Hello antidepressant recovery forum!

I am reposting my intro from SA with some slight updates highlighted at the bottom.

I was first prescribed antidepressants at age ten after being diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I started on 25mg of Zoloft, which was gradually increased. While it may have helped with some symptoms, it left me emotionally numb — I couldn’t cry, had a flat affect, and would sometimes experience bursts of rage. I also began gaining weight rapidly and felt a constant insatiable hunger. I remained on Zoloft throughout middle and high school until it eventually stopped working.

 

My psychiatrist at the time had me stop Zoloft cold turkey. When I reported withdrawal symptoms, they were mostly dismissed. I was then cycled through multiple medications, each with severe side effects. Despite growing wary of meds, my depression was so intense, worsened by a chaotic home life and lack of support, that I felt I had no other option.

 

Abilify gave me terrible akathisia. Paxil made me nauseous daily. Cybrexa worsened my suicidal thoughts. Eventually, I was put on Lyrica, which helped stabilize me, but I gained 50 pounds in just a few months; worse than on Zoloft.

 

By college, I had developed an eating disorder and was terrified of gaining more weight. A new psychiatrist added Topiramate to help with weight gain, and I began to lose some of it. But whenever I mentioned lingering suicidal thoughts, they would increase my Lyrica or Topiramate doses. Things stayed somewhat stable for about a year.

 

During this time, I was drinking heavily and occasionally using recreational drugs. After a traumatic event (an SA), I attempted suicide in 2016 and was hospitalized. I was hospitalized for a brief amount of time, during which I was not given any of my medication. Instead, they plastered me daily with Ativan. I immediately began to experience what I now know were withdrawal effects. 

After discharge, my psychiatrist added Lamictal. At this point, my diagnosis shifted from major depression to bipolar II. For the next six years, I was on Lamictal, Lexapro, and Topiramate, which managed my symptoms fairly well.

 

In 2022, I hit extreme burnout. I had worked as a special education teacher for five years, and the stress became too much. I took a leave of absence and entered an IOP program. This became a major turning point. For the first time, I seriously evaluated which medications were helping — and which weren't. I also realized how little I had developed real coping skills, having been medicated from such a young age. The IOP team diagnosed me with OCD, and they questioned my bipolar II diagnosis based on current symptoms.

 

After finishing the IOP and transitioning to a less stressful job, I found a new psychiatrist. I was 27 and no longer willing to blindly follow medical advice without doing my own research. I proposed a slow tapering plan, which my psychiatrist supported.

 

In January 2024, I successfully tapered off Topiramate — though my memory of the process is fuzzy after so many years on medication. I then tapered off Lamictal, and for the first time in a decade, I was down to one medication: Lexapro.

 

Initially, tapering Lexapro went smoothly — until I hit 5mg. Dropping straight to 2.5mg hit me hard; I had to take days off work due to withdrawal symptoms. Once again, I had blindly trusted my psychiatrist’s guidance.

 

That’s when I found this site. The information here was eye-opening and validating, but also infuriating. Why are so many psychiatrists unaware (or dismissive) of the importance of slow, precise tapering?

 

I requested liquid escitalopram, and I’ve been tapering slowly and steadily. I’m currently at 2.75mg. I experience the "waves and windows" pattern, and while some days are tough with intense dread and difficulty leaving the house they are manageable.

 

But I am absolutely determined to be a success story. I will get off of this medication, no matter how long it takes. I finally have mental clarity. My relationships have improved. I'm healing my relationship with food and my body. 

 

NOW 2026:

I have been off of lexapro for just a little over three months. I was actually doing decently for a bit, but have had multiple life stressors knock me off my feet. I have been dealing with figuring out a possible autoimmune disease diagnosis for almost two years at this point, but am starting to deal with serious symptoms that are making life not too fun. I also have a partner who is freshly in sobriety, and sometimes I feel as though I could not have chosen a worse time to get off of these meds.

I am really really stubborn, and do not want to reinstate or go back on anything after working so hard these past few years to get off of them, but I'm honestly nearing my wit's end.

Honestly, just hearing someone else say they made it through all of this would probably help a lot right now.

Current symptoms: I wake up every morning feeling intense panic or like I need to run a marathon. It's so different from any sort of anxiety attack I've had before. In the past, my panic attacks have always felt very in my chest and my head. This feels like my ENTIRE body is activated and like I'm in full blown danger mode. I actually had a long period where this was going away (maybe about two months) but with some of the issues that happened recently in July, it has come back full force. This is honestly the worst thing I've been dealing with. It is making going to work and being around other people almost unbearable.

I have also started dealing with intense feelings of dry mouth? It's like no matter how much water I drink, it's never satiating. Never have had this before in my life.

Appreciate any one who takes the time to read this, and wish you luck on your own journey.

Thanks!

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

 

Thank you for updating your signature.

I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you've had recently you will find plenty of support here for sure.

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

There are many here (as there were on SA) who can relate to your experiences- psychiatrists and doctors who don't know what they're doing, and then when it goes wrong are simply dismissive of the harm they caused instead of trying to help.

You'll know from SA that there are success stories and that people have gone through what you're going through and made it out the other side.

If you're able to function and go to work (even if this is very difficult), personally I would lean towards not reinstating and hoping for natural recovery and further improvements in time. However, only you can really decide whether you can push forward.

0.5mg is quite a high dose to jump off from if someone is prone to withdrawal symptoms. If you did decide to reinstate, I would start on pretty much as small a dose as you can given it's been a few months and give it some time to see if this helps. This isn't what I'd do, but if you feel you must then we do have a guide:

Reinstating an Antidepressant  - Tapering - The Antidepressant Harm and Recovery Forum

You might get different suggestions for a starting dose but I'd try as little as you can practically and accurately measure- 0.05mg, or 0.1mg at most and see how you get on for a week or two.

That said, it is likely that you will improve in time (quite possibly with some setbacks), so my personal view would be that if you can just about function now, you might be better off gritting your teeth, getting through some more weeks or months and hoping that this gradually becomes easier.

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

Welcome to the forum @Lizardpushups

I am sorry to read you are having such nasty symptoms having finished your taper.

How would you rate your symptoms out of 10? 10 being the worse you could imagine and 1 being mild.

Do your symptoms fluctuate at all?

I agree with Luke, you came off too a high a dose. It might not sound like it but RO wise is around 30%! If things are very severe for you, you might consider trying a RI, Id start low, like 0.1mg or even lower perhaps to check for an adverse reaction. The choice is yours and we are here to support you what ever you decide.

Here to help if needed.

Hello @Luke and @Chippy !

Wanted to start off by saying I really appreciate the creation of this forum after SA has closed. This kind of community is so needed.

I appreciate both of your responses immensely.

Yeah, I am definitely realizing that my jump off point was too high. It was honestly an accident at first, as I went on a trip and forgot my medication at home. I ended up having to go a week without it and made the decision to just try it out from there which was definitely a mistake.

I have definitely noticed an uptick in my OCD since doing this, though it has largely followed the waves and windows pattern. I've had a series of unfortunate incidents happen these last three months, and it feels like my ability to tolerate any sort of stress or distress is in the gutter.

The main symptom I wish I could have some relief from is just the on and off panic all day long.

I have a pretty solid routine that has become my one stabilizing factor right now of working out first thing in the morning or walking my dogs. I've found that definitely helps. But nothing seems to be working as far as waking up with that morning panic feeling.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week, but I honestly know she's going to just want me to go back on the lexapro. :/ Her conditions for me tapering off were for me to start Exposure and Response Prevention therapy for OCD, and I've done that. But I do find it frustrating that every psych I've ever worked with has had the outlook that these meds are for life. I've never had the opportunity to get off of them until now, and I really am starting to understand that I am going to have to fight like hell every day to get through this if I want to stay off of them.

It's definitely a gritting your teeth and get through it sort of situation. Luckily I don't think I'm at the point of no return or a mental break quite yet. (I would really really love to avoid that if possible.)

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Wanted to start off by saying I really appreciate the creation of this forum after SA has closed. This kind of community is so needed.

I appreciate both of your responses immensely.

Always a pleasure

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Yeah, I am definitely realizing that my jump off point was too high. It was honestly an accident at first, as I went on a trip and forgot my medication at home. I ended up having to go a week without it and made the decision to just try it out from there which was definitely a mistake.

I have seen this a few times. Because WD can be delayed people often just decide to keep not taking the drug as they think they are ok, until WD bites.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I have a pretty solid routine that has become my one stabilizing factor right now of working out first thing in the morning or walking my dogs. I've found that definitely helps. But nothing seems to be working as far as waking up with that morning panic feeling.

This is really good. Routine helps a bunch. Biggest thing with WD is being able to churn out the days.

Waking with morning Panic is very very common indeed. That unusually high burst of morning Cortisol is thought to be the reason for it. As the day passes it burns off and the panic/anxiety etc reduces as a result.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week, but I honestly know she's going to just want me to go back on the lexapro.

Unfortunately psychiatrists often don't see WD and just see replies. If you do go back on to Lexapro remember it should be to ease WD not to treat your mental health. The safe way to do this is to RI a very low dose and is all is often needed to relieve the WD. If you need to tell them you will take a full dose then do that, they won't know and often this is what you need to do to keep getting your refills.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I have definitely noticed an uptick in my OCD since doing this, though it has largely followed the waves and windows pattern. I've had a series of unfortunate incidents happen these last three months, and it feels like my ability to tolerate any sort of stress or distress is in the gutter.

The main symptom I wish I could have some relief from is just the on and off panic all day long.

As distressing as your symptoms are, it sounds like you may be doing some what ok? Waves and windows are a really good sign. Were you able to rate your symptoms out of 10? Gives us an idea of how you are doing when it is hard to tell from a few lines of text.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

've never had the opportunity to get off of them until now, and I really am starting to understand that I am going to have to fight like hell every day to get through this if I want to stay off of them.

It's definitely a gritting your teeth and get through it sort of situation. Luckily I don't think I'm at the point of no return or a mental break quite yet. (I would really really love to avoid that if possible.)

Sounds like you would ideally like to not RI and I think that could be the right path for you if you are coping with the symptoms. It is hard to know what is right and wrong in all of this and indivduals do need to make their own informed choices. Something I wish the medical community would facilitate so we would be less likley to get harmed in the first place.

Hi Chippy!

8 hours ago, Chippy said:

I have seen this a few times. Because WD can be delayed people often just decide to keep not taking the drug as they think they are ok, until WD bites.

This was definitely me. I was genuinely doing pretty well for the first two months. I had something happen in my personal life this month that would have been a huge blow to start with, and I feel like this absolutely shot my nervous system to pieces.

8 hours ago, Chippy said:

Waking with morning Panic is very very common indeed. That unusually high burst of morning Cortisol is thought to be the reason for it. As the day passes it burns off and the panic/anxiety etc reduces as a result.

Is there anything in particular that you have seen has helped others with this? I often see fish oil or magnesium glycinate mentioned, but I am honestly so terrified of adding anything that may make this experience even worse.

8 hours ago, Chippy said:

Were you able to rate your symptoms out of 10? Gives us an idea of how you are doing when it is hard to tell from a few lines of text.

I would say that at my worst I am probably at a 7 or 8. It hits that point where I don't feel like I am able to keep doing my job or enjoy anything in my life. And then that seems to pass. I think what sort of freaks me out is that for the most part, my withdrawal was more like one to three bad days and then it would clear up for four or five days at a time, and now it feels like its turning into three or four bad hours and then 30 minutes of relief. It's more rapidly fluctuating now, and that feels very scary and uncontrollable.

8 hours ago, Chippy said:

Sounds like you would ideally like to not RI and I think that could be the right path for you if you are coping with the symptoms.

That is correct, I really do not want to RI. I still have plenty of lexapro in my cabinet if I wanted to RI, but I am terrified this will just make me worse. Like you mentioned, these psychs are not really up to date on tapering properly, and I don't even think I could be 100% truthful with my psych about what happened. I definitely think she would want to put me back on a full dose or put me back on 20mg and that is not an option to me right now at all.

Thank you for the reply. Its comforting to know other people understand this, even if I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

and I feel like this absolutely shot my nervous system to pieces.

I know, it is unreal what these drugs can do to us. The good news is the body is strong and can and will heal and adjust. Time.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Is there anything in particular that you have seen has helped others with this? I often see fish oil or magnesium glycinate mentioned, but I am honestly so terrified of adding anything that may make this experience even worse.

It is very hard one to tackle. Time helps reduce this mainly. Our systems are out of balance in WD, hence the high cortisol production. It is the stress hormone, and production could be down to the nervous system feeling over activated. Magnesium and Fish oil have been seen to calm the nervous system down. It is really up to you to decide if you would like to try either. I personally don't take supplements, I know some react to even these too. I you want to try, do one at a time as you won't know what has helped or has worsened you otherwise. Start very low and work up in dose. Medications, Supplements and Other Substances in Withdrawal

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I would say that at my worst I am probably at a 7 or 8. It hits that point where I don't feel like I am able to keep doing my job or enjoy anything in my life. And then that seems to pass. I think what sort of freaks me out is that for the most part, my withdrawal was more like one to three bad days and then it would clear up for four or five days at a time, and now it feels like its turning into three or four bad hours and then 30 minutes of relief. It's more rapidly fluctuating now, and that feels very scary and uncontrollable.

Im sorry to read. It is good you have some better periods but I can see waves are more erratic now. This is very common, we believe the symptoms worsen as a sign of the body fighting to find balance, it is always working towards homeostasis. I think that is what is happening here.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

That is correct, I really do not want to RI. I still have plenty of lexapro in my cabinet if I wanted to RI, but I am terrified this will just make me worse. Like you mentioned, these psychs are not really up to date on tapering properly, and I don't even think I could be 100% truthful with my psych about what happened. I definitely think she would want to put me back on a full dose or put me back on 20mg and that is not an option to me right now at all.

I respect that urge, and I agree, you now need to be very careful so as to not be pressured into a position and make yourself worse.

I am still on the fence on you RI, I think it might cushion all this down for you, but I equally think the rapid fluctuations are good signs things are happening for you. Ultimately it is up to you to choose, trust your gut I would say.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Thank you for the reply. Its comforting to know other people understand this, even if I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy.

My pleasure, there is nothing I have experienced in life that can come close to that of drug harm. Awful. We get it and are here for you.

On 7/30/2026 at 4:40 PM, Lizardpushups said:

Is there anything in particular that you have seen has helped others with this? I often see fish oil or magnesium glycinate mentioned, but I am honestly so terrified of adding anything that may make this experience even worse.

Treating symptoms with specific substances, supplements etc just doesn't really seem to work.

I've seen occasional/few cases where people feel as though it might have, but then it's been unclear and nobody has been able to replicate it. Often when people get better, they ascribe whatever it was they happened to be doing at the time to this.

That said, although some people react negatively to supplements, plenty don't and equally it's common that people coincidentally feel worse and ascribe it to whatever they were doing at the time.

If you do choose to try anything like this, one at a time, start low and slow. I've never had any benefit from anything like that though.

As @Chippy said, these are very common symptoms that people can and do recover from in time.

We do have a section on coping strategies:

Symptoms & Coping Strategies - The Antidepressant Harm and Recovery Forum

I realise that what you probably wanted to hear was "the panic goes away with this supplement", but sadly such claims can't be made with what we know. Some people do well when applying some of these coping strategies, particularly with psychological symptoms. I hope you find something in there that helps.

8/2/26

Doing remarkably better yesterday and today. Still hit with morning panic that comes and goes throughout the day, but I seem to be able to work my way through it more easily/faster.

On 7/31/2026 at 12:23 AM, Chippy said:

Our systems are out of balance in WD, hence the high cortisol production. It is the stress hormone, and production could be down to the nervous system feeling over activated.

Very curious about this; since getting off antidepressants, I’ve had multiple health diagnoses. :( I know this is just my brain trying to find certainty, but I sometimes wonder if my antidepressants were the cause of my issues.

On 7/31/2026 at 12:23 AM, Chippy said:

I am still on the fence on you RI, I think it might cushion all this down for you, but I equally think the rapid fluctuations are good signs things are happening for you.

Now that I’m having some better days, I am leaning towards no RI, but I will try to talk to my psych about this tomorrow and see where she stands. I already know she’s going to push for me to try something else or go back on, but I at least feel way more comfortable weighing out my options here. I still can’t get over the difference I feel today versus four days ago.

I genuinely think I had a really bad reaction to a new med (metformin) that my doctor prescribed. I think it threw me way out of wack. Which sucks, because I totally would like for that med to work out for me, now just may not be the best time to try anything, unfortunately.

On 7/31/2026 at 9:37 AM, Luke said:

We do have a section on coping strategies:

Symptoms & Coping Strategies - The Antidepressant Harm and Recovery Forum

I realise that what you probably wanted to hear was "the panic goes away with this supplement", but sadly such claims can't be made with what we know

Appreciate this! I’ve been implementing quite a few on that list, and may just have to start working out more as a result. It seems to be one of the few things that helps me.

yes, i do so painfully wish that there was a comprehensive guide and answer to get through this, but ill take going on here for now if that’s the best option for support, Haha.

Reading your account reminds me of my own experience early post-withdrawal. You are now at month four off medication. Looking back on my first five months, I believe my brain was operating under the inertia of neural compensation after stopping the drug. Obsessions and depression alternated, with OCD dominating most of the time, and depressive episodes relatively brief. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand what was happening back then. I thought it was just simple adjustment, so I relied on alcohol and loud music to ease the discomfort.

Compared with where I am now at month thirteen post-withdrawal, those symptoms felt far milder. If I had practiced quiet rest like I do now back then, my journey afterward might have been much smoother, much like the tapering process itself.

From my experience, harder challenges still lie ahead for you. I stepped through the gates of hell at month six post-withdrawal. Occasionally I catch sight of an exit, yet every misstep plunges me deeper into despair. It feels as if I’m sharing one final, desperate revel with a demon.

Still, when I look back over every month I’ve endured, I am genuinely drawing nearer to that exit. That crushing, all-consuming despair I felt at the beginning can no longer overwhelm me. I hope my words can bring you some comfort. Everyone on this forum is a warrior, and I believe you are too. You will make it through.

No matter what symptoms arise in the future, mental or physical, based on my experience they are all temporary. Some may linger for several months, others half a year or longer. Do not trust your mind during depressive episodes. What you perceive is a filter effect caused by glutamate hyperactivity, magnifying fear and hopelessness.

You do not need to be brave or struggle against these feelings. You only need to persist and endure. Whether you stride forward steadily or scramble forward messily, as long as neural repair continues, you will eventually reach the other shore.

6 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Very curious about this; since getting off antidepressants, I’ve had multiple health diagnoses. :( I know this is just my brain trying to find certainty, but I sometimes wonder if my antidepressants were the cause of my issues.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

A few months of 1 antidepressant made me sick and disabled for years.

6 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Now that I’m having some better days, I am leaning towards no RI, but I will try to talk to my psych about this tomorrow and see where she stands. I already know she’s going to push for me to try something else or go back on, but I at least feel way more comfortable weighing out my options here. I still can’t get over the difference I feel today versus four days ago.

Personally, there's no way I'd reinstate if you're having much better days at 3-4 months off a huge list of various drugs.

For context, it took me more than 3 years off to have good days.

You just need to give it more time, instead of prolonging it by adding further drugs into the mix, and they can make things a lot worse in withdrawal. You've mentioned things like working out as a coping mechanism, if you react adversely to further drugs you may not be able to. The risk of ending up like I did is not worth possible short term relief from anxiety. If I could make the whole world "live" as I did in the first couple of years for a week, these drugs would cease to exist very quickly. I needed full-time care for a long time.

Most psychiatrists aren't considering this risk, because they do not accept that it is significant. You have learned the hard way that these drugs can cause harm, but you are showing great signs of recovery relatively early on and have a good chance to go on to improve and recover in the near future, and you can function even though it's hard. I don't think the risk/reward balances out in favour of adding in more psychiatric drug use at all.

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Doing remarkably better yesterday and today. Still hit with morning panic that comes and goes throughout the day, but I seem to be able to work my way through it more easily/faster.

Good. As mentioned before this pattern in common.

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Very curious about this; since getting off antidepressants, I’ve had multiple health diagnoses. :( I know this is just my brain trying to find certainty, but I sometimes wonder if my antidepressants were the cause of my issues.

Very possibly, it is hard to know for sure. I am very suspicious of what these are other drugs do to the human body if i am honest.

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Now that I’m having some better days, I am leaning towards no RI, but I will try to talk to my psych about this tomorrow and see where she stands. I already know she’s going to push for me to try something else or go back on, but I at least feel way more comfortable weighing out my options here. I still can’t get over the difference I feel today versus four days ago.

I genuinely think I had a really bad reaction to a new med (metformin) that my doctor prescribed. I think it threw me way out of wack. Which sucks, because I totally would like for that med to work out for me, now just may not be the best time to try anything, unfortunately.

Personally I think you are right, staying off and letting your body heal is the way I would go based on what you are saying. I would give doctors and your psych a miss from now on, they only know to prescribe drugs and more often don't see or understand WD. Its a waste of your energy imo.

Once the nervous system is senstive you can react to so many drug and supplements. I am very skeptical of most pills now I understand how the pharmaceutical industry works.

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Appreciate this! I’ve been implementing quite a few on that list, and may just have to start working out more as a result. It seems to be one of the few things that helps me.

Good work. :)

8/3/26

Some smaller waves today, but manageable.

I was completely transparent with my psych about it what’s been going on in my life and how I was officially off of everything as of three months ago.

I was super shocked, but she was actually supportive of me getting off and staying off of the Lexapro. We had a great discussion about distress tolerance, and I was able to express that I feel like I never was given the opportunity to learn how to cope with stress or my emotions as I have essentially been emotionally blunted from a young age.

this is the first time I’ve ever had a psychiatrist that doesn’t just push me more pills. I feel a bit more confident about my choice not to RI, and i am hopeful that in another three months I’ll be in an even better place.

16 hours ago, Luke said:

I needed full-time care for a long time.

I am very sorry to hear that you went through that. It is honestly criminal that these meds are given out like candy without any acknowledgment of the absolute damage they can potentially cause. I sincerely hope one day there is recognition for the potential dangers in the same way there is now for opiates. I definitely will not be reinstating, as I’m terrified of inflicting further damage.

16 hours ago, Chippy said:

I would give doctors and your psych a miss from now on, they only know to prescribe drugs and more often don't see or understand WD.

I’m start spacing out my appointments. It’s hard because I have a LOT of health anxiety and health related OCD, but I’m starting to realize that going too often only feeds into that, and I have to find a happy medium despite my issues.

As always, appreciate the responses ❤️

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Some smaller waves today, but manageable.

Good

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I was completely transparent with my psych about it what’s been going on in my life and how I was officially off of everything as of three months ago.

I was super shocked, but she was actually supportive of me getting off and staying off of the Lexapro. We had a great discussion about distress tolerance, and I was able to express that I feel like I never was given the opportunity to learn how to cope with stress or my emotions as I have essentially been emotionally blunted from a young age.

this is the first time I’ve ever had a psychiatrist that doesn’t just push me more pills.

This is fantastic news. Refreshing to hear.

7 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I feel a bit more confident about my choice not to RI, and i am hopeful that in another three months I’ll be in an even better place.

Great to hear. You'll get there, one little step at a time.

8/5/2026

Oof okay kind of in the middle of another bad wave. I had therapy yesterday and discussed some traumatic incidents from the past. I thought I was fine, but ended up having some really violent and disturbing nightmares about it last night. I did not get great sleep as a result of this.

I know every time my sleep gets messed up, I feel like crap the next day, so I guess this was to be expected. I think it's always harder when it is a day I am working in office, too, as I don't have as many ways to cope that are perhaps socially acceptable/ not noticeable.

Hopefully Friday will be better today. I'm not even really holding out for tomorrow. Sort of back to feeling like I'm gritting my teeth to get through every minute and second. I so sincerely hope this is miles better in a few months. I don't know how I'm going to keep doing my job when I'm like this, and that thought scares me.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Oof okay kind of in the middle of another bad wave. I had therapy yesterday and discussed some traumatic incidents from the past. I thought I was fine, but ended up having some really violent and disturbing nightmares about it last night. I did not get great sleep as a result of this.

So sorry to hear. Perhaps consider giving the sessions a break for a while if they are too much. There will be time for that when you are feeling better.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I know every time my sleep gets messed up, I feel like crap the next day, so I guess this was to be expected. I think it's always harder when it is a day I am working in office, too, as I don't have as many ways to cope that are perhaps socially acceptable/ not noticeable.

I know WD sleep can be awful. You are not alone. Better nights coming no doubt.

15 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Hopefully Friday will be better today. I'm not even really holding out for tomorrow. Sort of back to feeling like I'm gritting my teeth to get through every minute and second. I so sincerely hope this is miles better in a few months. I don't know how I'm going to keep doing my job when I'm like this, and that thought scares me

Taking this journey one day at a time is always best. Thinking too much of the what if's, isn't helpful, you want to keep your nervous system as calm as you can. You are doing well considering I think you can deal with more than you realise. You've got this!

8/6/2026

Just going to keep documenting on here so I have a way to look back at my progress.

I'm SO much better today it's not even funny. I actually feel like I'm starting to feel like there is a relatively predictable pattern to my waves and windows? Like yes, I do still fluctuate throughout the day, but as a whole, depending on the circumstances (working from home, the office, visiting family etc.) I'm starting to understand what to expect. I.e. Wednesdays seem to be the hardest day of the week for me because I am in the office, have meetings with the directors for my job, and its the middle of the week so it just feels so long.

I have started to just get up and go for little walks (like 5-10 minutes) as needed to mitigate a lot of this stress and anxiety throughout the work day. Thankfully, my boss doesn't really care, and if anyone asks, I am just going to the bathroom. I'm hopeful that with time, this will get better, and I am also trying to come up with other ways I can manage throughout the day.

7 hours ago, Chippy said:

So sorry to hear. Perhaps consider giving the sessions a break for a while if they are too much. There will be time for that when you are feeling better.

It was certainly surprising because it was talk of something that happened over ten years ago? It's crazy how sensitized the nervous system becomes during withdrawal. When in a wave, I feel so sensitive to even the most minute changes. Then, thank god, I have moments like today where I feel 100% normal and like myself.

I'm lucky in that my current psychotherapist is extremely supportive in me getting off the ssris. My psych too, as previously mentioned. (she's actually taken a genuine interest in my experiences with withdrawal, and actually seems to believe me about how severe it's been.) If anything they definitely are acting as my cheerleaders in this process. If they were anything but, I would definitely take a pause in seeing them. I think moving forward, I just need to be more mindful of the potential effects talking about these sort of things can have when I'm not in a good place to start with. I think that's something I'll probably communicate with them too to make sure we are all on the same page.

9 hours ago, Chippy said:

Taking this journey one day at a time is always best. Thinking too much of the what if's, isn't helpful, you want to keep your nervous system as calm as you can.

You are right. I appreciate the reframe and kind words! I have a tendency to look to the future or the past, as opposed to staying in and trying to enjoy the present.

1 hour ago, Lizardpushups said:

8/6/2026

Just going to keep documenting on here so I have a way to look back at my progress.

I'm SO much better today it's not even funny. I actually feel like I'm starting to feel like there is a relatively predictable pattern to my waves and windows? Like yes, I do still fluctuate throughout the day, but as a whole, depending on the circumstances (working from home, the office, visiting family etc.) I'm starting to understand what to expect. I.e. Wednesdays seem to be the hardest day of the week for me because I am in the office, have meetings with the directors for my job, and its the middle of the week so it just feels so long.

I have started to just get up and go for little walks (like 5-10 minutes) as needed to mitigate a lot of this stress and anxiety throughout the work day. Thankfully, my boss doesn't really care, and if anyone asks, I am just going to the bathroom. I'm hopeful that with time, this will get better, and I am also trying to come up with other ways I can manage throughout the day.

It was certainly surprising because it was talk of something that happened over ten years ago? It's crazy how sensitized the nervous system becomes during withdrawal. When in a wave, I feel so sensitive to even the most minute changes. Then, thank god, I have moments like today where I feel 100% normal and like myself.

I'm lucky in that my current psychotherapist is extremely supportive in me getting off the ssris. My psych too, as previously mentioned. (she's actually taken a genuine interest in my experiences with withdrawal, and actually seems to believe me about how severe it's been.) If anything they definitely are acting as my cheerleaders in this process. If they were anything but, I would definitely take a pause in seeing them. I think moving forward, I just need to be more mindful of the potential effects talking about these sort of things can have when I'm not in a good place to start with. I think that's something I'll probably communicate with them too to make sure we are all on the same page.

You are right. I appreciate the reframe and kind words! I have a tendency to look to the future or the past, as opposed to staying in and trying to enjoy the present.

Fantastic news im so happy for you ❤️😊

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Just going to keep documenting on here so I have a way to look back at my progress.

It can be nice to look back and see how far you have come!

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I'm SO much better today it's not even funny.

That is great :)

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I actually feel like I'm starting to feel like there is a relatively predictable pattern to my waves and windows? Like yes, I do still fluctuate throughout the day, but as a whole, depending on the circumstances (working from home, the office, visiting family etc.) I'm starting to understand what to expect. I.e. Wednesdays seem to be the hardest day of the week for me because I am in the office, have meetings with the directors for my job, and its the middle of the week so it just feels so long.

This is great, getting tuned in with your body. We often see patterns in WD.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

It was certainly surprising because it was talk of something that happened over ten years ago?

Yeah I think processing things is ok and actually needed, however at some point I think we need to put the past where it belongs, in the past. In WD processing trauma is hard as you don't really have full use of your nervous system. The extra stress can be a strain, and the brain in WD often wants to loop on things so I find removing the food rather than feeding it best,

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

'm lucky in that my current psychotherapist is extremely supportive in me getting off the ssris. My psych too, as previously mentioned. (she's actually taken a genuine interest in my experiences with withdrawal, and actually seems to believe me about how severe it's been.) If anything they definitely are acting as my cheerleaders in this process. If they were anything but, I would definitely take a pause in seeing them. I think moving forward, I just need to be more mindful of the potential effects talking about these sort of things can have when I'm not in a good place to start with. I think that's something I'll probably communicate with them too to make sure we are all on the same page.

This is very nice to hear. Makes a change.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

You are right. I appreciate the reframe and kind words! I have a tendency to look to the future or the past, as opposed to staying in and trying to enjoy the present.

I think this is a fairly common things for all humans, in WD it is a very important skill to maintain.

You're having good days. As you said, there's a clear trend emerging.

This doesn't mean you won't have more difficult days, but you're clearly starting to move the right way.

8/11

Had an amazing 5 day window where I felt almost back to normal! Today, I got hit by a wave of panic as soon as I woke up. Went to the gym, and tried to burn off the adrenaline feeling. It kind of worked, but I fell back into a pretty bad OCD loop when I got home. At this point, I can honestly just tell when it is going to be one of those days, so I caved and took .125 mg of a klonipin. I have managed to go two weeks without touching one, and the time between taking it is getting longer and longer, which is good. I was taking it four times a month at most, and it has gone down to about two or three.

I know today is just a bad wave, and that it will pass. It's probably a 6/10 as far as what I have been experiencing in withdrawal.

On 8/6/2026 at 11:12 AM, cherrysquid said:

Fantastic news im so happy for you ❤️😊

Thank you Cherrysquid! Appreciate the kindness.

On 8/6/2026 at 11:57 PM, Chippy said:

In WD processing trauma is hard as you don't really have full use of your nervous system. The extra stress can be a strain, and the brain in WD often wants to loop on things so I find removing the food rather than feeding it best,

Oh you are definitely right. Even something as simple as watching a scary movie has been difficult for me for the last two or three years since I started tapering. Pretty much have to do my best to avoid anything that will set my nervous system off into fight or flight, but I have noticed that it is definitely improving!

On 8/7/2026 at 12:12 AM, Luke said:

This doesn't mean you won't have more difficult days, but you're clearly starting to move the right way.

Trying to remember that on a day like today! My mantra is "This is just another wave and it will pass." Even when it often feels like things might last like this forever. I want to believe the nervous system can heal, and reading the success stories on here and on SA have been my lifeline at times.

9 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

At this point, I can honestly just tell when it is going to be one of those days, so I caved and took .125 mg of a klonipin. I have managed to go two weeks without touching one, and the time between taking it is getting longer and longer, which is good. I was taking it four times a month at most, and it has gone down to about two or three.

You have to do what you think is right and it is good you take it less, however we are worried about making things worse by adding in additional drugs so please bear this in mind.

10 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I know today is just a bad wave, and that it will pass. It's probably a 6/10 as far as what I have been experiencing in withdrawal.

I am sorry to hear, it is good it is more in the 'moderate' range, hope you have a nice window soon.

10 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Pretty much have to do my best to avoid anything that will set my nervous system off into fight or flight, but I have noticed that it is definitely improving!

More positive signs for you for sure.

8/12

Better again today! Still some little dips but they are manageable. I am in office today, and have actually been able to focus for the first time in a while. It used to take all of my effort just to sit still in my chair and get one thing done, but today it's been much easier. Helps that no one else is really in and I know I'm going to get to go home early today. I am still having some weird neuro emotions when I listen to music, so I've literally just been listening to ambient noise for hours. Praying with all my heart that this upward trend will continue in the coming months.

10 hours ago, Chippy said:

You have to do what you think is right and it is good you take it less, however we are worried about making things worse by adding in additional drugs so please bear this in mind.

1000% agree. I understand what you are saying about this, as I've seen it mentioned a few times across the forum and on SA. I am honestly a bit afraid to take it anymore, to be honest, but I'm working towards taking it even more sparingly over time. Likewise, since going off antidepressants, I have suddenly had all these health issues pop up (All related to inflammation and my thyroid) that I have NEVER had any issue with prior. No family history of this either. At first I was going to the doctor and trying to really tackle this. It never even occurred to me at the time that the antidepressants/antipsychotics could have been connected.

Now that I suspect that that may be playing a role, I'm taking a break from going to the doctors and pretty much only see a naturopath every few months. I'm hopeful that that will be enough and hopeful that these are not new conditions I am going to be stuck with for life. But who knows.

@Lizardpushups it nice to hear you had a good day at work yes things can get to us more easily than were used to. Like scary movies, loud noise ext. I my self have always loved music and would play it to an from work but have been unable to up until this last month where I turn it on and try to enjoy it again. In time I'll have the volume up and enjoy like I used to, but for now it's just limited to about 15 minutes of my 45 minute drive to work. All things in time I guess. As far as the Klonopin, I your absolutely right on limiting the usage, it can btricky in the latter part of the process. My Doctor was trying to give me lorazepam when I got to zero on my citalopram, but I told her " Dr.Schnieder, I don't want to have one more thing I have to overcome " she was and has been very respected of my wishes.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

Praying with all my heart that this upward trend will continue in the coming months.

I have it crossed for you this trend keep going, you will keep improving. Don't be discouraged if things get worse for a time, this is common, waves and windows.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

At first I was going to the doctor and trying to really tackle this. It never even occurred to me at the time that the antidepressants/antipsychotics could have been connected.

Yeah I think most of us realise this eventually. There is not much doctors can do apart from give you another pill, it is there main course of action for most things (not all) and as we have no idea how we will react to other drugs, I have choosen to allow my body to work this out for me. It is way smarter than any human and I am greateful for it everyday.

13 hours ago, Lizardpushups said:

I'm hopeful that that will be enough and hopeful that these are not new conditions I am going to be stuck with for life. But who knows.

I very much suspect that anything that has come up as a part of WD with go eventually as you heal.