5 hours ago, Chippy said:

I am sorry @Bernadette you've got this! Unfortunately as you know this is typical curve of healing from something like this. Brutal I know. But it will get better in time xxxx

Thank you @Chippy for your kind words and compassion. Yes, this is part of the healing process and I just have to ride it out, I kinda look at it as the major fixes are being done and takes a bit to construct everything where it belongs. So I'm nearing my 23rd month from zero and actually can't wait what it has in store for me after this wave. Hugs my friend 🤗

16 hours ago, Bernadette said:

Thank you @Tracey so very much for your kind words and compassion these are definitely what a person needs in changeling times time this. And yes, being hit by a wave at 22 months out from zero and have it this intense, just clarifys my system still has some repair and construction work to be done. Ken.A from surviving antidepressants forum once said in his thread. " the small fixes get done throughout this process, but when it comes to the big fixes, all the small have to be undone so the big fixes can take place". So with work, running a household, planning, prepping for camping, and then I have my Daughter Kelly's baby shower to do on the 12th which is next weekend, my sister is coming that week from Ohio, and then my Mom is being flown in from Missouri, my plate is over flowing. I'm excited to see them, but at the same time anxious because I don't want them to see me like this. I do think this quiet alone time will help me re- group. How have you been, better I hope. Hugs my friend.🤗

I completely understand the full plate feeling but you have way more human/ social commitments than I have had. You are doing so well. It would be a shock at 22 months to get hit with such symptoms but not uncommon as we have learnt from others. Catches you by surprise for sure.

I am sure this will be a big fix happening and a big window will come. This nervous system healing is just so unpredictable and certainly non linear.

I share your sentiments about family or anyone not seeing us in these states of extreme distress. It has been so hard for me to let my family see me like I am. I felt so much safer hiding it from the world. We feel too exposed and vulnerable maybe like injured animals in the wild.

I hope you can enjoy your family time coming up. Your family are very blessed to have you regardless of your level of functioning.

Lots of love and gentle care for yourself xxxx

@Tracey thank you so very much for your kind words and compassion, during these challenges time its wonderful to have people such as everyone here that understands. So things have been lightening up and more manageable. So I came across this on my inspirational prayer guide. I did change 1 word from pain to wave, so here goes.

This wave will not break me.

I refuse to let it keep me down,

because I know that God is still

guiding my steps.

I will keep walking in my purpose,

trusting that every challenge is

shaping me into who I'm meant to be.

This is just another storm I will survive,

another testimony in the making. No matter how hard it gets. I know that God is with me, strengthening me, and leading me forward.

I am not defeated, I am growing, I am persevering, and I will come out of this stronger than before. Amen🙏

Good morning to all my beautiful and caring, compassionate friends. So September 17th I have reached my 23 month fro zero. So I'll start of with things I felt with from the start of this whole process from and things that that I currently deal with.

Early in WD, where akathisia, DP/DR, SI, Intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, tinnitus, brain saps, head pressure, nausea, upper and lower back pain and tightness, heart palpitations, migraines, neck pain and tightness, jaw clenching, sensitivity to light and sound, flu like symptoms, blurred vision, eye floaters, insomnia, GI issues.

So since August 9th was where I have experienced a lot of GI issues, I did go in and have some tests done to rule things out, H-pylori test, blood tests to check for any infection, ultrasound, and . So all test did come back negative which is a good thing, just shows that the system still had some fixes to sort out.

How are things now. My Doctor who is a real sweetheart, did give me time away from work to settle my system down, about 20 days, and I use the FMLA very sparingly. Work, believe it or not has helped me to have some normalcy and does allow me to push my system in a good way but then I come home and push myself some more just to see how I handle things.

But I was always a bit stubborn and keep telling myself this does not get to beat me, I'm stronger than any dam pill and this will not consume me.

So as far as the GI issues I recently experienced it did throw me into a wave. So the things that have improved since then, my tummy has settled considerably and just watch what I eat for a bit and are very manageable, not 100% but getting back on track, My anxiousness has gone back down, the head pressure I experience is minimal and just here and there, the tinnitus was strong in the beginning, that's my tell tale sign that a wave is coming, at least for me. How long a wave lasts is of course always a unknown, it could be a couple days or in this case it has lasted 38 days, and as we all know not pleasant. So in the meantime I use my coping skills. And distraction, but mainly let the symptom be and let them go which is something I've learned over time. Because the more I would try to fight the unpleasantness the more it wanted to take hold. So now I just float through them. Ooh, and some crying doesn't hurt either. Having the wonderful support system here on the forum, all the care, compassionate, and understanding truly does help,. And I do now have an amazing healing buddy, who I will be ever grateful for and is absolutely amazing, who will remain anonymous, you know who you are, thank you from the bottom of my heart. So yes this wave will be like so many others, a distant memory.

So as I sit here and remind myself, "Bernadette you have come so far and have endured so much, and just knowing that full healing is so close, the anticipation of the excitement is glorious. "

To all of here, just know healing is happening every day, and sometimes the little fixes my have to be undone so the bigger fixes can take place which aren't always pleasant but necessary. This process of healing has given me a more sense of caring to a different level, compassion, understanding, to be thankful for the little wins.

Hugs and God bless you all during this healing process. Xxxx Bernadette 🤗

What a wonderful and hope-filled post--thank you @Bernadette !

Working helped me to by forcing me to focus on something other than my anxiety, at least for nine hours a day. And it sounds like you're becoming an expert on coping skills! You are making fantastic progress--sending prayers and positive thoughts your way for continued healing!

@Bernadette You have an amazing attitude ❤️. Your message has uplifted me today as I tackle my own symptoms. Thank you.

@mstimc60 yes work does help a lot even at times it's stressful it does keep my mind off symptoms when they come. It may sound weird but I actually like being at work because it gives me my normalcy back and in a lot of ways has helped push my system as to trust in myself. I find myself pushing back harder as to say " See you stupid symptoms, I told you that you weren't going to beat me for I am stronger than this " I've definitely been more caring and compassionate with myself and that it's o.k to not be o.k some days. The one thing I forgot to mention is that during a wave it does disrupt my sleep a bit and cortisol in the morning's are a bit more of a pain, but that to in getting back to normal. Thank you for being such a dear friend. Hugs xxx Bernadette

@Wildflower I'm so thankful that this has helped you, it surely is a process, one in which we will all look back as a distant memory, a chapter in which we can close and all live a fulfilling and blessed life. I do have a deep faith in which has gotten me through many rough patches along the way. You and all of us have a profound strength and this will lead you and all of us here to a glorious and never ending love for life. The joy and happiness will be astronomical. Hugs xxx Bernadette 🤗

@Bernadette I'm sorry your wave is so stubborn but really glad to hear you've seen some improvements. You have such a strong spirit and your inspire the rest of us every day. Sending lots of healing your way -- I hope you see the other side of this wave soon 💜

@SarahMc this wave has been challenging, but is dwindling down to just a few blips here and there, and I've seen great improvement. Just shows the big fixes needed to be done and I just have to trust in the process. The mind can make a small thing into a big issue even though it wasn't. As long as I didn't let it take hold. 99% of the time all the uncomfortable symptoms, feeling and thoughts were all just WD symptoms. Now I just learned to accept any uncomfortable symptom, let it come and let it exit. So for now I'm getting very excited to see my 2 year mark come in another month and see how much more progress and improvements I've made. I still feel my joy and happiness , and keep trusting in myself that full healing is just around the corner and I can than put this experience in the distant past.

The greatest thing that this process has taught me is to be kind, patience, compassionate and more understanding, and to take time for myself and to say, sometimes it's o.k to not be o.k sometimes and just a little more gentle on myself.

To all the amazing people on this forum who are still tappering, got down to zero, or are in the healing process,. Our bodies are amazing at healing themselves, and at just the right time, just the right moment our bodies heal and will be stronger and more resilient, and unbreakable. We are all warriors.

Hugs and continued healing and bright windows ahead..

Bernadette ❤️🤗

Good morning everyone, so yesterday I was feeling pretty good, had a amazing talk with my healing buddy for about two hour, " boy how time flys". My stomach issues have finally gone, which is wonderful, what a pain that was, and definitely wasn't happy with month 22, but hey, I get it. My body just had some major construction going on, kinda lie all the construction on the roads lately, got be done to have a smooth surface to ride on.🤣

One God thing with the stomach issues was I lost 13lbs, but hey' " it's a little less jiggle in my wiggle".🤣🤣

So as I look out into the morning light and it's a beautiful day, a cool breeze, maybe getting to only getting 65 degrees, but it does feel warm, I'm definitely going to soak it all up, and get some lawn mowed, clean out my flower beds , and relish in the beauty of continued healing. So for now I think I'm gonna take advantage of these nice days as often as I can cause winter here in Wisconsin is unpredictable, which of course I'm not a huge fan of, by hey I can pray for a mild winter, you never no.

Hugs for now xxxx Bernadette 🤗

41 minutes ago, Bernadette said:

Good morning everyone, so yesterday I was feeling pretty good, had a amazing talk with my healing buddy for about two hour, " boy how time flys". My stomach issues have finally gone, which is wonderful, what a pain that was, and definitely wasn't happy with month 22, but hey, I get it. My body just had some major construction going on, kinda lie all the construction on the roads lately, got be done to have a smooth surface to ride on.🤣

One God thing with the stomach issues was I lost 13lbs, but hey' " it's a little less jiggle in my wiggle".🤣🤣

So as I look out into the morning light and it's a beautiful day, a cool breeze, maybe getting to only getting 65 degrees, but it does feel warm, I'm definitely going to soak it all up, and get some lawn mowed, clean out my flower beds , and relish in the beauty of continued healing. So for now I think I'm gonna take advantage of these nice days as often as I can cause winter here in Wisconsin is unpredictable, which of course I'm not a huge fan of, by hey I can pray for a mild winter, you never no.

Hugs for now xxxx Bernadette 🤗

Amazing update @Bernadette, I'm so happy to hear your stomach issues have resolved!! Enjoy that beautiful weather, fall is definitely my favourite time of year 😊🍁. You have such a brave spirit, whatever construction still needs to be done I know you can get through it. More healing to come 💜

What a wonderful update, @Bernadette Prayers for your continued healing and recovery. And I hope you don't find too many weeds in your yard! 😆

3 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

What a wonderful update, @Bernadette Prayers for your continued healing and recovery. And I hope you don't find too many weeds in your yard! 😆

Nope, I didn't find any in my first flower bed, just needed to prune and pull for the winter months coming. Believe it or not I actually like mowing lawn, I love being out in nature and the different smells of fall arriving gives me a sense of calm. I should have my lawn mowed in a couple hours. I actually like my push mower, it's good exercise and wears off any excess cortisol. 😂

Good evening everyone, so I happen to come across this song that touched me so profoundly it had me in tears in a uplifting sense. I cried the first dozen times I listened to it, it speaks volume to me in what I have endured this whole process, and the mor I listen to the words now the more healing I feel deep inside

Its called

Songs that heal volume 41

"God can you hear me".

Google that and then when it pops up tape on Facebook, and then it will come up for you.

It truly moved me and the tears I shed were truly healing. Hope some of you enjoy it.

Hugs for now xxx Bernadette

8 hours ago, Bernadette said:

Good evening everyone, so I happen to come across this song that touched me so profoundly it had me in tears in a uplifting sense. I cried the first dozen times I listened to it, it speaks volume to me in what I have endured this whole process, and the mor I listen to the words now the more healing I feel deep inside

Its called

Songs that heal volume 41

"God can you hear me".

Google that and then when it pops up tape on Facebook, and then it will come up for you.

It truly moved me and the tears I shed were truly healing. Hope some of you enjoy it.

Hugs for now xxx Bernadette

Thank you for sharing @Bernadette xxx

Hi everyone, so it's been a little over 2 weeks since my last post, and yes things are inching better. Once In a while I still get this brief burning sensation from time to time but only when I get extremely agitated or anticipation of upcoming episodes/events but minimal and passes in time, we can all thank this to cortisol and adrenaline, but eventually it will quite as time goes on, . Did some baking today, a pumpkin cream cheese pie and pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting, what else do ya do on a fall day. Only reach 58 degrees here, but I'll take it. So the rest of my day consists of shampooing my carpets, bedding washed and on the line, mowed lawn, swept and washed floors. And yes the windows are open to get some fresh air through the house. Don't know how much longer I'll be able to do that because winter will be knocking on our doors shortly.

I just wanna say to ya' all we are all true heroes while enduring this process, because it truly shows how strong we are and each and everyone will make it through this journey.

I always tell myself some day over and over and keep the belief that God has helped me push through, guiding me and protecting me. I've had to dig deep and say with fury in my heart,

"Bernadette your story doesn't get to end but a new chapter is begun and as I sit with tears in my eyes and think of the hardships I had to endure, I say I'm so proud of you for for never giving up and believing deep inside your will come out more glorious and profound than what this has left you.

So for now here's to continued growth and progress and a joy that will have my heart beaming with excitement.

With all my love and many hugs❤️

Lots of love and hugs back to you @Bernadette. You’re making my mouth water talking about your baking 🤤. Pumpkin cream cheese pie?? Yes please.

@SarahMc if I could send you pie through the phone I would, pumpkin cream cheese pie is one of my favorites, and yes, it's as delicious as it sounds. 🥧

On 10/2/2026 at 11:34 PM, Bernadette said:

Hi everyone, so it's been a little over 2 weeks since my last post, and yes things are inching better. Once In a while I still get this brief burning sensation from time to time but only when I get extremely agitated or anticipation of upcoming episodes/events but minimal and passes in time, we can all thank this to cortisol and adrenaline, but eventually it will quite as time goes on, . Did some baking today, a pumpkin cream cheese pie and pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting, what else do ya do on a fall day. Only reach 58 degrees here, but I'll take it. So the rest of my day consists of shampooing my carpets, bedding washed and on the line, mowed lawn, swept and washed floors. And yes the windows are open to get some fresh air through the house. Don't know how much longer I'll be able to do that because winter will be knocking on our doors shortly.

I just wanna say to ya' all we are all true heroes while enduring this process, because it truly shows how strong we are and each and everyone will make it through this journey.

I always tell myself some day over and over and keep the belief that God has helped me push through, guiding me and protecting me. I've had to dig deep and say with fury in my heart,

"Bernadette your story doesn't get to end but a new chapter is begun and as I sit with tears in my eyes and think of the hardships I had to endure, I say I'm so proud of you for for never giving up and believing deep inside your will come out more glorious and profound than what this has left you.

So for now here's to continued growth and progress and a joy that will have my heart beaming with excitement.

With all my love and many hugs❤️

Thank you for the uplifting update @Bernadette great to hear things continue to get better for you and I truly hope it keeps going!

That pumpkin cake description sounds so good btw tho I've never tried one but hey, never too late (;

Edited October 3Oct 3 by Fullhealing

@Fullhealing you would love the pumpkin cream cheese pie with whip cream on top, it would probably become one of your favorites. If I could only figure out how to send it by messenger. 😂🥧

So had a rocky night, went to bed at 9:30pm and up at 1:15am with a headache from hell, the normal for the last 5 days. Slept for 4 hours and then struggled to get back to sleep, I could feel the frustration build and then can the tears, and asking myself what the heck is going on, why all of a sudden can I not get back to sleep.

Well I thought this is not how I want my morning birthday to start out.

So I got up made breakfast in tears and tried to settle myself as not to draw attention to me,. Just pull up my big girl pants and push through even though I'm waiting for some calm to be present. So sick it up and plaster that smile on my face as I always do and say, " Bernadette, you've come so far push this unease aside and get on with your day. So I get ready for church and go with my daughter and her husband. "

So during service Father starts talking about anxiety, and stressing in life and how it's only intensified with this generation. And how medication has helped.

I imeaditally got irritated and thought in my mind, "Father if you only knew what these medication do to the mind, and then I thought, boy could I school you on this subject ".

So know I sit and have to be thankful that the worst is behind me and start closing this chapter and remember that a new dawn will be blessed upon me.

So I must remind myself there is always a why am I enduring this.

The answer is simple "my story must be told , my hardships endured, my anguish calmed, so happiness and joy has room to fill my soul.

So hug and love to all who are still enduring the challenge times, this is only but a chapter , remember your whole story is still being written.

Hi @Bernadette when you held at 6mg for 5 months did you gradually stabilise? Or was citalopram still irritating your system so you quickly tapered off?

Many thanks

Edited October 4Oct 4 by Steve1

@Steve1 I eventually was stabilized and then resumed my tapping. You need to also understand my tapper was still way to fast as you can see in my tapering. The reason being my cardiologist saw it was bothersome to my heart rhythm, it was throwing me into tachycardia, and QT intervals, so it was urgent I get of fast enough but not to fast as to disrupt it any further. When your at a lower dose it is strongly recommended to slow things down and listen to your body and stabilize as to not further disrupt your CNS. I'm very open as far as my current condition before antidepressants. For one I should of never of been put on them, I was grieving the loss of my father 3 years ago, and secondly I had tachycardia where my heart would beat rapidly and sometimes wouldn't slow down by itself so they did a ablation on my heart which is a procedure where they burn off overactive nerves sending the wrong signal to the upper chamber of my heart. So ya this so called PA Doc missdiagonsed me back in 2023 Dec 13, that's when my hell began. Sorry for being so detailed but I should of been a better advocate for myself and normally I would check up on these things but didn't.

So my friend please take it slow and you will get there and stabilize. No rush and listen to your system.

Thanks @Bernadette when you held for 5 months when did you start to see some improvements in stabilising?

Thanks again