Hi guys. 

In 2024 I desperately said yes to 5mg lexapro to calm myself during a nervous breakdown, stress and social anxiety prior to attending Uni. 

I had recently come off a year on sertraline and 3 weeks on abillfy so looking back I think I was actually in an emotional withdrawal from that. 

Within the first few days of Lexapro I could immediately feel how it was rewiring my nervous system in very uncomfortable ways.

Not knowing that could be permanent I continued taking it for 4 months. 

When I finally came off I cold turkey'd the 5mg - not knowing better. 

Since then I have been in an inhumane state of mind. 

 

Symptoms: 

- Cognitive impairment 

- Memory loss, difficulty recalling recent events, life story, etc. 

- DPDR- like symptoms 

- Anhedonia that includes lack of fear response. Lack of anxiety and stress response. 

- Frozen brain, lack of brain activity, blank mind, no thoughts, empty mind 

- Lack of bodily comfort and difficulty sensing body in space

- Complete loss of inner life

- Inability to be immerged in stories, books, movies. 

- Inability to process information, planning and analyzing. 

- Dreams are muted, lack of image and feeling 

- Aphantasia 80% 

- Complete loss of spacial awareness and sense of time 

- Brain /face tension

- Yawning is often disrupted and deep breathing causes dissociation 

- Vision changes, processing visual information has worsened 

- Complete loss of sense of self or identity 

 

I think that's is. I believe many of these are extremely related. I have not had any clear waves or changes. 

Had to quit school and currently unemployed. 

Seeing a neurologist in April.

Holding out for 2 & 3 year before I consider any drug intervention. 

Currently trying nervous system approaches. 

Very pleased that this community exists.

 

Original Introduction topic on SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/33308-cloudy4ever-very-severe-dpdr-from-lexaprocipralexescitalopram/#comment-750277

 

 

Hi @Cloudy4ever

 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for creating your introductory topic.

 

I see you came over from SA, thank you for linking to your thread there.

 

Im so very sorry to read your story. I also was on Sertraline, like you I had 2 rounds of it and like you I stopped it much too quickly. Not as quickly as you but much too quickly. I was lucky and got away with it or so I thought! But each time we do this, as you know, it injures our nervous system.

 

You were not to know this,and like many, tried to have the symptoms you suffered with, treated with other drugs, as you found out this doesnt work and adds more fuel to the fire.

 

Time is the healer.

 

You have been off a bit over a year now. Im sorry you haven't felt much improvment yet. This is not uncommon. Many have little to no windows for that time span and beyond. But I have seen some of the worse cases improve after 2-3 years. Often out of the blue they turn a corner. Then steadily improve from there. Hope and history are on your side. The nervous system wants homeostasis and, although it might not feel like it, it is looking for it. You will feel better eventually.

 

I will caution your vists to a neurologist. Im not sure what you might be wanted to find. It is always good to get checked out if you are worried something else is going on. However alot of medical professionals are not aware of the harms these drugs can do, so make sure you keep strong and don't let them convience you they can fix you with pills and so on. I would add this caution to your 2-3 year time line before attempting to 'fix' this with drugs. This will likely cause more harm and set you back. My advice is at all costs hold your ground and let your body do it's thing.

 

Are you avoiding all psychoactive substances? Alcohol, caffeine, antihistimes and so on? Eating well? Getting plenty of water, fresh air and as much exercise as you can tolerate? These are so important to help the nervous system heal but not get in its way.

 

Do you have people aroud you at home? Family and so on? Its good to have support in person and keep the stress levels nice and low.

 

Have you been looking into non drug coping skills such as distraction and the all important acceptance? Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

You are so very welcome here and I hope you find this space supportive for your healing journey. I know one day I will be reading your success story!

 

Chippy

Welcome to the forum.

 

Unfortunately your story of having further drugs prescribed when already in withdrawal, and then cold turkeying without knowing any better is very common.

 

It can take a lot longer than we'd like to start seeing positive changes or improvements. I am now improving in time (it's still taking ages), but it took a long time to get to a state where I could say this.

 

I hope you find this space supportive, and that one day you are able to write a success story here.

Hi Luke & Chippy. 

Thankyou so much for taking the time to respond. 

 

I definitely still felt very much myself except for the extreme anxiety after coming off sertraline and abilify, so I could have never known that it was wd issues. By far most of the damage happened when I came off Lexapro. 

 

I don't think the neurologist will give me the time of day, but I need someone to take me seriously and offer me some brain scans and EEG. Maybe it will give me some answer, maybe not. 

 

I am not taking any medication or alcohol. I am less precautious with caffeine. Sometimes I take a d vit, iron, mag, zinc, vit c or fish oil. Nothing consistent. 

 

I have a few people around me, I don't think anyone fully understands how extreme this is - I guess it's impossible to imagine something this inhumane. 

 

I have been trying different coping skills, but absolutely nothing gets through. I don't sense stress, so keeping an eye on that is impossible. 

 

Kind regards 

 

Hey @Cloudy4ever

 

Glad you have some people around you, though I understand it is hard when they don't get it. It is hard to imagine this is possible until you suffer yourself! We all get it though and are here for you.

 

The coping skills is a tricky one. Takes time and much patience to implement them. Often followed by continued practice. Keep going. Sometimes that is all you can do. It will click eventually.

 

Chippy

Welcome to the forum and im sorry that youve had to go through this. My heart goes out to you and while i cant really offer that much advise compared to some of the other people in here, i can say that what helps me is to try and keep myself distracted the best i can. Im not saying that you should run away from what youre going through since that is not healthy imo but doing things you like and not having to think about this every second of the day helps and can give you some sense of normalcy. Like Chippy said, exercise and getting fresh air is very good if you can manage that and if you cant right now, thats okay too. baby steps. Acceptance is also a big part in this whole journey and it made things a bit easier atleast for me. You will get through this and this isnt permanent. hope all the best for you! We are all in this together

Edited March 19Mar 19 by Some0n3

Hi. Just a neurologist update in case anyone is interested. :-)

It went pretty much as feared.

I tried to the best of my very lacking cognitive abilities to convey the seriousness of my symptoms and how they happened "overnight"

He did the basic motor function tests.

He seemed to have made his mind up pretty quickly - and told me it was psychological, and that I am lacking disease insight. (I have a mental health diagnosis.)

The abrupt change in symptoms and the severity did not seem to phase him, I briefly mentioned the SSRI - but didn't want to go down that road - they rarely react well to the the idea of medication potentially being harmful as we all know. He also mentioned that 'that was already out of my system' so it could not possibly be the cause.

He offered me an MRI, I am aware of how useless that will likely be and I wish I had dared to push for an fMRI. There are a few theories on this being a metabolic dysfunction, and I would like to know if that is true for me. I will have a follow up in June. Wondering if I should bring research papers along then.(?)

(FYI, if anyone chooses to pursue this path, I made the mistake of selecting an old man, perhaps younger neurologists have more of an open mind)

Sorry about your experience @Cloudy4ever as you said, as expected. It still shocks me how uneducated these people are. I should be shocked I know.

Should I reinstate a very small dose? (Any takes and responses are welcome)

Just looking for some information on weather RI would be relevant for me.

I am currently 18 months out. Almost no visible change since coming off.

I tolerated Zoloft well, and honestly consider all my issues coming from the short abilify treatment but especially the Lexapro.

I'll recap some of the relevant info.

Lexapro 5 mg for 4 months: Immediate restlessness, difficulty feeling relaxed and comfortable, (akathisia?), insomnia, anxiety/stress lowered but felt wierd, nervous system feeling agitated, loss of appetite, sexual dysfunction, wierd dpdr almost feeling high sometimes in the beginning. These issues became a little better, but nowhere near okay.: reason for coming off.

CT: Immediately sensing my whole system feeling extremely agitated, bad insomnia kicked in again, I felt horrible in my body. During these days and weeks are when the severe lobotomy and anhedonia kicked in - and what I am dealing with to this day. :Extreme memory loss, inability to create memory, severe cognitive dysfunction, inability to think and process information, blank mind, aphantasia, DPDR, can barely read or watch tv, personality loss, loss of spacial awareness, and interoceptive sensation, vision processing dulled, chronic headpressure, and jaw/tongue pulling, (tardive dyskinesia?) complete loss of fear/stress response, anger and any other emotion. (Except sometimes terror). I never feel hurried, sleepy, exhausted, tired, hungry etc. My dreams are also blank and numb. I am not coping, not working, not seeing friends and currently just hanging in here. I feel dead or like my soul has been removed.

1 month after CT I had 1-2 days of feeling stress and anxiety again, but never since then. I sleep fine again, and have way more body comfort although nowhere near normal.

The past few months I am having small signs of neuropathy, tingling, buzzing and small zaps in skin.

I have read many stories of RI at higher doses going very very wrong - both in the wd and pssd community. In some ways I relate more to the PSSD/PSS diagnosis, as many people there don't have windows either and are also very stagnant. I might reach out to Mark H. before deciding anything.

I wonder if the CT somehow flipped a switch in my system and if I should consider reinstating 0,10mg or 0,50mg.

What do you guys think? Any similar RI stories? Am I a candidate for RI or would I just be playing another round of Russian roulette.

Ps. MRI was normal.

11 hours ago, Cloudy4ever said:

Should I reinstate a very small dose? (Any takes and responses are welcome)

Just looking for some information on weather RI would be relevant for me.

I am currently 18 months out. Almost no visible change since coming off.

I tolerated Zoloft well, and honestly consider all my issues coming from the short abilify treatment but especially the Lexapro.

I'll recap some of the relevant info.

Lexapro 5 mg for 4 months: Immediate restlessness, difficulty feeling relaxed and comfortable, (akathisia?), insomnia, anxiety/stress lowered but felt wierd, nervous system feeling agitated, loss of appetite, sexual dysfunction, wierd dpdr almost feeling high sometimes in the beginning. These issues became a little better, but nowhere near okay.: reason for coming off.

CT: Immediately sensing my whole system feeling extremely agitated, bad insomnia kicked in again, I felt horrible in my body. During these days and weeks are when the severe lobotomy and anhedonia kicked in - and what I am dealing with to this day. :Extreme memory loss, inability to create memory, severe cognitive dysfunction, inability to think and process information, blank mind, aphantasia, DPDR, can barely read or watch tv, personality loss, loss of spacial awareness, and interoceptive sensation, vision processing dulled, chronic headpressure, and jaw/tongue pulling, (tardive dyskinesia?) complete loss of fear/stress response, anger and any other emotion. (Except sometimes terror). I never feel hurried, sleepy, exhausted, tired, hungry etc. My dreams are also blank and numb. I am not coping, not working, not seeing friends and currently just hanging in here. I feel dead or like my soul has been removed.

1 month after CT I had 1-2 days of feeling stress and anxiety again, but never since then. I sleep fine again, and have way more body comfort although nowhere near normal.

The past few months I am having small signs of neuropathy, tingling, buzzing and small zaps in skin.

I have read many stories of RI at higher doses going very very wrong - both in the wd and pssd community. In some ways I relate more to the PSSD/PSS diagnosis, as many people there don't have windows either and are also very stagnant. I might reach out to Mark H. before deciding anything.

I wonder if the CT somehow flipped a switch in my system and if I should consider reinstating 0,10mg or 0,50mg.

What do you guys think? Any similar RI stories? Am I a candidate for RI or would I just be playing another round of Russian roulette.

Ps. MRI was normal.

I assume you were thinking RI a very small dose of Sertraline?

You have been off it 2 years?

How you are right now is not down to one particular event, it will be a series of events. You CTd Sertraline several times, this will have caused the initial injury, then adding in others drugs and stopping them further harms.

RI a little Sertraline, simply would be answering the bodys call for the drug it became dependent on, it sounds like a lot of this is more an injury that only time will cure.

Could RI a tiny dose help? We don't know is the honest truth.

3 things can happen:

1. It helps.

2. It doesn't help

3. It makes all this worse

So you have weigh up the risks and make a choice for yourself. I'm not sure I would given how far out you are, and I suspect most of this is kindling rather than straight WD.

Happy to support you in what ever you decide.

Hi Chippy. Thank you for responding. <3

18 months off, no pharma since then.

I was actually thinking of Lexapro, since all my symptoms started there.

I tolerated Zoloft fine with (almost) zero side effects both times. no wd 1. time, and if there was any the second time it was purely emotional. I was mostly overwhelmed with having anxiety and stress back instantly. I was off for 2 months before Lex.

So from my perspective, Lexapro was the compound that my body just did not tolerate at all. I stayed on Lex for 4 months believing all side effects were temporary, only to discover complete annihilation upon CT.

I know it is very risky, but can't help but wonder if it would work since most symptoms hit me upon discontinuation. Almost like my serotonin system didn't know how to regulate, and is now stuck in some dysfunctional loop. I have read a few stories of people RI 1-3 years out, and being able to find relief - but those people had more typical activated wd symptoms, and much longer treatment. Probably a bad comparison. Of the successful RI stories you know, is there a recurrent theme?

I'll probably wait until 2. year. I just have days were I seriously don't know if I'll still be here at that point - so I need to at least look into RI.

Edited June 18Jun 18 by Cloudy4ever

23 minutes ago, Cloudy4ever said:

was actually thinking of Lexapro, since all my symptoms started there.

I tolerated Zoloft fine with (almost) zero side effects both times. no wd 1. time, and if there was any the second time it was purely emotional. I was mostly overwhelmed with having anxiety and stress back instantly. I was off for 2 months before Lex.

Got you. Well I think it’s important to not think of one drug does this and one drug does that. I think what happened to you was a result of all of it. The nervous system might tolerate one or two fast tapers or cts then when a different drug is introduced it’s the final straw that broke the camels back.

That anxiety and overwhelm could well have been wd symptoms. They can feel pretty convincing.

25 minutes ago, Cloudy4ever said:

So from my perspective, Lexapro was the compound that my body just did not tolerate at all. I stayed on Lex for 4 months believing all side effects were temporary, only to discover complete annihilation upon CT.

All the more reason to not ri it. I do think however it was more it didn’t tolerate it because your system was dysfunctional already because of the previous stints on sertraline.

27 minutes ago, Cloudy4ever said:

know it is very risky, but can't help but wonder if it would work since most symptoms hit me upon discontinuation. Almost like my serotonin system didn't know how to regulate, and is now stuck in some dysfunctional loop. I have read a few stories of people RI 1-3 years out, and being able to find relief - but those people had more typical activated wd symptoms, and much longer treatment. Probably a bad comparison. Of the successful RI stories you know, is there a recurrent theme?

You just didn’t take it all that long compared to sertraline but you did take it long enough to build some dependance on it.

28 minutes ago, Cloudy4ever said:

I'll probably wait until 2. year. I just have days were I seriously don't know if I'll still be here at that point - so I need to at least look into RI.

I know some who have luck ri and lexapro is a common drug for people who ri on here but I’m not convinced for you. I think most of what you are going though is kindling/injury. Times your friend.

Of course I don’t know that for sure and maybe a low dose ri would help. It would be your choice to make and we would fully support you on the decision.

On 6/18/2026 at 1:19 PM, Chippy said:

The nervous system might tolerate one or two fast tapers or cts then when a different drug is introduced it’s the final straw that broke the camels back.

I do agree on this. The effect from lex was just disproportional to zoloft, so I can't shake the feeling I just did not tolerate this drug.

On 6/18/2026 at 1:19 PM, Chippy said:

That anxiety and overwhelm could well have been wd symptoms. They can feel pretty convincing.

In retrospect I think so too, it was the most chronic persistent and painful anxiety I have ever had. I am so angry I didn't clock this as wd at the time.

On 6/18/2026 at 1:19 PM, Chippy said:

but I’m not convinced for you

Yeah, me neither. It's all so messy.

Thank you for responding Chippy. I know you and Luke are spending alot of time and resource's on doing this, I hope you know that you are appreciated and saving lives. 💛

10 hours ago, Cloudy4ever said:

Thank you for responding Chippy. I know you and Luke are spending alot of time and resource's on doing this, I hope you know that you are appreciated and saving lives. 💛

My pleasure, I hope things settle down for you very soon, you deserve it. It will happen just the time it can take sometimes is anything than just.

On 6/18/2026 at 4:19 AM, Chippy said:

Got you. Well I think it’s important to not think of one drug does this and one drug does that. I think what happened to you was a result of all of it. The nervous system might tolerate one or two fast tapers or cts then when a different drug is introduced it’s the final straw that broke the camels back.

That anxiety and overwhelm could well have been wd symptoms. They can feel pretty convincing.

All the more reason to not ri it. I do think however it was more it didn’t tolerate it because your system was dysfunctional already because of the previous stints on sertraline.

You just didn’t take it all that long compared to sertraline but you did take it long enough to build some dependance on it.

I know some who have luck ri and lexapro is a common drug for people who ri on here but I’m not convinced for you. I think most of what you are going though is kindling/injury. Times your friend.

Of course I don’t know that for sure and maybe a low dose ri would help. It would be your choice to make and we would fully support you on the decision.

I agree I debate reinstatement allll the time. Even though it’s literally probably the worst idea in my case I can’t help but think I need it because I did so well on the drug for so long. And I just don’t feel anything as shifting at all. I am at the 14 month mark. It is hell. I also have very similar symptoms.

On 6/18/2026 at 3:50 AM, Cloudy4ever said:

Hi Chippy. Thank you for responding. <3

18 months off, no pharma since then.

I was actually thinking of Lexapro, since all my symptoms started there.

I tolerated Zoloft fine with (almost) zero side effects both times. no wd 1. time, and if there was any the second time it was purely emotional. I was mostly overwhelmed with having anxiety and stress back instantly. I was off for 2 months before Lex.

So from my perspective, Lexapro was the compound that my body just did not tolerate at all. I stayed on Lex for 4 months believing all side effects were temporary, only to discover complete annihilation upon CT.

I know it is very risky, but can't help but wonder if it would work since most symptoms hit me upon discontinuation. Almost like my serotonin system didn't know how to regulate, and is now stuck in some dysfunctional loop. I have read a few stories of people RI 1-3 years out, and being able to find relief - but those people had more typical activated wd symptoms, and much longer treatment. Probably a bad comparison. Of the successful RI stories you know, is there a recurrent theme?

I'll probably wait until 2. year. I just have days were I seriously don't know if I'll still be here at that point - so I need to at least look into RI.

On 3/18/2026 at 1:27 AM, Chippy said:

Hi @Cloudy4ever

 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for creating your introductory topic.

 

I see you came over from SA, thank you for linking to your thread there.

 

Im so very sorry to read your story. I also was on Sertraline, like you I had 2 rounds of it and like you I stopped it much too quickly. Not as quickly as you but much too quickly. I was lucky and got away with it or so I thought! But each time we do this, as you know, it injures our nervous system.

 

You were not to know this,and like many, tried to have the symptoms you suffered with, treated with other drugs, as you found out this doesnt work and adds more fuel to the fire.

 

Time is the healer.

 

You have been off a bit over a year now. Im sorry you haven't felt much improvment yet. This is not uncommon. Many have little to no windows for that time span and beyond. But I have seen some of the worse cases improve after 2-3 years. Often out of the blue they turn a corner. Then steadily improve from there. Hope and history are on your side. The nervous system wants homeostasis and, although it might not feel like it, it is looking for it. You will feel better eventually.

 

I will caution your vists to a neurologist. Im not sure what you might be wanted to find. It is always good to get checked out if you are worried something else is going on. However alot of medical professionals are not aware of the harms these drugs can do, so make sure you keep strong and don't let them convience you they can fix you with pills and so on. I would add this caution to your 2-3 year time line before attempting to 'fix' this with drugs. This will likely cause more harm and set you back. My advice is at all costs hold your ground and let your body do it's thing.

 

Are you avoiding all psychoactive substances? Alcohol, caffeine, antihistimes and so on? Eating well? Getting plenty of water, fresh air and as much exercise as you can tolerate? These are so important to help the nervous system heal but not get in its way.

 

Do you have people aroud you at home? Family and so on? Its good to have support in person and keep the stress levels nice and low.

 

Have you been looking into non drug coping skills such as distraction and the all important acceptance? Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

You are so very welcome here and I hope you find this space supportive for your healing journey. I know one day I will be reading your success story!

 

C

On 3/18/2026 at 1:27 AM, Chippy said:

Hi @Cloudy4ever

 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for creating your introductory topic.

 

I see you came over from SA, thank you for linking to your thread there.

 

Im so very sorry to read your story. I also was on Sertraline, like you I had 2 rounds of it and like you I stopped it much too quickly. Not as quickly as you but much too quickly. I was lucky and got away with it or so I thought! But each time we do this, as you know, it injures our nervous system.

 

You were not to know this,and like many, tried to have the symptoms you suffered with, treated with other drugs, as you found out this doesnt work and adds more fuel to the fire.

 

Time is the healer.

 

You have been off a bit over a year now. Im sorry you haven't felt much improvment yet. This is not uncommon. Many have little to no windows for that time span and beyond. But I have seen some of the worse cases improve after 2-3 years. Often out of the blue they turn a corner. Then steadily improve from there. Hope and history are on your side. The nervous system wants homeostasis and, although it might not feel like it, it is looking for it. You will feel better eventually.

 

I will caution your vists to a neurologist. Im not sure what you might be wanted to find. It is always good to get checked out if you are worried something else is going on. However alot of medical professionals are not aware of the harms these drugs can do, so make sure you keep strong and don't let them convience you they can fix you with pills and so on. I would add this caution to your 2-3 year time line before attempting to 'fix' this with drugs. This will likely cause more harm and set you back. My advice is at all costs hold your ground and let your body do it's thing.

 

Are you avoiding all psychoactive substances? Alcohol, caffeine, antihistimes and so on? Eating well? Getting plenty of water, fresh air and as much exercise as you can tolerate? These are so important to help the nervous system heal but not get in its way.

 

Do you have people aroud you at home? Family and so on? Its good to have support in person and keep the stress levels nice and low.

 

Have you been looking into non drug coping skills such as distraction and the all important acceptance? Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

You are so very welcome here and I hope you find this space supportive for your healing journey. I know one day I will be reading your success story!

 

Chippy

Thank you for your kind words chippy this was helpful to read as I relate to the OP so much! Curious, do you do any mentorship engagement or messaging?

6 hours ago, Redding said:

Thank you for your kind words chippy this was helpful to read as I relate to the OP so much! Curious, do you do any mentorship engagement or messaging?

Glad it helped @Redding anything we can do to support each other is good. I try to do plenty of that everyday on here. I have a few WD 'friends' I message each day/week, again anything to help and give back to this amazing community. xxx

8 hours ago, Redding said:

I agree I debate reinstatement allll the time. Even though it’s literally probably the worst idea in my case I can’t help but think I need it because I did so well on the drug for so long. And I just don’t feel anything as shifting at all. I am at the 14 month mark. It is hell. I also have very similar symptoms.

Hi Redding. Yeah, it is just awful being stuck in this type of biological trap not knowing if RI is what the body is craving or another CNS bomb. Everything is such a gamble.

By the way! When I started reading about visiting your neurologist I was just waiting the moment when the word "psychological" will be seen! Haha haha! Every time is the same!

Edited June 26Jun 26 by The Dust

On 6/26/2026 at 1:05 PM, The Dust said:

By the way! When I started reading about visiting your neurologist I was just waiting the moment when the word "psychological" will be seen! Haha haha! Every time is the same!

It's honestly pretty worrying how little these professionals actually know about the brain. I mean, these injuries mimic very severe chronic disorders and are just as terrorizing if not more and there is not a single professional on earth who can say anything about them...

6 hours ago, Cloudy4ever said:

It's honestly pretty worrying how little these professionals actually know about the brain. I mean, these injuries mimic very severe chronic disorders and are just as terrorizing if not more and there is not a single professional on earth who can say anything about them...

Yeah, they doesn't know anything, and, as you said, it's hard to say what's happening after all. But the saddest thing is that when they doesn't know what to say or do, they are starts saying everything is psychological. It's just a "speculative" bullshit.

38 minutes ago, The Dust said:

Yeah, they doesn't know anything, and, as you said, it's hard to say what's happening after all. But the saddest thing is that when they doesn't know what to say or do, they are starts saying everything is psychological. It's just a "speculative" bullshit.

Yes, the medical gaslighting is unreal. They should really start teaching physicians that it is okay to say "I can see something is going on, but I have no idea what it is". That random psychological blame feels like abuse. Gosh it's awful

5 minutes ago, Cloudy4ever said:

Yes, the medical gaslighting is unreal. They should really start teaching physicians that it is okay to say "I can see something is going on, but I have no idea what it is". That random psychological blame feels like abuse. Gosh it's awful

This is why we need to take responsibility over our own health and only go to doctors when we want something out of them, and find the right doctors that will cooperate.

Use this injury and journey as a lesson to take responsibility, I won't go to a doctor for my problems unless its a life or death situation or I need some tests out of them, and if you need their assistance with something, always research, never blindly believe.

4 minutes ago, Lighty said:

This is why we need to take responsibility over our own health and only go to doctors when we want something out of them,

I mean ideally doctors just shouldn't do any harm at all, but I do agree that patients should be heavily involved in their own health decisions. I am officially scared of all medication, because I have no idea what they could trigger now. Unfortunately finding info on the truth about psychiatric medication is not very easy, like you really have to go digging. I found this brilliant "leaflet" today, and I would give anything to have someone hand me this years back.

https://ssri911.com/?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQPOTM2NjE5NzQzMzkyNDU5AAGnRZZERpLqdqxEQNZnM_jCKK5IyPD0SETpw3LshwVtlif5CmPnUySyPjk8HF0_aem_NFCl9Zw5KgAON-itc96-YQ

1 hour ago, Lighty said:

and if you need their assistance with something, always research, never blindly believe.

@Lighty

I appreciate your honesty, and I completely agree with you. But what are you supposed to do when you do your research beforehand, only to find out that almost everything you're told online about SSRIs is misleading?

If only you knew how many YouTube videos I watched (and I still remember which ones) before deciding to see a doctor! Then, when you finally talk to a real doctor, he tells you, "The only side effects are nausea and fatigue at the beginning of treatment." And when you experience effects that seem completely out of proportion to what you were told, you're simply told, "That's normal—it's just the beginning. Keep taking them."

Do you see what I mean? Some of us genuinely made every effort to educate ourselves beforehand—I certainly did. And I've read many similar stories on SA as well. I even searched Google for "are antidepressants dangerous?" The only information I found was reassuring. Why doesn't Google show us these forums or Dr. Josef's videos for ex—or those of others—when we search for "antidepressants"? Why do we only find them after the damage has already been done?

To show you how thoroughly I searched the internet, I eventually came across a single user review on the page for an antidepressant (I can't remember which one). The person wrote, with spelling mistakes in almost every word—which admittedly made the comment seem less credible—"This is poison. I've warned you."

Even so, I never forgot that comment, and I mentioned it to the first doctor who prescribed me the medication. Do you know what he said? "No, a friend of mine took it for a few days because she was having mood swings."

That answer didn't really reassure me, so I also asked the pharmacist about the possible side effects. She told me exactly the same thing: "Nausea and fatigue at the beginning of treatment."

So sometimes, even when you act in complete good faith and do everything you're supposed to do, you simply end up relying on the wrong people and the wrong information until you actually start taking the medication.

And what about social media? It's even worse. Not long ago, I saw two frightening Shorts: very young people filming themselves looking "depressed" before treatment, then showing themselves swallowing these pills, and finally appearing on camera looking amazing afterward, as if everything had been magically fixed. I'd really like to see what those same people have to say now.