9 minutes ago, gardengirl2 said:

I continue to pray for all of us and especially you and your struggles every day. Jesus knows every moment that we suffer. He understands and has been there. I'm praying for complete and total healing for all of us. Treat yourself kindly, B. 🙏♥️🌻

Thanks immensely @gardengirl2 you have warmed my heart. Well not sure if I played it right or not.

Now I did CT first but I would have lost my job if I hadn't reinstated at the time. But, part of me wonders if

I had battled it out then, let the job go....I have lost it now anyway. But yes I tend to think I would have

recovered quicker. I remember how my body was responding then in other ways.

 

You see when I CTd I had only been on it 12 months, so with tapering I was still ingesting the poison for

another 18 months.....    So yes I guess we will never know that one. But too fast, NO I think certain genetics

dictate our severity of waves, it's down to HOW much the brain has been sensitised, THIS is the BIG factor. 

 

Take it slow Jamie Paxil like Mirt is an EVIL drug, the slower you go the less suffering you will have to endure.

Hopefully you will taper down without too much trouble, it's just time being the big factor. WE are ALL with you

all the way though, you can count on that.👍

Take care, and please stay safe.        B.🙏🙏🤞🌷💙

22 hours ago, NT1100B said:

part of me wonders if

I had battled it out then

Yep, I'll bet the majority of folks on here could say the same. I wish I had battled it out when I first tried to get off a year after starting it. I 'tapered' over 2 weeks, was fine for a couple months, then crashed. Doc said I would need the drug the rest of my life. Arggghh. I think most of us are in that same boat.

xxoo Jamie

Thanks @gardengirl2 Yes most Doctors are useless with knowledge of psych drugs. What angers

me is to have been put on such a mind destroying drug for SLEEP!!!! beyond crazy. Mirt is also, on the

low dose renowned for making you overeat, so much so they prescribe to anorexics. They KNEW my

old hip was worn out, down to bone on bone, Mirt ????? where was the logic in that?

 

So yes my arthritic hip was my downfall, starting with a workmate giving me some Tramadol for pain.

The beginning of the years long nightmare. Getting of Prozac wasn't even noticed. 300mg a day of 

Tramadol saw to that. Then getting off Tramadol was a walk in the park compared to this living hell.

 

But yes given drugs I should never have been on. If the hip had been replaced when it SHOULD have

been, ALL would have been well. BUT, that's reminiscing, and the past has gone, SO we make the best

of a bad job, we all have our troubles, catastrophizing makes this worse, so we just have to meditate that

out. Well in a window troubles evaporate, so pwd is the main culprit of our ills.

 

Please take things slow Jamie, because less trauma is inflicted the slower and more careful we go, I don't

know how old you are, but when older, time does play a more limiting factor. I don't think I will be recovered

before retirement. But having said that, I will probably have to work util I drop to afford to live.

But until recovered none of that can take place, so lets just keep gently plodding. 

Take great care Jamie, and please stay safe.       B.🙏🙏🙏🤞🌷

 

Hey Jamie, dropping by to say hi. I missed the meeting last week. Insurance stuff at work, I needed to call the provider line—this, thankfully, was a short wait (10 vs 45 minutes or being hung up on after 60+ minutes). Anyhow, I hope you’re enjoying the warmer weather we’re having this weekend, and it’s an extended weekend too! 
I saw you and B discussing the pitfalls of the medical field. Really hoping to start educating people as much as possible and make some shifts. I feel really called to do this in my line of work and will see where it goes. Come Holy Spirit! 

6 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

Really hoping to start educating people as much as possible and make some shifts. I feel really called to do this in my line of work and will see where it goes.

That would be such a gift to the world, @namastejen1. I hope you do that! Have a most wonderful week.

xxoo Jamie

Thanks Jamie! I need to read up more on some aspects of this journey. Even though I have had a full spectrum of issues with these drugs such as, CT, polydrugged, and too quick of a taper, the counselor in me still wants to read up on what's out there in terms of scientific information and anecdotal evidence MDG, Crossing Zero, etc. All in time, as you know my schedule and commitments are pretty packed.

 

How are you doing? What has been keeping you in flow?

Hi @namastejen1!

 

I read on B's page that you'll be leaving home to take care of your mom. God bless you. That's a labor of love. I hope and pray that you are given a spirit of calm, generosity and peace. You're a good daughter.

 

As much as I'm anxious to get lower in dosage, I'm holding this week due to a little ratcheting up of the symptoms. They're still manageable, but I think we all know what it's like to have overwhelming symptoms creep up all of a sudden. I never want to experience that again.

 

It's really odd. I've had the most painful headache on the back left side of my head on and off for months now. I really should get to the chiropractor, but I wonder if it could be WD related. I have heard of people having headache on the back of their head but couldn't understand how that could be. It could be the recliner I sit in a lot. I guess I'll get off my duff and go to the chiropractor.

 

I hope and pray for your complete healing and return to a peaceful life full of joy and contentedness. ❣️🙏🌻

Hi Jamie,

 

Chiropractor can help the nervous system because they are working on the spine to get everything humming again. I go to two, who are functional doctors/married as well. They muscle test for nutritional supplements and adjustments. Go, take care of those headaches--either structurally or within the nervous system or both. 

 

Thanks for the prayers about my time with my mom. I do my best, it can be challenging at times because we are both stubborn =o)  It will be good for me to spend some time with her. Since my dad passed 6.5 years ago, it has not been easier for her. I wish she lived closer. Indiana is not as far as the moon but it is almost 2 hours away each way. 

 

Stay as long as needed at your current dose. It is better to be ready than press on when feeling quite off. Though don't let anxiety about dropping keep you from it. You know your body and will figure out the right time. Sending prayers your way and to all on the site tonight.

 

Take care, Jen

Hello everyone!!! Super excited that we're able to talk here. Jamie, I hope I get to see you on a Zoom call soon! I am glad to hear that you're holding this week so that you can acclimate. I know that the waiting is one of the worst parts of the journey. I wish we could all be off tomorrow with no symptoms! In times where I get impatient I like to remind myself that one day we will be home with Jesus and that is where we will dwell forever. Thinking about Jesus makes this journey a little easier for me. Don't you just love Him! 🥰 Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later- Romans 8:18. He is faithful and He will forever remain faithful, all we have to do is keep our focus on Him.

 

I am aways praying for everyone on this website and SA. Jesus loves you all and so do I. 

Love from Jillian

 

19 hours ago, gardengirl2 said:

It's really odd. I've had the most painful headache on the back left side of my head on and off for months now. I really should get to the chiropractor, but I wonder if it could be WD related. I have heard of people having headache on the back of their head but couldn't understand how that could be.

 

I have pains on mostly the left side of my head too. Including the back, usually a dull, hurting, vague feeling. I feel like it's the cerebellum in my case. Can't speak on your behalf. (I take paroxetine too)

Hey @Vince Welcome to the forum. When you get a moment could you make an introduction topic and tell us a little about your journey so far? Thanks Chippy

Hi there @Vince. Yes, the headache is very strange, and it must be under the skull. I don't feel pain when I push on the area. But our brains don't have nerve sensation, so I really don't know what this could be.

 

And you're so much farther along on your tapering than I am. How are feeling these days?

xxoo Jamie

I'm curious about something. For those of us for whom waking is the worst part of the day, what are you feeling when you are getting up for the day? If I wake up and know there is something I need to go out and do that day, I don't care what it is, I get a feeling of dread. It's much better if I have no plans for the day, but it's still there a little. It's definitely a feeling of depression or I guess anhedonia. It's like I don't have the energy, will or desire to do anything. It's a very isolating feeling, like I have to tackle this aberration in my thinking on my own and no one else can do it for me or understand. It makes me feel very alone and like something's wrong with me. I also feel like it will be this way every morning. I've never been a morning person and my symptoms are manageable right now, but I sense a bit of this morning dread stuff creeping in. I usually cut my pills on Saturday (today) for the coming week but am waiting to see how I feel tomorrow morning before deciding to taper this week.

Does anyone have these ucky feelings in the morning? I know many of you struggle with the cortisol spike. What about depression/anhedonia?

Keep fighting the good fight, friends. The end will be worth it. ❣️

Hey, I feel like I got hit by a truck, my body hurts especially my limbs, my eyes hurt and feel very tired and I just lay there in pain because I don't want push through it and have more unpleasant sensations. I usually experience more dread when I don't do things and lay in bed all day. So in that sense having to get out of bed because of some appointment can help me start my day, but I prefer to start slow and go outside in the afternoon. The first thing I often do when I wake up is grab my laptop and play a video game to distract myself.

I must say mornings have always been difficult for me, and I remember thinking to myself years back: the first few hours of the day I shouldn't listen to anything I think because it will all be negative.

Exactly me in the morning @Vince. I just don't wake up in a good space. There's a feeling of doom and dread. It helps that I go right out to my recliner and do my prayer time with coffee. Then, it's hard to get me out of the chair and going after that. I've always wanted to be a morning person. No such luck. 😑

I hope and pray you're on the mend today. I feel really lousy when lying in bed all day also. I get depressed and tend to feel quite useless. We're not, though. All in good time. We'll get there.

Peace and blessings to you, Vince.

xxoo Jamie

On 2/22/2026 at 4:26 AM, gardengirl2 said:

I'm curious about something. For those of us for whom waking is the worst part of the day, what are you feeling when you are getting up for the day? If I wake up and know there is something I need to go out and do that day, I don't care what it is, I get a feeling of dread.

Hi @gardengirl2 I have had this since before even jumping off the drug on 8th Jan 2025. Now a lot say Cortisol, which

may be in part right, but daylight is meant to set cortisol off. I can get it at 1am. Even now 14months off Mirt I get the

feeling you describe as horrendous dread for the day. But like I said at the end of my tapering when still at work,

I used to be in a horrendous state, even sat in the car at our work depot waiting for start time. Then as we got into the

depot and into our works vans and equipment ready for the day, the horrible dread just vanished. But it was like that

for months at work. But now nothing has changed I still suffer from it, this is what I now call my sleep reset. 

 

I can be feeling good in the evening, (not much lately) then as soon as I get sleep, not the first half, the max I can sleep

is 3 hours if I am lucky, feel agitated on awakening but not horrendous, but then after the last hour of sleep, horrendous

dread, as though you have lost every member of your family, totally catastrophic thinking, EVERYTHING is going to go

wrong. So yes the dreaded DRUG is the culprit, and this is one of the worst parts of the torture it puts us though.

So I am truly hoping sometime there is an end to this torture. Take it slow and easy Jamie, the slower you go the less

you will feel this. WE will SUCCEED. WE will recover.

Take great care, and please stay safe,      B.🙏🙏🙏🙏🌷

Hi Jamie, I am sorry to hear of the morning dread. I can relate to it in the past and can tell you that it will get better. If you have something to do, you would think it may motivate you but it doesn't. I believe that routines really help keep us in a better head space. Do you have certain routines that you do or would like to do? How do they make you feel?

 

I know Lent is upon us, so maybe there are other things (not too many of course) you can add that will help you feel connected to our faith, thus more connected in general. I know it's not always an easy fix, but I find Hallow's Pray 40 and other practices helpful. These are just suggestions that are coming to me as I type. Hopefully they can help.

Blessings! 🫶🏼

Thanks so much @namastejen1 and @NT1100B. The dread isn't overwhelming at this point, but it's a truly depressing feeling. And a very lonely one, with thinking that it will always be that way. It's what depression feels like for me. I thank God that my symptoms are still manageable. I'm holding for my second week after three weeks of 2% reductions. I think I'll try 2 week 2% reductions and one week hold going forward. There's no way I can keep up with the Brass Monkey 2.5% each of 4 weeks with 2 week hold. I tried.

So glad you two are keeping tabs on me. Thanks and take care!

2 hours ago, gardengirl2 said:

Thanks so much @namastejen1 and @NT1100B. The dread isn't overwhelming at this point, but it's a truly depressing feeling. And a very lonely one, with thinking that it will always be that way. It's what depression feels like for me. I thank God that my symptoms are still manageable. I'm holding for my second week after three weeks of 2% reductions. I think I'll try 2 week 2% reductions and one week hold going forward. There's no way I can keep up with the Brass Monkey 2.5% each of 4 weeks with 2 week hold. I tried.

So glad you two are keeping tabs on me. Thanks and take care!

Hey @gardengirl2 I’m so sorry  for your suffering. There seems to be alot of that here at the moment. I’m hoping things ease for you. 
 

You are right you don’t need to stick rigidly to the BM slide. It’s just a guide do smaller drops if that’s what it takes. Listen to what your bodies telling you. Brass monkey suggests trying 1.25% (5%) or even 1% (4%)! It’s common this is what people have to do. Then a two week hold. 

I too am taking the my taper very slowly. I am currently holding at 7.4 mg because work/life pressure. But I am still happy that in 12 months I've managed to come down 2.6 mg... It is better than the alternative. 

 

Good on you for being honest with yourself about time lines. I think slow and steady is the only way to move through this without harming ourselves more. 

Edited February 25Feb 25 by Being the tortoise

14 hours ago, Being the tortoise said:

I too am taking the my taper very slowly. I am currently holding at 7.4 mg because work/life pressure. But I am still happy that in 12 months I've managed to come down 2.6 mg... It is better than the alternative. 

 

Good on you for being honest with yourself about time lines. I think slow and steady is the only way to move through this without harming ourselves more. 

I agree, it's not worth the problems you get when you try to go too fast 

@gardengirl2 

 

I wanted to mention something I didn’t fully appreciate until it happened to me. I did a micro-taper, but over about six weeks I still reduced around 4%, and then repeated that again. Even though it didn’t seem like much, it was too much for my system, and the effects didn’t show up straight away — they accumulated.

Take your time lovely , I wish I listened more to my body then try to be a superhero and push through . 

Thanks @Chippy @cheeky @Being the tortoise for your encouragement. I know you are all aware of how it feels to want off of this stuff. It's truly a lesson in patience. Life is a journey, and we're on a humdinger of one!

xoxo Jamie

On 2/22/2026 at 6:26 AM, gardengirl2 said:

I'm curious about something. For those of us for whom waking is the worst part of the day, what are you feeling when you are getting up for the day? If I wake up and know there is something I need to go out and do that day, I don't care what it is, I get a feeling of dread. It's much better if I have no plans for the day, but it's still there a little. It's definitely a feeling of depression or I guess anhedonia. It's like I don't have the energy, will or desire to do anything. It's a very isolating feeling, like I have to tackle this aberration in my thinking on my own and no one else can do it for me or understand. It makes me feel very alone and like something's wrong with me. I also feel like it will be this way every morning. I've never been a morning person and my symptoms are manageable right now, but I sense a bit of this morning dread stuff creeping in. I usually cut my pills on Saturday (today) for the coming week but am waiting to see how I feel tomorrow morning before deciding to taper this week.

Does anyone have these ucky feelings in the morning? I know many of you struggle with the cortisol spike. What about depression/anhedonia?

Keep fighting the good fight, friends. The end will be worth it. ❣️

Hey @gardengirl2 well, have them both, doom/depression and skyrocketing cortisol, they switch roles in a cruel pace, the times I wake up fresh and ready to go are rare, serious struggle, although I've never been a morning person I've never experienced these before so I can only assume it's a ricochet of a very active system that struggle to heal during sleep if that makes sense.

Thanks for the positive note in the end, we are all going to make it, it will be worthy indeed 🙏

Edited February 26Feb 26 by Fullhealing

Hey Jamie, I hope you are feeling better. I am recovering from catching something that is going around. Still went to church on Sunday because it was my responsibility to cantor, I am sure you know what I am talking about..so did that and then couch surfed the rest of the day. It has been a while since anyone has posted including yourself. So I hope the loneliness is still not lingering. You know how to get a hold of me. I think you will be doing the rosary with your family soon. We have a parish mission 2nd out of 3 evenings tonight. YouTube-ing it as the couch is calling my name again. Prayers for you to feel better. 🤗✝️