Hi all,

 

Here is the link to my intro on SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/33445-toonorth-early-days-advice-needed-on-escitalopram-fast-taper/

 

I wasn’t paying close attention back then, but I hopped off Lexapro sometime around the end of July 2025.

 

I’m approaching 5 months off meds. I’m better in some ways than previously, and maybe worse in others. I experience windows & waves. 

 

Overall I’m very confused still about what I’m experiencing - what is withdrawal - what is my “normal” mental state - what does stability look like, etc. 

 

Incredibly depressed lately, with severe bouts of what I believe to be DPDR. Hopefully time takes care of it. 

 

Glad that this site has been started.

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Hi Toonorth

 

Welcome to the Forum! It's great you're here.

 

Im sorry to read of your tough times atm. You certainly sound like you are experiencing your symptoms in the typical style of windows and waves. It's not uncommon in the first months of wd to see a change and uptick of symptoms. I certainly experienced this myself. It's quite the rollercoaster ride. As you're aware this is the CNS settling down and making the adjustments it needs to the absence of the drug.

 

I hope this forum can help you in recovery and I hope things settle down for you soon.

 

I look forward to reading your success story one day!

 

Chippy

Thank you for joining.

 

5 months is still very early. Windows and waves at that time is a good sign, as is already being able to see improvement over time.

 

It is likely that in more time, you'll improve further.

 

Try to keep looking at the average improvement month to month, rather than focusing on how bad it is on a bad day.

Hey, welcome! 

 

I certainly can feel your statement about “what’s withdrawal and what’s not” because I’ve been there many of times. Sometimes I still overanalyse everything and it’s hard to believe that some of my symptoms to stem from coming off a singular drug back in 2023. But I like to remember that these drugs play a crucial role on altering both the brain and the entire nervous system upon cessation and depending on how badly you were injured and how much your nervous system became hypersensitive - your symptoms can literally come from anywhere in the body.

 

Keep on fighting on, hold onto hope my friend, you will recover I promise.

Thank you all for the responses! Hope you all have a peaceful end to the year.

Update:

 

Officially 5 months off Lex. 

 

Went through a wave over Christmas. I may still be in it. 

 

I wrote this already but it’s so hard for me to believe what withdrawal is versus “relapse” of severe depression. I see an OCD therapist as well as a CBT therapist and they each have encouraged me to get back on meds. 

 

I’m not going to do that. But still - when this dread and depersonalization hits it’s beyond terrifying & comes with pretty intense agitation and some SI. 

 

I’m able to walk. Which I do for about 1.5 hours each day, that seems to help. 

 

Gotta just trust that time will balance things out.

Hey

 

I wrote this already but it’s so hard for me to believe what withdrawal is versus “relapse” of severe depression. I see an OCD therapist as well as a CBT therapist and they each have encouraged me to get back on meds. 

This is kind of up to you to decide. To some it's obvious whats what, to others it is not. It is entirely possible your depression is WD, its possible it's a bit of both. Up to you to work out, you know your body.

 

It's good to see a therapist, but a good one is the key. A good one in imo will encourage non drug techniques and support you choice to stay off the meds.

 

when this dread and depersonalization hits it’s beyond terrifying & comes with pretty intense agitation and some SI. 

Again this is all typical WD symptoms. In time I hope they ease.

 

I’m able to walk. Which I do for about 1.5 hours each day, that seems to help. 

This is soo good for you. I love this! Walking is the best.

 

Gotta just trust that time will balance things out.

Time is the big factor here. Walking, good food, plenty of self care, reduce the stress down as much as possible. I love you are keen to see a therapist, so important to look after our Mental Health with Non Drug techniques, I would definitely encourage seeking a GOOD one though :)

 

Just my thoughts

 

Chippy

I wrote this already but it’s so hard for me to believe what withdrawal is versus “relapse” of severe depression. I see an OCD therapist as well as a CBT therapist and they each have encouraged me to get back on meds. 

 

You might want to have a read of this thread:

☼ iwillalwaysbehappy: Just want to sleep and feel normally again :( life went spiralling down after only one 0.25mg dose of ozempic - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

 

She was in immense distress, even though she had windows, and found it very difficult not to obsess with the "return of their OCD" and "relapse".

 

Then after 7ish months they just recovered and wrote a success story. SA didn't typically even allow success stories at less than a year off as it is just so early.

 

It's worth using tools such as therapy to build resilience and coping strategies but if you're still having windows and waves you're not at your pre-meds baseline, it really is as simple as that.

It's worth using tools such as therapy to build resilience and coping strategies but if you're still having windows and waves you're not at your pre-meds baseline, it really is as simple as that.

I agree.

Thanks, Luke & Chippy. 

 

but if you're still having windows and waves you're not at your pre-meds baseline, it really is as simple as that.

 

Curious about the above. I’ve thought that before too - maybe I’m just over analyzing but in your opinion does it really just come down to windows/waves as being the symptom most indicative of withdrawal? 

 

In terms of therapy, yes I agree. Funny enough, I never even really dealt with “OCD” before even being on meds. I only started that type of therapy once I began coming off meds - it didn’t feel like a symptom at the time but I suppose these looping thoughts could easily be apart of the whole cns desensitization. 

 

Thanks for sharing that other thread from SA. I wish there was data on everyone who ever posted over there - to see lifetime recovery stats and timelines.

windows/waves as being the symptom most indicative of withdrawal? 

Windows and waves are a typical pattern of WD symptoms rather than symptoms in of them selfs,

 

I suppose these looping thoughts could easily be apart of the whole cns desensitization. 

VERY common!

 

I wish there was data on everyone who ever posted over there - to see lifetime recovery stats and timelines.

Same!

 

Chippy

Hi Toonorth!

I wanted to say hi, welcome, and chime in a bit. DRDP seems to be a sort of shut down to the nervous system—pulling back to regroup and build up again. It’s not the most comfortable though because it’s a really low drop to dorsal vagal as a form of deeper dissociation. But maybe the overwhelm in the nervous system in higher sympathetic flips it to this state to rest so to speak. I can’t say for sure if that’s what’s happening to you but have a hunch. Hopefully it doesn’t last long. 

Just like the idea of windows and waves, the nervous system goes between activation and deactivation cycles. It will get better and regulate to a more grounded, calm, alert state—ventral vagal. A somatic therapist can help facilitate more regulation. 

SI sometimes equates to feeling like you have no choices or being boxed in. Therefore working on how to recognize and use your agency, because you do have it, could be a good way to orient toward that more regulated state.

I hope to read your success story some day!

Take care,

Namastejen1

Thanks, Luke & Chippy. 

 

but if you're still having windows and waves you're not at your pre-meds baseline, it really is as simple as that.

 

Curious about the above. I’ve thought that before too - maybe I’m just over analyzing but in your opinion does it really just come down to windows/waves as being the symptom most indicative of withdrawal? 

 

Yes, but also in general you're experiencing a symptom pattern that was not there pre-drug.

 

Until you are long off the drugs and in a stable condition it is too early to declare that they no longer affect you.

 

I think if you're honest with yourself, you know that deep down they are still affecting you- that is likely why you are here and were on SA.

 

 

I would say that it is likely that in time, you'll continue to improve, even if it is non linear in a windows and waves pattern. The first step to being good all the time, is being good sometimes.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Update: I’ve noticed a bittersweet “improvement” if you can even call it that. 
 

Lately the lines between entering and exiting a wave are blurred. At first I could notice it like night and day - I could go from one day (sometimes moment) feeling “ok” to the next feeling as if I took a hallucinogenic drug. 
 

Emotions, mood, outlook, disposition & personality would feel dramatically different. 
 

Lately I’ve sort of felt those changes more gradually. Maybe this is “WD normal”, as the folks on SA used to say. 
 

Most troubling symptom for me remains SI & DPDR. I know ideation is a taboo subject, but it’s just so strange. I don’t feel it as a rational thing (when will this get better, I’m hopeless, etc.) to me it almost feels like a symptom on its own. Not much different than a headache or nausea. Scary stuff. 
 

Hope everyone is doing well. 
 

P.S. one other small thing:

I’ve put an image from “It’s a Wonderful Life” as my profile picture. If you know the movie you’ll know that on the same bridge he nearly dies by suicide he later cries out in desperation: “I want to live again!” 
 

cheers 

8 hours ago, TooNorth said:

Lately the lines between entering and exiting a wave are blurred. At first I could notice it like night and day - I could go from one day (sometimes moment) feeling “ok” to the next feeling as if I took a hallucinogenic drug. 

I understand the bittersweet improvement. Like you see progress but not at the same time. It is all progress though just so slow. 
 

8 hours ago, TooNorth said:

Most troubling symptom for me remains SI & DPDR. I know ideation is a taboo subject, but it’s just so strange. I don’t feel it as a rational thing (when will this get better, I’m hopeless, etc.) to me it almost feels like a symptom on its own. Not much different than a headache or nausea. Scary stuff. 

Both very common. I agree SI can be an irrational stand alone symptom all by itself. Ignore it. Keep yourself safe won’t you. 👍

 

Chippy

Thank you @Chippy! 

On 2/1/2026 at 9:57 PM, TooNorth said:

I’ve put an image from “It’s a Wonderful Life” as my profile picture. If you know the movie you’ll know that on the same bridge he nearly dies by suicide he later cries out in desperation: “I want to live again!” 

Great depiction, what a hopeful profile picture , @TooNorth!
 the day will come, when we all will cherish our lives again. Let’s firmly hold on to that.
I had SI for about eight weeks after going from 15 to 2 mg lexapro in one step. It really was a symptom on its own. One day it just disappeared. I hope the same will happen for you soon.

Take care, Nemina

On 2/1/2026 at 12:57 PM, TooNorth said:

I’ve put an image from “It’s a Wonderful Life” as my profile picture.

Hi @TooNorth, I noticed this and I really like it and meant to complement you on it.  It's brilliant. One of my favorite movies too. We all need an AS2 through this don't we?😇

 

On 2/1/2026 at 12:57 PM, TooNorth said:

Most troubling symptom for me remains SI & DPDR

So sorry you are dealing with these! Very common Lex symptoms. I am CT from escitalopram and relate to alot of your symptoms. I never had SI, but it was pretty dark depression in months 1-4 like I had never ever experienced in my life, so I knew this BS was withdrawal. The DPDR was really strong when I first went on this poison, and then reared up in WD from months 7-9. Right now it has lessened alot. So it's not you! Please have a support system in place for your SI. It should lessen with time for you, the sooner the better!🙏

thank you @HopePerseveres2.0! I appreciate your insight and words of support. I’m glad your feelings of DPDR have lessened. Such an inhuman feeling. 

@Nemina thank you! I’ll hold onto that hope. I pray it’ll lift for me one day as yours did. Be well! 

Hi @Nemina and @HopePerseveres2.0I hope you are doing well! 
 

I am reading about so many people experiencing anxiety and a lot of emotions, but for me it is the opposite. I am so numb! My mind is chemically blank and when I want/need to cry I only get 1 tear cuz everything still feels blunted. This along with brain fog, headaches and headpressure. Parts of my brain just really numb.. Its feels like I am still on the medication.

 

I wonder if you have experienced this as well? 

Hi @Sophia I totally get it. I go back and forth. I find when I’m out and around people, like at work. I go totally blank. Like my personality is gone. My speech is different, less precise than what it used to be. Almost the same feeling as when I used to smoke too much weed. 

When I’m home alone I find I have a bit more access to my emotions. They are still dulled tho. 
 

 

Thank you for your reply, Its awful! 🥹🥹 @TooNorth

 

Do you still have thoughts ? My inner monologue is almost dead.. I don’t feel fear, anxiety, nerves, excitment, its just blank and dull and very unnatrual 😭

Edited February 5Feb 5 by Sophia