Hi. I'm a new user from SA and I want to thank Luke for starting this new forum. You're a hero @lukeuk. 

 

My SA Introduction is here.

 

I have been on this journey for 3 years and have come down from 30 mg of escitalopram to 2.57. Sadly I'm only about halfway there because of the way SSRIs inhabit your brain. 

 

I went pretty fast at the start - coming down from 30 mg to 5 over the course of about a year. Then I took a year off to really stabilise and started tapering again over the last year, coming down from 5 mg/day to 2.57 mg/day. Currently feeling really flat and suffering from insomnia so I think I'm in for another hold. I was hoping to get to 2 mg before my next long hold, but I am not in the driver's seat of this process; my brain is and it's been knocked about from 30 years of AD use.

 

I currently measure my dose by putting my weekly dose of escitalopram into a cylindrical measuring flask and making it up to 35 ml and then take 5 ml per day. I am using liquid Lexapro which is 20 mg/ml and each drop is equivalent to 1 mg. Currently I'm on 18 mg/week which is 2.57 mg/day. I'll continue this system until I get to 10 mg/week. Then I'll have to come up with a new way to measure my dose because the cuts will get too big as the dose gets lower.

 

I want to thank Luke from the bottom of my heart for setting up this fab new site and also @chippy for reaching out in a PM on SA.

 

Good luck with it all.

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Hi Fifree

 

Welcome to the forum. 

 

Chippy

Thanks @chippy. Very happy to be here

:heart:

Thank you for joining.

 

I hope that in time this places builds into something that is supportive for you.

Good luck.

I currently measure my dose by putting my weekly dose of escitalopram into a cylindrical measuring flask and making it up to 35 ml and then take 5 ml per day. I am using liquid Lexapro which is 20 mg/ml and each drop is equivalent to 1 mg. Currently I'm on 18 mg/week which is 2.57 mg/day. I'll continue this system until I get to 10 mg/week. Then I'll have to come up with a new way to measure my dose because the cuts will get too big as the dose gets lower.

 

Hey Fifer,

 

I'm in similar position to you.  I currently use a 2mg/ml solution for whole numbers and also a 0.2mg/ml solution for anything after the decimal point.  To use your dosage it would be 2/2 = 1ml and 0.57/0.2 = 2.85ml.  I make my own 2mg/ml solution and the 0.2 solution I get from a reputable compounding pharmacy. Hope this helps

Thanks @catbird. The solution I have is 20 mg/ml so very strong. I will have to make lower concentration solutions as I go forward. I like the simplicity of my current system - it's always 5 ml/day. I will come up with something when the time comes.

 

It's great to see so many familiar usernames over here as well as some new users. I really hope this site is successful and I'm happy to help out with anything @Luke. The site feels so new and fresh - it's great.

 

So this is my first update here. I've been feeling quite flat over the last few months but am slowing clawing my way back to stability. I've been very low energy, somewhat irritable (not my worst, but no sense of humour), and feeling very sad/depressed/unmotivated. So I've been on a bit of a hold at 2.57 since the beginning of November. This week I cut to 2.42. I figured I'd survived the Christmas/NY period (which I always find difficult) because it takes at least a week for the cut to catch up with me, and I really wanted to get to below 2.5 for the year. It's a small cut - around 6%, but I nevertheless approach it with great trepidation. I combined my cut with opening a new bottle of Lexapro ?. I realised the old one had expired and I've been using it for months anyway. It takes a very long time to get through a bottle on these lower doses!

 

It's a new year and I'm going to try to do less sitting around this year. Too many hours are drained away listening to podcasts and playing games on my phone. It's so easy to slide into especially when you're feeling low and I know it only makes things worse for me if I achieve nothing. 

 

So wish me luck and all the best to anyone reading this on your journey too.

So this is my first update here. I've been feeling quite flat over the last few months but am slowing clawing my way back to stability. I've been very low energy, somewhat irritable (not my worst, but no sense of humour), and feeling very sad/depressed/unmotivated. So I've been on a bit of a hold at 2.57 since the beginning of November. This week I cut to 2.42. I figured I'd survived the Christmas/NY period (which I always find difficult) because it takes at least a week for the cut to catch up with me, and I really wanted to get to below 2.5 for the year. It's a small cut - around 6%, but I nevertheless approach it with great trepidation. I combined my cut with opening a new bottle of Lexapro ?. I realised the old one had expired and I've been using it for months anyway. It takes a very long time to get through a bottle on these lower doses!

Thank you for the update. Sorry to read your suffering a bit. Christmas isn't always great is it. Some love it some not so much. Here in the UK it can get a bit dark and the SAD can kick in. You're in Oz right? So no worries there atm for light! WD symptoms are the pits. Happy New bottle of Lexapro day! You'll be glad when you don't have to worry about it anymore Im sure. Good to not rush though. Slowly does it!

 

It's a new year and I'm going to try to do less sitting around this year. Too many hours are drained away listening to podcasts and playing games on my phone. It's so easy to slide into especially when you're feeling low and I know it only makes things worse for me if I achieve nothing. 

Good shout! Being more active is great for the mind. Easier said than done I know.

 

Distraction is a great coping skill. Vital I think. 

 

Phones unfortunately are a bit of a doom loop generator. The scrolling is not good for us. 

 

A good pod cast is great though! Love a bit of politics these days. 

You know when you are over a certain age as things you once thought dull suddenly seem interesting.

 

I even garden. Keeps me outside and my brain distracted, some days it's very hard but I do it anyway. Keeps my mind off the discomfort. That feeling of achieving makes things so much better and the sense of not achieving certainly can do the opposite. Distraction is great!

It's a new year and I'm going to try to do less sitting around this year. Too many hours are drained away listening to podcasts and playing games on my phone. It's so easy to slide into especially when you're feeling low and I know it only makes things worse for me if I achieve nothing. 

 

If you're able to, putting on a podcast in your headphones and getting out for a long walk is very good for you and you don't have to skip the podcast.

Hiya, Fi!

 

The site feels so new and fresh - it's great.

 

Feels like old times, except with a new coat of paint.  Very nice!  

 

 

Too many hours are drained away listening to podcasts and playing games on my phone. It's so easy to slide into especially when you're feeling low and I know it only makes things worse for me if I achieve nothing. 

 

I hear this 100%.   I can get lost in tech, and it's incredibly seductive.  I've lost connection with people IRL over recent years due to tapering and other things, and I think I really need to try and re-connect and build some new relationships.   Just talking to someone on the phone is a very powerful grounding force for me, so it's my resolution to do my very best in this area.  I like classes and things where I have to be somewhere every week, when I can do it.   

 

It all rolls off the tongue real easy but it's hard to do ?  

 

I even garden. Keeps me outside and my brain distracted

 

I think this is another really excellent grounding tool.   

 

 

Great to see you here, Fi!

Thanks Chippy, Luke and J1290 for the support. It's great to have you all here! 

 

Y'know, I've decided to cut myself some slack for last year. It was a a bit of a tough year for me with my youngest moving out and my dear doggie reaching the end of her road. No wonder I felt a bit low amiright?

 

I also suspect that my Lexapro was off because I actually feel better since my cut to 2.42 (it's now day 10). I use a liquid that is 20 mg/ml and comes in a 15 ml bottle so at an average of 3 mg/day theoretically lasted about 100 days or 14 weeks. I recently read that you should use it within 8 weeks of opening so yeah... nah as we say here in Australia. PLUS I realised the bottle was actually expired! Sure there are tolerances and most meds are good long after their official dates, but it turns out that liquids are less stable than tablets. When you add all of that up, I think I was probably on a less "efficacious" dose than I thought. I have probably gone up in terms of effect with my latest cut. Honestly I don't even care. I'm just so glad not to be feeling so bleak. 

 

Thanks for the tips and sympathy everyone. I was planning to respond with quotes, but haven't figured out how to do it yet...

 

Chippy - you're right and it's definitely not SAD - plenty of sunshine here! It's been quite a hot summer and where I live it's very humid as well so gardening is not so appealing. I have been getting into a few more tasks around the house. Just tidying up and doing small chores that I've been putting off for months for reasons unknown. I am working on getting up earlier so that I can get some things done outside before it gets toooo hot and unpleasant. Same with walking as suggested by Luke. It's another strictly early morning or late afternoon activity. I am managing to take the remaining dog for a walk each day - only about 1500 m but it's better than nothing.

 

John thanks for the understanding re tech and relationships. I've lost irl relationships too and the fact that I get so ***ing irritable when I'm tapering is definitely no help in that department. I still have such a long way to go too - at least 3 years I think. 

 

lol it's funny how I can just say I have 3 years to go. At the start of this I had no idea.

It was a a bit of a tough year for me with my youngest moving out and my dear doggie reaching the end of her road. No wonder I felt a bit low amiright?

No wonder for sure. Id miss my boy if he left, which Im guessing he will one day! We lost both cats recently house not the same since.

 

I have probably gone up in terms of effect with my latest cut. Honestly I don't even care. I'm just so glad not to be feeling so bleak.

One to note, makes sure the bottle is in good shape! Gotta control all the variables we can :)

 

It's another strictly early morning or late afternoon activity.

Im not a big heat fan, so I agree get everything done early for sure! Love the Uks weather. Some don't but for me it's basically about right.

 

lol it's funny how I can just say I have 3 years to go. At the start of this I had no idea.

If only we were told this at the beginning hey!

 

Speak soon

 

Chippy

I made another cut on 19 January to 2.3ish and at day 10 (by which time the sheet has usually hit the fan) I am still fine. Damn that expired Lexapro. Well tbf, it's my own fault for not being more vigilant and I have learned my lesson. I'm just curious what dose I was really on late last year and whether I'll be in for a smoother ride for the next couple of months until I get back there. I feel so good atm that I fear I'm a little hypomanic so I want to get to a "normal" level - sort of an "accidental-updose normal" instead of "WD normal". When I first started on citalopram back in the nineties I blew my life up and I do not want to do that again. 

 

I managed to finish an assignment on Monday. NGL, it was really hard to squeeze it out, so concentration may be a bit of an issue. Anyway it's done and I'm confident I've done enough to pass, so no more study until 23 Feb for me.

 

Gonna plan some trips for the second half of this year and one for next year. One of the things that was making me feel very sorry for myself last year was that I had no-one to travel with, but since then, two travel buddies have popped up - both of whom are delightful. My biggest worry is me being a cranky beesh while travelling. Will have to make sure to get myself well and truly stable on whatever dose I'm at so that the dreaded irritability doesn't rise up and ruin my friendships. 

 

Good luck to all my fellow taperers.

Day 26: Still going well at 2.3mg so I plan to make another cut on Monday to 2.14mg -  just over 6%. I'm liking these smaller cuts - not experiencing symptoms is definitely good. I'm hoping to get down to 2mg by July because I'm going on a trip and I like to be on a nice even dose when I travel so that I don't have to be fiddling about with vials and measures and calculators. Plus I'm distracted when travelling so am more likely to make mistakes if it's complicated - as I did on my last os trip. 2 mg will be straight-up 2 drops of Lex in a glass of water. Since I'm def making a cut on Monday, I don't anticipate any problem with getting there by July. Even if I have symptoms from the next cut, I'll just hold until I leave and then make the next cut. Ideally I'd like to have any drama out of the way by then though of course!

 

I signed up to the University of Queensland study Remote Patient Monitoring to Understand Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms. I have to log my symptoms on a scale of 1-100 three times a day using an app. I'm having no symptoms atm though so they're not getting much data out of me. I'm a little bummed that the long hold I'm planning to keep my dose simple for the trip is gonna mess up my data... It's only going well because I've been at this for several years and have learned the hard way to take it really carefully. I don't want it to seem like tapering's easy. I signed up for the study so that I could contribute to the cause of medical professionals understanding how dreadful ADWD can be! I had to fill out a survey at the start where I explained my tapering method so hopefully the message to go slow will emerge at least. 

 

Day 14 at 2.14

 

I'm feeling ok atm but it's been a bumpy ride again this month. The dreaded irritability has come out again. It is so bad. I'm snappy and rude and impatient when it happens. Then I ruminate on whatever episode it came out in. Then I hate myself and get depressed. It is by far my worst and most consistent symptom. So I shall go even slower. I don't plan to ruin my life by going too fast and alienating everyone I know.

 

I suppose I could quarantine myself for the second week of the month which is when it tends to peak.  

 

I started a new bottle of Lex today - actually remembered to throw out the bottle 60 days after I opened it. Yay, so maybe I'll feel a little better soon.

 

I hate this process and I still have so far to go.

50 minutes ago, Fifree said:

Day 14 at 2.14

 

I'm feeling ok atm but it's been a bumpy ride again this month. The dreaded irritability has come out again. It is so bad. I'm snappy and rude and impatient when it happens. Then I ruminate on whatever episode it came out in. Then I hate myself and get depressed. It is by far my worst and most consistent symptom. So I shall go even slower. I don't plan to ruin my life by going too fast and alienating everyone I know.

 

I suppose I could quarantine myself for the second week of the month which is when it tends to peak.  

 

I started a new bottle of Lex today - actually remembered to throw out the bottle 60 days after I opened it. Yay, so maybe I'll feel a little better soon.

 

I hate this process and I still have so far to go.

Hey @Fifree

 

I agree. It’s better to go slow and function. No race to the bottom. 
 

Drug quality definitely affects some. I hope the new bottle helps. 
 

Chippy

Day 5 at 2mg

 

I've made another cut to 2 mg (6.5% cut) and am now planning a hold for a while because I'm sick of tapering. The cycle of being irritable and oversensitive for 2 weeks or so out of every month is kinda ruining my life tbh.

 

I met some friends for a walk and dinner in the city last night. After dinner they were talking about current events and I just had to get up and leave. They probably all think I'm terribly rude, but I just cant stand talking about it. I went along with it for a while and was hoping the conversation would go somewhere else but someone just keep coming up with something new to dissect and I just said I have to go and told them that I just couldn't stand talking about it. They all looked shocked and said that they could talk about something else. I said that it was a perfectly normal thing to talk about but that I had to go. Then I walked all the way back to where I'd parked my car to catch the bus to the city so that I could calm down. We'd already been for a 6 km walk together but I just added on another 6 km to get back to my car. I felt a bit better by the time I got there. 

 

Having calmed down a bit I know that I should've skilfully directed the conversation somewhere else and I'll file that away for next time, but in the moment I was so overwhelmed by it that the only solution seemed to be flight. So I flew. They may kick me out of the group for my weirdness. That's what I mean that tapering ruins my life because it makes me unable to handle normal social situations. 

 

So a break it is. I will stay at 2 mg until at least August when I get back from my trip. I don't want to bust another friendship by being weird due to tapering. Hopefully I will have levelled out by the time I leave and be a decent companion on that trip. 

 

Thanks @Chippy for popping in to my thread.

 

Fi

 

 

Further update. I think I've come to the end of my nice easy system of measuring out a certain number of drops, making it up to 35 ml of water and then taking 5 ml/day. It's served me well, but I'm feeling the cuts too much now - even though they're only around 6%. So I will have to face up to using a more complicated system. I've spent most of the day going through various guidelines and making calculations and checking them two or three times and checking how long diluted liquid is stable for. I found that ideally you're supposed to make it fresh everyday but the thought of having to make a new solution up every morning is ghastly. I still have three years to go (if I go at the pace I think I can comfortably handle) and I can't even count with any certainty when I first wake up! This last 2 mg is gonna kill me. I feel like I should go away for a few months and just plough through it quickly - somewhere far away where I don't have to interact with anyone apart from the dog. Go and rent a cottage by the sea and go on long, long walks everyday until I recover. 

Hang in there @Fifree, most have to slow down at some point. You will get used to a new routine. I would not encourage 'ploughing' through and just getting off. Slow slowly wins the race.

11 hours ago, Fifree said:

Day 5 at 2mg

 

I've made another cut to 2 mg (6.5% cut) and am now planning a hold for a while because I'm sick of tapering. The cycle of being irritable and oversensitive for 2 weeks or so out of every month is kinda ruining my life tbh.

 

I met some friends for a walk and dinner in the city last night. After dinner they were talking about current events and I just had to get up and leave. They probably all think I'm terribly rude, but I just cant stand talking about it. I went along with it for a while and was hoping the conversation would go somewhere else but someone just keep coming up with something new to dissect and I just said I have to go and told them that I just couldn't stand talking about it. They all looked shocked and said that they could talk about something else. I said that it was a perfectly normal thing to talk about but that I had to go. Then I walked all the way back to where I'd parked my car to catch the bus to the city so that I could calm down. We'd already been for a 6 km walk together but I just added on another 6 km to get back to my car. I felt a bit better by the time I got there. 

 

Having calmed down a bit I know that I should've skilfully directed the conversation somewhere else and I'll file that away for next time, but in the moment I was so overwhelmed by it that the only solution seemed to be flight. So I flew. They may kick me out of the group for my weirdness. That's what I mean that tapering ruins my life because it makes me unable to handle normal social situations. 

 

So a break it is. I will stay at 2 mg until at least August when I get back from my trip. I don't want to bust another friendship by being weird due to tapering. Hopefully I will have levelled out by the time I leave and be a decent companion on that trip. 

 

Thanks @Chippy for popping in to my thread.

 

Fi

 

 

deeply sympathize @Fifree my personality has been hijacked, I became very angry impatient version, opposite of what I used to be, hard to be around people, every little nonsense throws me off..

Very impressive that you still manage to maintain connections, it's so important, I decided on isolation, the connections I have now are mostly editable, like here.. not good obviously but I rather keep my mouth as far away, almost zero control over it.

Hopefully it will get better as the system balances out, let's hold on to that.

Edited March 20Mar 20 by Fullhealing

On 3/2/2026 at 4:01 AM, Fifree said:

The dreaded irritability has come out again. It is so bad. I'm snappy and rude and impatient when it happens. Then I ruminate on whatever episode it came out in. Then I hate myself and get depressed. It is by far my worst and most consistent symptom.

 

Hi Fifree, I could have written that about myself so totally relate!  Like @Fullhealing I am becoming more isolated but realise it's not great - so yes let's hold on to the thought that it will get better as we reach our equilibrium 

xx

On 3/20/2026 at 12:57 AM, Fifree said:

This last 2 mg is gonna kill me.

Never.  You will come out on top of this.   I'll bet on it.  

 

On 3/20/2026 at 12:57 AM, Fifree said:

I feel like I should go away for a few months and just plough through it quickly - somewhere far away where I don't have to interact with anyone apart from the dog. Go and rent a cottage by the sea and go on long, long walks everyday until I recover. 

I actually had a well meaning therapist suggest this to me 😂  If it were that easy, I would've done it!!  Maybe some people can, though, who knows.  I was not in a position to be around people much while tapering either med I was on, to be honest.   

 

On 3/19/2026 at 7:50 PM, Fifree said:

That's what I mean that tapering ruins my life because it makes me unable to handle normal social situations. 

I read somewhere that in certain situations you can only save your face or your ass, but not both.   Sounds like you made a good decision to me!  Irritability was a big part of my tapering journey, I had to struggle to keep my inner dialogue inner 😁  I know how skillfull you are with words, I'd chalk this up to the WD game and keep it moving.   

 

On 3/20/2026 at 12:57 AM, Fifree said:

I found that ideally you're supposed to make it fresh everyday but the thought of having to make a new solution up every morning is ghastly.

I thought it would be a huge PITA.  Once I got the hang of it, I could  knock out my daily suspension in a few minutes.  That said, I kept it to round numbers so probably a very different situation.  I think sometimes I'd leave a postit note in my fridge with the measurements on it so I didn't accidently change something 😊  I am not a mathematician 🤓

 

I think it's awesome you were in a group at all!  I struggled to have a social life while tapering.  Who says you always have to bring your A-game?   People usually forget about stuff in a few weeks anyway.   

 

NGL, socializing is one of my biggest struggles post-tapering.   It feels so much more intense than it used to.  

 

Always great to read your updates! 

 

 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

read somewhere that in certain situations you can only save your face or your ass, but not both.

This I love....my ass always wins....I have very little pride or dignity left lol....I got asked to go to a bonfire tonight....there is no way... can't handle people, conversation, faking it, pretending to care about what everyone talks about. The crazy thing is , most of the time I am okay with that. I think the depth of what we have went through makes it very hard to relate to what most people consider normal. I don't even know if I want to be that kind of "normal" anymore. 

4 hours ago, j1290 said:

g.  Who says you always have to bring your A-game

Amen to that. Don't ever forget how amazing you are! We have went through so much and are still standing. If people don't appreciate that, they aren't worth it.

You are doing fantastic...2 mg is amazing.

❤️🙏