Hello everyone,

 

I keep avoiding writing my introduction as it is all very painful for me to have ended up in this situation. I'll try to keep it brief. More details are in my signature.

 

I was put on 50mg Zoloft at the end of 2020 because I was - burnt out, grieving and generally overwhelmed after a number of stressfull life situations all happening one after another. I was sold the story of chemical imbalance and the comparison to diabetes/insulin. Also, they told me Zoloft was very mild and I'll have no problem getting off. I bought it all.

 

I "tapered" off Zoloft in the spring of 2022 in less than 20 days. Had brain zaps at first, felt a little weird in the evenings... As time went by I felt worse and worse regarding my mental state. I wasn't sure what was happening. Was this really me...? The biggest problem were anhedonia, PSSD and SI. I tried microdosing psilocybin to see if that would help me. Also, I had a mild trip taking a "medium" dose. But it just made me worse (some DP/DR and panic). I stumbled upon Surviving Antidepressants page and I realized what has happened to me, but it all scared me that I'll never be the same again...

 

I was desperate once again and life was getting very stressfull. Even though I said I won't get back on Zoloft ever again - I did, because I thought I will listen to my SI eventually. I thought I had no other option but to be dependant on it for the rest of my life.

2023 - back on 50mg Zoloft again. Things stabilized, but my health started suffering every few months (sinuses, thyroid, eye problems, GI issues, muscle twitches...). A tiny thought from the start kept saying it was Zoloft but I kept thinking - it can't be... By the end of summer 2024 I couldn't deny it anymore. I was sure it was Zoloft causing me all these health problems. So, I decided to slow taper to avoid withdrawal.

 

The taper was going well until I got to very small doses around September 2025. I switched to a compounded capsule then (around 5mg), but I probably didn't mix it well/the right dose... Not completely sure what happened really, but things went sideways after 2 days of capsules. I went back to my previous method of reducing the dose but started speeding in panic. Long story short: I am now in withdrawal despite my attempts not to be in it.

 

It's been a little more than 4 months of all kinds of symptoms. I am semi-functional but who knows how this will all progress as I still have some more tapering to go (currently at 0.2mg liquid Zoloft).

I'm straight up not having a good time. ☹️

(Other details are in my signature.)

Hey Marina

 

Amazing work! Your thread so beautifully written and so quickly. You didn't need to do that.

Thank you so much for taking the time, I know you found it difficult to do. Very brave.

 

I can see some very common themes playing out in your story that many of us can relate to. 

 

We often end up on these drugs through normal life stresses and buy into the society's urban myth of chemical 'imbalance' and trust the doctors when they say these drugs are safe and effective. Its an all too common tale!

 

We don't need to go over your history here anymore. We just need to focus on your future! 🙂 

 

You are so very very welcome here and I am so very sorry for what you are going though. Its really tough and no-one deserves to go through it least of all you.

 

Please use this page to update on anything you want. Tell us how you are? Share the good the bad and the ugly.If you don't want to do that share something else! Either way we are here for you! 🙂

 

Thanks again for making you intro thread!

 

Chippy

Thank you @Chippy ❤️

Most days I just hope it doesn't get worse, but praying for healing each day. 🙏🏻

An update: Lately sleep wasn't so good. Generally, I considered myself lucky because I only had about 3 nights of not sleeping in all these 4 months. But lately it's been getting worse and worse. Lots of waking up during the night and last night I barely slept. If it continues this way I believe my level of functioning during the day will drop. 🥺 Otherwise, every day is a struggle living in this parallel dimension. Been in a wave since the holidays.

15 minutes ago, Marina said:

An update: Lately sleep wasn't so good. Generally, I considered myself lucky because I only had about 3 nights of not sleeping in all these 4 months. But lately it's been getting worse and worse. Lots of waking up during the night and last night I barely slept. If it continues this way I believe my level of functioning during the day will drop. 🥺 Otherwise, every day is a struggle living in this parallel dimension. Been in a wave since the holidays.

Unfortunately healing is a rollercoaster. Ups and downs, twists and turns. We don't know what happens next but we do know each day is a day closer to healed. Sometimes that healing process changes or perceivably worsens our symptoms but we are improving even if it doesn't look like it.

The waking frequently in the nigh is very common. So is having some nights where sleep is minimal. You are not alone here. Just do what you can in the day, be kind to yourself. And know that one or two terrible nights does NOT mean the next night will be bad. It's all out of your control.

A lot of us seem to be having a hard time Dec/Jan. I don't know why. You are certainly not alone!

Are you busy in day?

Chippy

Sorry to see your drug trauma @Marina I myself have been in a 60 day wave from hell, after being OFF Mirt for just over a year.

So I understand your dilemma. The DRUGS are a LOT more powerful than any of us could ever imagine. This has put us in a position

none of us ever anticipated, who, can honestly say they knew what horrors awaited them? None of us. SO all we can now do is take

things SLOW, you are doing the right thing by tapering very very slowly. RECOVERY WILL happen, don't be feared of that, it's just as

Chippy says, no one knows the time limit. We are all different, but we heal, it's just the brains neurotransmitters take time to recalibrate.

This happens on a slow taper and discontinuation. So taking things slow is the name of the game Marina, stay strong. From what I have

seen as well, is a lot of the different drugs seem to produce very similar withdrawal symptoms, I have just had 4 hours sleep and less

for the last year, sleep is the last symptom to be corrected apparently. Stay close, we help other along.

Take care.         B.🙏🙏🤞

@Chippy Thank you. I hope tonight I sleep okay.

I believe lots of things affect us during December/January - it's a time to be festive which is very hard for people in withdrawal and days are the shortest and the coldest (probably also cloudy, gloomy, rainy, snowy) so that significantly affects everyone's mood but especially us in withdrawal since we are extra-sensitive to anything and everything.

I'm trying to keep busy in the day, but usually busy with some "trivial" things. I had to abandon some of my previous activities due to withdrawal because I either have no pleasure in it or I just can't focus/don't have strength. I must admit a lot of my time lately was taken up by "doomscrolling" withdrawal stuff which, I will admit, is not good for me.

Thank you @NT1100B I am sorry about your wave, but let's hope it's one of those waves that happen before the healing.
I am torn between speeding and slowing down with my taper. I hope I'll find some middle ground.

1 minute ago, Marina said:

I hope tonight I sleep okay.

I hope you do too. But remember it is ok if you don't. You will sleep when your body needs to. Keep out of your head about it as best you can. 🙂

2 minutes ago, Marina said:

I believe lots of things affect us during December/January - it's a time to be festive which is very hard for people in withdrawal and days are the shortest and the coldest (probably also cloudy, gloomy, rainy, snowy) so that significantly affects everyone's mood but especially us in withdrawal since we are extra-sensitive to anything and everything.

Definitely agree. Light levels low so the Vit D isn't there is it!

3 minutes ago, Marina said:

I'm trying to keep busy in the day, but usually busy with some "trivial" things. I had to abandon some of my previous activities due to withdrawal because I either have no pleasure in it or I just can't focus/don't have strength. I must admit a lot of my time lately was taken up by "doomscrolling" withdrawal stuff which, I will admit, is not good for me.

 

That's fair enough. Just do what works for you. As we discussed writing might be a great distraction. The doom scrolling is a hard one. It's not good for our minds. My advice would be to find things and a routine in the day to fit those things into and try to stay offline unless you are being practical like posting research and so on. What to do varies for everyone but we each have our own little ways. It really is just about getting through each day as well as you can based on how you feel that day.

 

I am definitely trying to redirect my mind on something more productive, but it's not been easy.

Thank you @Chippy for your advice and kindness.

5 minutes ago, Marina said:

I am definitely trying to redirect my mind on something more productive, but it's not been easy.

Thank you @Chippy for your advice and kindness.

My pleasure Marina, it isn't easy but you've got this.

Thank you for joining.

As things have gotten more difficult trying to reduce at the lower doses, have you been slowing down or holding at various points?

Looking at charts of receptor occupancy, the changes in this can be very large for quite small doses, and the theory is that at low doses, small changes can have very significant effects. This is something observed in quite a few people's stories on SA as well.

Hi @Luke

Thanks for your reply. I've been holding for about 2 or 3 weeks at 1mg and then I started reducing again to 0,8mg first. I held that for a few weeks and then started reducing again by 0,1mg each time as I felt rather stable. Every week I reduced by 0,1mg but kind of gradually. Now I decided to hold a bit at 0,2mg because I haven't been feeling too well mentally since the holidays. I can't say if it was due to reduction or just holidays being holidays - disrupting the routines and forcing festivity while struggling (also the days are so gloomy - I think that's affecting me a lot).

Morning Marina

How are you feeling today? 🙂

2 minutes ago, Marina said:

Hi @Luke

Thanks for your reply. I've been holding for about 2 or 3 weeks at 1mg and then I started reducing again to 0,8mg first. I held that for a few weeks and then started reducing again by 0,1mg each time as I felt rather stable. Every week I reduced by 0,1mg but kind of gradually. Now I decided to hold a bit at 0,2mg because I haven't been feeling too well mentally since the holidays. I can't say if it was due to reduction or just holidays being holidays - disrupting the routines and forcing festivity while struggling (also the days are so gloomy - I think that's affecting me a lot).

Thanks for the update on your taper. Sounds like you have this under control. I agree completely with your approach. You realised at 1mg you had been going too quick, and held. Then when you were ready you have tapered at a slower pace holding as needed. Good stuff! Now you are holding again due to your symptoms being rougher. Again I think this is wise.

As Luke said the lower you go on a drug the bigger the effect on the brain. So the increased symptoms you are suffering are very possibly down to this.

Id keep holding if I were you until you've stabilised then Id consider what my next drop is. Perhaps a little slower from here. That last 0.2mg is often the hardest.

Chippy

Hi @Chippy 🙂

I've slept pretty good last night. Just the usual wake up around dawn and catastrophizing before getting up.

Yeah, I am really torn with the continued taper... I want it to be over, but also don't want to cripple myself. We'll see how it goes in the next few weeks.

1 minute ago, Marina said:

Hi @Chippy 🙂

I've slept pretty good last night. Just the usual wake up around dawn and catastrophizing before getting up.

Yeah, I am really torn with the continued taper... I want it to be over, but also don't want to cripple myself. We'll see how it goes in the next few weeks.

Ah that's great! Im glad to hear this. Better sleep makes such a difference 🙂

I get the desire for it to be over. I wanted Mirt of my system so badly when the doctor suggested a CT I didn't put up much of a fight. But slow and steady as a rule of thumb is the best. It's best to try to not make your nervous system more angry. Just my thoughts but also the generally accepted approach.

@Chippy

I know. I'd also be rather safe than sorry. I have to decide on my priorities. I'll listen to my body first and foremost.

4 minutes ago, Marina said:

I'll listen to my body first and foremost.

This is key!

What happens with the physical symptoms when you taper further, or hold?

I haven't noticed much of anything much worse regarding physical symptoms when lowering the dose (maybe some increased tinitus and light sensitivity but not sure). It's mostly mental. 

Oh, faster heartbeat for some days for sure. Just remembered.

14 hours ago, Marina said:

I haven't noticed much of anything much worse regarding physical symptoms when lowering the dose (maybe some increased tinitus and light sensitivity but not sure). It's mostly mental. 

 

Your signature and posts suggest quite a number of physical symptoms.

 

Are these present, but not getting worse as you taper, or have they improved/resolved?

14 minutes ago, Luke said:

 

Your signature and posts suggest quite a number of physical symptoms.

 

Are these present, but not getting worse as you taper, or have they improved/resolved?

They are pretty much the same most days, I would say. Some intensify with certain food (histamine) and before/during my period. 

I see. 

 

Please do keep in mind that small changes at the low doses can be quite significant in effect as I said above. Jumping from a low dose to 0 can be quite a big step.

 

You're right to be careful and listen to your body. It's all a bit of a gamble, but generally, the slower the better if this is possible (it isn't always).

I will try to do it safe.

Hi Marina, you’ve joined since I’ve been off the site for a few days. Welcome! I would suggest a slow hyperbolic taper. Maybe this is what you’ve been doing, and I misread your thread. 
We are all here to support one another. Do what you can—we may need more help at times or can provide more help to others. That’s one of the great things about these forums. I hope to see your success story like everyone else some day—because they will happen, we will heal!
It’s a journey, and if you have a faith, it can help immensely. I notice everyone has a different perspective on this, so no pressure one way or another on faith. 

Hey @Marina, thanks for sharing your story. That must have been very difficult, so well done. I love your profile picture by the way. 

 

You have done amazingly well to get down so low thus far. I have found that other factors can make a difference, as you said the Christmas/New Year period and the reduced sunlight and other life stressors. 

 

I am hoping you are not suffering too much and that you will improve a little soon. As Luke said it is a bit of gamble and that unknown of what lies ahead is a challenge. 

On 1/16/2026 at 7:58 PM, Marina said:

 

I've slept pretty good last night. Just the usual wake up around dawn and catastrophizing before getting up.

Yeah, I am really torn with the continued taper... I want it to be over, but also don't want to cripple myself. We'll see how it goes in the next few weeks.

I feel for you with that morning dread, it really is awful. I have it a little bit but not every morning. I do some self compassion/soothing things, put hand on heart and belly when I get this. 

 

What supports do you have ? Go gently and think of the tortoise and the hare story.