Thanks so much @Fullhealing @Mamgu @j1290 and @LostinCanada for the sympathy. It means a lot because it's definitely not a very sympathetic trait! And so difficult to control. As you say Fullhealing, any little nonsense throws me off. I need to try and figure out when it's gonna hit me hardest and isolate then. The weirdness seems to be coming on earlier at these lower doses. It used to creep up on me around Day 9 but it hit way earlier this time - like about Day 3 or 4 and by Day 9 I felt fine again. I even endured another group dinner where the same topic came up. I reminded myself to change the topic and absolutely nothing came to me so I just said "well..." but everyone laughed (in a nice way) and we moved onto something else. Maybe the first group is the problem lol. What a strange and unpredictable journey this tapering is. Full of surprises! 

 

I am honestly a little teary reading all your lovely comments. It seems such a terrible thing to have to lock ourselves away while we are enduring this horrible drug induced state that takes so long to recover from and not that I wish ill on any of you, but it feels so important to know that I'm not alone in this.

 

On 3/21/2026 at 8:43 PM, j1290 said:

save your face or your ass, but not both.   Sounds like you made a good decision to me

You're right John. In the moment there was just nothing else I could do. If I hadn't bolted, who knows what I might've said? I probably would've given someone a piece of my mind about how they don't know how to things are gonna pan out either and why do they think they're such an expert on world affairs anyway? And could we all please stop whinging about the price of petrol or entrees or international flights for a minute and give a gram of sympathy to the people who are actually at the pointy end of the current horrors?

 

Anyway yes. I'll put it down as a W.

 

On 3/22/2026 at 1:01 AM, LostinCanada said:

can't handle people, conversation, faking it, pretending to care about what everyone talks about. The crazy thing is , most of the time I am okay with that. I think the depth of what we have went through makes it very hard to relate to what most people consider normal. I don't even know if I want to be that kind of "normal" anymore. 

YES! so true. Sometimes it all seems like a foreign land doesn't it? I guess a lot of us were probably all deep thinkers to begin with which is probably how we ended up on ADs. Coming off them, we're still gonna be deep thinkers only (hopefully) with a new kitbag of strategies to deal with trivialities.

 

Thank you all for stopping by and I hope your journey has some good surprises to make up for the gnarly ones. 

 

I'm glad to report that things have settled down at 2 mg now. I'm just going to stay here until after my trip in July and will pick up the taper after that. I can't take the science lab with me on a three week trip so staying at 2 mg will be much easier. Plus a hold is always a good thing for me. When I get back to it, I'll move over to a new and more complicated way of doing things (which I'm still working out). I guess it shows I'm making progress though right?

I'm quietly hoping to get down to 1 mg before the next trip a year later, but schedules don't really work on this crazy ride.

10 minutes ago, Fifree said:

I'm glad to report that things have settled down at 2 mg now. I'm just going to stay here until after my trip in July and will pick up the taper after that. I can't take the science lab with me on a three week trip so staying at 2 mg will be much easier. Plus a hold is always a good thing for me. When I get back to it, I'll move over to a new and more complicated way of doing things (which I'm still working out). I guess it shows I'm making progress though right?

I'm quietly hoping to get down to 1 mg before the next trip a year later, but schedules don't really work on this crazy ride.

Hey @Fifree amazing progress indeed!

Very wise of you to put the science lab behind for a while and let things stay calm and gather strength for the future, when you reach the reduction bridge I'm sure you'll find ways to cross it successfully.

Keep walking bravely, you're doing great!

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

science lab with me on a three week trip

🤣

So glad thigs have settled down for you. Good you can make a trip, so positive to live whilst in this.

1 hour ago, Fifree said:

I guess it shows I'm making progress though right?

Yes! You seem to be doing very well, this is great to hear. More the same to come. 😀