Hi, I’m a member from SA 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once

 

I have a long history of psychotropic drug use.  I started psychotropics sometime in the mid to late  1990s.  I’ve tried SSRIs, SNRIs, Antipsychotics, Saint John's Wart, Trazadone, and Benzo’s. I was hospitalized once in hopes of being fixed, but that didn’t go so well.

Eventually I found SA. I found the an explanation for what was happening to me. I  changed my thoughts and direction.  My new plan was to get off the 4 drugs I found myself on, Lamictal, Trazodone, Lexapro and Xanax. I held for a bit, then I started tapering September 1, 2021

 

 I did my final jump of psychotropic drugs on August 25th of 2025.  

 

I’m still in Protracted Withdrawal. I hope to share support and encouragement from fellow members who have been hurt by these drugs

 

Greatful

Welcome to the forum @Greatful

 

Thank you for making your intro topic here, filing in your signature and linking your SA thread. Great work!

 

I can see, you are an experienced hand at this tapering game, and have managed to work your way through 4 drugs! Well done!

 

I am so very sorry to hear that, having now reached zero on all drugs, you are experiencing WD symptoms. This is pretty common. You haven't been off for long and in time Im sure things will settle down for you.

 

In the mean time we are all here to cheer you on! 🙂

 

Chippy

Thank you for joining and posting an introduction thread here.

 

You've done very well to taper everything.

 

How would you describe or summarise what has happened since August 2025 when you went drug free?

So happy to see you here @Greatful

You are such an encouragement and will be a benefit here. ❤️🙏

Welcome @Greatful !

Nice to see you here.

You have got this, it could not get worse than how it is now, enjoy life the best you can and accept.

Edited April 10Apr 10 by Lighty

Hi Greatful,

 

Glad to see you here!  Hope you receive lots of support and encouragement on your journey to recovery!

 

All the best,

Terry

@Greatful @Frogie I am hoping you both are healing well from your Xanax tapers. It's been close to 11 months since I stopped that awful drug, but the side effects linger on. I keep wondering how long it will take to be really free of it.

Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel,

Terry

@Terry I was wondering too, I'm so over this. 8 months off all drugs and so looking forward to the next chapter in life. I can say that the symptoms are not as intense but still can be wearing. I'm getting what I call a dirty window, sometimes as much as 80% dirty window.

I am doing more now, not always easy but at least I have a bit more normal activity. I do stuggle with D/R D/P most of the time. It makes me feel off and disconnected from things going on around me. Anyway, I am thankful for the healing. After so many years of this it makes it hard not feel discouraged when I slip back into more intense symptoms.

One thing I'm learning is how hard this has been on my husband. I didn't realize how much the drugs changed my personality and then throw on the brain damage from the tapering. These drugs have put a strain on my marriage. I now see that I was disrespectful and self-centered most the time when I was on these drugs. I do remember I struggled to emotionally connect to him and I would try to make myself feel positive feeling towards him. I never thought it could be the drugs causing the blunting. I thought it was me, Now being off, I'm starting once and awhile to feel the strong feeling like I use to have towards him pre-drugged. I'm humbled that he stuck by me for the last 30 years.

I'm having a hard time not feeling sad about the years lost to these drugs. My memory is horrible. I have spotted memories of raising our family. I'm hoping to regain some memories when my brain heals.

I'm wonder if any one out there is feeling the same?

Heidi

Most of us struggle with lost time and impacted lives in one way or another.

I would point out that, you still have your husband and family, your time with them happened regardless of what you do and don't remember, and there are more memories to be made down the line.

On 5/9/2026 at 8:49 AM, Greatful said:

@Terry I was wondering too, I'm so over this. 8 months off all drugs and so looking forward to the next chapter in life. I can say that the symptoms are not as intense but still can be wearing. I'm getting what I call a dirty window, sometimes as much as 80% dirty window.

I am doing more now, not always easy but at least I have a bit more normal activity. I do stuggle with D/R D/P most of the time. It makes me feel off and disconnected from things going on around me. Anyway, I am thankful for the healing. After so many years of this it makes it hard not feel discouraged when I slip back into more intense symptoms.

One thing I'm learning is how hard this has been on my husband. I didn't realize how much the drugs changed my personality and then throw on the brain damage from the tapering. These drugs have put a strain on my marriage. I now see that I was disrespectful and self-centered most the time when I was on these drugs. I do remember I struggled to emotionally connect to him and I would try to make myself feel positive feeling towards him. I never thought it could be the drugs causing the blunting. I thought it was me, Now being off, I'm starting once and awhile to feel the strong feeling like I use to have towards him pre-drugged. I'm humbled that he stuck by me for the last 30 years.

I'm having a hard time not feeling sad about the years lost to these drugs. My memory is horrible. I have spotted memories of raising our family. I'm hoping to regain some memories when my brain heals.

I'm wonder if any one out there is feeling the same?

Heidi

It's a hard journey for sure. I can relate to much of what you are saying. Please don't look too hard in that rearview mirror....you are drug free. Rejoice in that.... don't let the past, diminish your accomplishment of getting off and successfully navigating a marriage and kids in withdrawal. Even in the best of circumstances, no one does it perfectly. ❤️🙏

Hello Heidi,

How are things going for you? If you ever feel like talking, comparing notes, whatever, I'm here. Everything post-taper feels so lonely, no changes to be made to possibly ease side effects, no ideas on how to make life more bearable. I only hope you are healing from your Xanax experience.

Terry

Hello, sweet friend, how are you?

Im still trudging along 🥺

Hi @Chloe , thanks for posting.

When you're able to, please make an introduction thread to introduce yourself and your story, and so that others can support you.

Hi Greatful, And great to read that you got off all your drugs, heck, it might even be 9 months now. It does get better. My first year was not much different from some of my last tapers. Slowly but surely it did get better. I can relate to some, not all, of the drugs you were on. I had Lamictal and Lexapro in my drug history. And wound up going inpatient when I crashed real bad from going too quickly with the Lexapro and with limited information too, or perhaps an updose would have saved me. I stayed kind of scrambled for a bit........I'd work on memory games even in my head. And it got better, way better. Sharp memory now. So hang on, the best is yet to come.

I could relate to your last post though. I think I literally lost my marriage after 20 years during the drugged years. I got bi polarized. Not fun. But grateful as my hypomania's could have been worse. I'm sure it was real tough on my hubs. I'm all level now pretty much except for some dips once in awhile. Thankful for skills and support. And life is real good lately. And I don't know, I accept most all of it.

Great to see some of the changes coming about now, much more so than when we first started tapering. Lot's of resources and places one can get professional help getting drug free. I hope they start to educate in medical school soon so doctors who prescribe know how to help us. It sure is not universal........yet.

Anyway, sending good vibes for hope and healing and anything else you desire.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

so good to see so many from surviving that have come over here. And hugs.

Thank you everyone for reaching out.

@Terry I've been thinking about you. How are you doing? This long waiting game post tapering can get pretty lonely. I'm 10 months off all drugs. I know things are getting better slowly and I am grateful for that. It can still feel like ground hogs day😒 I was wondering how one could find other Minnesotian that maybe could meet up and have some live face to face support. Kind of like an AA. We'll just call it ABIND.☺️

@manymoretodays Thanks for sharing. It was pretty scary for a bit. How these drugs can mess with our brains and cause such distorted thoughts and we think there real. I was having some pretty angry and mean thoughts about my husband. He could do nothing right. The intensity was making me a bit worried about us staying together. After hearing stories and learning that this can be normal when on the drugs and when withdrawing from them has helped me, now I'm able to step back from the thoughts and feelings a little bit and wait for them to pass. How quickly they can come on and how intense they can get is mind blowing.

@Chloe Is this the same wonderful Chlo from SA. I'm so glad to hear from you. How are things going for you. Are you still tapering the Lexapro? Before I go on and on, I'll let you get back to me and confirm this is you🤗

@LostinCanada I wish I could say this all happened in the past. The unreal anger and mood swings are still an on going thing. My memory is still bad. I can hardly remember things from just days ago. I can say that this whole journey has taught me a thing or two about self regulation, sitting in whatever is happening in your body and brain. I know that I can't run from it or make it go away, just sit in it and let it pass. Of course try to distact when you can.🤪

I would love to start a thread with members that are post tapering and in PAWS. Is that possible on this site?

Stay in the day.

Heidi

@Greatful So good to hear from you. You caught me, though, on a rather bad morning. I woke up about 4:30 this morning with such anxiety, along with heart palpitations. I was grateful, though, for getting about 5 hours of sleep. Some nights I get only 3 or 4hours. I do have a nap almost every afternoon which is helpful and almost necessary. It's close to 13 months since I took my last psych drug, and I keep waiting for things to get better. 😕

The idea of finding other Minnesotans who would want to meet for some support is a lovely idea, but I have no thoughts on how to do that. Where in Minnesota are you located? I'm in Eagan.

Mary Lee

Hi @Greatful. I'm pretty new here but I just wanted to say that I've read through a lot of your thread on SA and your story gives me strength and hope 😊. I went through a year of polydrugging, including a CT off the antidepressant I had been using for 10+ years, and have now been trying to stabilize on my meds for almost three months. Once I'm stable I'll start a slow taper. I read that you went through something similar in 2020/2021 after coming off Prozac too quickly, but you slowly managed to get off all your meds. I know things are still far from perfect for you, but I'm glad to see that you feel like you're still getting better. It gives me hope that I can get off these drugs too and get to a better place one of these days. So thank you so much for being here and for sharing your story. 💜

@SarahMc Thanks for stopping by. Yes you can get off these drugs. It may not be easy and you may have to dig deep to get to the other side, it can be done. There are so many that have gone through this and have found healing. Hang on to that.

I can say it's been quite a crazy ride and I'm so ready for it to be done.

Let me know what I can do to help you out.

Heidi

@Terry I can so relate to waiting for things to get better. If I can look at the whole picture, things are better, just not where I would like them to be. It's been such a long hard battle and I'm getting worn out.

Sorry about the early morning anxiety, nights are can still be pretty rough for me. I feel like I have a little ptsd at the thought of bedtime. ☹️

I have no explaintion how things can get so bad at night. Heat waves, anxiety, body and brain tingling, acid burning...it feels like I'm going crazy sometimes. I mean, really, can you wake up and get cortisal rushes at 1-2 in the morning? Then I just get up and try to distact on my tablet, listent to things on YT or meditation music. What works on one day doesn't always work the next. I guess that's why we start a tool box🙃

To be fair it happens in the day time too, it just doesnt't seem as frightening.

I looked at your signature, you've had a small varity of drugs too. I guess if one magic pill doesn't work they try a new on...So frusterating now to look back and see the writing on the wall.

I live in Buffalo MN.

Heidi

On 7/9/2026 at 3:28 PM, Greatful said:

Heat waves, anxiety, body and brain tingling, acid burning...it feels like I'm going crazy sometimes.

This morning when I first awoke, or maybe I was still half asleep, it was awful and I had the thought that there was poison running through my veins! Yes, things like this can make one feel crazy. The only good thing is that it settles down once I'm up for a while.

On 7/9/2026 at 3:28 PM, Greatful said:

It's been such a long hard battle and I'm getting worn out.

You and me both! I had hoped I might have a few normal years before my life was over, but it's not looking good. ☹️

On 7/9/2026 at 3:28 PM, Greatful said:

I feel like I have a little ptsd at the thought of bedtime.

Going to sleep used to seem so pleasant, but now I wonder if I'll fall asleep or be awake for 2 or 3 hours. Or maybe I'll only sleep a total of 3 hours. I long for the days when I could sleep all might. Now I take an afternoon nap to get by.

@Terry I'm 63 and I do hope I have some good years left in me. I need to be careful and not let myself spiral and dwell on it. Each day can be a word game in my brain, trying to stay out of negativity and not fight the symptoms can get exhausting. Sometimes just sitting in whatever is going on is all one can do, of course do what you can do to distract.

ditto on a restful full nights sleep. I'm just starting to be able to take what I'll call a drifting in and out or surface nap. I use to get adrenaline rushes if I tried to nap.

Are you able to do much during the day? Go anywhere? Do you drive? I must be healing more then I think. I'm getting more bored with not much to do.

On 7/15/2026 at 6:11 PM, Greatful said:

Are you able to do much during the day?

When I have a better day I try to do things around the house, but at 82 I don't have the stamina to get much done. I still do most of the grocery shopping and also take care of household finances.

On 7/15/2026 at 6:11 PM, Greatful said:

Go anywhere? Do you drive?

We live in a senior co-operative, and there are always things going on, so I can pick and choose what I want to do. I go out occasionally for lunch or to a play, but I'm mostly at home. I do drive, though not as much as I used to. I do a lot of my shopping online.

On 7/15/2026 at 6:11 PM, Greatful said:

I'm getting more bored with not much to do.

Do you have any interest in hobbies? Do you like reading, crafts, cooking, gardening? When I'm feeling decent, I like to sew small projects. I've made a few things for the craft sale we're having here in our building this October. It's going to be open to the public as well as for our residents. I find it's good to have things to focus on.

@Greatful How are you doing these days? Have you found any hobbies or other things that might interest you? I like to read if I can find a good book. We have a nice sized library here in our building, so that affords me lots of choices. I recently read a book called Frozen River about a midwife in the 1700s. It was quite good and helped my mind to keep occupied.

It looks like we live about 50 miles from each other. I'm wondering if you would ever consider meeting me for lunch about halfway? If not, we can always just continue to write each other through this website.

Mary Lee (aka Terry)