Hello. I am a new member here, and I honestly never thought I would make this type of post in my life, asking strangers for guidance. More than anything, I want to hear from people who have experienced symptoms similar to mine and whether they were able to recover.

I know everyone feels that their case is unique, and perhaps mine is in some ways, but I will try to explain everything as clearly as possible.

I was always somewhat of an outsider growing up. During my teenage years, I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I was a loner, and the loneliness gradually built up over the years until I developed severe social anxiety.

I have always been very analytical and highly emotional. I was good at understanding my inner world, recognizing my traumas, and figuring out why I felt a certain way. I often knew what I needed to work on to improve my life. However, no matter how much I analyzed myself, I could not handle intense emotions or physical sensations.

As the years passed, my social anxiety became so severe that I could barely speak to my own family. I also became severely depressed.

One morning, I woke up with unbearable anxiety and restlessness. I had overwhelming thoughts of doom and felt as though something terrible was happening. I went outside and rode my bike, hoping that the movement would calm me down, but it did not help. The anxiety became so intense that I started vomiting.

I had suicidal thoughts and desperately wanted to escape the pain. Eventually, I called the emergency services myself and was admitted to a psychiatric ward for two weeks. That was the beginning of my journey with medication.

The following day, I was started on 25 mg of Zoloft. The day after that, the doctor increased it to 50 mg and told me that 25 mg was only a baby dose.

My anxiety immediately became unbearable, and my depression became much worse. During my entire two week stay, I could barely eat anything and lost around five kilograms. I was occasionally given benzodiazepines, but at that time they did not seem to help me at all.

After around three or four weeks, I gradually started feeling better. Then I continued improving more and more.

In that sense, Zoloft saved my life, and I do not regret taking it. What I regret is remaining on it for so many years after it had seemingly stopped helping me as much. At the time, however, I did not think much about it.

Around five years later, I began developing strange symptoms. I experienced extremely dry eyes, profound fatigue, and constant tiredness. I also had delayed orgasms and very little pleasure from orgasm, but it did not bother me much because my libido was still intact and everything functioned extremely well physically.

Eventually, those symptoms also began to bother me, so I decided to stop Zoloft almost cold turkey.

That did not go well.

Around four days after stopping, I developed complete emotional anesthesia and complete genital numbness. I suddenly did not care about my girlfriend, could not cry, and felt completely disconnected from everything.

Two weeks later, I reinstated Zoloft, and all of those problems disappeared almost immediately. My emotional capacity returned, and my erectile dysfunction disappeared within around thirty minutes.

During the following days, however, I developed severe anxiety. My doctor then prescribed mirtazapine and told me it would increase the effectiveness of Zoloft. Looking back, I do not think that explanation made much sense, but mirtazapine did help me, especially with sleep.

After around three or four months, I stabilized. However, I remember feeling that I was not quite the same as I had been before. It always felt as though something was missing. I did not feel as happy as I used to.

I then decided to taper Zoloft more slowly over approximately five months.

During the taper, I experienced many different symptoms, including burning sensations in my head, visual disturbances, dizziness, and general neurological chaos. It was extremely difficult, but I kept telling myself that as long as I did not develop complete emotional numbness or genital numbness, I would survive it.

When I finally reached zero, I did not experience emotional numbness or genital numbness. I was extremely grateful and believed I had made the right decision.

That was around seven months ago.

After stopping, I continued to experience sensory problems, mood swings, head pressure, and other strange symptoms, but everything remained tolerable. I had no significant anxiety and no depression.

Then, around the five month mark, I believe I was hit by what people describe as true withdrawal.

It began with stomach problems. I became extremely bloated and could barely eat. Around the same time, I also developed erectile dysfunction, which frightened me because I had already learned about PSSD.

I then began experiencing occasional flickers of anxiety, despite having almost no anxiety during the earlier months of withdrawal. These episodes would sometimes last one or two days.

Around the sixth month, everything became much worse.

I developed severe anxiety, intense restlessness, anhedonia, depression, suicidal thoughts, profound fatigue, and became almost bedridden. I could still feel emotions and think normally during this period, but I was unable to experience pleasure.

Interestingly, my hunger signals fully returned during this time, even though they had been missing throughout much of the withdrawal.

I remained in this state for around two or three weeks before making what I now believe may have been my biggest mistake.

I decided to reinstate Zoloft again.

I started with a very small dose of around 1 to 2 mg. The first day seemed fine, but on the second day I increased it to around 3 mg. That caused complete and severe emotional blunting.

I continued taking it for around five days before stopping again.

During the following three weeks, I gradually became more and more numb. I lost my hunger, thirst, emotions, energy, and mental clarity. Everything felt numb except my genitals, which somehow remained unaffected.

Going on and off the medication made me feel increasingly sick. I developed severe brain fog, sensory problems, extreme emotional numbness, no energy, and almost no ability to eat.

The symptom that frightens me the most is the profound emotional numbness.

All of this has happened during the current month.

Eventually, I could no longer tolerate the state I was in, so five days ago I decided to reinstate Zoloft again. This time, I have been much more careful and precise, taking around 1 mg.

During the first three days, I experienced significant hyperarousal and a massive increase in libido, but that has now settled down. I also experienced the famous brain zaps, although they were not as severe as some people describe.

At this point, I am basically back on the medication.

I am currently experiencing what appears to be the typical activation syndrome that can happen when starting an SSRI. It is worst in the mornings. I experience sweaty palms and feet, inner restlessness, and physical tension. It is uncomfortable but still tolerable, especially with occasional help from a benzodiazepine.

My current plan is to remain on this very small dose and hopefully stabilize.

I am hoping that my emotions will return, that the blank mind will improve, and that I will gradually regain the ability to eat, exercise, and function the way I used to.

After stabilizing, my plan would be to taper extremely slowly over a much longer period.

I also want to taper off mirtazapine before attempting to come off Zoloft again.

One of the reasons I decided to reinstate was that I could not bear the thought of stopping mirtazapine in the near future while already experiencing such severe withdrawal symptoms.

My main questions are whether this sounds like a reasonable approach and whether anyone believes it is possible for me to regain my emotions.

I would especially appreciate hearing recovery stories from people who experienced severe emotional numbness, blank mind, loss of hunger and thirst signals, or similar symptoms after stopping or reinstating an SSRI.

What confuses me is that while I was taking Zoloft in the past, I still had access to my full emotional range. I was not emotionally numb. Most of the severe emotional problems began after reaching zero and became dramatically worse after the recent reinstatement attempts.

At this point, I would honestly accept reduced orgasm pleasure and delayed orgasm if it meant being able to feel like myself again.

I am not asking anyone to make a medical decision for me. I mainly want to know whether others have experienced anything similar, whether they eventually stabilized, and whether their emotions returned.

Edited July 31Jul 31 by SarahMc

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

 

Please make sure your signature is kept up to date with your drug history. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the FAQs section above, but here is a direct link: Update Signature

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default. For this reason please keep it clear but condensed as possible.

Please use the format outline here Preferred signature/drug history format

In particular, could you please update your signature to show the dates and amounts of Zoloft that you tapered and then reinstated each time? It looks like there are at least three separate incidents where you stopped Zoloft and then restarted, is that correct? It would be helpful to know how much you were taking when you stopped, how much you reinstated, and when.

Am I right that you are currently only taking 1 mg of Zoloft?

I also see that you are occasionally using a benzo -- please include this in your signature as well.

I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you've had recently you will find plenty of support here for sure.

20 hours ago, Vercis said:

Eventually, I could no longer tolerate the state I was in, so five days ago I decided to reinstate Zoloft again. This time, I have been much more careful and precise, taking around 1 mg.

During the first three days, I experienced significant hyperarousal and a massive increase in libido, but that has now settled down. I also experienced the famous brain zaps, although they were not as severe as some people describe.

At this point, I am basically back on the medication.

I am currently experiencing what appears to be the typical activation syndrome that can happen when starting an SSRI. It is worst in the mornings. I experience sweaty palms and feet, inner restlessness, and physical tension. It is uncomfortable but still tolerable, especially with occasional help from a benzodiazepine.

Your nervous system has been through a lot lately with you frequently stopping and starting the Zoloft. It will likely take a little while for you to stabilize at this point, but it is possible. I would certainly stick to the 1 mg and not make any additional med changes. FYI, we do not recommend use of a benzo because this can make things worse for folks with sensitized nervous systems and can lead to dependence.

20 hours ago, Vercis said:

After stabilizing, my plan would be to taper extremely slowly over a much longer period.

I also want to taper off mirtazapine before attempting to come off Zoloft again.

One of the reasons I decided to reinstate was that I could not bear the thought of stopping mirtazapine in the near future while already experiencing such severe withdrawal symptoms.

My main questions are whether this sounds like a reasonable approach and whether anyone believes it is possible for me to regain my emotions.

The order in which you taper these meds is up to you, but you should not start tapering anything until you have regained a lot more stability. This could require holding everything as it is for a long period. When you do start tapering again, we recommend a rate of no more than 10% of your last dose per month: Tapering Information.

Healing is always possible, but it requires time and a lot of patience.

20 hours ago, Vercis said:

I would especially appreciate hearing recovery stories from people who experienced severe emotional numbness, blank mind, loss of hunger and thirst signals, or similar symptoms after stopping or reinstating an SSRI.

What confuses me is that while I was taking Zoloft in the past, I still had access to my full emotional range. I was not emotionally numb. Most of the severe emotional problems began after reaching zero and became dramatically worse after the recent reinstatement attempts.

It's not usually useful or productive to look for someone exactly like you. Everyone's story is different and everyone will recover in their own time. But I can say there are several people on this forum who are experiencing symptoms like the ones you describe, and others who have recovered from similar symptoms. What we see in the community is that everyone does heal in time.

These drugs don't behave logically. As I have learned the hard way myself, we can't say that because you felt one way on Zoloft in the past, you will feel the same way taking it again. Once your nervous system is upset its response to these drugs becomes unpredictable. Many people have experienced these kinds of paradoxical effects after rapid tapering and then reinstating a drug. And many have also gone on to heal from these effects.

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

20 hours ago, Vercis said:

Hello. I am a new member here, and I honestly never thought I would make this type of post in my life, asking strangers for guidance. More than anything, I want to hear from people who have experienced symptoms similar to mine and whether they were able to recover.

I know everyone feels that their case is unique, and perhaps mine is in some ways, but I will try to explain everything as clearly as possible.

I was always somewhat of an outsider growing up. During my teenage years, I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I was a loner, and the loneliness gradually built up over the years until I developed severe social anxiety.

I have always been very analytical and highly emotional. I was good at understanding my inner world, recognizing my traumas, and figuring out why I felt a certain way. I often knew what I needed to work on to improve my life. However, no matter how much I analyzed myself, I could not handle intense emotions or physical sensations.

As the years passed, my social anxiety became so severe that I could barely speak to my own family. I also became severely depressed.

One morning, I woke up with unbearable anxiety and restlessness. I had overwhelming thoughts of doom and felt as though something terrible was happening. I went outside and rode my bike, hoping that the movement would calm me down, but it did not help. The anxiety became so intense that I started vomiting.

I had suicidal thoughts and desperately wanted to escape the pain. Eventually, I called the emergency services myself and was admitted to a psychiatric ward for two weeks. That was the beginning of my journey with medication.

The following day, I was started on 25 mg of Zoloft. The day after that, the doctor increased it to 50 mg and told me that 25 mg was only a baby dose.

My anxiety immediately became unbearable, and my depression became much worse. During my entire two week stay, I could barely eat anything and lost around five kilograms. I was occasionally given benzodiazepines, but at that time they did not seem to help me at all.

After around three or four weeks, I gradually started feeling better. Then I continued improving more and more.

In that sense, Zoloft saved my life, and I do not regret taking it. What I regret is remaining on it for so many years after it had seemingly stopped helping me as much. At the time, however, I did not think much about it.

Around five years later, I began developing strange symptoms. I experienced extremely dry eyes, profound fatigue, and constant tiredness. I also had delayed orgasms and very little pleasure from orgasm, but it did not bother me much because my libido was still intact and everything functioned extremely well physically.

Eventually, those symptoms also began to bother me, so I decided to stop Zoloft almost cold turkey.

That did not go well.

Around four days after stopping, I developed complete emotional anesthesia and complete genital numbness. I suddenly did not care about my girlfriend, could not cry, and felt completely disconnected from everything.

Two weeks later, I reinstated Zoloft, and all of those problems disappeared almost immediately. My emotional capacity returned, and my erectile dysfunction disappeared within around thirty minutes.

During the following days, however, I developed severe anxiety. My doctor then prescribed mirtazapine and told me it would increase the effectiveness of Zoloft. Looking back, I do not think that explanation made much sense, but mirtazapine did help me, especially with sleep.

After around three or four months, I stabilized. However, I remember feeling that I was not quite the same as I had been before. It always felt as though something was missing. I did not feel as happy as I used to.

I then decided to taper Zoloft more slowly over approximately five months.

During the taper, I experienced many different symptoms, including burning sensations in my head, visual disturbances, dizziness, and general neurological chaos. It was extremely difficult, but I kept telling myself that as long as I did not develop complete emotional numbness or genital numbness, I would survive it.

When I finally reached zero, I did not experience emotional numbness or genital numbness. I was extremely grateful and believed I had made the right decision.

That was around seven months ago.

After stopping, I continued to experience sensory problems, mood swings, head pressure, and other strange symptoms, but everything remained tolerable. I had no significant anxiety and no depression.

Then, around the five month mark, I believe I was hit by what people describe as true withdrawal.

It began with stomach problems. I became extremely bloated and could barely eat. Around the same time, I also developed erectile dysfunction, which frightened me because I had already learned about PSSD.

I then began experiencing occasional flickers of anxiety, despite having almost no anxiety during the earlier months of withdrawal. These episodes would sometimes last one or two days.

Around the sixth month, everything became much worse.

I developed severe anxiety, intense restlessness, anhedonia, depression, suicidal thoughts, profound fatigue, and became almost bedridden. I could still feel emotions and think normally during this period, but I was unable to experience pleasure.

Interestingly, my hunger signals fully returned during this time, even though they had been missing throughout much of the withdrawal.

I remained in this state for around two or three weeks before making what I now believe may have been my biggest mistake.

I decided to reinstate Zoloft again.

I started with a very small dose of around 1 to 2 mg. The first day seemed fine, but on the second day I increased it to around 3 mg. That caused complete and severe emotional blunting.

I continued taking it for around five days before stopping again.

During the following three weeks, I gradually became more and more numb. I lost my hunger, thirst, emotions, energy, and mental clarity. Everything felt numb except my genitals, which somehow remained unaffected.

Going on and off the medication made me feel increasingly sick. I developed severe brain fog, sensory problems, extreme emotional numbness, no energy, and almost no ability to eat.

The symptom that frightens me the most is the profound emotional numbness.

All of this has happened during the current month.

Eventually, I could no longer tolerate the state I was in, so five days ago I decided to reinstate Zoloft again. This time, I have been much more careful and precise, taking around 1 mg.

During the first three days, I experienced significant hyperarousal and a massive increase in libido, but that has now settled down. I also experienced the famous brain zaps, although they were not as severe as some people describe.

At this point, I am basically back on the medication.

I am currently experiencing what appears to be the typical activation syndrome that can happen when starting an SSRI. It is worst in the mornings. I experience sweaty palms and feet, inner restlessness, and physical tension. It is uncomfortable but still tolerable, especially with occasional help from a benzodiazepine.

My current plan is to remain on this very small dose and hopefully stabilize.

I am hoping that my emotions will return, that the blank mind will improve, and that I will gradually regain the ability to eat, exercise, and function the way I used to.

After stabilizing, my plan would be to taper extremely slowly over a much longer period.

I also want to taper off mirtazapine before attempting to come off Zoloft again.

One of the reasons I decided to reinstate was that I could not bear the thought of stopping mirtazapine in the near future while already experiencing such severe withdrawal symptoms.

My main questions are whether this sounds like a reasonable approach and whether anyone believes it is possible for me to regain my emotions.

I would especially appreciate hearing recovery stories from people who experienced severe emotional numbness, blank mind, loss of hunger and thirst signals, or similar symptoms after stopping or reinstating an SSRI.

What confuses me is that while I was taking Zoloft in the past, I still had access to my full emotional range. I was not emotionally numb. Most of the severe emotional problems began after reaching zero and became dramatically worse after the recent reinstatement attempts.

At this point, I would honestly accept reduced orgasm pleasure and delayed orgasm if it meant being able to feel like myself again.

I am not asking anyone to make a medical decision for me. I mainly want to know whether others have experienced anything similar, whether they eventually stabilized, and whether their emotions returned.

Welcome to the family ❤️

Your story is one we see often here. I myself was told word for word, 25mg is a baby dose. Its saddening how little the medical field know about these drugs.

Sarah has given you some excellent advice and there are many others here who can help you too.

I just wanted to say you arent alone, we all here understand and are in the same boat- however as Sarah said, this is a very individual journey and no two cases are the same.

You will get better and stablise if you stay consistent, try not to add anymore drugs where possible and time is needed for the nervous system to heal.

You got this 💪

Thank you for your reply @SarahMc

It would be correct that I have tried to get off the drug 3 times. First time was basically cold turkey. Reinstated after very short period of time.

Second time with slower taper.

Then recently reinstament that ruined everything which I regret deeply and im afraid that I ruined everything. Since it brought me emotional blunting and stomach issues again.

Then i went it off again after 5 days and now im back on 1mg 3 weeks later after failed reinstatement.

Now since this reinstament first 4 days i had tremendous results. I got my hunger signals back, didnt have much of bloating, had my sexuality back. No deeper emotions. I could laugh etc.

Now im at day 6 i think since the reinstament. And since yesterday I feel like im falling back to my "withdrawal baseline" I gained something out of reinstament is more energy, slightly better mood and i dont feel sick to my bone.

However, what's worrisome my stomach is back to being "super bloated" like i wake up and feel bloated without drinking or eating. I lost my hunger signals again and just feel nothing really.

I hoped that reinstatement would at least solve stomach issues so that I could eat properly...

In this situation I honestly would freak the shit out but I can't feel a damn thing.

So my question is to you guys and to myself is what is really the point of reinstatement if it doesn't provide meaningful results? Does body "recover" faster with reinstatement? What if the dose im currently taking doesn't provide the results I need? Since 1mg have low sert occupancy. Is it best for me to increase my dose or stop it all together again? Or just stay as i am on the same dose.

Thank you for the work 🙏

31 minutes ago, Vercis said:

It would be correct that I have tried to get off the drug 3 times. First time was basically cold turkey. Reinstated after very short period of time.

Second time with slower taper.

Then recently reinstament that ruined everything which I regret deeply and im afraid that I ruined everything. Since it brought me emotional blunting and stomach issues again.

Then i went it off again after 5 days and now im back on 1mg 3 weeks later after failed reinstatement.

Thanks @Vercis. Could you please add all of this to your signature so that we have it handy?

32 minutes ago, Vercis said:

So my question is to you guys and to myself is what is really the point of reinstatement if it doesn't provide meaningful results? Does body "recover" faster with reinstatement? What if the dose im currently taking doesn't provide the results I need? Since 1mg have low sert occupancy. Is it best for me to increase my dose or stop it all together again? Or just stay as i am on the same dose.

Thank you for the work 🙏

It can take a long time to stabilize after making so many changes. Six days is not very long at all in the scheme of all of this unfortunately. Sometimes it can take many weeks or months for folks to stabilize, and in that time you will have what we call "waves and windows," ie periods where you have more severe symptoms and periods where your symptoms may reduce for a bit.

I would personally not stop the Zoloft again right now. Usually when reinstating when recommend waiting at least 7-14 days to see if there are any results, and given the number of changes you've made I would err on the longer side. If you have not seen the results you'd like you can then increase your dose very slowly, always holding for 7-14 days after each increase: Reinstating an Antidepressant.

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that increasing the dose will help. At some point you will likely need to just ride out the symptoms for a long while to stabilize. You can choose to do that at your current 1 mg or at a slightly higher dose.

@SarahMc Thank you for taking your time to help people.

Yeah, im at loss for what to do. Like I stabilise at certain point and I have to taper it again and go through same shit? If the drug cured all my problems I probably stay it for life. Which I know is not the case.

Reason for the first time is due being scared of PSSD mostly. Now I probably have pssd with the numbing I have...

Have you seen people recover from emotional numbness from this website or maybe someone you talked to?

10 minutes ago, Vercis said:

Yeah, im at loss for what to do. Like I stabilise at certain point and I have to taper it again and go through same shit? If the drug cured all my problems I probably stay it for life. Which I know is not the case.

Reason for the first time is due being scared of PSSD mostly. Now I probably have pssd with the numbing I have...

Have you seen people recover from emotional numbness from this website or maybe someone you talked to?

@Vercis I totally understand that this feels completely overwhelming. Believe me, I feel the same way a lot of the time. The hope would be that you could stabilize and then taper very slowly at a rate that allows you to stay healthy and functional.

Since this forum is very new, we don't have a lot of people on here who have recovered yet. But there are several people on here who suffer from emotional numbness. A few of them have posted in the thread here: https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/269-anhedonia-emotional-numbing-apathy/#comment-22083.

It may be worth reading out to some of them, as I've seen them sharing success stories from other sources specifically about recovery from emotional numbness.

The video posted in that thread also features a discussion with Adele Framer, the founder of Surviving Antidepressants, who I believe talks about her own recovery from emotional numbness.

2 hours ago, Vercis said:

I hoped that reinstatement would at least solve stomach issues so that I could eat properly...

It could be, yes, but not necessary. Same shit like genital numbness. Mine bloating was becoming worse after 7 or 8 year of poly-drugging and after quitting bloating was still there and now it's somehow the same. You are probably bloated because you have gastritis and RI can, in some cases, masks this kind of pain.

Hi @Vercis and Welcome to the forum. I am so very sorry to read of your tough time. Unfortunately your story is very common and I relate with much of what you have said about how your felt when you first started Sertraline and the symptoms you had whilst on it.

Sounds like things have improved since your RI of 1mg of the drug. That is good. RI doesn't solve WD, it just cushions things for you. It is not 100% it will work and it can worsen you, so the fact you are not worse, and I think I am reading you feel at least a little better, is a good sign.

As Sarah has said stablising on a RI can take some time and you can get windows and waves during that period of stablising. During a wave you will feel you are getting worse, but in reality it is part of the normal process of the body adjusting to the RI.

RO of 1mg is approx 15-25%. We see in the community that doses this low are often all that are needed to help things be more bareable. Often, and as you have found out, higher doses can make things worse. So I would give it a good 14 days for sure and see how you feel. Then come back to us and we can chat about if you want to increase or not. If you are feeling activated in the morning you may find more drug will activate you further, so you might not want to try that. If you decide to go up, please check in here first. I would be thinking along the lines of going to 1.1mg, really tiny increase. You must be super careful not to make this worse trying to make it better.

Please try to not take the Benzos they often make things worse, like fuel to the fire. I know it can seem impossible to cope with this, but you are not the only one to have gone through this and you will be ok. You have the strength. Have a good read of our coping skills area. Main ones to look at are distraction and Acceptance. So very important in WD.

What to taper first is down to you, and tbh a thing to think about later once you are stable. If Mirt is still propping up your sleep, you may wish to leave that till last,

Some links for you

Hypersensitivity and kindling

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

Sleep in WD

 

Medications, Supplements and Other Substances in Withdrawal

We are all here for you and we understand.

Chippy

Thank you for your support. I can give a slight update regarding my situation. Yesterday, I managed to cry even though it was not "full experience" I take what I can get. It was actually multiple times during the day. Im happy to report that 😀.

My biggest problem is that my body and mind is disconnected from each other. I can clearly feel my body is panicking especially in the morning. However, my brain doesn't register it as important or useful. It comes to all sort of things. Hunger, thirst or emotions. It's terrifying really. Knowing myself if I could feel the things I experience at the moment. My head right now would straight up be panicking. Going SoS.

So its almost a good thing my brain protects me from feeling overwhelmed.

Of course, my biggest fear is this being permanent and me taking 1mg zoloft hinder recovery or contribute to my state being "stuck" in maldative state.

1 hour ago, Vercis said:

Of course, my biggest fear is this being permanent and me taking 1mg zoloft hinder recovery or contribute to my state being "stuck" in maldative state.

You’re never stuck, your nervous system is always working on healing and stability whether on or off the drugs.

We all at times feel like we’re the one who will never heal. But the experience of all of those who’ve come before us shows that if we stick to a healthy, low-stress lifestyle to the extent possible and avoid other psych drugs and nervous system irritants like alcohol, etc, we all improve in time.