Thanks @Catbird @NBJ71 @Chippy

im having very weird weeks and never know how I’ll feel.

gone are the days where I just expect to feel awful, more hope has crept in since month 10 and month 13 so far has given me two glorious 100% windows but also some crushing moments with dark depression and intense dread.  What’s I’m pleased about is that it hasn’t lasted for too long.

 

my youngest son has been in hospital this week and it has been an INCREDIBLY stressful week, I also am fighting off his tonsillitis I can tell as my throats scratchy and my heads woozy in a virus way, not a WD Symptom. I coped incredibly well with my son being in hospital. It was very stressful and my husband was away…I had both kids with me and it was just one evening we had to rush there (he’s totally fine now!!) but I was filled with fear for him and managed to cope. 
 

i haven’t yet sunk in to a wave but am expecting one given the stress levels and the virus I’m fighting off but you never know! I may be more resilient than I was the last time this happened in December (different child!! Issue with his big toe!) I did descend in to short wave that lasted about 6 days after the stress of that trip.   It’s very hard to know if my waves are random or triggered by stress or illness as I have had a lot of stress/hospital visits/colds since this started.  My last wave also coincided with me trying an Iron supplement so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

 

not much else to report my end.  Some good moments and some very hard moments. The hard moments don’t get any easier and there’s been some tears this week and some WD brain ‘I’ll never heal’ type stuff.

 

off to wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 in two days.  All the coaches profess that travel/change of scene/holidays can help.  I can attest to the fact that whenever I’ve been away before I seem to have a window, hoping a week in wales away from my regular routine may help with more healing 🙏 

the last time I was there was August and I was doing OK but I had a lot of physical Symtoms at that time and wasn’t sleeping and regularly  taking antihistamine.

My big psychological dip came in September.  We’ll see what happens, hoping for a nice family week away with some moments I can enjoy a little 🤏 

 

positive update 

- I’m sleeping 6 hours a night now without waking up. I can only get 6 hours but it’s solid and I’ll take it! My sleep anxiety has gone, I used to get very anxious just as I was drifting off. Even if I had a window that evening as I got in to bed I’d feel anxious.  That hasn’t been present now for a good month or so. I just realised this today!! It’s funny how some Symtoms can drop off and you don’t realise it. 

- I baked a cake yesterday for the first time in this WD. Baking was something I always used to do. I haven’t been motivated to do any for months until a few weeks ago when I did an easy apple crumble, yesterday I said I’d bake a cake for my mother in laws birthday.  It took me by surprise I said yes. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed baking it, but some days I don’t feel I’ve made any progress then I realise small things like the fact I baked a cake and show that I have made progress.  I would have felt too unmotivated and depressed to do it before now.  My brain fog would have meant reading a recipe would have just felt so overwhelming. That has lifted significantly.

- I have had some good sessions with coach Joanna. Her 1:1 is helpful and her group calls make me feel less alone. I have a lot of doubt about healing on the bad days but they reassure me that my brain is not unique in this injury and will keep healing like so many others before me.

 

any thoughts on holidays in WD? Changes of routine in WD? I’d be interested to hear them and any experiences of healing when doing something different. 

 

Love to all  

Rosie x 

Hi @Its-me-Rosie all this sounds very positive, and your attitude towards taking what comes is also very good. As we all know there are ups and downs, windows and waves. I love that you seem to have increased resilience and a sense of agency. You are not letting WD hold you back and doing your best to live your life regardless. I’m looking forward to following in your footsteps.

i loved Wales when i visited a few years ago (pre tapering). The sun gods were shining on me. It didn’t rain until the last day.

So good to see the positivity in your words. Hope you have fun. Time with your kids is precious 🤗💕

Hey @Its-me-Rosie

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

m having very weird weeks and never know how I’ll feel.

gone are the days where I just expect to feel awful, more hope has crept in since month 10 and month 13 so far has given me two glorious 100% windows but also some crushing moments with dark depression and intense dread.  What’s I’m pleased about is that it hasn’t lasted for too long.

 

This all sounds like amazing progress to me! I know how frustrating it can be to never understand what is next, but the fact you can see improvement in awesome and as for the 100% windows.... Well, that i simply fantastic!

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

my youngest son has been in hospital this week and it has been an INCREDIBLY stressful week, I also am fighting off his tonsillitis I can tell as my throats scratchy and my heads woozy in a virus way, not a WD Symptom. I coped incredibly well with my son being in hospital. It was very stressful and my husband was away…I had both kids with me and it was just one evening we had to rush there (he’s totally fine now!!) but I was filled with fear for him and managed to cope. 

Im sorry to hear about your lad. I wouldn't like to deal with that atm! You have done so well, dealing with all this solo too! I do what I can to avoid my lot when they have colds and so on but sometimes it's just not possible! Not nice to add to the list of things to deal with I know only too well.

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

i haven’t yet sunk in to a wave but am expecting one given the stress levels and the virus I’m fighting off but you never know! I may be more resilient than I was the last time this happened in December (different child!! Issue with his big toe!) I did descend in to short wave that lasted about 6 days after the stress of that trip.   It’s very hard to know if my waves are random or triggered by stress or illness as I have had a lot of stress/hospital visits/colds since this started.  My last wave also coincided with me trying an Iron supplement so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

Second guessing these things I find is next to impossible. After the fact we look for reasons, but its never clear as you know, it could have come anyway! One day at a time, accept, no matter what comes your way. You are one day closer to healed no matter what happens next.

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

not much else to report my end.  Some good moments and some very hard moments. The hard moments don’t get any easier and there’s been some tears this week and some WD brain ‘I’ll never heal’ type stuff.

Waves and windows, the whole experience can be very frustrating. I had a particularly bad day yesterday, and I noted that in those days I do feel a bit stuck, but when Im kinda ok or kinda not ok, I feel pretty optimistic. Wave brain.

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

off to wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 in two days.  All the coaches profess that travel/change of scene/holidays can help.  I can attest to the fact that whenever I’ve been away before I seem to have a window, hoping a week in wales away from my regular routine may help with more healing 🙏 

the last time I was there was August and I was doing OK but I had a lot of physical Symtoms at that time and wasn’t sleeping and regularly  taking antihistamine.

My big psychological dip came in September.  We’ll see what happens, hoping for a nice family week away with some moments I can enjoy a little 🤏 

 

Hope you enjoy your trip. I love to travel and haven't felt able to since this whole ugly wd fiasco. One day. Im looking forward to it. It is awesome you feel up to it. Hope you have a nice big 100% window for it.

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

I’m sleeping 6 hours a night now without waking up. I can only get 6 hours but it’s solid and I’ll take it! My sleep anxiety has gone, I used to get very anxious just as I was drifting off. Even if I had a window that evening as I got in to bed I’d feel anxious.  That hasn’t been present now for a good month or so. I just realised this today!! It’s funny how some Symtoms can drop off and you don’t realise it. 

Amazing, I recently this year sleep a big chunk unbroken regularly, and I have to admit, I thought it would never happen! Makes a world of difference doesn't it! Hate sleep anxiety, sometimes it can just be a secondary fear kicking in. Perhaps you have conquerd it! Always worth remembering we have no control over sleep. It happens to us. Sometimes its hard to sleep. That is just WD, not you. That kind of reframing I think it key to keeping the sleep anxiety at bay.

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

I baked a cake yesterday for the first time in this WD. Baking was something I always used to do. I haven’t been motivated to do any for months until a few weeks ago when I did an easy apple crumble, yesterday I said I’d bake a cake for my mother in laws birthday.  It took me by surprise I said yes. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed baking it, but some days I don’t feel I’ve made any progress then I realise small things like the fact I baked a cake and show that I have made progress.  I would have felt too unmotivated and depressed to do it before now.  My brain fog would have meant reading a recipe would have just felt so overwhelming. That has lifted significantly.

So nice! I love eating apple crumble. Not sure about making it! Although I do all the cooking in the house, perhaps one day I will! Good you found some enjoyment in it. Finding the emtions going back online is a nice feeling. 🙂 

 

14 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

have had some good sessions with coach Joanna. Her 1:1 is helpful and her group calls make me feel less alone. I have a lot of doubt about healing on the bad days but they reassure me that my brain is not unique in this injury and will keep healing like so many others before me.

Happy your coach sessions are working for you. Nice to be able to do something proactive to assist the process!

 

As I said no holidays for me yet, but I like the idea of it. At some point I will start to get back to life a bit more. The daily routine runs me atm!

 

Enjoy Wales! I've been south for a few years now. Can't say I miss it! 

Hi everyone I’ve come on today to read some success stories. It’s been a wavy few days I’m so up and down I felt I needed some reassurance.

 

Ive had a surge of old Symtoms I thought I’d never seen again come back.

 

dizziness/nausea/head pressure all the fun things on top of my usual anxiety. Shakes and shivers as well as jelly legs. I got these intensely at month 8 and they were mostly reduced by month 10.  

 

i did think the stress of last week may affect me and it has. Assuming it’s that and not random.  
 

any support from anyone who’s had waves of old stuff come back! Let me know!!

 

on a side note I’ve got an appointment with Baylissa on Tuesday, I love her book and her voice is so calming I’ve bitten the bullet and booked a 50 minute coaching session. I can’t really afford this! But if she gives me some reassurance it will be worth it,  my anxiety is sky high in waves. It’s so unbearable it’s hard to sit still. 

 

postives

- I can still watch movies, I started being able to watch movies and enjoy them again last December (10 months off) and noticed I can still watch them even in a wave. I don’t enjoy them as much. But earlier waves I couldn’t watch a movie I would be pacing upstairs whilst my family watched one. 
- I can still read my book every evening and can focus on it  

- evenings are consistently better and have been now even on very bad days since I hit month 12. Awful days still lead to decent evenings from around 6pm. This hasn’t always been the case. 
- I’ve read a lot on neuroplasticity and know that if I freak out to the dizziness and wooziness and jelly leg feeling that things will only feel worse as my secondary fear will hype up my nervous system and compound it all. Whilst it’s depressing and scary for it to come back, it’s passed before and I know it will pass again. Yesterday I had intense jelly legs and weird feelings through my body of pulling and heaviness and they passed in an hour. 
 

back again today. But hopefully the more I just respond with compassion the more likely they are to leave 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

 

trip to wales is proving quite tricky but I also realised some key points about this trip 

- the last two times I came here I was very very unwell, after my Compazine injury I came here as it was planned and I slowly got worse and worse over a week long period and then started Prozac just after I got home. I wondered if this may be quite triggering to come here. Its got so many reminders of the start of all of this. 

 

- we are all in a little cottage together, there’s a storm and my kids are moaning and complaining as there’s not much to do.

I can’t get any respite or peace. Not that it cures anything to get respite from the kids the Symtoms are still there. But my stress is quite high being here with constant child stimulation and moaning. I’m not sure how much that helps my NS.

 

13.5 months, closer to 14.

ive seen a few success stories with people saying the first year is the worst. I’m hoping that’s true and as I move through this 2nd year that these waves hit me less and less.

 

its hard. In really felt i turned a corner in December so to go back to waves feels prettt soul destroying   
 

Sorry for the essay!

Rosie x 

 

Ps. And the sweating is back.

i STINK and am so sweaty yet so cold.

its gross 🤢 

Hi @Its-me-Rosie I have return of cortisol and adrenaline spikes last couple of days (possibly caused by my cups of tea first thing), hangs around for several hours. I especially hate the jelly legs. I hoping this resurgence will pass soon 🤗

Hey @Its-me-Rosie 

 

Sorry it's still been a bit of a rough time for you mate. Lots of healing happening for sure. When old symptoms come back it can be very demoralising. So non linear this whole process. I think you have a point about your Wales trip. The reminders of the bad acute times might not be helping, and certainly the added stress of being couped up in a small space, with 2 energetic boys, may be more of a challenge for your NS than you want atm. I know myself I need a lot of peace and order in my life, to get through each day. You do great with all the plates you are spinning whilst in the midst of this.

 

Chippy xxx

Thanks both, do you reckon it’s true what they say? Waves and old symptoms returning are signs of more healing 🤷🏼‍♀️

seems a bit like a long shot to me. But I’ll go with it if it comforts me.

I’ll see what Baylissa says on Tuesday and report back.

happy Easter all

x

Just now, Its-me-Rosie said:

Waves and old symptoms returning are signs of more healing 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh, I’m certain of it!

 

 

17 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

Hi everyone I’ve come on today to read some success stories. It’s been a wavy few days I’m so up and down I felt I needed some reassurance.

 

Ive had a surge of old Symtoms I thought I’d never seen again come back.

 

dizziness/nausea/head pressure all the fun things on top of my usual anxiety. Shakes and shivers as well as jelly legs. I got these intensely at month 8 and they were mostly reduced by month 10.  

 

i did think the stress of last week may affect me and it has. Assuming it’s that and not random.  
 

any support from anyone who’s had waves of old stuff come back! Let me know!!

 

on a side note I’ve got an appointment with Baylissa on Tuesday, I love her book and her voice is so calming I’ve bitten the bullet and booked a 50 minute coaching session. I can’t really afford this! But if she gives me some reassurance it will be worth it,  my anxiety is sky high in waves. It’s so unbearable it’s hard to sit still. 

 

postives

- I can still watch movies, I started being able to watch movies and enjoy them again last December (10 months off) and noticed I can still watch them even in a wave. I don’t enjoy them as much. But earlier waves I couldn’t watch a movie I would be pacing upstairs whilst my family watched one. 
- I can still read my book every evening and can focus on it  

- evenings are consistently better and have been now even on very bad days since I hit month 12. Awful days still lead to decent evenings from around 6pm. This hasn’t always been the case. 
- I’ve read a lot on neuroplasticity and know that if I freak out to the dizziness and wooziness and jelly leg feeling that things will only feel worse as my secondary fear will hype up my nervous system and compound it all. Whilst it’s depressing and scary for it to come back, it’s passed before and I know it will pass again. Yesterday I had intense jelly legs and weird feelings through my body of pulling and heaviness and they passed in an hour. 
 

back again today. But hopefully the more I just respond with compassion the more likely they are to leave 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

 

trip to wales is proving quite tricky but I also realised some key points about this trip 

- the last two times I came here I was very very unwell, after my Compazine injury I came here as it was planned and I slowly got worse and worse over a week long period and then started Prozac just after I got home. I wondered if this may be quite triggering to come here. Its got so many reminders of the start of all of this. 

 

- we are all in a little cottage together, there’s a storm and my kids are moaning and complaining as there’s not much to do.

I can’t get any respite or peace. Not that it cures anything to get respite from the kids the Symtoms are still there. But my stress is quite high being here with constant child stimulation and moaning. I’m not sure how much that helps my NS.

 

13.5 months, closer to 14.

ive seen a few success stories with people saying the first year is the worst. I’m hoping that’s true and as I move through this 2nd year that these waves hit me less and less.

 

its hard. In really felt i turned a corner in December so to go back to waves feels prettt soul destroying   
 

Sorry for the essay!

Rosie x 

 

Hi @Its-me-Rosie first to commend you on your excellent awareness, it seems you definitely know how withdrawal mind works during this journey and so a big part of it is to trick you in believe that you are stepping back which you certainly not.

External pressures are definitely a big trigger, see me, I'm childless and it is super hard so let alone you so give yourself a little grace you are coping so well, it not easy.

As you already know It is a long and non-linear process and everyone has a different end point but it will undoubtedly come, just please don't forget how strong you are in the meantime.

Keep up the great work and good luck with the coaching, I hope this gives you that extra boost you need.

Edited April 5Apr 5 by Fullhealing

On 4/5/2026 at 8:44 AM, Its-me-Rosie said:

Thanks both, do you reckon it’s true what they say? Waves and old symptoms returning are signs of more healing 🤷🏼‍♀️

seems a bit like a long shot to me. But I’ll go with it if it comforts me.

I’ll see what Baylissa says on Tuesday and report back.

happy Easter all

x

 

I think you're looking too granularly at the past days. This condition typically doesn't improve linearly day to day and old symptoms flaring up is not uncommon. Trying to find meaning in every day's symptoms is a path to madness, in my opinion.

 

If you look at the last 6 months, you've improved immensely on average. That's all that is important. In time, overall, you are improving. In more time, you'll probably keep improving.

Thank Luke

i don’t look day to day anymore, that’s for sure, but when Symtoms I haven’t had for 4 months have come back it’s really unnerving.  I guess at 13 months off this is still quite early days, he reached acceptance that this will take a long time, but I still can’t quite accept how up and down I am. Perhaps my 20 years of working in a mental health team makes it harder for me to understand and accept, it doesn’t behave like any other mental illness I’ve worked with. I find that confusing and it’s maybe taking me longer than some to get my head around that. 

 

the path to madness I sadly have already been there and am climbing my way out, the Compazine injury made sure of that. Hopefully not going to head back that way ever again I can only hope my waves lessen with time.

 

fortunately today is a better day, although I cant ever imagine a time when my body isn’t anxious, I do hope and pray that day comes. I read so many places that people say they never thought they’d heal and never thought they’d write a success story, I hope to be one of those people!

 

Thanks

Rosie

 

13 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

hope to be one of those people!

You will be mate! Xxx

On 4/7/2026 at 3:36 PM, Its-me-Rosie said:

Thank Luke

i don’t look day to day anymore, that’s for sure, but when Symtoms I haven’t had for 4 months have come back it’s really unnerving.  I guess at 13 months off this is still quite early days, he reached acceptance that this will take a long time, but I still can’t quite accept how up and down I am. Perhaps my 20 years of working in a mental health team makes it harder for me to understand and accept, it doesn’t behave like any other mental illness I’ve worked with. I find that confusing and it’s maybe taking me longer than some to get my head around that. 

 

the path to madness I sadly have already been there and am climbing my way out, the Compazine injury made sure of that. Hopefully not going to head back that way ever again I can only hope my waves lessen with time.

 

fortunately today is a better day, although I cant ever imagine a time when my body isn’t anxious, I do hope and pray that day comes. I read so many places that people say they never thought they’d heal and never thought they’d write a success story, I hope to be one of those people!

 

Thanks

Rosie

 

 

I kept developing new symptoms years out, as well as having flare ups of old ones.

 

I still kept improving. It's likely that you will too.

 

I would also say that I never really "got my head around it", and I have never really reached "acceptance". Some are able to, others are not. The time passes and you are improving either way, whether you do it acceptingly or not.

 

Some days you can handle it better, perhaps, but even on the days you don't, it's a day further along.

14 month update (1 day early due to tomorrow being a very busy day) 

 

hello month 14…let’s see what you’ve got in store for me!

month 13 brought 2 half day windows where I felt 100% and it also brought a 3.5 day window that’s just sadly easing in to more of a dirty window where I felt joy, peace, connection, hope and all the good feels for 3.5 whole days…..

 

I think this past month has brought me the brightest windows so far, I had a good window that lasted 3 weeks back in December but whilst longer, it wasn’t as sparkly, this weekend I could have cried with joy at the most basic of things.  It was a lovely hopeful weekend and I slept for 7-8 hours for two nights in a row.

 

it also brought a wave with old Physical Symtoms returning, I had intense nausea, shakes and wooziness over the Easter weekend,  they were very intense for a few days and very upsetting and quite scary frankly.

positives 

- I’ve had some good lifting of my anxiety. It’s here today but not so intense it’s making me feel like I can’t do anything.  The days it was gone are joyous and I feel so much better and can actually imagine being healed from

this and have way more hope.

 

- I’m tentative and don’t want to jinx this, but irs been 4 weeks since my 13 months update when I was in an awful wave.  That wave was the last time I had very dark looping thoughts….thats the longest I’ve gone without those thoughts since WD started.  I’ve had wave days since then with the usual intense agitation that triggers those thoUghts, but they haven’t come. They’ve been sort of on my mind and I’m aware of them, but the intense looping hasn’t come. If this Symtom is starting to drop off I’ll be very grateful, it’s been a very prominent one for me and led to a lot of anguish and well, hell basically, but my period and ovulation didn’t trigger them this month (sorry chaps hopefully not TMI!) and neither did my physical wave: weird! Let’s see what the next month brings.

 

- stomach easing up, it’s been bad for 9 weeks nearly,  seems to be easing with more normal bowel movements.

 

- more positive and connected thought about ‘normal’ things even on my wave days.  
 

We’ve been in wales over Easter, I had my nasty physical wave there but did enjoy the last few days and felt more in a dirty window. My kids have also been off school and that’s hard and stressful so I’m thrilled I just had such a nice few days of a window as I’ve been very tired and they argue NONE STOP and I won’t lie it’s not a stress free household I live in.  My husband works long hours and can be quite demanding! And love me but doesn’t understand my W+W and j have two busy and demanding boys aged 6 and 9.

 

overstimulation is very easy in my house!

 

thanks for reading everyone. I hope the next time I update there will be more evidence of healing, I can only pray and keep strong 💪 and hope my windows are a good sign xxx 

@Its-me-Rosie happy to hear you’re making progress 🤗

just popping on to say that my sleep the past week has been really positive.

I have smashed the 6 hour barrier and have had several day of 7 hours, usually broken as I get up to nip to the loo but been falling back to sleep easily.

I’m currently in a mild wave linked to stress I think. Like I said I have a fair amount! And my sons been bullied at school so this week has involved some really hard stuff that I’ve had to sort as my husbands been away.

Pleased I’m sleeping well even though it’s my monthly cycle and I’m

In a mild wave. This feels like progress!!!

So I wanted to share it.

I also wanted to share that whilst my looping thoughts are back since 2 days ago I got a SIX week break from this symptom. It’s one of my main symptoms along with the inner agitation which now comes and goes more and is less intense. But the looping obsessive repetitive thoughts about well, death basically, have been there since my Compazine injury. I had some decent breaks from them

Whilst tapering but since I jumped off my Prozac they’ve been relentless and very distressing. Windows have been short.

Six weeks in a miracle and whilst they are currently back I feel way more hopeful that they will eventually leave!’

Rosie x

Mostly sounds really positive @Its-me-Rosie especially when dealing with stressors. Love your attitude 🤗

2 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

just popping on to say that my sleep the past week has been really positive.

I have smashed the 6 hour barrier and have had several day of 7 hours, usually broken as I get up to nip to the loo but been falling back to sleep easily.

I’m currently in a mild wave linked to stress I think. Like I said I have a fair amount! And my sons been bullied at school so this week has involved some really hard stuff that I’ve had to sort as my husbands been away.

Pleased I’m sleeping well even though it’s my monthly cycle and I’m

In a mild wave. This feels like progress!!!

So I wanted to share it.

I also wanted to share that whilst my looping thoughts are back since 2 days ago I got a SIX week break from this symptom. It’s one of my main symptoms along with the inner agitation which now comes and goes more and is less intense. But the looping obsessive repetitive thoughts about well, death basically, have been there since my Compazine injury. I had some decent breaks from them

Whilst tapering but since I jumped off my Prozac they’ve been relentless and very distressing. Windows have been short.

Six weeks in a miracle and whilst they are currently back I feel way more hopeful that they will eventually leave!’

Rosie x

Thanks for the update, Rosie, everyone appreciates the positive ones 😀

Glad your sleep is getting better, you didn't mention it in the 100 WhatsApp's we have had this week! 🤣 Good to hear!

Thanks @Catbird

The wave still isn’t great 😌 but I do feel that if it doesn’t get worse than how it is now; I would say my waves are getting milder and windows sparklier, but I’ll try not to jinx it too much.

At least by this point 14 months in I know the waves will pass and I know that I will feel better again. That alone gives me comfort as I’ve done this so many times before.

I do enjoy a WhatsApp @Chippy 🤣 and always appreciate your replies 😊

22 minutes ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

I do enjoy a WhatsApp @Chippy 🤣 and always appreciate your replies 😊

And I like your voice messages 😊

9 hours ago, Its-me-Rosie said:

At least by this point 14 months in I know the waves will pass and I know that I will feel better again. That alone gives me comfort as I’ve done this so many times before.

That's a great attitude Rosie. I try to be positive when the waves come knowing they are taking me somewhere better. Like surfing a huge wave - its chaotic and scary and out of control but gets you closer to the shore. I know that is much easier said than done though. Some times the wave drags you under and all you can do is hang in there.

Even though you're having waves, month to month you're clearly improving.

Your sleep is better, for example.

That's a good sign of progress.

Thankyou all

My wave has hit a little harder and my thoughts are far from happy, but I’m trying to let them ‘float by.’ Easier said than done but what’s the other option?!

An ERP response sometimes helps with the more intrusive ones but as this isn’t an organic OCD i don’t feel it works quite as well as it should!

My sleep has now been consistently around 7 hours a night even in this wave which is great. I’ve not had a week of 7 hours sleep a night for a very long time! It’s still

Broken of course (thanks kids/cats and bladder) but I fall back to sleep quickly.

I also remain relatively free from brain fog and have now since month 10 aside from brief moments so I’m thrilled with that and will try to focus on the progress not the negatives this wave brings. I believe I no longer have inner Akithasia in waves and it’s more of just a very severe anxiety.

The intensity has gone down anyway from 100% to 90% since month 13. It’s only been 6 weeks but I feel like something has slightly shifted in that area.

Taking each day at a time especially whilst in this wave. I do find that coaching helps me in a wave so I may book a coaching session.

Healing and hope being sent to all.

Rosie x

Yesterday culminated in the worst wave I’ve had for months. I had acute Akithaisa in the evening which was very scary and intense only for 5 minutes but it’s triggered a PTSD spiral and panic I think it’s going to take me a while to recover from it.

I don’t understand why. My only guess is that the acute stress I was under last week triggered a wave and I’ve not rested this weekend I’ve been quite busy and mostly been ‘distracting’ and perhaps this was not the best way to deal with it.

My brain is looping constantly on not so nice stuff and my body feels full of panic. The good news is that even in this state last night I slept for 5.5 hours which is amazing as in the past on days like this I’d have slept for 1-3 at most.

I can only hope that these waves lead to more healing as so many people say they do. Thinking that way is the only thing that fads me through them and the knowledge that I’ve had sparkly windows in the not too distant past.

This is not my real brain, this is my meds injured brain and it will calm down 🙏