@Sophia I still have thoughts. And even tho it may feel like you don’t - you still do as well. When I’ve felt my worst, sometimes I’ve literally just had to act out life like a computer program or something. Go through the motions and force myself t
 

If you think about what you like, or used to like. What movies made you cry or laugh - what foods made you happy - what fears you had. Those things are still there. The emotion is just dulled right now. It’s gotta play catch up. But you are still inside! 
 

I know how awful it feels tho. I’m very sorry. I went from experiencing that essentially everyday to getting moments of relief. Now most of the time I can feel things again. Just not as intensely. 
 

slow & steady. try your best to engage with your senses. 

18 hours ago, Sophia said:

I am reading about so many people experiencing anxiety and a lot of emotions, but for me it is the opposite. I am so numb! My mind is chemically blank and when I want/need to cry I only get 1 tear cuz everything still feels blunted. This along with brain fog, headaches and headpressure. Parts of my brain just really numb.. Its feels like I am still on the medication.

 

Hi @Sophia and @TooNorth, the numbing and anhedonia were very prevalent during my first 6 months of CT. It was my strongest symptom aside from dizziness and cortisol anxiety. It is an absolutely evil symptom to have all your good feelings shut off! The good news it will lessen. Mine appears more like a flatness now when it shows up, so it's significantly improved. 

 

In reading both of your histories, they look to be short term use and possible ADR for Sophia. The good news is as there was no reinstatements or cross tapering done,  hang tight and ride this out. I feel very hopeful that you both will get through these withdrawals with alot of healing sooner than later. You will get your life back. So many who have gone before us with years of polydrugging have healed, so will we! ❤️‍🩹❤️

Update:

 

Another month or so gone by. I can function well enough. I go to work. I spend long stretches of the day outside walking. I am able to go to the gym and exercise. I sleep at least 6 hours per night. 
 

I know many can’t say the same for the above so I am grateful. 
 

Still can’t shake the odd mood, perception, and thought disturbances.

 

I work with an OCD therapist twice per week - I don’t share much about WD because, as most of us know, medical professionals roll their eyes. The therapy is good in that it helps me combat the fears that I’m dealing with some pre-psychotic phase, or that I’m seriously mentally ill.
 

The bad part about therapy is that it’s possible these feelings are all withdrawal related and the therapy is sort of pointless at the moment. 
 

I experience SI in some form basically every day. It’s terrifying. I am still very isolated, and social situations seem to trigger a feeling of being totally locked into my brain, void of personality and afraid I’m going mad. I do chat on the phone with various friends and/or family every day for an hour at least. That is nice. 
 

I spend a lot of time researching people who have dealt with serious mental health struggles. I’m always looking for people who have seemingly made it thru a difficult period and lived a meaningful life afterwords. The internet isn’t the best place to look for stories like that, unfortunately. 
 

anyways… hang in there everyone. Thinking of you all & wishing you peace. 
 

 

 

Hi friend! 
 

I am sorry to hear you are still struggling with withdrawal / anxiety/ ocd.. 

Sounds like you do the right things to keep yourself healthy! 
 

As a fellow OCD sufferer, I know that OCD is never satisfied with any answer. Researching and reading about stuff that scares you to get some hope will only lead to more anxiety… I know it is so hard to resist the compulsions, but maybe you can try to trust yourself and life! I know it is scary to let go, but it will set you free! Things will always work out, you will get there, hang on! ❤️‍🩹❤️

Edited March 11Mar 11 by Sophia

Thanks @Sophia❤️

Update:

Few months since I’ve posted…

Generally improving.

I’m able to do things that I know many would be unable to, or severely struggle to.

I spend hours walking outdoors each day. I go into an office and work 4 days out of the week. I exercise at the local gym 5 days a week. I am ~able~ to see friends, although I often choose to isolate due to ongoing psychological symptoms.

One thing I’ve been working on is living with the intention to trigger my DP/DR, panic, anxiety as often as possible.

Recently I opted to see a Broadway show & attend a watch party for the NBA finals the same night in NY. I nearly passed out a few times and got trapped in the city until the following morning. But I survived.

I even signed up for a public speaking class that meets bi-weekly. Again, have nearly passed out each meeting… but I’m trying.

From the outside, and to many on sites like these I probably seem “fine.” Those who know me best still understand that something is off.

I still struggle with SI nearly every day. I still can’t seem to wrap my head around some of the psychological symptoms I’m dealing with. Sometimes the only way I can describe it is to just say it feels like I’m drugged. Emotionally… I’m often on a hair trigger and can tip into deep terrifying dread in an instant.

Anyways,

Wishing peace & stability to everyone out there.

You're making immense progress, even though you're "not fine".

The hope would be that everything else also improves in time, I think it's likely.

Thanks @Luke . You’re in my thoughts often - hoping you experience more progress soon.

1 year off Lexapro.

I don’t remember the exact date I hopped off, essentially CT, but it has been at least 1 year as of this week.

I have made a lot of progress compared to other folks, so I really can’t complain. I’m writing this from my desk in the office right now. I never had to stop working like others. Although I was convinced (and still am somedays) that I would need to be hospitalized.

Recently I’ve been dealing with a 2-week bout of suicidal ideation, anxiety and depressive dread that in some ways feels as bad as the beginning. I try my best to just act as if it isn’t there.

Such a strange and terrifying feeling though. I can’t fully understand what it is, why it is happening, and whether it will be with me for the long haul. I’ve said it before but it’s similar to an intense feeling of nausea - not in the actual feelings, but the overwhelming power of the feeling and its ability to disrupt function.

One of the things that bothers me the most, and that I’m working through with an OCD therapist, is the lack of certainty with any of this. No tests, no markers, essentially no proof of WD just as there is little to no “proof” of organic mental illness. Two sides of the same coin.

That last bit is my own perception. Others probably know and understand their bodies and minds more than I.

Wishing peace for all.

Hey @TooNorth, congrats on being a whole year off! You're that much closer to recovery. I'm glad that you can see you've made progress, even if you're currently in a wave. Based on what we see in the community, I think it's very unlikely that these feelings will be with you for the long haul -- though I absolutely understand what you mean when you describe how powerful and disruptive they are, and how they can convince you that nothing has ever been or will ever be different.

It's great that you're working on your response to the lack of certainty with your therapist. I think that's a big issue for many of us in life generally, and one that I definitely have to work on myself.

You're absolutely on the right path. Thanks for keeping us updated.

Thanks @SarahMc for the kind words.

Hi @TooNorth Thank you for the update, you are doing so well, working through this is an amazing achievement. Unfortunately waves and windows are very much a part of the healing process, cruel I know.

You are only 1 year off, lots of room more healing from here.

I understand your concern about WD and the uncertainty of it all. We all feel this. I think it a very human trait. I believe there are silver linings to being in WD, one of them is learning to take life one step at a time. Not an easy thing to do but completely possible.

I for one have no doubt of my injury. I was a healthy happy guy before all of this. To this day I cant believe how injured I feel at times even now.

Time is the healer, we know this through the experience of those who came before us.

Chippy

Thanks @Chippy. I hope you are doing well!

On 8/27/2026 at 8:11 AM, Chippy said:

You are only 1 year off, lots of room more healing from here.

Very much this.

You've done well to keep functioning up until this milestone. Even though some can't at all (and I say this as someone who was really quite profoundly disabled for a long time), it still won't have been easy for you to do this and as I've gotten better and more able I also know that it is difficult functioning through symptoms.

As @Chippy there is so much precedent for improving in time and continuing to recover. I firmly believe that at some point, doing what you're doing will gradually become easier. You have been noticing gradual improvements over time, I hope that this continues.

Appreciate the reminders of hope from you, @Luke