateful for that) and I can go for a swim, which is a great help to me. Thank you all for being there; without you, and without knowing that others have been down this path and recovered, I’d be in despair. ❤️

10 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello friends, not so good news: For quite some time now, I’ve been going through a phase where I’ve been experiencing a wave (mainly inner alarm) for about four hours every day, with only the usual persistent symptoms before and after (tiredness, back pain, tendon pain, tinnitus, dizziness, lack of joy etc.), and that was a good phase. But for a while now, the waves have been getting longer again. I don’t wake up with a cortisol-induced jolt, but with a feeling of unease and sadness ; during the day I feel depressed, anxious, with an unpleasant sense of alarm in my body that makes breathing difficult; it feels as though something really terrible has happened, but I can’t put my finger on what it was. It’s lodged in my stomach and chest. In the evenings, I sometimes have one or more better hours; thankfully, I can sleep. But it’s not a good time right now. In October, it will be two years since I came off the medication too quickly – when will this misery end? And I’m still taking Lexapro... I’m going to put my micro-taper on hold for a while; hopefully things will settle down. I try as much as possible to ignore the symptoms; I’m working (and I’m very grateful for that) and I can go for a swim, which is a great help to me. Thank you all for being there; without you, and without knowing that others have been down this path and recovered, I’d be in despair. ❤️

Dear @Nemina , I am sorry you are suffering at the moment. You will come through this and there is a bright light like a star waiting. 💚

This whole journey is fraught with the unknown in terms of how long we are in it and how we will feel. It is so good you are able to work, I guess as long as it is not depleting you too much. And swimming would be therapeutic.

A nice hold will be helpful in the long run. I relate to all your symptoms. The lack of joy is a difficult one. Like you I get an hour or so in evening when I lay down in bed of some ease and usually sleep.

Always thinking of you and lots of love and hugs your way. You are not alone. xxxxxx

20 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello friends, not so good news: For quite some time now, I’ve been going through a phase where I’ve been experiencing a wave (mainly inner alarm) for about four hours every day, with only the usual persistent symptoms before and after (tiredness, back pain, tendon pain, tinnitus, dizziness, lack of joy etc.), and that was a good phase. But for a while now, the waves have been getting longer again. I don’t wake up with a cortisol-induced jolt, but with a feeling of unease and sadness ; during the day I feel depressed, anxious, with an unpleasant sense of alarm in my body that makes breathing difficult; it feels as though something really terrible has happened, but I can’t put my finger on what it was. It’s lodged in my stomach and chest. In the evenings, I sometimes have one or more better hours; thankfully, I can sleep. But it’s not a good time right now. In October, it will be two years since I came off the medication too quickly – when will this misery end? And I’m still taking Lexapro... I’m going to put my micro-taper on hold for a while; hopefully things will settle down. I try as much as possible to ignore the symptoms; I’m working (and I’m very grateful for that) and I can go for a swim, which is a great help to me. Thank you all for being there; without you, and without knowing that others have been down this path and recovered, I’d be in despair. ❤️

Hey @Nemina I am sorry you hit a little bump in the road. Yes hold the line for the minute till all this settles down, which it will! Remember how much better you can feel, it will come back. One day at a time. xxxxx

Thank you for responding, @Tracey and @Chippy , and for your encouragement, it means a lot to me!

Today was a better day. What roller coaster we are on…. Thanks to all of you for being here, my friends, together we will make it!