You guys probably recognize me from the last website. My story is in my signature. It is quite detailed. I just passed my 10 month anniversary. I feel really hopeless. I always had such a vibrant, sexual, embodied existence. I tasted food so fully, I felt music in my soul. I felt movies I felt cozy all of the time… Not all of the time but most of the time over a little things. I used to love feeling the wind with my windows down in the car or looking at paintings or the colors in a movie…. Ever since my severe adverse reaction to my reinstatement, I feel like I barely exist. I have severe PSSD, anhedonia, and tons of pain in my body. It also completely wrecked my skin and aged me about 10 years. I also have extreme visual symptoms. My eyes seem to be getting more and more blurry… I see patterns after looking at something. I see floaters and visual snow syndrome, although it is worse at night. I used to have a chemical feeling that is gone thank God. But I still have major panic and cortisol rushes in the mornings. The brain burning has stopped. But it worries me how much of it that I have I did find one story on benzo buddies of someone that recovered from Anhedonia at 22 months however the recovery stories are so rare most often you see hundreds and hundreds of stories of people people that have this symptom for years with no recovery in site. I also can’t believe how old my body feels. It’s really hard to walk and type and I’m not that old before this, I could do three yoga classes, a day or hike for 3 miles now I walk very, very slow and I can only do very very, very gentle yoga. I don’t feel in my body. It all feels hollow. It is very hard to keep going. I don’t feel a lot of sadness or despair because all of my emotions are muted so I guess that makes it a little easier to keep going… If I did feel those things, I think I would’ve given up because the absence of joy and cozy is so difficult… I used to just feel loved for strangers, children, pets, my internal world was so rich and vibrant… I came across a profile from 2012 on the old site and I really related to her. I can’t remember the screen name when I find it I will put it here… She wrote so well she seemed so amazing but I guess she passed and no one knows why… my brain gets caught up on things like this now… I digress… I mostly still can’t believe this happened. I try my best to be an acceptance, but it’s something I’ve learned can not be forced. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to accept this robotic hell as a way to exist. I’m a therapist and I used to absolutely love my work. I used to feel connected to my clients now it is barren and empty, and a real struggle with the visual symptoms to see their faces, and I have extreme dry eyes… every night I wake up a few times having to put a bunch of ointment in them. It is so bizarre to look back at 2023 and even 2024… And all the moments of joy… Sex… Laughter… Exercise… and even the years before that… I’m the SSRI I was doing well and I wish I had never gotten off of them or stayed on a low-dose… Or stayed off of them I don’t even recognize that person. Sure things were difficult at times I was more anxious being off my medicine.… I so deeply regret trying to go back on… I could tell my serotonin wasn’t at capacity, but I knew nothing about any of the websites or what was happening so I just thought it was my brain off the medicine… In fact, I was still healing from being on them for so many years… Plus healing from the psilocybin that really messed with those neurotransmitters… Anyway, I feel like I’ve made this too long

 

My thread on SA:

Hi @Redding

 

Welcome to the forum

 

Thank you for posting your Topic, i've linked your SA thread above for you.

 

My heart breaks reading your post. Im so very sorry for what you have been through.

 

I think years of various SSRI's and CTs left your nervous system irritated.

The psilocybin was the straw that broke the camels back and unfortunately without the help and knowledge of SA you tried to deal with your reaction to this using Prozac and Zoloft. As is often seen this just add fuel to the fire and has made your CNS very unhappy.

 

I really resonate with what you say about feeling things. Just the simple things. Wind in your hair, just feeling good in yourself. I used to feel this way, all my life. Now I admit it's a struggle post injury. Its not an easy journey this. Im so sorry you are having to go through this. You are not alone and we are here for you.

 

The body knows how to heal. It's slow at it. But it does know. Its not been long since your reaction. I hope as time passes you start to feel better. I suspect that slowly you will. As you know this process is not linear and happens in the typical windows and waves pattern but I believe in healing and I think it comes for all of us and I think it's coming for you too.

 

I hope this site offers you some support, you are very very welcome here.

 

Chippy

 

 

 

 

Thank you for crossing over and joining.

 

At 10 months off of medication, there is scope for improving over time. Many people who heal just stop posting on various support groups as well.

Hi @Redding

 

i remember reading your story on SA I can relate to the anhedonia it is so horrible. I’ve also seen loads of people recovering from this so please try keep calm. I understand how inhumane this feeling is as I have 3 young children and a wife it’s horrible. We are all here to support each over and I fully believe you will heal In good time.

 

👊👌❤️

Hi,

 

I am a psychiatrist and can very much relate to everything you have stated. I feel nothing for my patients now, which is both good and bad (the troublesome annoying ones don't bother me anymore). I also have lost my ability to use my intuition, my imagination. I used to feel deeply too, and now my world is grey. I am only 5 months in and cannot believe what has happened to me. I fear never getting my brain or my feelings back. What a waste. 

On 2/11/2026 at 12:47 PM, Redding said:

however the recovery stories are so rare most often you see hundreds and hundreds of stories of people people that have this symptom for years with no recovery in site.

One reason the recovery stories are rare is because once people recover, they tend to move on, and leave the sites.  

 

I'm sorry you are experiencing this anhedonia.  I assume you are aware that this is a common symptom of withdrawal and adverse reaction.  Gradually, in time, this should abate.  Here are some links that may help.  

 

Anhedonia

 

Adverse Reaction

Hi Redding,                                            I'm so very sorry your going through this period of withdrawal/recovery.  I can recall this brief period of anhedonia,  everything was flat no emotions, the small joys felt empty.  It was the strongest from 9 to 11 months, then slowly little bits would come back, every day, every week and every month was a better improvement than the last. I'm still in the process of recovery,  and at 16 months out from zero of citalopram I have been  seeing,  and experiencing a lovely window. So yes , you will truly recover, be patient,  as we all know here can be discouraging,  but never lose faith, I've prayed many a times to the Lord,  please walk with me, guide me, and carry me at my weakest,  and has always given me  the strength when I  had none left to give. I still at this can not take any vitamins,  as they  do not agree with my  cns. But my cns at this time has also improved greatly.  I have to be my own cheerleader and give myself lots of pep talks, but with the wonderful people on this forum who are so very caring and compassionate,  I  know I'm not alone. Time, time, and more time, is what I've learned over the 16 months, and just being kind to yourself,  because your body is still repairing itself,  but just different sections. I believe you and all of us will heal and most definitely feel the joy with such abundance.                     Sincerely,  Bernadette/ staystrongfordad

Good to have you here @Redding. I am sorry to hear about that you’re not doing too well. As Luke said above, you’re only 10 months out and that’s still in the very early stages of recovery. A lot of my symptoms were well in their peak even a year and a half out, so please don’t look at your case with permanency attached to it. I myself believed I would be stuck where I was forever, because it feels like forever when you’re going through it. I’m 70% better at the stage I’m at, and I would never in a million years have believed anyone if they had told me. 

You have so much healing to take place, so hold onto hope and use that as your fuel source to keep you going. That, and remembering you’re not alone in this, people have come and gone and healed before you. 
 

Don’t use the forum and social media presence as true statistics of who healed and who didn’t. Many individuals journeys are so unique and some people heal quickly, others don’t. Most who venture and sit on forums like this are those who are still very damaged and needing support and are struggling. For many, they don’t venture online because they’re busy living their lives. Some disappear forever once they get to a healing point and you never hear about them again. Chances are, they’re most likely fully healed now, and maybe if they’re not -they’re at a level where their symptoms no longer affect them significantly on a daily basis. They forget about the forums and move on. 
 

Keep on putting on foot in front of the other and just remember, where you are right now is not where you’ll be in another 10 months from now. 😌

On 2/12/2026 at 12:50 AM, Chippy said:

Hi @Redding

 

Welcome to the forum

 

Thank you for posting your Topic, i've linked your SA thread above for you.

 

My heart breaks reading your post. Im so very sorry for what you have been through.

 

I think years of various SSRI's and CTs left your nervous system irritated.

The psilocybin was the straw that broke the camels back and unfortunately without the help and knowledge of SA you tried to deal with your reaction to this using Prozac and Zoloft. As is often seen this just add fuel to the fire and has made your CNS very unhappy.

 

I really resonate with what you say about feeling things. Just the simple things. Wind in your hair, just feeling good in yourself. I used to feel this way, all my life. Now I admit it's a struggle post injury. Its not an easy journey this. Im so sorry you are having to go through this. You are not alone and we are here for you.

 

The body knows how to heal. It's slow at it. But it does know. Its not been long since your reaction. I hope as time passes you start to feel better. I suspect that slowly you will. As you know this process is not linear and happens in the typical windows and waves pattern but I believe in healing and I think it comes for all of us and I think it's coming for you too.

 

I hope this site offers you some support, you are very very welcome here.

 

Chippy

 

 

 

 

Thank you, chippy it is so hard. Just today I saw a Facebook memory from just a few years ago, where I was talking about having such a good day building my cat tree, sipping orange juice, and La Croix. I don’t even recognize her. I’m mad at myself forever going off of them and certainly mad at myself for trying to go back on. I just want to wake up feeling normal. I’ve also been reading that if you have a VSS it makes you less likely to recover. I could handle the VSS, but I can’t handle not feeling human and cozy. I do get distracted with things as best as I can. 

On 2/12/2026 at 10:51 AM, Luke said:

Thank you for crossing over and joining.

 

At 10 months off of medication, there is scope for improving over time. Many people who heal just stop posting on various support groups as well.

Thank you, Luke

On 2/12/2026 at 10:55 AM, Richie said:

Hi @Redding

 

i remember reading your story on SA I can relate to the anhedonia it is so horrible. I’ve also seen loads of people recovering from this so please try keep calm. I understand how inhumane this feeling is as I have 3 young children and a wife it’s horrible. We are all here to support each over and I fully believe you will heal In good time.

 

👊👌❤️

Thank you. Yes it’s sooo hard  I feel so fuzzy and flat a lot of Physical symptoms as well :((( up until this injury I was so involved in living life. It’s so insane what I’m experiencing 

On 2/12/2026 at 11:01 AM, Sminismoni said:

Hi,

 

I am a psychiatrist and can very much relate to everything you have stated. I feel nothing for my patients now, which is both good and bad (the troublesome annoying ones don't bother me anymore). I also have lost my ability to use my intuition, my imagination. I used to feel deeply too, and now my world is grey. I am only 5 months in and cannot believe what has happened to me. I fear never getting my brain or my feelings back. What a waste. 

Thank you. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this as well. It’s heartbreaking

On 2/12/2026 at 2:42 PM, getofflex said:

One reason the recovery stories are rare is because once people recover, they tend to move on, and leave the sites.  

 

I'm sorry you are experiencing this anhedonia.  I assume you are aware that this is a common symptom of withdrawal and adverse reaction.  Gradually, in time, this should abate.  Here are some links that may help.  

 

Anhedonia

 

Adverse Reaction

Thank you. It’s not as common as a lot of of the other symptoms and I think people get it mixed up with emotional blunting… The kind that I have is so severe it feels like a flat emptiness in my brain. I don’t even crave food or water I don’t have any moments of cozy whatsoever, but anyway, I don’t need to get so into it and thank you for the links.

On 2/12/2026 at 5:13 PM, Bernadette said:

Hi Redding,                                            I'm so very sorry your going through this period of withdrawal/recovery.  I can recall this brief period of anhedonia,  everything was flat no emotions, the small joys felt empty.  It was the strongest from 9 to 11 months, then slowly little bits would come back, every day, every week and every month was a better improvement than the last. I'm still in the process of recovery,  and at 16 months out from zero of citalopram I have been  seeing,  and experiencing a lovely window. So yes , you will truly recover, be patient,  as we all know here can be discouraging,  but never lose faith, I've prayed many a times to the Lord,  please walk with me, guide me, and carry me at my weakest,  and has always given me  the strength when I  had none left to give. I still at this can not take any vitamins,  as they  do not agree with my  cns. But my cns at this time has also improved greatly.  I have to be my own cheerleader and give myself lots of pep talks, but with the wonderful people on this forum who are so very caring and compassionate,  I  know I'm not alone. Time, time, and more time, is what I've learned over the 16 months, and just being kind to yourself,  because your body is still repairing itself,  but just different sections. I believe you and all of us will heal and most definitely feel the joy with such abundance.                     Sincerely,  Bernadette/ staystrongfordad

Thank you so much for these words of hope. I want to believe it will pass but yes, right now it feels like it won’t.

On 2/12/2026 at 5:16 PM, Jack said:

Good to have you here @Redding. I am sorry to hear about that you’re not doing too well. As Luke said above, you’re only 10 months out and that’s still in the very early stages of recovery. A lot of my symptoms were well in their peak even a year and a half out, so please don’t look at your case with permanency attached to it. I myself believed I would be stuck where I was forever, because it feels like forever when you’re going through it. I’m 70% better at the stage I’m at, and I would never in a million years have believed anyone if they had told me. 

You have so much healing to take place, so hold onto hope and use that as your fuel source to keep you going. That, and remembering you’re not alone in this, people have come and gone and healed before you. 
 

Don’t use the forum and social media presence as true statistics of who healed and who didn’t. Many individuals journeys are so unique and some people heal quickly, others don’t. Most who venture and sit on forums like this are those who are still very damaged and needing support and are struggling. For many, they don’t venture online because they’re busy living their lives. Some disappear forever once they get to a healing point and you never hear about them again. Chances are, they’re most likely fully healed now, and maybe if they’re not -they’re at a level where their symptoms no longer affect them significantly on a daily basis. They forget about the forums and move on. 
 

Keep on putting on foot in front of the other and just remember, where you are right now is not where you’ll be in another 10 months from now. 😌

Thank you Jack. I will keep going one moment at a time. 

10 hours ago, Redding said:

Thank you, chippy it is so hard. Just today I saw a Facebook memory from just a few years ago, where I was talking about having such a good day building my cat tree, sipping orange juice, and La Croix. I don’t even recognize her. I’m mad at myself forever going off of them and certainly mad at myself for trying to go back on. I just want to wake up feeling normal. I’ve also been reading that if you have a VSS it makes you less likely to recover. I could handle the VSS, but I can’t handle not feeling human and cozy. I do get distracted with things as best as I can. 

I understand. I too have seen images of me before all this. Hurts to think of the time and life lost. I believe we will get it all back. I don’t believe there is any pattern for not healing at all. This is just fear you are reading. I’d stay away from the negative and just focus on you. The mind will benefit from positive inputs and your body will heal please don’t worry. Just one day a time. Xxx

14 hours ago, Redding said:

Thank you. It’s not as common as a lot of of the other symptoms and I think people get it mixed up with emotional blunting… The kind that I have is so severe it feels like a flat emptiness in my brain. I don’t even crave food or water I don’t have any moments of cozy whatsoever, but anyway, I don’t need to get so into it and thank you for the links.

 

I had reduced emotional processing so severely that I did not react to "jump" stimuli like sudden loud sounds, could not feel fear, anxiety, etc. I spent an incredibly long time doing nothing at all other than being incredibly physically ill and doing nothing to try to occupy my mind, just lying down, because of the severe anhedonia. I spent a long time being almost mute and barely speaking unless pressed to.

 

I recovered from this, eventually. People can and do recover from anhedonia.

14 hours ago, Redding said:

Thank you. It’s not as common as a lot of of the other symptoms and I think people get it mixed up with emotional blunting… The kind that I have is so severe it feels like a flat emptiness in my brain. I don’t even crave food or water I don’t have any moments of cozy whatsoever, but anyway, I don’t need to get so into it and thank you for the links.

Very common actually, these drugs are the modern way of lobotomy so every symptom is possible, luckily it's reversible unlike the methods of the past so don't give up and persevere, you'll get better as time goes by.

@Redding 

Hello. I’m a Zoloft survivor. Withdrawal was incredibly difficult, but I made it through, and once I was off, I didn’t experience any lasting major effects. I do think I may be a bit more sensitive to medications now, though that could simply be part of getting older.

If it helps, you’re welcome to visit my page and read my story. And if there’s any way I can support you, feel free to reach out, either on your page or mine. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Warm wishes.

On 2/15/2026 at 7:05 AM, RachelSusan said:

@Redding 

Hello. I’m a Zoloft survivor. Withdrawal was incredibly difficult, but I made it through, and once I was off, I didn’t experience any lasting major effects. I do think I may be a bit more sensitive to medications now, though that could simply be part of getting older.

If it helps, you’re welcome to visit my page and read my story. And if there’s any way I can support you, feel free to reach out, either on your page or mine. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Warm wishes.

Thank you so much. I was fine off for a year and a half. My issue started when I tried to go back on. It was more of a reinstatement reaction/Kindling effect. It’s such a nightmare. I appreciate you saying hello. I am glad you are doing better.

@Redding I’m really sorry you’re dealing with a reinstatement reaction. That can be incredibly intense, especially once your system has become sensitized. It’s not just uncomfortable, it can feel overwhelming and discouraging. It sounds like you’re doing a good job of giving yourself extra care and patience as you move through this.

Edited February 17Feb 17 by RachelSusan
spelling error

Hello @Redding

I relate to you so much. I see we are almost the same in age. And we're both messed up after psilocybin and Zoloft re-instatement. And we have similar/same symptoms that bother us the most (visual, anhedonia, DP/DR). I also relate to your pessimistic outlook on healing but I don't think it's true. I've read about a number people recovering from these specific symptoms. I have seen some negativity here and there, but it's not predominant as you say. I think our problem is we focus on the negative in this WD-state-of-mind and ignore the positive. In any case, these symptoms can't be forever. I know they will subside if not disappear completely in time. Our CNS is too sensitized at this moment. It will calm down.

I hope you're having some improvements lately. I am nearing full 6 months of WD.

 

All the best ❤️

Marina

On 2/28/2026 at 9:37 AM, Marina said:

Hello @Redding

I relate to you so much. I see we are almost the same in age. And we're both messed up after psilocybin and Zoloft re-instatement. And we have similar/same symptoms that bother us the most (visual, anhedonia, DP/DR). I also relate to your pessimistic outlook on healing but I don't think it's true. I've read about a number people recovering from these specific symptoms. I have seen some negativity here and there, but it's not predominant as you say. I think our problem is we focus on the negative in this WD-state-of-mind and ignore the positive. In any case, these symptoms can't be forever. I know they will subside if not disappear completely in time. Our CNS is too sensitized at this moment. It will calm down.

I hope you're having some improvements lately. I am nearing full 6 months of WD.

 

All the best ❤️

Marina

Thank you Marina! I’ll DM you

Hi @Redding

I was where you are.  I joined another site called PaxilProgress.org for support, and it seemed other members were making progress while I was stuck.  But improvement does happen.  When I learned to look back over months or days/weeks, I could see I really was improving, although it did come slowly and on very small increments.   My first window lasted only about 20 minutes, but after that I knew I could recover if I kept practicing coping skills and stopped being so hard on myself when my days didn't go as well as I wanted them to. If I could recover, anyone can, and you will.  Just remember each day is one day closer to your recovery. 

Hi everyone I can use some advice. I find myself obsessing over reinstating at a micro dose. I know someone that had a bad reinstatement reaction at a high dose but the micro is helping.

I remember when I reinstated certain things lit up. However I also had akathesia, burning, and visuals. It was a nightmare. But a very high dose 

lm thinking a tiny one could help as I’m a complete anhedonic shell of myself but also scared of making it worse and restarting the clock all over at a year mark. I tried to speak to people at Dr Josef’s clinic but they won’t even speak to you if your this far out. Not even to explain