Hello everyone!

First, I just want to say thank you to moderators and admins that keep this forum running as a valuable resource for those going through this terrible experience.

My unexpected journey with what I now realize is a protracted antidepressant withdrawal began in mid-March, 2026 when I came down with COVID-19 during spring break. At the time, I had a subclinical form of OCD. I I have dealt mostly with pure-OCD intrusive thoughts along with the stereotypical door-locking, light-switching compulsions, but these have always been very manageable and have never had a profound impact on my life. Initially, I did not think anything of having COVID (as I had had it a couple of times before) until I realized that it resulted in some neuroinflammation that was making my then-subclinical OCD more intense along with some other physical symptoms that are often associated with long COVID. I have also taken antidepressants in the past for anxiety and depression. In late April, 2026, I went to see my PCP for a physical and to go over some lab results related to a physical issue which I also believe was started by the long-COVID, when I decided to discuss with them about going back on my antidepressant to help deal with more intense OCD thoughts and some anxiety and burnout I had been feeling related to my job (which I was in the process of leaving for a different (and much better) job out-of-state. Unfortunately, my PCP took this to mean that I wanted refills on this prescription that I had not taken in two years. My PCP prescribed me 20mg of Lexapro (which I had titrated to that dose before when taking the medication two years ago without major issue) with the instruction to take a half-pill for the first week before upping to a full pill. Again, having had this dose before, I did not think much of it, even though it had been about two years between taking this medication (all information which could be found in my medical file). I followed the instructions from the doctor, but by mid-May I was having severe intrusive thoughts and false memories far beyond anything that I had ever experienced before. I tried to chalk it up to the medication taking effect, but eventually I realized that it should not be this bad. The next day I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for a second opinion.

By the time I made it to see the psychiatrist, I could tell that something was very wrong. The psychiatrist had me quit taking the Lexapro with no tapering. I had only been taking it for about 2.5 weeks, so she said it would not cause any issues and that she wanted me to get lab work done before I could get a prescription for fluvoxamine, which was more geared towards OCD. I also started virtual ERP therapy to help manage the more severe OCD that had started to develop. I got the lab work done and started taking fluvoxamine at 12.5mg (half of a 25mg pill) for several weeks. By this point, my parents had driven down to help me manage some things as I was battling OCD, depression, and anxiety. Also recall, that I was in the process of starting a new job, so that means I was also dealing with transitioning jobs, selling a house, and buying a new car at the same time. I am very fortunate to have parents that were able and willing to help me with all of this, and it is not something I take for granted. After experiencing sensitivity to fluvoxamine, I was switched to clomipramine 25mg as it was becoming apparent that SSRI's were no longer my friend, but TCA's are not my friend either as I only lasted about two days on this medication before experiencing some intense side effects. Finally, in late June, I was started on Trintellix 5mg and risperidone 0.25mg as it was thought that these would help with false memory OCD (which I already had at a subclinical level) that had gotten much more severe. As of this writing, I continue to take both of these medications.

By now, it is coming into July, and I am preparing to move out-of-state and close on the sale of my house, and my parents are still staying with me to help me to accomplish all of this. During all of this time, I had been contemplating whether I would still be able to handle moving to the other side of the country and do this new job (that I was incredibly excited and happy to get!). After the closing of the house sale, I went back to their home (in a different state) to transition and figure out my next move. I continued ERP therapy and taking the Trintellix and risperidone and ultimately decided to give it a try with the new job (knowing that, despite everything I had been through, I would ultimately regret it if I did not). I moved out to where the new job was located and did a cross-country move with the help of my dad who drove out there with me and helped me get settled in. However, it quickly became apparent that I was not ready (worsened depression, anxiety, and SI) and I worked out a deal with my employer (without having to disclose the nature of my condition) to allow me to start after the new year, which would give me a bit more time to get things settled and hopefully be in a better place mentally. The career that I have is hard enough as it is without throwing worsened OCD symptoms into the mix. At this time, I have now moved back in with my parents most likely until the end of the year because I simply did not feel comfortable being somewhere in a completely different state in my condition with no support system nearby. This is something that ultimately broke my heart because I had been able to live completely independently for the past 10.5 years and was looking forward to a fresh start with this new job. It is in a truly wonderful part of the USA where, had things been different, I would have jumped in with both feet and thrived there! I will also be starting a psychiatrist-guided taper to go off of all my psychiatric medications and never touch any of them again.

Despite all of this, I have been fortunate to not have had many physical symptoms other than those associated with anxiety. Much of my experience has been the psychological and emotional aspects of the withdrawal and dealing with the issues caused by OCD. I have had very fragmented sleep and vivid dreams nearly every night since taking the original Lexapro back in April-May, but I do think that things are getting a little bit better, even if it is happening at a maddeningly slow pace. I am able to go out and do things with friends occasionally and live my life somewhat, but there are many things that I feel like I will not be able to do for a long time that I miss immensely. Prior to taking the Lexapro this past May, I was able to do everything I wanted to do in my life and more, which makes it all that much harder to reconcile with the fact that I would not be in this horrible condition if I had not started back on the Lexapro in the first place.

It was only through doing my own research that I was able to realize that protracted withdrawal for antidepressants was a thing, and that the revolving door of medication that I went through only made things worse by kindling my brain and making my nervous system even more hypersensitive than it already was. I try to be hopeful that I will be in a place to take this new job in the new year, hoping that given the fact that I was only on medications for a few months and most of my medications were at low dosages, may help shorten the timeline.

The last (nearly) five months have been absolute torture in so many ways, and I feel like I have lost a lot of things that are very dear to me. I also know that I have been incredibly lucky to have friends and family that are supportive and understanding of what I am going through. I can only hope that in the next few months, things will get better, I will get closer to healing, and taking back the life that I had.

-Sigma314

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

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5 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

First, I just want to say thank you to moderators and admins that keep this forum running as a valuable resource for those going through this terrible experience.

Pleasure and I am glad you found us :)

5 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

My unexpected journey with what I now realize is a protracted antidepressant withdrawal began in mid-March, 2026 when I came down with COVID-19 during spring break. At the time, I had a subclinical form of OCD. I I have dealt mostly with pure-OCD intrusive thoughts along with the stereotypical door-locking, light-switching compulsions, but these have always been very manageable and have never had a profound impact on my life. Initially, I did not think anything of having COVID (as I had had it a couple of times before) until I realized that it resulted in some neuroinflammation that was making my then-subclinical OCD more intense along with some other physical symptoms that are often associated with long COVID. I have also taken antidepressants in the past for anxiety and depression. In late April, 2026, I went to see my PCP for a physical and to go over some lab results related to a physical issue which I also believe was started by the long-COVID, when I decided to discuss with them about going back on my antidepressant to help deal with more intense OCD thoughts and some anxiety and burnout I had been feeling related to my job (which I was in the process of leaving for a different (and much better) job out-of-state. Unfortunately, my PCP took this to mean that I wanted refills on this prescription that I had not taken in two years. My PCP prescribed me 20mg of Lexapro (which I had titrated to that dose before when taking the medication two years ago without major issue) with the instruction to take a half-pill for the first week before upping to a full pill. Again, having had this dose before, I did not think much of it, even though it had been about two years between taking this medication (all information which could be found in my medical file). I followed the instructions from the doctor, but by mid-May I was having severe intrusive thoughts and false memories far beyond anything that I had ever experienced before. I tried to chalk it up to the medication taking effect, but eventually I realized that it should not be this bad. The next day I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for a second opinion.

I am sorry you had a hard time of it this year. It sounds like to me you have been on a off these drugs a few times over the years. Starting, stopping and switching these drugs can cause all sorts of harms. Your OCD may have been caused or amplified by these previous drug uses.

I too have been curious about what effect getting covid had on me at 10 months off all drugs, I noticed a shift in symptoms after.

Reinstating Lexapro at such a high dose is often seen as very harmful for some. Sounds like that is what has happened for you unfortunately.

5 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

By the time I made it to see the psychiatrist, I could tell that something was very wrong. The psychiatrist had me quit taking the Lexapro with no tapering. I had only been taking it for about 2.5 weeks, so she said it would not cause any issues and that she wanted me to get lab work done before I could get a prescription for fluvoxamine, which was more geared towards OCD. I also started virtual ERP therapy to help manage the more severe OCD that had started to develop. I got the lab work done and started taking fluvoxamine at 12.5mg (half of a 25mg pill) for several weeks. By this point, my parents had driven down to help me manage some things as I was battling OCD, depression, and anxiety. Also recall, that I was in the process of starting a new job, so that means I was also dealing with transitioning jobs, selling a house, and buying a new car at the same time. I am very fortunate to have parents that were able and willing to help me with all of this, and it is not something I take for granted. After experiencing sensitivity to fluvoxamine, I was switched to clomipramine 25mg as it was becoming apparent that SSRI's were no longer my friend, but TCA's are not my friend either as I only lasted about two days on this medication before experiencing some intense side effects. Finally, in late June, I was started on Trintellix 5mg and risperidone 0.25mg as it was thought that these would help with false memory OCD (which I already had at a subclinical level) that had gotten much more severe. As of this writing, I continue to take both of these medications.

Unfortunately doctors have nothing else to try other than switch drugs whilst making un true claims about which one is better for which thing, they are just guessing and throwing drugs at the problem, hoping something will work. In my experience this always leads to further harm.

5 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

By now, it is coming into July, and I am preparing to move out-of-state and close on the sale of my house, and my parents are still staying with me to help me to accomplish all of this. During all of this time, I had been contemplating whether I would still be able to handle moving to the other side of the country and do this new job (that I was incredibly excited and happy to get!). After the closing of the house sale, I went back to their home (in a different state) to transition and figure out my next move. I continued ERP therapy and taking the Trintellix and risperidone and ultimately decided to give it a try with the new job (knowing that, despite everything I had been through, I would ultimately regret it if I did not). I moved out to where the new job was located and did a cross-country move with the help of my dad who drove out there with me and helped me get settled in. However, it quickly became apparent that I was not ready (worsened depression, anxiety, and SI) and I worked out a deal with my employer (without having to disclose the nature of my condition) to allow me to start after the new year, which would give me a bit more time to get things settled and hopefully be in a better place mentally. The career that I have is hard enough as it is without throwing worsened OCD symptoms into the mix. At this time, I have now moved back in with my parents most likely until the end of the year because I simply did not feel comfortable being somewhere in a completely different state in my condition with no support system nearby. This is something that ultimately broke my heart because I had been able to live completely independently for the past 10.5 years and was looking forward to a fresh start with this new job. It is in a truly wonderful part of the USA where, had things been different, I would have jumped in with both feet and thrived there! I will also be starting a psychiatrist-guided taper to go off of all my psychiatric medications and never touch any of them again.

Your parents sound so very lovley and supportive, you are do lucky to have them. Sounds like you have a lot of postives in your life and I can understand why it must so frustrating to not be able to fully thrive in your new situation.

5 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

Despite all of this, I have been fortunate to not have had many physical symptoms other than those associated with anxiety. Much of my experience has been the psychological and emotional aspects of the withdrawal and dealing with the issues caused by OCD. I have had very fragmented sleep and vivid dreams nearly every night since taking the original Lexapro back in April-May, but I do think that things are getting a little bit better, even if it is happening at a maddeningly slow pace. I am able to go out and do things with friends occasionally and live my life somewhat, but there are many things that I feel like I will not be able to do for a long time that I miss immensely. Prior to taking the Lexapro this past May, I was able to do everything I wanted to do in my life and more, which makes it all that much harder to reconcile with the fact that I would not be in this horrible condition if I had not started back on the Lexapro in the first place.

It is really positive you are having some improvements here and there, good sign for sure.

I understand that frustration, in WD we have to learn some big life skills, one of them is living in the moment. We must accept where we are now and not think of the past or worry too much for the future. Find some peace. Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

5 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

It was only through doing my own research that I was able to realize that protracted withdrawal for antidepressants was a thing, and that the revolving door of medication that I went through only made things worse by kindling my brain and making my nervous system even more hypersensitive than it already was. I try to be hopeful that I will be in a place to take this new job in the new year, hoping that given the fact that I was only on medications for a few months and most of my medications were at low dosages, may help shorten the timeline.

I think you have hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what has happened to you. I agree, being on these drugs for a short time is good, it means you may be able to come off them fairly quickly. I would be cautious and just do one at a time. Ideally I would wait until things are more stable for you. I think coming off these now especially too quickly may cause you more harm than good.

We always advise looking for mild symptoms of 1-3/10 before commencing a taper. A baseline to work your tapers from.

It could be if you can stablise quickly you could taper some of these down fairly swiftly. The longer on them the more dependant you will become and the slower you will need to taper. So there is a real balance there to be had.

Generally we suggest being stable and living whilst tapering makes the most sense. I hope that is a situation you can find sooner than later.

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

hey @Sigma314 , just hear to reassure you, we will all heal, all those symptoms are temporary, and you will succeed if you believe in yourself, as I believe in each member in here ❣️❣️❣️

Thank you for the responses. This is definitely the hardest thing I have been through in my life, and it is incredibly frustrating because I was doing quite well prior to taking any of the medications. I was working on transitioning to a new job and moving to a different state and essentially getting a fresh start in life. With everything going on, it makes it hard to see any future outside of this, but I try to stay hopeful that I will get through this somehow. Having the extra layer of OCD makes it much harder for sure. I am continuing to work with a psychiatrist via telehealth, and I will be starting with a new therapist later today. I think that, while ERP is considered the gold-standard for OCD, I feel like it may not be right for me at this time while my nervous system is already so sensitized. I am currently staying with my parents for now, as I figure it is best to have my support system nearby rather than being in a completely different state where I don't have any close family or friends. I have also decided to cut out all caffeine and any OTC medications (e.g. acetaminophen, ibuprofen, etc.) unless necessary. I want nothing more than to get back to my baseline and be able to get on with my life. I genuinely had no idea that antidepressants could do this to a person. If I had known, I would have never touched them at all. I know that it is possible I won't get back to exactly who I was before April, but I know I can't live like this for the rest of my life. Tomorrow, I will meet with my psychiatrist to discuss all of this and how to taper off medications. I appreciate having this forum as a way to share experiences and help each other through this time.

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

Thank you for the responses.

Pleasure

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

This is definitely the hardest thing I have been through in my life, and it is incredibly frustrating because I was doing quite well prior to taking any of the medications. I was working on transitioning to a new job and moving to a different state and essentially getting a fresh start in life. With everything going on, it makes it hard to see any future outside of this, but I try to stay hopeful that I will get through this somehow.

Yes it is hard however you can totally get through this. We all learn to cope as we heal. Once we recover I believe life will be that bit sweeter!

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

Having the extra layer of OCD makes it much harder for sure. I am continuing to work with a psychiatrist via telehealth, and I will be starting with a new therapist later today. I think that, while ERP is considered the gold-standard for OCD, I feel like it may not be right for me at this time while my nervous system is already so sensitized.

I can imagine. Be aware that a lot of this is just WD and not you. It just feels so real. Therapy in WD is often of no use as you are not having just a normal response you have an actual WD injury and can't control these symptoms. ERP would be a very bad move imo, you instincts are correct here.

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I am currently staying with my parents for now, as I figure it is best to have my support system nearby rather than being in a completely different state where I don't have any close family or friends.

Sounds like a wise move.

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I have also decided to cut out all caffeine and any OTC medications (e.g. acetaminophen, ibuprofen, etc.) unless necessary.

Certainly, keeping our inputs as clean as we can is best.

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I want nothing more than to get back to my baseline and be able to get on with my life. I genuinely had no idea that antidepressants could do this to a person. If I had known, I would have never touched them at all. I know that it is possible I won't get back to exactly who I was before April, but I know I can't live like this for the rest of my life.

We can all empathise with this. You will improve over time I have no doubt. Unfortunately we can't say how much time and it can be an unreasonable amount of time for some. Healing is always happening though but the time it can take makes it feel like it isn't. Have some faith. It won't always be like this.

16 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

Tomorrow, I will meet with my psychiatrist to discuss all of this and how to taper off medications. I appreciate having this forum as a way to share experiences and help each other through this time.

Let us know how that goes. Feel free and I would advise to run things past us here before making choices.

Welcome to the forum @Sigma314.

On 9/15/2026 at 2:19 AM, Sigma314 said:

First, I just want to say thank you to moderators and admins that keep this forum running as a valuable resource for those going through this terrible experience.

You're welcome.

The only thing we'd ask in return is that when you feel well and able enough, please report your adverse drug reaction to the appropriate authorities. In the USA, this would be the FDA who have a programme called "MedWatch" where doctors and patients can make reports.

On 9/15/2026 at 2:19 AM, Sigma314 said:

I will also be starting a psychiatrist-guided taper to go off of all my psychiatric medications and never touch any of them again.

Please do let us know how you feel your psychiatrist approaches this situation once you have met with them.

On 9/15/2026 at 2:19 AM, Sigma314 said:

Despite all of this, I have been fortunate to not have had many physical symptoms other than those associated with anxiety. Much of my experience has been the psychological and emotional aspects of the withdrawal and dealing with the issues caused by OCD. I have had very fragmented sleep and vivid dreams nearly every night since taking the original Lexapro back in April-May, but I do think that things are getting a little bit better, even if it is happening at a maddeningly slow pace. I am able to go out and do things with friends occasionally and live my life somewhat, but there are many things that I feel like I will not be able to do for a long time that I miss immensely.

It's good that you do not have severe physical symptoms, and that you've slightly improved and stabilised a bit.

Hopefully you will be able to taper safely and cautiously in a way that preserves (or even improves) this stability.

On 9/15/2026 at 2:19 AM, Sigma314 said:

It was only through doing my own research that I was able to realize that protracted withdrawal for antidepressants was a thing

Yes, it's the same for many of us here. As part of my advocacy work dealing with the UK government's drug safety regulators I showed them a government report criticising them for not doing enough to protect patients from long term withdrawal harms in 2004. They responded with the fact that they were well aware of this report.

Still, decades later, nothing has changed and the overwhelming majority of patients get no information about this, in fact, even if you search for it, it is hard to find.

On 9/15/2026 at 2:19 AM, Sigma314 said:

The last (nearly) five months have been absolute torture in so many ways, and I feel like I have lost a lot of things that are very dear to me. I also know that I have been incredibly lucky to have friends and family that are supportive and understanding of what I am going through. I can only hope that in the next few months, things will get better, I will get closer to healing, and taking back the life that I had.

It's good that you have good support around you. Now you are also armed with one of the best things you can have in this fight, which is knowledge of what can cause very severe harms and years of significant suffering and issues before you unexpectedly end up in that situation.

If you're cautious moving forward, and make decisions based on having clear information available to you, there is a good chance that your taper will be successful.

These responses have been very helpful, so thank you for that. I feel like I have made quite a few missteps based on the guidance of the medical professionals that were supposed to help me, and now I feel like I have wasted so much time that could have been spent healing. I especially feel that I am on a time crunch because I want to get well enough to be able to begin my dream job in January. But, as the saying goes, you don't know what you don't know until you do know.

I actually just quit doing ERP therapy a couple of weeks ago because I could tell it was not helping and my sensitized nervous system did not need all of that additional anxiety. Of course, I did not realize all of this was due to a withdrawal injury at the time and I thought that I just had really bad OCD for a while. Over time, I came to realize that there was something more going on besides just an OCD flare-up. I am going to begin I-CBT (inference-based cognitive behavioral therapy) which does not involve doing exposures but rather focuses on understanding the OCD cycle and its faulty reasoning. I only just learned about this as an alternative to ERP treatment a while back, and I feel like it will be a calmer way to get my intrusive thoughts under control. When I was doing ERP, my therapist at that time thought that coming back to stay with my parents would be like doing a huge compulsion and that I should stay where I was and accept this as my new normal and continue to live my life as normal. That was the point where I realized that ERP (and that particular therapist) was not working for me, and that I needed to find an alternative path to healing. Several times, I tried to explain to her that I had more than just an OCD flare-up going on, but I did not have the language to accurately describe it at the time. Now, I feel like I have more power to accurate describe what has happened to me to the health professionals that I work with.

I have actually worked with a psychiatrist NP on coming up with a tapering plan, but it involved taking a medication every other day. I read through the post on the SA forum about not doing that, and I talked with her about reducing the dosage over time while still taking the medication every day rather than skipping doses. I actually liked her and felt like she was very understanding and caring and listened to my concerns, and I would have liked to continue working with her. However, I will be working with a different psychiatrist now since I am in a different state in which she is not licensed (in the US, we can only work with providers who are licensed for the state in which we are physically located at the time). I will post later today after that appointment with some updates and perhaps ask for some advice. There are two medications that I am trying to get off of: Trintellix and risperidone. Both are at low doses (5mg and 0.25mg respectively), and I have been on them both for just under three months, so I am hoping that it will result in a quicker taper

Emotionally, it's all been very hard, especially because I feel like it was something that I did and a choice that I consciously made (to restart escitalopram) that put me in this situation in the first place. I know that, had I just left the doctor's office that day without bringing up restarting AD's, I would not be sitting here today writing this post and I would be living a completely different life. It is hard to watch other people living their lives in such a care-free and easy manner that I used to feel and take for granted. Of course, it is impossible for me to know what they are going through, but it doesn't help as it just reminds me constantly of what I am going through. I find a lot myself focusing on the past, what used to be, and what could have been (which likely falls under the category of a compulsion) and I have a hard time seeing a future where I can get back to being somewhat close to the person I used to be. However, I consider myself fortunate to have friends and family that continue to support me and want only the best for me, and I know that they are hopeful that I will get back to being closer to my old self.

I just finished meeting with my new psych NP. I liked her, and I feel like she really took the time to listen to what I have been through and my desire to taper off all the meds.

As I am taking very low doses of both medications, I am going to try and hold doing the risperidone at 0.125mg (half of 0.25mg pill), and I plan to work on doing a Trintellix taper by cutting the 5mg pill in half (something that is tricky to do because of the pill's teardrop shape). I am also looking at working with Outro since they help with Trintellix, but they don't help with risperidone.

It just makes me sick that I have put myself in this situation, and I regret every day that I considered taking any of these medications from the beginning.

Thoughts anyone? Any help is appreciated. @Luke @Chippy

17 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

These responses have been very helpful, so thank you for that. I feel like I have made quite a few missteps based on the guidance of the medical professionals that were supposed to help me, and now I feel like I have wasted so much time that could have been spent healing. I especially feel that I am on a time crunch because I want to get well enough to be able to begin my dream job in January. But, as the saying goes, you don't know what you don't know until you do know.

Pleasure. We were all walked into this position by a medical profession that still doesn't understand the power and harm that these drugs can cause.

17 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I actually just quit doing ERP therapy a couple of weeks ago because I could tell it was not helping and my sensitized nervous system did not need all of that additional anxiety. Of course, I did not realize all of this was due to a withdrawal injury at the time and I thought that I just had really bad OCD for a while. Over time, I came to realize that there was something more going on besides just an OCD flare-up. I am going to begin I-CBT (inference-based cognitive behavioral therapy) which does not involve doing exposures but rather focuses on understanding the OCD cycle and its faulty reasoning. I only just learned about this as an alternative to ERP treatment a while back, and I feel like it will be a calmer way to get my intrusive thoughts under control. When I was doing ERP, my therapist at that time thought that coming back to stay with my parents would be like doing a huge compulsion and that I should stay where I was and accept this as my new normal and continue to live my life as normal. That was the point where I realized that ERP (and that particular therapist) was not working for me, and that I needed to find an alternative path to healing. Several times, I tried to explain to her that I had more than just an OCD flare-up going on, but I did not have the language to accurately describe it at the time. Now, I feel like I have more power to accurate describe what has happened to me to the health professionals that I work with.

I think it's fine to try any non drug coping skill. Looping thoughts are a very common wd/injury symptom. With my symptoms what has helped is understanding that. It allowed me to just accept they are there, float and not give them too much room in my head. When things were more difficult and it seemed impossible to turn the looping off, understanding it was not me (I didn't have this before wd) and was just part of the harm that had been done, meant I could at least not fight it and just let it be until things eased a bit. I see many people here still doubting the injury and assuming they have big mental health issues. Maybe for them thats true, Im skeptical for much of it tbh.

17 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

Emotionally, it's all been very hard, especially because I feel like it was something that I did and a choice that I consciously made (to restart escitalopram) that put me in this situation in the first place. I know that, had I just left the doctor's office that day without bringing up restarting AD's, I would not be sitting here today writing this post and I would be living a completely different life. It is hard to watch other people living their lives in such a care-free and easy manner that I used to feel and take for granted. Of course, it is impossible for me to know what they are going through, but it doesn't help as it just reminds me constantly of what I am going through. I find a lot myself focusing on the past, what used to be, and what could have been (which likely falls under the category of a compulsion) and I have a hard time seeing a future where I can get back to being somewhat close to the person I used to be. However, I consider myself fortunate to have friends and family that continue to support me and want only the best for me, and I know that they are hopeful that I will get back to being closer to my old self.

We all feel this regret from time to time. I was having it just this morning as it happens, however it isn't helpful. Non of this was your fault and what is done is done. Peace comes from being present, not thinking about the past nor worrying about the future. It is normal to sometimes go back to thoughts out of the moment, just bring those thoughts back to now without judgement and lots of patience. With time you can get good as this technique and it really brings you peace.

11 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I just finished meeting with my new psych NP. I liked her, and I feel like she really took the time to listen to what I have been through and my desire to taper off all the meds.

That is nice to hear.

11 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

As I am taking very low doses of both medications, I am going to try and hold doing the risperidone at 0.125mg (half of 0.25mg pill), and I plan to work on doing a Trintellix taper by cutting the 5mg pill in half (something that is tricky to do because of the pill's teardrop shape). I am also looking at working with Outro since they help with Trintellix, but they don't help with risperidone.

As you have not been taking them too long you may be able to come off them quickly. I wouldn't suggest cutting in half, I would aim for 25% at a time max and just one drug. If things are a bit wobbly for you, you may wish to wait to taper until things are better. Obviously you will build up more dependance and the taper will likely need to be slower as a result. Generally a max of 10% per month and one drug at a time is what we suggest after any longer term use of a psych drug.

When making a reduction it is important to be accurate. Getting a set of scales like the Gem-20 alot of us have is an affordable way to weigh your dose. You can also make up a liquid if needs be to make smaller reduction easier. We always suggest a crossover taper when changing drug type though. More details about all of this you will find here:
Preparing Doses for Tapering - Weighing & DIY Liquids

On 9/17/2026 at 8:49 AM, Chippy said:

As you have not been taking them too long you may be able to come off them quickly. I wouldn't suggest cutting in half, I would aim for 25% at a time max and just one drug. If things are a bit wobbly for you, you may wish to wait to taper until things are better. Obviously you will build up more dependance and the taper will likely need to be slower as a result. Generally a max of 10% per month and one drug at a time is what we suggest after any longer term use of a psych drug.

When making a reduction it is important to be accurate. Getting a set of scales like the Gem-20 alot of us have is an affordable way to weigh your dose. You can also make up a liquid if needs be to make smaller reduction easier. We always suggest a crossover taper when changing drug type though. More details about all of this you will find here:
Preparing Doses for Tapering - Weighing & DIY Liquids

Agree with all of this.

I was on just one drug, and did a short taper done by cutting pills and here I am many years later. It's not accurate enough, and it's important to balance tapering reasonably quickly against not rushing and also seeing what effect changes have.

I'd suggest trying an accurately measured 25% drop and seeing how you do on that for a while. If it gets really bad, quickly, then you can always updose again. If it doesn't, don't rush into making further and further fast drops- that was my mistake that I had no idea I was making until it was too late.

Just taking some time to write an update on where things are now. I apologize if this feels a bit like a rant or a bunch of rambling.

I am still living with my parents for the time being at least until the end of the year. I have been here for nine days now, and despite having wonderful family (and the happiest little dachshund you could ever meet), each day feels like it is harder than the last. I have been dealing with a lot of despair, hopelessness, and SI. This is definitely worse for me in the morning and gets a little bit better throughout the day, but I am still dealing with a lot of emotions throughout the day. It is very difficult for me to discuss things about my life right now without getting emotional and nearly breaking into tears. I feel like my future is in tatters and I look back on my past memories with deep longing. I have been dealing with all of this for the last five months (tomorrow is the five month mark since I took that first fateful dose of Lexapro that has upended my entire life). This being said, I do still get out and do things though it is very difficult. This past Friday, I went to see a musical with my best friend, and yesterday we went for a walk around the downtown area of the city where we live. There was so much that I used to be able to do before all of this happened.

I am fortunate to have a good support system in the form of my parents, other family, and friends. I find myself ruminating a lot on how things could have been, and I know that it is not helpful to do this, but I just can't help it, and my OCD doesn't help at all in this regard. I had so much to look forward to, and it makes me seriously question why I felt like I needed to go back on medications in the first place. Even with the heightened OCD, it wasn't that bad. Maybe I was just subconsciously freaking out about the then-upcoming cross-country move, or maybe I felt like going back on the medication would improve me somehow for the new chapter in my life. I feel like such a fool, and now I am certainly paying a price. My family and friends tell me that I should not be so hard on myself and that this is not my fault, but I just can't help it; it was my idea to consider going back on antidepressants and I am the one who suggested it to my doctor. My therapist reminds me that I could have never known that my nervous system would react in this way. I know that it is certainly not my fault when it comes to the dosage that I was started on, but I should have known that something was wrong long before I every started taking it. I guess I need to stop "should-ing" on myself

I also started a new type of therapy for my OCD that is much calmer on my nervous system than ERP ever was. It is called I-CBT, and it focuses on breaking the obsessional loop before it begins and finding the faulty reasoning in the doubts that are being told to me by the OCD story.

This week would have been when I would have started the bulk of my duties at my new job, and it has been very hard not to be there for it. There is so much about my job that, prior to all of this, I would have found to be a set of burdensome chores. Now, you would not believe what I would do in order to be doing those once-burdensome chores.

My taper continues. I want to work with an online source, such as Outro Health, but I cannot find one that will assist with tapering both Trintellix and risperidone. When I take these pills, it is so hard to take them because I just feel like I am poisoning myself further. I am so ready to be rid of these medications and all psychiatric medications once and for all.

7 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I am still living with my parents for the time being at least until the end of the year. I have been here for nine days now, and despite having wonderful family (and the happiest little dachshund you could ever meet), each day feels like it is harder than the last. I have been dealing with a lot of despair, hopelessness, and SI. This is definitely worse for me in the morning and gets a little bit better throughout the day, but I am still dealing with a lot of emotions throughout the day. It is very difficult for me to discuss things about my life right now without getting emotional and nearly breaking into tears. I feel like my future is in tatters and I look back on my past memories with deep longing. I have been dealing with all of this for the last five months (tomorrow is the five month mark since I took that first fateful dose of Lexapro that has upended my entire life). This being said, I do still get out and do things though it is very difficult. This past Friday, I went to see a musical with my best friend, and yesterday we went for a walk around the downtown area of the city where we live. There was so much that I used to be able to do before all of this happened.

We all empathise with how hard things are in WD and how frustrating it can be to not be able to live like we used to.

7 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I am fortunate to have a good support system in the form of my parents, other family, and friends. I find myself ruminating a lot on how things could have been, and I know that it is not helpful to do this, but I just can't help it, and my OCD doesn't help at all in this regard. I had so much to look forward to, and it makes me seriously question why I felt like I needed to go back on medications in the first place. Even with the heightened OCD, it wasn't that bad. Maybe I was just subconsciously freaking out about the then-upcoming cross-country move, or maybe I felt like going back on the medication would improve me somehow for the new chapter in my life. I feel like such a fool, and now I am certainly paying a price. My family and friends tell me that I should not be so hard on myself and that this is not my fault, but I just can't help it; it was my idea to consider going back on antidepressants and I am the one who suggested it to my doctor. My therapist reminds me that I could have never known that my nervous system would react in this way. I know that it is certainly not my fault when it comes to the dosage that I was started on, but I should have known that something was wrong long before I every started taking it. I guess I need to stop "should-ing" on myself

It is great you have such a good life. I am the same. Wonderful life. The pain of suffering in WD whilst having a great life around you is massive. I also felt I should take these drugs. I was sure I had a underlying condition that just needed treatment. That is what convinced me take them, not that life was bad, just that as life was so good I should not bury my head in the sand and 'do the right thing' like drinking more water or something! This is not our fault. The system tells us these things. The chemical inbalance theory is out there and I think we soak it up through osmosis.

7 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

I also started a new type of therapy for my OCD that is much calmer on my nervous system than ERP ever was. It is called I-CBT, and it focuses on breaking the obsessional loop before it begins and finding the faulty reasoning in the doubts that are being told to me by the OCD story.

I hope this helps, I don't think it can hurt!

7 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

This week would have been when I would have started the bulk of my duties at my new job, and it has been very hard not to be there for it. There is so much about my job that, prior to all of this, I would have found to be a set of burdensome chores. Now, you would not believe what I would do in order to be doing those once-burdensome chores.

One day at a time. That is my personal mantra in life tbh (along with KISS keep is simple stupid lol), we are all so caught up with whats next and fear and all sorts, we all need to slow it down and realise what is important in life. The past is the past and the future is not our concern. Just today. :)

7 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

My taper continues. I want to work with an online source, such as Outro Health, but I cannot find one that will assist with tapering both Trintellix and risperidone. When I take these pills, it is so hard to take them because I just feel like I am poisoning myself further. I am so ready to be rid of these medications and all psychiatric medications once and for all.

Hope you decide how you wish to proceed with these tapers. We are here for you. Main thing is one drug at a time, let your body set the pace. Longer you are on them the slower you will need to go.

Thanks for the update

Thanks @Chippy for the thoughts and wisdom.

Going out and seeing others living their lives with such ease and peace-of-mind is definitely one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. I used to be the same way, taking very simple things, such as driving my car, going for a walk outside, and errands, for granted. I fear that I will never again be the person that I used to be, and that this will hang over me for the rest of my life. I desperately want to be that person again. I had such exciting plans for my life once I had moved after having lived for over a decade in a different area of the US where I knew I needed to get out. I try to be optimistic that I will get back to my old self in time (lots of time) once I get off the medication and neuroplasticity is able to do its thing. It just makes it hard when I think about the wonderful life I could have had all along.

I am still taking half of a Trintellix pill along with half of a risperidone pill, and I will likely be doing this for the next month before making a further reduction. Taking the pills each day, even as I am trying to get off of them, makes me feel ill because it just reminds me of what I am going through and how it could have been avoided entirely.

@Sigma314 Sorry to hear about the pain you feel from the regret and loss, I know that feeling well, as I said, try to focus on the day in hand and save yourself the distress. This skills comes easier with time and practice.

If you don't already have scales, please get some and make sure you are weighing your half pills and not just cutting them. We suggest weighing 10 pills and dividing that weight by 10 to get an average pill weight which you use going forwards. Gem-20 us a cheap decent set of scales that most use.

Can you explain how to use a scale like that versus a pill cutter to get an accurate dose, such as 0.125mg or something like 0.1mg from a 0.25mg pill?

12 hours ago, Sigma314 said:

Can you explain how to use a scale like that versus a pill cutter to get an accurate dose, such as 0.125mg or something like 0.1mg from a 0.25mg pill?

We have some information about cutting and making up liquids here you might like to read. There is also a cutting calculator which can help you work reductions out. For you at the moment you just need to half the average pill weight and then weigh your dose to check it is correct. Adjust with a sharp blade or file till it is correct.

Preparing Doses for Tapering - Weighing & DIY Liquids

 

Cutting Calculator 2.0