20/7/26 - It's been another 8 days and I'll add you journal again. Everything has been ok this week. I kind of just accepted this my life for the moment and hope to get better soon.

I had an appointment with Dr Mark Horowitz who specialises with antidepressants withdrawal as a psychiatrist and is a well known specialist in the space. My brother made an appointment and paid alot for an hour of his time to try and help me.

He was very understanding and gave me lots of information on what to do. He gave me 3 options:

1. Time. Wait it out and try to see if you improve.

2. Try a very low dose reinstatement like 0.1mg of Lexapro and see if it reduces the OCD enough to function. Can increase until you stabilise and get some sort of control with the cleaning and hand washing.

3. If SI becomes real, any means necessary like using different meds to reduce the suffering. Does not recommend unless life is on the line and no options left.

He did suggest that since my OCD was the original condition and it has returned each time I came off meds, a low dose reinstatement is good to try if it becomes unbearable.

I really like speaking to Dr Horowitz since he also had withdrawal from Lexapro and had first hand experience with reinstatement as well. Really gave me alot more confidence and I felt heard.

At this point, I am washing my hands and cleaning everything for 2 to 5 hours a day so at this point my suffering is really high with my contamination OCD and therefore I am really considering the reinstatement to at least help a little.

In regards to other symptoms, my skin issues and constipation are still a major problem and it has affected my quality of life. Nothing else really changes and I can't really see myself dealing with this for years.

That's the update for the week. I will do my research for the reinstatement and see how it goes. Still need to order syringes and learn how to measure out the liquid Lexapro before even trying to reinstate. It's very confusing as I have to mix it in water and try to get the right 0.1mg dose. I won't be reinstating this week but at least do my research first.

Thanks for reading this long post. See you next week hopefully.

@ExLexaBro In the past how much therapy have you had for your OCD? Have you had a good crack at ERP? Is it an option to do this again?

9 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

@ExLexaBro In the past how much therapy have you had for your OCD? Have you had a good crack at ERP? Is it an option to do this again?

Hi @Sminismoni . Yes I have seen many psychologist and I have done alot of OCD therapy and seen specialists in OCD. Hasn't really helped too much. I'm currently seeing 2 psychologist with one specialising in OCD and one for autism. Both are doing ERP and my OCD is still really bad.

ERP only works if you can reduce you compulsions. I have so many compulsions that it's hard to build ERP hierarchy for every OCD I have.

So yes I've been doing ERP therapy for 15 years on and off meds. Doesn't do as much as I would like.

12 minutes ago, ExLexaBro said:

Yes I have seen many psychologist and I have done alot of OCD therapy and seen specialists in OCD. Hasn't really helped too much. I'm currently seeing 2 psychologist with one specialising in OCD and one for autism. Both are doing ERP and my OCD is still really bad.

Hi ExLexaBro.

That OCD really sounds rough, I can understand why you would be desperate for relief.

I know the official system mostly utilizes drugs and talk therapy as treatment, but have you tried looking elsewhere? Acupuncture, Massage therapy, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Hypnosis, Cranio Sakral, Yoga, Mindfulness, Cold water therapy, Exercise, Diets etc.

I have seen around 4 different talk therapists in my life, and I honestly find this approach very limited and a bit backwards in terms of how our nervous systems work.

@ExLexaBro There is evidence that rTMS can help with treatment refractory OCD. Just so you are aware, although it is financially out of reach for many.

@ExLexaBro if you're having ok weeks at this sort of timeframe I'd lean away from reinstatement personally.

Have you always spent that amount of time cleaning? There is at least some chance that withdrawal is making your OCD considerably worse.

@ExLexaBro Sorry to read you are struggling with OCD still. If you think it is significantly worse due to WD and you decide to try a small RI we can help you unpack the dilution etc just let us know.

22 hours ago, Cloudy4ever said:

Hi ExLexaBro.

That OCD really sounds rough, I can understand why you would be desperate for relief.

I know the official system mostly utilizes drugs and talk therapy as treatment, but have you tried looking elsewhere? Acupuncture, Massage therapy, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Hypnosis, Cranio Sakral, Yoga, Mindfulness, Cold water therapy, Exercise, Diets etc.

I have seen around 4 different talk therapists in my life, and I honestly find this approach very limited and a bit backwards in terms of how our nervous systems work.

@Cloudy4ever . Yes tried lots of natural therapies to help OCD. Nothing really helps. Tried every supplement in the book and different forms of mindfulness/TMS machines that really help for a day but your brain goes back to its normal compulsions a day after.

3 hours ago, Luke said:

@ExLexaBro if you're having ok weeks at this sort of timeframe I'd lean away from reinstatement personally.

Have you always spent that amount of time cleaning? There is at least some chance that withdrawal is making your OCD considerably worse.

@Luke No it only happens after coming and off meds and before meds. My OCD was terrible which is why I went on meds in the first place. Washing and cleaning for hours a day. Bleeding hands avoiding places has been my issues as well.

Dr Horowitz also acknowledge that withdrawal is making my OCD worse but he was balancing my suffering now verses some relief from RI. He suggested super low dose to try to help me.

I don't know how much more suffering I can take at this point.

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

@ExLexaBro Sorry to read you are struggling with OCD still. If you think it is significantly worse due to WD and you decide to try a small RI we can help you unpack the dilution etc just let us know.

Thanks @Chippy . So Dr Horowitz explained like this. I have 20mg/ml liquid Lexapro. He wants me to mix it will 199ml of water to make 200ml and then draw 1 ml of the solution for 0.1mg of Lexapro.

I'm confused on how to get exactly 199ml of water and then what do Indo about the rest of the solution since I only use 1ml of the mixed solution. Do I make batches and store it in the fridge?

Please help me if that makes sense.

21 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

Thanks @Chippy . So Dr Horowitz explained like this. I have 20mg/ml liquid Lexapro. He wants me to mix it will 199ml of water to make 200ml and then draw 1 ml of the solution for 0.1mg of Lexapro.

Perfect

21 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

I'm confused on how to get exactly 199ml of water and then what do Indo about the rest of the solution since I only use 1ml of the mixed solution.

I would buy a set of syringes of the same brand and use a combination of them to draw up the water. So perhaps:

-150ml water with a 50ml syringe

-40ml water with a 20ml syringe

-9ml water with a 10ml syringe

-1ml drug with a 1ml syringe

-Draw your dose with a 1ml syringe

21 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

Do I make batches and store it in the fridge?

I would not make up too much just the 200ml is fine and yes in the fridge. However I think it is best to make it fresh and discard. Perhaps if you are going to keep it, just keep it for a few days (4...) and not until you have used it all.

If you want/need to be more economical with the drug you can make a smaller batch so you waste less drug. I can help if that is needed.

22 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

@Luke No it only happens after coming and off meds and before meds. My OCD was terrible which is why I went on meds in the first place. Washing and cleaning for hours a day. Bleeding hands avoiding places has been my issues as well.

Dr Horowitz also acknowledge that withdrawal is making my OCD worse but he was balancing my suffering now verses some relief from RI. He suggested super low dose to try to help me.

I don't know how much more suffering I can take at this point.

Only you can really decide whether that is right for you, we can give you our thoughts but we're not living your life.

I would say that having better weeks is a good sign you're improving, it's whether you feel that you can carry on and get to a point where you've had further improvements. It's difficult to say how much of it is withdrawal, but definitely some of it is and I wouldn't be surprised if far more of your OCD is withdrawal than it seems.

If you do decide to reinstate, I hope it goes well and that you can tolerate it okay.

@Chippy has given plenty of good advice, the only thing I'd add is that if you try reinstating, I'd urge you to be patient and give the dose you start on some time to work, and don't keep increasing and changing doses around. Slow and steady.

5/8/26 - It's been 2 weeks and I decided to take a break from this forum as some of the horror stories was affecting my mental health. Today also marks exactly 15 months off Lexapro and I have been in withdrawal for most of the time.

As for a quick update, I have brought the syringes and measuring tools for possible reinstatement as mentioned in my last post. I have yet to try it as I am scared of kindling and I am just practicing at the moment.

The possibility of having a solution that could help me makes my anxiety lower and my OCD lower which is nice and not just having time as an option really helps my mental health. If I plan to reinstate, I will let you know when and how it goes.

Other than that my symptoms remain the same. My OCD is the worst part and I am constantly cleaning and doing compulsions to alleviate my anxiety which so wrong but Ifeel like I need to do it. Other remaining withdrawal symptoms are constipation, skin issues, depression, anxiety and throbbing brain.

If I can get my OCD under control, I feel like I don't need meds as this was the original issue and I need something to control it or else it becomes all consuming.

Hopefully things will get better soon. I hear people say that you turn a corner at 18 to 24 months so I pray to God this happens for me. I don't want to spend years in protracted withdrawal like I did the first time and ended up back on meds anyways.

Lets see how it goes. Bye for now.

13 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

It's been 2 weeks and I decided to take a break from this forum as some of the horror stories was affecting my mental health.

We understand and we are here for you when you need. You must do what you think is best for you.

13 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

he possibility of having a solution that could help me makes my anxiety lower and my OCD lower which is nice and not just having time as an option really helps my mental health. If I plan to reinstate, I will let you know when and how it goes.

Ok, well let us know how that goes if you do decide.

14 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

Hopefully things will get better soon. I hear people say that you turn a corner at 18 to 24 months so I pray to God this happens for me. I don't want to spend years in protracted withdrawal like I did the first time and ended up back on meds anyways.

Time lines are tricky however given enough time I believe you will improve.