Thank you Chippy.

Every day I have a dull electric pain in my head. It never stops. Not with taking rest, laying down, walking or taking pain killers like advil or paracetamol. I wake up with it and I go to bed with it. Sleep is short and interrupted. Sometimes its just too much and I feel like I cannot go on. I don't know life without this pain anymore.

I see no improvement, and am too unstable to change my SSRI dose even if it was paradoxical to me. I'm hurt by protracted withdrawal from benzodiazepines, together with a later SSRI-taper from 75 to 50mg. Kindling, hypersensitivity and so on. Its terrible.

Sorry but I just need to vent sometimes. No one understands my pain being years off the benzo. I'm trying to stabilize on 50mg SSRI, but don't see anything happening yet. I guess I just have to soldier on.

Edited September 1Sep 1 by Peeta

34 minutes ago, Peeta said:

Every day I have a dull electric pain in my head. It never stops. Not with taking rest, laying down, walking or taking pain killers like advil or paracetamol. I wake up with it and I go to bed with it. Sleep is short and interrupted. Sometimes its just too much and I feel like I cannot go on. I don't know life without this pain anymore.

I am so sorry to read this. Please keep yourself safe, you have more strength than you know.

35 minutes ago, Peeta said:

I see no improvement, and am too unstable to change my SSRI dose even if it was paradoxical to me. I'm hurt by protracted withdrawal from benzodiazepines, together with a later SSRI-taper from 75 to 50mg. Kindling, hypersensitivity and so on. Its terrible.

36 minutes ago, Peeta said:

Sorry but I just need to vent sometimes. No one understands my pain being years off the benzo. I'm trying to stabilize on 50mg SSRI, but don't see anything happening yet. I guess I just have to soldier on.

Vent away, it's no problems, it's why we are here!

Have you considered speaking to Dr H?

I am suspicious you hit tolerance/poop out or are suffering some hypersensitivity to the drug as you said, do you notice a worsening of symptoms shortly after taking your dose? It could just be taking a long time for things to settle. You have been holding since 24th oct 2025 right? No change?

Hi Chippy, 25 october 2025 I updosed for the first time due to unbearable withdrawals from the Fluvoxamine following a 47 -> 43mg drop.

I went from 43 -> 50mg to relieve the withdrawals which worked. But the next day I felt something else come up in the form of activation.

I dropped again to 47mg at 1 november 2025.

Because I knew I was in for a long hold and didn't want to be on shaved pills for a long time I made 2 more 3% updosings to 50mg which is a whole Fluvoxamine pill.

November 11 2025: 47 -> 48.5mg

February 7 2026: 48.5 -> 50mg

Especially the last updose resulted in severe cortisol-rushes and activation.

I did not put this in my history because of the complexity of it all.

So latest updose was february 7 2026.

I did not contact Dr. H. because I live in Europe and this will never be paid for by my insurance. And I am afraid of doctors, doesn't matter which one.

Thanks Peeta.

Edited September 3Sep 3 by Peeta

5 minutes ago, Peeta said:

Because I knew I was in for a long hold and didn't want to be on shaved pills for a long time I made 2 more updosings to 50mg which is a whole Fluvoxamine pill.

November 11 2025: 47 -> 48.5mg

February 7 2026: 48.5 -> 50mg

Especially the last updose resulted in severe cortisol-rushes and activation.

Yeah I think this is where it went wrong for you. You shifted doses around too much, and then updosed too high just to be on a whole pill. This has kindled you a bit. Sorry. That is rough.

7 minutes ago, Peeta said:

So latest updose was february 7 2026.

Any improvement since then at all? Windows here and there?

8 minutes ago, Peeta said:

I did not contact Dr. H. because I live in Europe and this will never be paid for by my insurance. And I am afraid of doctors, doesn't matter which one.

I understand, it isn't cheap, he is to be trusted though, a rare one.

11 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Any improvement since then at all? Windows here and there?

Yes things are improving although very slow. The cortisol-rushes are of less intensity, activation, burning skin, being out of breath and nerve-pain in my face have decreased somewhat.

So I am better than a few months ago but still have symptoms like morning activation, electric headaches and difficult sleep. Next to a general feeling of being unwell, anxiety and the inability to feel happiness.

Thanks Peeta.

Edited September 3Sep 3 by Peeta

1 hour ago, Peeta said:

Yes things are improving although very slow. The cortisol-rushes are of less intensity, activation, burning skin, being out of breath and nerve-pain in my face have decreased somewhat.

So I am better than a few months ago but still have symptoms like morning activation, electric headaches and difficult sleep. Next to a general feeling of being unwell, anxiety and the inability to feel happiness.

Thanks Peeta.

Well it’s good things are settling a bit for you. Perhaps the reaction to Fluvoxamine is starting to calm down a bit for you.

If things are getting better and you stay on Fluvoxamine id be tempted to hold still and observe that activation reducing. That’s the main thing. In this state I would worry reducing any further that would increase.

It’s really good you see things have improved although I appreciate this is still very hard for you.

Thanks Chippy. Yes I will hold for now until more stable as you advise. I thought of the later 3% updoses as not so important as they were so small. But they had an impact on my system in being very activating, especially the last from 48.5 -> 50mg.

I guess I have to count this 50mg hold from february 7 2026 then, and not from 25 october 2025 which was my first updose.

As february 7 2026 was my last dose mutation my hold is now about 8 months of duration.

The only thing I don't know is if the SSRI is paradoxical to me. I saw a video of dr. Joseph Witt-Doerring lately were he implies that people in benzo BIND (which I think I am) are at risk of their psychiatric drugs working against them. But maybe the fact that I see some improvement is telling the opposite?

Thanks again for thinking along, Peeta.

Edited September 3Sep 3 by Peeta

15 hours ago, Peeta said:

Yes I will hold for now until more stable as you advise. I

Yes ok lets see how you go.

15 hours ago, Peeta said:

I thought of the later 3% updoses as not so important as they were so small. But they had an impact on my system in being very activating, especially the last from 48.5 -> 50mg.

3% is actually quite alot and a sensitive nervous system can sometimes react, more changes the worse it gets, like an irritation....

15 hours ago, Peeta said:

I guess I have to count this 50mg hold from february 7 2026 then,

Yes 100%

15 hours ago, Peeta said:

But maybe the fact that I see some improvement is telling the opposite?

This is the key, you are seeing improvements.

15 hours ago, Peeta said:

Thanks again for thinking along, Peeta.

It is a pleasure. What we are here for.

I noticed an uptick in symptoms the last 2 weeks (more activation, tingling on my fore-arms, poor sleep, heavy brainfog, headaches and anxiety). I could not figure out what caused it until I thougt about the oatmilk I recently started to drink.

I drank about 1-2 liters of milk a day, be it in my tea or just for thirst. I decided to replace it with a vegetarian product because of the animal fat in the milk. It seemed to help my benzo-belly bloating as well.

The oatmilk in the shops here have added vitamins in them, one of which is B12. I suspect that is the reason for the wave I'm experiencing now.

I'll have to find oatmilk (or soya-milk) without those additions and see if it makes a difference. Maybe the wave I'm in will subside, I really hope so because the added activation is not easy to live with.

Edited September 20Sep 20 by Peeta

2 hours ago, Peeta said:

one of which is B12. I

I bet you’re right about this! 🌿

My nerves are reacting to B12 and B9 much more intensely than the acute activation caused by drugs

Still holding and suffering everyday from headaches and activation.

I remember several months ago I woke up and the activated feeling was gone, as if by magic. My head was clear and without pain and I felt so at ease. It was wonderful!

Later that morning, after taking my morning dose, that wonderful feeling dissapeared. But I noticed I had forgotten to take my evening dose that night. So I connected my wonderful lifting of symptoms to a temporary dip in the amount of Fluvoxamine in my system.

Later I dismissed it as being a coincidence, but it sometimes still crosses my mind.

2 hours ago, Peeta said:

Still holding and suffering everyday from headaches and activation.

I remember several months ago I woke up and the activated feeling was gone, as if by magic. My head was clear and without pain and I felt so at ease. It was wonderful!

Later that morning, after taking my morning dose, that wonderful feeling dissapeared. But I noticed I had forgotten to take my evening dose that night. So I connected my wonderful lifting of symptoms to a temporary dip in the amount of Fluvoxamine in my system.

Later I dismissed it as being a coincidence, but it sometimes still crosses my mind.

Do you plan to try tapering again?

@Peeta

Have you always taken divided dose or did you do that to try to ease some of the activation?

21 hours ago, Peeta said:

Later that morning, after taking my morning dose, that wonderful feeling dissapeared. But I noticed I had forgotten to take my evening dose that night. So I connected my wonderful lifting of symptoms to a temporary dip in the amount of Fluvoxamine in my system.

Later I dismissed it as being a coincidence, but it sometimes still crosses my mind.

This is something to be mindful of. Have you felt any relief since you updosed to 50mg last october?

19 hours ago, Finni said:

Do you plan to try tapering again?

Hi Finni I would like to taper again and get rid of this ssri. But I don't dare to do it because of my previous experience. I'm so very kindled/hypersensitive and trying to survive every day. Maybe if these horrible symptoms fade away I might give it another try.

18 hours ago, Finni said:

Have you always taken divided dose or did you do that to try to ease some of the activation?

From the very start of Fluvoxamine 25 years ago my then-psychiatrist had me divide my dose in a morning- and evening dose. Maybe because of the short half-life of Fluvoxamine, which is reportedly the shortest of all ssri's.

6 minutes ago, Chippy said:

This is something to be mindful of. Have you felt any relief since you updosed to 50mg last october?

Hi Chippy, yes some of the symptoms have diminished like the facial nerve-pain, cortisol-surges and restless legs which were horrible. Also my sleep has improved a bit. I'm left with constant headaches, brainfog, an activated feeling, pins and needles on my arms and hands, tinnitus and anxiety/depression. This is an everyday battle for me, especially in the morning.

Also I'm angry at allmost everyone around me. I'm in constant fights with my wife and sometimes my daughter and I have no friends left because I think they wronged me in some way. I seem to be unable to let go of things. I do voluntary work in a museum and try to initiate small projects but don't want anyone to interfere. I'm very short-tempered. I believe it is from the constant anguish I'm in, this is not the person I am.

All of this gives me a lot of stress making my symptoms worse again. I feel I have no rest from it.

Edited September 27Sep 27 by Peeta

2 minutes ago, Peeta said:

Hi Chippy, yes some of the symptoms have diminished like the facial nerve-pain, cortisol-surges and restless legs which were horrible. Also my sleep has improved a bit. I'm left with constant headaches, brainfog, an activated feeling, pins and needles on my arms and hands, tinnitus and anxiety/depression. This is an everyday battle for me, especially in the morning.

It is good some symptoms have reduced for you. I am sorry to read you are having other issues. I think it is interesting that you felt better when you skipped a dose. The fact you have activated symptoms still nearly a year out makes me wonder if you need to try to reduce your dose a little. I am not telling you to, I am just sharing my thoughts, you have to decide for yourself. If you did I would only do a small test drop to see how you react.

4 minutes ago, Peeta said:

I believe it is from the constant anguish I'm in, this is not the person I am.

I 100% believe this is not you.

5 minutes ago, Peeta said:

All of this gives me a lot of stress making my symptoms worse again. I feel I have no rest from it.

Second fear is real my friend. In WD we must work on reducing stress as much as possible and learning mindfulness techniques such as acceptance to help us keep as much peace going as possible. Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

The fact you have activated symptoms still nearly a year out makes me wonder if you need to try to reduce your dose a little. I am not telling you to, I am just sharing my thoughts, you have to decide for yourself. If you did I would only do a small test drop to see how you react.

Thank you Chippy for thinking along. I agree it would be nice to know if a small reduction of dose (lets say from 50mg to 49 or 48mg) does anything positive for me. But I'm so afraid to change my dose again, afraid I would undo all these months of trying to stabilize. If it doesn't work out I might end up worse than I am now. I am on the edge already and cannot afford that happening.

I still have some hope left that if I hold this 50mg dose long enough the rest of my symptoms might ease up as well. But maybe I'm being naive?

How I would love to feel normal again, I don't even remember how that feels.

2 hours ago, Peeta said:

I still have some hope left that if I hold this 50mg dose long enough the rest of my symptoms might ease up as well. But maybe I'm being naive?

Hi @Peeta -- I don't think this is naive necessarily, there just really aren't any guarantees in this game unfortunately. It's possible you could stabilize here, and I have heard of people taking a very long time to stabilize, like well over a year. But it's also possible that this dose is too much for you and your body won't fully adapt to it. It's up to you to listen to your body and decide whether you think you're still making progress at this dose. As Chippy says a lot, we all have to become experts in our own bodies and our own experiences.

3 hours ago, Peeta said:

How I would love to feel normal again, I don't even remember how that feels.

I'm with you on that one! I believe we'll all get back there, one step at a time 💜

21 hours ago, Peeta said:

Thank you Chippy for thinking along.

A pleasure

21 hours ago, Peeta said:

I agree it would be nice to know if a small reduction of dose (lets say from 50mg to 49 or 48mg) does anything positive for me. But I'm so afraid to change my dose again, afraid I would undo all these months of trying to stabilize. If it doesn't work out I might end up worse than I am now. I am on the edge already and cannot afford that happening.

I can understand that fear.

21 hours ago, Peeta said:

I still have some hope left that if I hold this 50mg dose long enough the rest of my symptoms might ease up as well. But maybe I'm being naive?

I don't think this is naive at all. Unfortunately no one knows which way is the right way for certain. All you can do is weigh up the facts at hand and then make a choice. I am sorry you are in this situation.

21 hours ago, Peeta said:

How I would love to feel normal again, I don't even remember how that feels.

I believe one day you will. We all will. x

19 hours ago, SarahMc said:

It's possible you could stabilize here, and I have heard of people taking a very long time to stabilize, like well over a year.

34 minutes ago, Chippy said:

All you can do is weigh up the facts at hand and then make a choice.

Thanks Sarah and Chippy, my choice is to continue to hold for at least a year and see if I can improve some more. So I have still several months to go.

This is largely fuelled by the fear of making more dose-changes. That's what I think hurt me the most in the past.

I just cannot afford to make mistakes again, and with that I mean having to updose after a cut. This is what did me in this time.

Kindling is different from withdrawals, its a another kind of hell. I'm trying to climb out.

Just now, Peeta said:

Thanks Sarah and Chippy, my choice is to continue to hold for at least a year and see if I can improve some more. So I have still several months to go.

This is largely fuelled by the fear of making more dose-changes. That's what I think hurt me the most in the past.

I just cannot afford to make mistakes again, and with that I mean having to updose after a cut. This is what did me in this time.

Kindling is different from withdrawals, its a another kind of hell. I'm trying to climb out.

Thanks for letting us know. It sounds like you are being calm and thoughtful and you can't ask more of yourself imo.

Youll climb up out of this eventually x

3 hours ago, Peeta said:

Thanks Sarah and Chippy, my choice is to continue to hold for at least a year and see if I can improve some more. So I have still several months to go.

This is largely fuelled by the fear of making more dose-changes. That's what I think hurt me the most in the past.

I just cannot afford to make mistakes again, and with that I mean having to updose after a cut. This is what did me in this time.

Kindling is different from withdrawals, its a another kind of hell. I'm trying to climb out.

This is very understandable to me. I think patience and thoughtful decision-making informed by evidence often leads to the best outcomes in these situations. You'll get to the other side of this eventually, I truly believe that.

Have you seen Melissa's recovery story she had similar symptoms to you also had a mix of benzo withdrawal too and she recovered