44 minutes ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello @Chippy and @Fullhealing! Thank you so much for you words.

 

i am just afraid that it is not a withdrawal symptom but that something is really wrong with me. Nobody talks about this around me and doctors never support my "withdrawal theory"
but that i feel a bit better with this 0,5 is a sign that there is really this chemical disbalance in me right? That I just have to wait and heal right?

@nothingbutlia You wouldn't believe the horrors my mind tells me at times.. It didn't miss a single disease and even invented some that didn't exist.. crazy but be assured that it is now biochemical imbalance as a result of the drug, fortunately, our wonderful system has the ability to regulate itself and return to a healthy baseline. those who have not experienced this hell will not be able to understand, it is not something tangible and not enough public awareness yet but it seems that it is slowly heading in this direction, and doctors.. for most It's not profitable to know imo.

I glad you feel somewhat improvement that's good, hold on a little longer and then think about moving on, you got this, stay strong.

Edited March 21Mar 21 by Fullhealing

Thank you @Chippy and @Fullhealing! Honest, your words are making me hold on to this and just believe it can be possible.

 

It is quite a lonely and tough path, because there is so much misinformation and everyone is so different and then this continuous self chatter with myself full of bad feelings and thoughts and this anxiety and dread and pending mortality out of "nowhere" that I somehow don't relate too! It is so awful and feels so hopeless, but then there is this forum! So... thank you!

 

I will probably still ask hundreds of times here if it is really possible for my body and mind to get to the healthy balance someday by itself. Sorry!

 

2 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

I will probably still ask hundreds of times here if it is really possible for my body and mind to get to the healthy balance someday by itself. Sorry!

You're not alone @nothingbutlia. I'm an emotional wreck ATM with everything that's happening in the world layered on top of my emotional fragility it's tough. It comes in waves so I'm not stuck in a state. I reassure myself it will pass — it does and then returns a little later.

 

I also direct my focus on how far I have come so far and what I have achieved. I'm a lot more stable than I was a year ago. this gives me incentive to keep going no matter how slowly. Try talking kindly to yourself — like you would talk to a close friend; reassure yourself and let yourself know it's okay to feel the way you're feeling. The thoughts you are having are likely not reflecting reality - you can replace them with other thoughts.

 

Take care and go easy on yourself 🤗

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

Thank you @Chippy and @Fullhealing! Honest, your words are making me hold on to this and just believe it can be possible.

Pleasure we’ve gotta help each other through this. 
 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

is quite a lonely and tough path, because there is so much misinformation and everyone is so different and then this continuous self chatter with myself full of bad feelings and thoughts and this anxiety and dread and pending mortality out of "nowhere" that I somehow don't relate too! It is so awful and feels so hopeless, but then there is this forum! So... thank you!

It can be. 😞 I can relate with the out of nowhere part. That’s what they feel like these symptoms sometimes. 
 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

will probably still ask hundreds of times here if it is really possible for my body and mind to get to the healthy balance someday by itself. Sorry!

Oh it’s no problems. Feel validated. You’re not going crazy or getting a new mental health issue. Wd is real and awful. We all get it. 

@nothingbutlia Joining Chippy, ask repeatedly, share, vent, what's good for you is good for us, it's a tough process and we're all here for you!

I'll hope and pray that things will ease for you soon 🙏 

Edited March 22Mar 22 by Fullhealing

Hello everyone!

 

I am/was doing better with the RI! I do have downs everyday still, and today particularly has been full of sadness and anxiety and hundreds of different symptoms. I watch my life and I love it, I am so grateful for it, and deep inside I feel so awful like I am still living in a nightmare since this started. Everything is so dark, but it just wasn't and I don't know how to get out of this!
 

I am on day 14 of RI, but only on day 10 of RI 0,5. Shall I continue 4 more days? 

 

I really need this nightmare to stop! It will right? Please tell me it will!

 

sorry to keep bothering

15 minutes ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello everyone!

 

I am/was doing better with the RI! I do have downs everyday still, and today particularly has been full of sadness and anxiety and hundreds of different symptoms. I watch my life and I love it, I am so grateful for it, and deep inside I feel so awful like I am still living in a nightmare since this started. Everything is so dark, but it just wasn't and I don't know how to get out of this!
 

I am on day 14 of RI, but only on day 10 of RI 0,5. Shall I continue 4 more days? 

 

I really need this nightmare to stop! It will right? Please tell me it will!

 

sorry to keep bothering

I'm truly sorry @nothingbutlia it can be very dark at times but it's part of the process unfortunately, I'm sure things will get better for you with time, just hang in there and remember it's temporary.

I'm not sure I'm reading your signature correctly, you were on 0.25 and now on 0.5 and starting to feel better?

Edited March 25Mar 25 by Fullhealing

53 minutes ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello everyone!

 

I am/was doing better with the RI! I do have downs everyday still, and today particularly has been full of sadness and anxiety and hundreds of different symptoms. I watch my life and I love it, I am so grateful for it, and deep inside I feel so awful like I am still living in a nightmare since this started. Everything is so dark, but it just wasn't and I don't know how to get out of this!
 

I am on day 14 of RI, but only on day 10 of RI 0,5. Shall I continue 4 more days? 

 

I really need this nightmare to stop! It will right? Please tell me it will!

 

sorry to keep bothering

I’m sorry you have had a bad day today. It’s probably a little wave rather than a worsening maybe 

 

You could try 0.6/7mg and see if that brings you further relief. 
 

Are you able to score the severity of your symptoms? Before RI, after and today in this wave?

Hello @Chippyand @Fullhealing!

 

before RI I would say a 8/9. Really awful!

with the 0,25mg I didn't feel any better

with 0,5mg I would say 4/5 (I even had a day I could say was a 2)

today was a 8 again

i feel awful everyday in different ways as if a monster inside is just trying to find reasons to make me feel terrible. Today it wasn't anxiety but deeeeep sadness.

 

i had depression and anxiety in life and I know it is shit and feels dark.. but somehow you don't "question" it! But this feels dark with absolutely no clue why! My kids run outside in the sun and I would cry of gratitude a month ago, and now I cry because I feel SO DESPERATELY sad and I have no reason because I really love my life. I am so desperate 

 

thank you so very much for your quick answers

1 hour ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello @Chippyand @Fullhealing!

 

before RI I would say a 8/9. Really awful!

with the 0,25mg I didn't feel any better

with 0,5mg I would say 4/5 (I even had a day I could say was a 2)

today was a 8 again

i feel awful everyday in different ways as if a monster inside is just trying to find reasons to make me feel terrible. Today it wasn't anxiety but deeeeep sadness.

 

i had depression and anxiety in life and I know it is shit and feels dark.. but somehow you don't "question" it! But this feels dark with absolutely no clue why! My kids run outside in the sun and I would cry of gratitude a month ago, and now I cry because I feel SO DESPERATELY sad and I have no reason because I really love my life. I am so desperate 

 

thank you so very much for your quick answers

@nothingbutlia if you already see improvement within 10 days on 0.5 that's great, you scored 2 which is really good and an indicator that your system is slowly balancing, considering that I would give it more time and see how things go.

Hang in there, you will find solid balance eventually, it's just that the road there is full of bumps.

Sending you lots of strength and encouragement.

On 3/21/2026 at 11:02 PM, nothingbutlia said:

Thank you @Chippy and @Fullhealing! Honest, your words are making me hold on to this and just believe it can be possible.

 

It is quite a lonely and tough path, because there is so much misinformation and everyone is so different and then this continuous self chatter with myself full of bad feelings and thoughts and this anxiety and dread and pending mortality out of "nowhere" that I somehow don't relate too! It is so awful and feels so hopeless, but then there is this forum! So... thank you!

 

I will probably still ask hundreds of times here if it is really possible for my body and mind to get to the healthy balance someday by itself. Sorry!

 

@nothingbutlia just saw this thread now and I'm coming off the same drug and in a hellscape and I feel what you're saying.  It's so lonely and tough.  I feel your pain. All the best. 

I'm wishing you the best @nothingbutlia. Please try to stick with this reinstatement, I wish I did. I hope it goes well and I'll be praying for you.

7 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

before RI I would say a 8/9. Really awful!

with the 0,25mg I didn't feel any better

with 0,5mg I would say 4/5 (I even had a day I could say was a 2)

today was a 8 again

i feel awful everyday in different ways as if a monster inside is just trying to find reasons to make me feel terrible. Today it wasn't anxiety but deeeeep sadness.

It’s great that RI had such a strong positive effect. Unfortunately the symptoms come and go in waves and windows, this is very normal. 
 

Your brain is fighting hard to rebalance for you and find stability. 
 

7 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

But this feels dark with absolutely no clue why! My kids run outside in the sun and I would cry of gratitude a month ago, and now I cry because I feel SO DESPERATELY sad and I have no reason because I really love my life. I am so desperate 

I’ve known this only too well. That darkness is so heavy and without cause. Awful. 😞 

 

Let us know if you updose further and how that goes?

 

Be aware that you shouldn’t expect to be symptom free at any given dose and you are not looking to get to your original dose, just find a sweet spot where the symptoms are less and hopefully more bareable. There often comes a point where it’s too much and more drug makes things worse. So dose increases should be cautious. Also it can take some time for the full effect of the increases to take hold. 
 

Chippy

On 3/25/2026 at 8:44 PM, nothingbutlia said:

before RI I would say a 8/9. Really awful!

with the 0,25mg I didn't feel any better

with 0,5mg I would say 4/5 (I even had a day I could say was a 2)

today was a 8 again

i feel awful everyday in different ways as if a monster inside is just trying to find reasons to make me feel terrible. Today it wasn't anxiety but deeeeep sadness.

 

It can take time to settle.

 

You may need to updose in a while, but you're doing the right thing doing it cautiously. Finding a reinstatement dose that works is great, but if you go too much, too quickly, I've seen it cause harm that's then very difficult to reverse for far greater periods than weeks of carefully updosing.

 

@Chippy has been helping you, but just sharing my own thoughts:

 

As it will have been two weeks since updosing to 0.5mg tomorrow, it may be worth trying another updose, potentially to 0.75mg and seeing if this helps, given that increasing to 0.5 helped a bit.

On 3/25/2026 at 8:44 PM, nothingbutlia said:

Hello @Chippyand @Fullhealing!

 

before RI I would say a 8/9. Really awful!

with the 0,25mg I didn't feel any better

with 0,5mg I would say 4/5 (I even had a day I could say was a 2)

today was a 8 again

i feel awful everyday in different ways as if a monster inside is just trying to find reasons to make me feel terrible. Today it wasn't anxiety but deeeeep sadness.

 

i had depression and anxiety in life and I know it is shit and feels dark.. but somehow you don't "question" it! But this feels dark with absolutely no clue why! My kids run outside in the sun and I would cry of gratitude a month ago, and now I cry because I feel SO DESPERATELY sad and I have no reason because I really love my life. I am so desperate 

 

thank you so very much for your quick answers

Hey @nothingbutlia just checking in to see how you are? Did you increase your dose?

Hope all is ok, thinking of you, Chippy

Hello everyone! Hello @Chippy mostly!

 

I cannot thank you all enough for being there for me! This forum has been the hope and light!
 

I updosed very slowly. Everyday 5 days I would put a little more. I am on 0,9 now for 5 days and I have to say: I feel very very very stable! Will keep this now for a long time. I do have up and downs, depending on triggers and every other circumstances but the utter despair and agony have been erased completely so I feel I can breathe.

I was completely hit by the biggest cloud ever on the 1st of march. Although I do feel the cloud still on my head, I keep on telling there might be sun behind because I do see the rays! I do have good moments! I am on a steady 4 everyday now! 
 

I am still shocked how awful this withdrawal is. I have been in a lot of different kinds of dark places in my mind in life, but this was something really really terrifying. I was a whole month in a 24/7 state of facing my deepest fears and most absurdly dreadful physical states. And I am very good with pain and fear. But this was really another league. 
Now I am 10 days now without waking up in terrible anxiety and I do manage to have other things in my mind (with 0,7mg it started being evidently better already)

 

I will keep you updated! Since I have no idea how tapering works and how long I should and I am so scared of it now!

 

And I do feel sorry that I am being so egocentric only focusing on my issue, because the last month I have been unable to somehow think of ANYTHING else. I hope you guys are on some positive curve too (?).

 

@Chippy, thank you! So much 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

cannot thank you all enough for being there for me! This forum has been the hope and light!

Pleasure @nothingbutlia I’m glad we could help. 
 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

updosed very slowly. Everyday 5 days I would put a little more. I am on 0,9 now for 5 days and I have to say: I feel very very very stable! Will keep this now for a long time. I do have up and downs, depending on triggers and every other circumstances but the utter despair and agony have been erased completely so I feel I can breathe.

I was completely hit by the biggest cloud ever on the 1st of march. Although I do feel the cloud still on my head, I keep on telling there might be sun behind because I do see the rays! I do have good moments! I am on a steady 4 everyday now! 

Thank you for the update. It’s good to see RI and updosing has worked for you. 😀

Could I ask you to update you signature with each increase?

 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

am still shocked how awful this withdrawal is. I have been in a lot of different kinds of dark places in my mind in life, but this was something really really terrifying. I was a whole month in a 24/7 state of facing my deepest fears and most absurdly dreadful physical states. And I am very good with pain and fear. But this was really another league. 
Now I am 10 days now without waking up in terrible anxiety and I do manage to have other things in my mind (with 0,7mg it started being evidently better already)

This is fantastic to hear. So you plan to settle here at 0.9mg? I think youve sussed this out now. If your symptoms are consistently a 4, thats pretty good. It’s likely things will improve,WD wise, some more. Some of this will be a little injury that time will heal. So yes you are right to not seek 0 symptoms. That isn’t the goal, and is likely not possible. More eventually can lead to worsening. 
 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

will keep you updated! Since I have no idea how tapering works and how long I should and I am so scared of it now!

Yes please! 😀 We can help you with the taper when it’s time. For the minute what you should do , is just sit here at this dose for a good few months, and let the RI complete its job, and your nervous system to settle into a baseline for you. Then, when you’re ready, we can discuss how to taper off. Nothing to do now but rest, look after yourself and let your body do what it does best. Heal. 😀

 

5 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

@Chippy, thank you! So much 

So very welcome. 
 

Chippy

11 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello everyone! Hello @Chippy mostly!

 

I cannot thank you all enough for being there for me! This forum has been the hope and light!
 

I updosed very slowly. Everyday 5 days I would put a little more. I am on 0,9 now for 5 days and I have to say: I feel very very very stable! Will keep this now for a long time. I do have up and downs, depending on triggers and every other circumstances but the utter despair and agony have been erased completely so I feel I can breathe.

I was completely hit by the biggest cloud ever on the 1st of march. Although I do feel the cloud still on my head, I keep on telling there might be sun behind because I do see the rays! I do have good moments! I am on a steady 4 everyday now! 
 

I am still shocked how awful this withdrawal is. I have been in a lot of different kinds of dark places in my mind in life, but this was something really really terrifying. I was a whole month in a 24/7 state of facing my deepest fears and most absurdly dreadful physical states. And I am very good with pain and fear. But this was really another league. 
Now I am 10 days now without waking up in terrible anxiety and I do manage to have other things in my mind (with 0,7mg it started being evidently better already)

 

I will keep you updated! Since I have no idea how tapering works and how long I should and I am so scared of it now!

 

And I do feel sorry that I am being so egocentric only focusing on my issue, because the last month I have been unable to somehow think of ANYTHING else. I hope you guys are on some positive curve too (?).

 

@Chippy, thank you! So much 

this sounds sooo positive @nothingbutlia. It's so good to feel alive again after long periods of despair and pain. 🤗

16 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello everyone! Hello @Chippy mostly!

 

I cannot thank you all enough for being there for me! This forum has been the hope and light!
 

I updosed very slowly. Everyday 5 days I would put a little more. I am on 0,9 now for 5 days and I have to say: I feel very very very stable! Will keep this now for a long time. I do have up and downs, depending on triggers and every other circumstances but the utter despair and agony have been erased completely so I feel I can breathe.

I was completely hit by the biggest cloud ever on the 1st of march. Although I do feel the cloud still on my head, I keep on telling there might be sun behind because I do see the rays! I do have good moments! I am on a steady 4 everyday now! 
 

I am still shocked how awful this withdrawal is. I have been in a lot of different kinds of dark places in my mind in life, but this was something really really terrifying. I was a whole month in a 24/7 state of facing my deepest fears and most absurdly dreadful physical states. And I am very good with pain and fear. But this was really another league. 
Now I am 10 days now without waking up in terrible anxiety and I do manage to have other things in my mind (with 0,7mg it started being evidently better already)

 

I will keep you updated! Since I have no idea how tapering works and how long I should and I am so scared of it now!

 

And I do feel sorry that I am being so egocentric only focusing on my issue, because the last month I have been unable to somehow think of ANYTHING else. I hope you guys are on some positive curve too (?).

 

@Chippy, thank you! So much 

 

Wonderful news @nothingbutlia! Easy does it 😊
The people here at AR will definitely be able to help you with your tapering process.

 

Wishing you stable days and further recovery!

@nothingbutlia I am glad you are stabilising.

 

I think it's wise to stay there for a while to maintain that. Down the line, you can then make decisions about what to do next from a position of stability and strength, and not out of desperation.

Hello everyone!

Just coming to say that i have been very stable!

Also coming to ask a question: I do feel some wake and Windows still! When I get triggered (which happens easily) I sometimes have some profound anxiety. I was 3 weeks with 0,9 RI and then I "collapsed" for 48h and decided to put 1mg RI and it "helped immediately", so I have been super stable again for 3 weeks. Now I collapsed again (48H) and I don't know what to do: should I wait and just go with it and accept that it is just mental withdrawal or should I go with 1,1? And if I go to 1,1, will it ever stop? Does it mean I am "addicted"?

Would love to hear opinions!

Thank you so much for being here!

3 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello everyone!

Just coming to say that i have been very stable!

Also coming to ask a question: I do feel some wake and Windows still! When I get triggered (which happens easily) I sometimes have some profound anxiety. I was 3 weeks with 0,9 RI and then I "collapsed" for 48h and decided to put 1mg RI and it "helped immediately", so I have been super stable again for 3 weeks. Now I collapsed again (48H) and I don't know what to do: should I wait and just go with it and accept that it is just mental withdrawal or should I go with 1,1? And if I go to 1,1, will it ever stop? Does it mean I am "addicted"?

Would love to hear opinions!

Thank you so much for being here!

Hi @nothingbutlia sounds like the RI is working for you and you’ve achieved some stability. You’re not “addicted” to the meds though you do have a degree of physiological dependence. This difference is in the behaviours and cravings. I’m pretty sure you’re not driven to break into houses and commit crimes to get your hands on the medication.

8 hours ago, nothingbutlia said:

Hello everyone!

Just coming to say that i have been very stable!

Also coming to ask a question: I do feel some wake and Windows still! When I get triggered (which happens easily) I sometimes have some profound anxiety. I was 3 weeks with 0,9 RI and then I "collapsed" for 48h and decided to put 1mg RI and it "helped immediately", so I have been super stable again for 3 weeks. Now I collapsed again (48H) and I don't know what to do: should I wait and just go with it and accept that it is just mental withdrawal or should I go with 1,1? And if I go to 1,1, will it ever stop? Does it mean I am "addicted"?

Would love to hear opinions!

Thank you so much for being here!

Hey @nothingbutlia

Thanks for stopping by and letting us know how things are.

Clearly RI has worked for you. You are not addicted to the drug. Your brain simply has adapted to it and requires it to function correctly. It’s trying to adapt back to having less drug, but this takes time. Adding in a little drug has given it a crutch and is helping.

It’s good increasing your dose has further helped things. It is up to you if you feel you need to increase further.

I’d add caution, more is not always better, it is seen that eventually the brain rejects further increases. It can actually take a while to see the full effect. Plus we are not really expecting you to be completely ok once you’ve RI, just hopefully more comfortable so your body can continue to adapt back and heal things for you.

It is very possible to experience waves and windows whilst your body continues to adapt to the lower dose of the drug and heals. Waves are not necessarily a sign to further increase your dose.

So increasing a little is fine, but at some point just holding your dose is the correct path.

Chippy

Thank you everyone!!

I have some question: I have some drops of excitalopram and each is 1mg! How do you guys actually dosage this?

When I was making 0,8 or smtg I would dissolve it and then let it be and then take the percentage out with the seringue. But is this acurate? Does it really dissolve evenly?

IfI would want to do 1,1, how?

I See people doing 1,373 but how? 😭

Edited May 14May 14 by nothingbutlia