I’m a 64 year old female, and I was on Paxil, Lexapro, Trazodone, and Xanax.  I was also on Wellbutrin and Serzone many years ago.  I also had a 1 week stint with Norpramin (desipramine hydrochloride) in 1984, and a 1 week stint with Cymbalta in 2007.

 

This has been quite a journey.  I sometimes feel like Frodo Baggins, who had to go through all kinds of harrowing circumstances and circuitous paths to achieve his goal of destroying the One Ring in The Lord of the Rings. Because I have been in protracted withdrawal, and have other issues, I don’t think I’m ever doing to wake up one day feeling perfect, and say “now I’m healed!”.  Instead, it has been glacially slow, with a very nonlinear path.  I’m not completely healed, but I would say that I feel that I’m about 90% healed from withdrawal.  I was exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero, and I have major trauma, so I feel these factors may play a large role in my current symptoms as well. It has been 3.5 years since I’ve ingested any psychiatric drugs.  

 

 

I will say, to qualify this, that I do still have some protracted WD going on.  However, I still did successfully get off the drugs, and have no intention of EVER going anywhere near another psych med.  At times, I still have some sleep issues, minor agitation, intrusive thoughts, and neuro emotions, mainly sadness and crying.  However, when I do feel this way, it is so much milder than it was, and it usually only lasts from a few hours to a few days. And, I believe my other issues play into this as well.  Most days, I feel almost normal. And, these symptoms are slowly going away, and becoming milder and less frequent.

 

On a positive note, I can now feel my emotions fully.  I feel like a complete human being again!  My husband says he can connect with me better, and I’m back to being the person he knew prior to the drugs.  My cognitive skills are sharper, and my memory is even improving!  My intuition and perception are much keener.  (I was always an intuitive person, but the drugs took that away too).  I am more creative.  The colors are sharper and brighter, music touches my soul now and gives me joy and peace. Now that I’m no longer numb, I’m better able to stand up for myself and set boundaries, instead of just letting unacceptable behavior from others continue.  I feel my spiritual life is much richer, and I actually have a conscious contact with my God, instead of just feeling spiritually dry and far from God.  All of these are priceless gifts that money cannot buy, and I will never take these things for granted again.

 

Here are the tools that got me through withdrawal. I didn’t practice them perfectly, but when I did, they sure helped:

 

- Prayer and bible reading.  Cultivating a close relationship with Jesus and trusting in Him had been an immeasurable help.  I could not have done this without him.

 

- Acknowledge, accept, float.  When the dark intrusive thoughts came, and there were many, this helped me not to freak out about the thoughts or take them seriously, and to let them go.

 

- Distraction by doing a physical task.  This was a big one, especially in early recovery.  I did lots of knitting hats using that circular knitting loom you can buy at hobby shops.  I also did gardening, cleaning, walking, and cooking.

 

- Walking Outside.  This was a huge help.  I feel that it really helped my nervous system to regulate, as well as to burn off excess stress hormones.  Being in the fresh air and sunshine is always very therapeutic and calming and grounding.

 

- Setting Boundaries.  There are some people in my family who are still abusive and toxic, and I’ve had to set very strong boundaries with them, and in some cases, eliminate them from my life.  Having all the unnecessary drama was just not an option for me.

 

- Al Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and counseling.  Because I am now off the drugs, I’ve had to find non drug ways to deal with all the trauma and my own dysfunctional ways of thinking and behaving.

 

- Mindfulness.  When I find myself ruminating or dwelling on the past, I use mindfulness to bring my attention back to the present.

 

- 4-7-8 breathing.

 

- Weighted blanket, relaxing music, sound machine, earplugs help with sleep.

 

- clean healthy diet, and getting off sucralose. 

 

I am confident that with time, and continuing proper self care, that I will complete my healing from protracted withdrawal.

 

Here are the links to my threads on SA (survivingantidepressants.org): 

 

My Intro Thread, the Saga of my Tapering and Withdrawal

 

My Success Story

 

Edited January 30Jan 30 by getofflex

Hi @getofflex

 

Welcome to the forum it’s good to have you here. 
 

Thank you for posting your topic in the success stories forum. It’s good to have it here. 
 

Whilst I recognise you are still very much on a journey I can see you feel you have got to a point where you can say youre on the right side of your AD WD phase. 
 

You know better than I that people really love to read these stories of hope and I particularly liked your tips at the end so thank you for taking the time. 
 

I also relate with much of what you’ve said in particular about toxic people and family. It’s an important lesson to learn. 
 

Thanks for being here. It means a lot. 
 

Chippy

Thank you for posting this here. I was glad to read it on SA as well.

 

You mentioned non-linearity, and it being glacially slow. I was wondering- could you describe the healing process a little more? Did you have a time period where you felt that healing accelerated, or you turned a corner? Was it quite consistent and slow all the way through?

just waving hi-🙂 I didn't know til today that this forum existed

 

so relieved to be able to stay in touch with some of the people who helped me thru the darkest days of my life. I will have to figure out how to link my success story over here too

7 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

just waving hi-🙂 I didn't know til today that this forum existed

 

so relieved to be able to stay in touch with some of the people who helped me thru the darkest days of my life. I will have to figure out how to link my success story over here too

Hey

 

Glad you found us! 🙂

 

Best thing to do is start an introduction topic of your own and we can put a link in there for you to your SA thread.

 

Chippy

10 hours ago, Luke said:

I was wondering- could you describe the healing process a little more? Did you have a time period where you felt that healing accelerated, or you turned a corner? Was it quite consistent and slow all the way through?

For me, the healing process has been very non linear, with the windows and waves talked about on SA.  However, very gradually, the waves have gotten easier and shorter, and the windows longer and better.  I will say, that in the past several years, I've had several major stressors, so I'm sure this has affected me a lot. In fact, I was doing very well in May through July of 2025, then got hit with some very stressful toxicity from some unhealthy family members, and this set me back. In the past 5 years, I've also dealt with several friends and relatives passing away, losing and then reconnecting with a very dear friend I've known for 17 years, losing a pet that I was extremely attached to in 2020, the COVID lockdown, my husband being forced into an early retirement, a couple of orthopedic injuries, and my younger son moving out a few months ago, so empty nest syndrome.  It has been quite slow for me all the way through, in all honesty, but at least it is going in the right direction!  I have just recently, 1 month ago, quit my sucralose habit, and this has caused upheaval to my GI tract, and my sleep.  I have also given up all sugar, and really cleaned up my diet.  However, I believe that doing this will help speed up my recovery from PAWS, once my system is fully adjusted to being off the sucralose and sugar.  

5 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

so relieved to be able to stay in touch with some of the people who helped me thru the darkest days of my life. I will have to figure out how to link my success story over here too

Great to see you here, @Happy2Heal! All I did was cut and paste it from SA, and just started my own topic in here.  

Hello, welcome! Great to have you here as an experienced survivor. I really like your list of things that have helped you during taper. Thanks for sharing your valuable experiences.

@Neminait looks like you are on a very low dose of escitalopram, and then you will be clean and clear!  Woohoo! 

12 hours ago, getofflex said:

For me, the healing process has been very non linear, with the windows and waves talked about on SA.  However, very gradually, the waves have gotten easier and shorter, and the windows longer and better.  I will say, that in the past several years, I've had several major stressors, so I'm sure this has affected me a lot. In fact, I was doing very well in May through July of 2025, then got hit with some very stressful toxicity from some unhealthy family members, and this set me back. In the past 5 years, I've also dealt with several friends and relatives passing away, losing and then reconnecting with a very dear friend I've known for 17 years, losing a pet that I was extremely attached to in 2020, the COVID lockdown, my husband being forced into an early retirement, a couple of orthopedic injuries, and my younger son moving out a few months ago, so empty nest syndrome.  It has been quite slow for me all the way through, in all honesty, but at least it is going in the right direction!  I have just recently, 1 month ago, quit my sucralose habit, and this has caused upheaval to my GI tract, and my sleep.  I have also given up all sugar, and really cleaned up my diet.  However, I believe that doing this will help speed up my recovery from PAWS, once my system is fully adjusted to being off the sucralose and sugar.  

 

Thank you @getofflex

 

Hopefully 2026 brings a lot of wellbeing into your life.

 

I ate quite low sugar when I was healthy, before taking Mirtazapine. Initially, it was an adjustment, definitely. My understanding of it is limited, but it's that your gut flora has grown to digest the foods that you eat, and eating a lot of sugar and cutting it right down can be uncomfortable for a time.

15 hours ago, getofflex said:

For me, the healing process has been very non linear, with the windows and waves talked about on SA.  However, very gradually, the waves have gotten easier and shorter, and the windows longer and better.  I will say, that in the past several years, I've had several major stressors, so I'm sure this has affected me a lot. In fact, I was doing very well in May through July of 2025, then got hit with some very stressful toxicity from some unhealthy family members, and this set me back. In the past 5 years, I've also dealt with several friends and relatives passing away, losing and then reconnecting with a very dear friend I've known for 17 years, losing a pet that I was extremely attached to in 2020, the COVID lockdown, my husband being forced into an early retirement, a couple of orthopedic injuries, and my younger son moving out a few months ago, so empty nest syndrome.  It has been quite slow for me all the way through, in all honesty, but at least it is going in the right direction!  I have just recently, 1 month ago, quit my sucralose habit, and this has caused upheaval to my GI tract, and my sleep.  I have also given up all sugar, and really cleaned up my diet.  However, I believe that doing this will help speed up my recovery from PAWS, once my system is fully adjusted to being off the sucralose and sugar.  

Thank you for sharing your story.

Not only did you manage to quit these horrible drugs but also other things while you are still on the way to full recovery, so inspiring.

Wishing you the easiest path possible ahead.

Thank you @Luke @Chippy @Happy2Heal @Nemina @Fullhealing for the support! 

 

I'm really starting to feel the benefits of quitting the sucralose, and changing my diet!  For the past several nights I've slept pretty much normally!  I sure hope this is healing from protracted WD and not just a window.  Of course, I'm still grateful for a window, but I hope there are no waves in the future, if you know what I mean.  I've had a lot of help from Gemini AI to help me with my diet.  Since I have mild FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder), I have trouble with my metabolism.  Unstable blood sugar causes rises in cortisol, which ruins my sleep.  So I'm eating smaller more frequent meals with higher fat and protein, to stabilize my blood sugar.  It seems to be helping!  

Edited February 3Feb 3 by getofflex

@getofflex that is a positive update.

 

I'm glad that changes to your diet seem to be providing benefits- even aside from withdrawal syndrome, making an effort to have a healthy diet is good for us.

 

Whether it is a window, or a more permanent shift in your baseline health, getting more sleep is surely a good thing and will hopefully lead to improved wellbeing in time, even if it takes your body a few goes at it to get the consistency back in terms of sleep.

11 hours ago, getofflex said:

Thank you @Luke @Chippy @Happy2Heal @Nemina @Fullhealing for the support! 

 

I'm really starting to feel the benefits of quitting the sucralose, and changing my diet!  For the past several nights I've slept pretty much normally!  I sure hope this is healing from protracted WD and not just a window.  Of course, I'm still grateful for a window, but I hope there are no waves in the future, if you know what I mean.  I've had a lot of help from Gemini AI to help me with my diet.  Since I have mild FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder), I have trouble with my metabolism.  Unstable blood sugar causes rises in cortisol, which ruins my sleep.  So I'm eating smaller more frequent meals with higher fat and protein, to stabilize my blood sugar.  It seems to be helping!  

Hey @getofflex

 

This is fantastic news. Happy to hear this 🙂 

 

Diet is so important isnt it.

 

Chippy 

@getofflex  Wow. Your story gives me so much hope. 90% normal? I'll take it. I've never felt that normal on these meds. LOL

 

I love the LOTR reference. My husband and I have used that analogy too: This fight is like taking the ring to MORDOR.

 

My faith is a huge part of my recovery, too. Especially since the God I follow rather normalized suffering in this life. It's part of the deal. Not that I don't fight it and advocate against the medical malpractice for the sake of others. But I have found that I actually feel better when I'm able to muster a radical level of acceptance. (I also do 12 steps.)

 

Thank you for being here and sharing.

19 minutes ago, mars said:

My faith is a huge part of my recovery, too. Especially since the God I follow rather normalized suffering in this life. It's part of the deal. Not that I don't fight it and advocate against the medical malpractice for the sake of others. But I have found that I actually feel better when I'm able to muster a radical level of acceptance. (I also do 12 steps.)

Awesome, we have a lot in common! I to am a Christian, and believe the suffering is part of this life.  That is why these drugs are so overused - at the first sign of not feeling happy, people are given a pill to fix it, which is ridiculous.  My father in law was offered SSRI drugs when he lost his wife.  He wisely said, am I not allowed to grieve the loss of my wife?  And he refused them.  Good for him.  

 

11 hours ago, Luke said:

Whether it is a window, or a more permanent shift in your baseline health, getting more sleep is surely a good thing and will hopefully lead to improved wellbeing in time, even if it takes your body a few goes at it to get the consistency back in terms of sleep.

Thanks Luke, for this reminder.  Yes, it might take my body a few goes at it to get my sleep back for good. I remember reading a comment by Alto on SA, that good sleep is the last thing to return.  

 

9 hours ago, Chippy said:

Diet is so important isnt it.

 

Thanks Chippy!  Yes, it is! 

Yes! Good for your Father in Law! Few have the self-awareness to go against doctors. I sure wish I had. When my grandmother died, (more like a mother...she raised me) I was told my grief was "adjustment disorder."!!! The NERVE of these doctors!

6 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I to am a Christian, and believe the suffering is part of this life.  That is why these drugs are so overused - at the first sign of not feeling happy, people are given a pill to fix it, which is ridiculous.  My father in law was offered SSRI drugs when he lost his wife.  He wisely said, am I not allowed to grieve the loss of my wife?  And he refused them.  Good for him.  

Me too, and I absolutely agree. A good friend of mine lost her dog recently and was offered two psych drugs, so crazy! Of course she’s very sad, but is grieving a loss now a disease? 
I have noticed that in many recovery stories people say they have grown spiritually through the suffering. Not to say it is good, but that god can bless us even through the worst circumstances. Romans 8,28

@Nemina @mars It is ridiculous to try to medicate a person just for grieving. You know, I've read a blog that suggests that so many people are medicated because certain components of society want us dead inside.  Here is a link to that article. It's a very interesting read.  

 

https://drmcfillin.substack.com/p/they-want-you-dead-inside?open=false

 

And yes I do believe we grow spiritually through suffering.  

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

My father in law was offered SSRI drugs when he lost his wife.  He wisely said, am I not allowed to grieve the loss of my wife?  And he refused them.  Good for him

‘Medicating Normal’. I love your father in laws comment. It’s so true. The fast instant gratification life we live is half the problem. Solution focused. Must sort it yesterday. It’s only when we end up in WD we have to learn the skills that would have kept us off the drugs in the first place. We will all be better for it once we recover I’m sure of it. Like a super power! 
 

8 hours ago, getofflex said:

few goes at it to get my sleep back for good. I remember reading a comment by Alto on SA, that good sleep is the last thing to return.

I’ve seen huge changes in my sleep over time. I’ve done nothing differently too. Just set my routine and diet and got on with each day. I’m still a way off  good but the improvement for no change has been really surprising. Time. 
 

 

8 hours ago, Nemina said:

I have noticed that in many recovery stories people say they have grown spiritually through the suffering.

I think growth in general is very possible and likely due to this experience. I’ve seen it in myself. Not that Wd is a good thing of course. But as we live we learn and grow. 

8 hours ago, Chippy said:

I’ve seen huge changes in my sleep over time. I’ve done nothing differently too. Just set my routine and diet and got on with each day. I’m still a way off  good but the improvement for no change has been really surprising. Time. 
 

This is great, Chippy!  It helps so much to get decent sleep doesn't it.  

3 minutes ago, getofflex said:

This is great, Chippy!  It helps so much to get decent sleep doesn't it.  

It really does. I genuinely thought for a while there it wouldn't change. Then it did. As I said still some way to go but encouraging to see it move dramatically almost over night.

On 2/4/2026 at 12:15 PM, getofflex said:

It is ridiculous to try to medicate a person just for grieving. You know, I've read a blog that suggests that so many people are medicated because certain components of society want us dead inside.  Here is a link to that article. It's a very interesting read.  

 

@getofflex, thank you so much for the link to this article, it is a great read and he makes many valid points. We weren't meant to be medicated to shut down normal feelings. And the insidious money machine of big pharma throwing us under the bus, brainwashing the medical field to promote these legalized drugs. Reads like "1984". Scary.

 

On 2/4/2026 at 12:15 PM, getofflex said:

And yes I do believe we grow spiritually through suffering.  

Yes, we do. This hasn't been what I would have chosen, but I trust that God will use it for good. I am happy to read that you have your range of emotions back, especially the happy ones, and that your healing is going well.😊 You and I have similar toolbox coping material. Both the Bible and 12 step program have been lifesaving for me thoughout this "adventure". In all our affairs...

Amen to all this. Thanks for a great discussion.