Hey @Marina how are you? I’ve missed your light hearted posts! Hope you are feeling a little better?

Hey @Chippy 😊

Thank you for checking on me. Some days have been better, some worse. I started drafting an update, but I'll probably post it at 6 month "anniversary" of this horror.

I'm sorry I am not as active on here, but it does me no good to be on here much. 😔

1 minute ago, Marina said:

Hey @Chippy 😊

Thank you for checking on me. Some days have been better, some worse. I started drafting an update, but I'll probably post it at 6 month "anniversary" of this horror.

I'm sorry I am not as active on here, but it does me no good to be on here much. 😔

Hey Marina

 

Im pleased to hear you’ve had some better days but disappointed you’ve had some bad ones too. 
 

Yes we would love it to hear more of how you are. 
 

I totally understand if it’s better for you to not be here so much that is what you should do. 
 

I’m thinking of you

 

Chippy

Sending you prayers, Marina! I have been on and off of here various life stuff. But I can relate to feeling like you need to take a break due to symptoms. I hope you have great news to report soon. One day you will for sure 🤗

Thank you @namastejen1 ❤️ I appreciate your words.

On 2/25/2026 at 12:28 AM, Marina said:

Hey @Chippy 😊

Thank you for checking on me. Some days have been better, some worse. I started drafting an update, but I'll probably post it at 6 month "anniversary" of this horror.

I'm sorry I am not as active on here, but it does me no good to be on here much. 😔

Dear @Marina, 

 

I lost track of your thread as I wasn't following. 
Thanks for checking mine recently. 

 

You are doing incredibly well with your taper journey. You have not made any mistakes!! Please be kind to yourself and give that soft vulnerable living being that is you, a gentle hug. 

 

As with Jen, I can understand you needing to have less time on the forum. It takes energy and time that you may need for other areas  of your healing. xx 

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind and gentle words, @Tracey ❤️

Just checking in Marina! I have been away for a while recuperating from a nasty virus. I hope that you are doing well. Hugs/well wishes/prayers for you. 🌺🌲🌞♥️

Thank you @namastejen1 ❤️😊 I hope you recovered!

I'm having some okay/nice days and fretting the waves! 

 

Thank you for checking in with me. 🤗

Update - 8 and a half months:

Many times I wanted to write an update but it was too hard for me to be on here. It was hard on the bad days because I didn't want to sob and complain too much and on the good days I lived and didn't waste a thought on WD and this forum.

But I think now is the time for an update. Mainly because I am finally jumping off at cca 0,1mg of liquid Zoloft, scheduled on Monday. Honestly, I probably could have jumped off sooner but I kept going "just in case". I didn't feel any effects of lowering the dose for a long while now, but wanted to be on the "safe side".

My worst months were 4,5 and 6. I would get some windows and dirty windows here and there but generally I was living in a horror movie. It was just pure suffering most of the time and somehow enduring. The only thing that pulled me out a bit was socializing and engaging in an activity with friends (normal, fun people - no negative topics) and classical music concerts/opera. Most days I anxiously awaited the evening/dark. I would feel a bit more calm then. Would do some breathing, yoga stretching and watch a few episodes of a "safe" tv show.

Month 7 got even worse somehow. My physical symptoms had gotten worse and I had a few new health scares and had to visit many doctors all over again. It triggered a huge wave for me. I just stopped caring about anything and basically just gave up. I would get up every day and do my regular walks and house chores, but really - I have given up on hope, given up of ever being normal or healthy again. So, there was some acceptance - in my giving up I found acceptance.

Month 8 - physical symptoms eased up a bit and so did the mental ones. I suddenly felt an urge to read, but I decided not to read novels because they are still somehow overstimulating for me. I went for biographies and books that do with facts, history and stuff like that. I managed to read 4 books since then! And I enjoyed it!

Then about the same time I started feeling a tiny bit better, I was contacted by a girl from Instagram if I'd like to hang out. I was pretty upfront with her and told her I was not doing well at all and probably wouldn't be good company and that I'll leave a bad impression, so maybe it would be better just not to meet me in this state. But she insisted and we started hanging out and I am glad because I have a new friend now. She knows about my WD and all my aches and suffering and she believes me!

After that my mood started just gradually improving. I started getting back to my activities, to my creativity (I was drawing!), to my social media profiles (I made selfies! Whaaaat?!?!), I started listening to more music - I was singing, dancing! I was laughing most days, looking at memes/reels and sending them to my friends! I watched Eurovision and commented on it with my sister! It was such a fun and normal evening! Oh my God!!!!!! I was suddenly me again. My physical symptoms were all still there but mentally I was so normal - the DP/DR was almost non-existent, I percieved the world, my life and myself in a normal manner. I was just ME, living my life. I dared to hope this might be it - healing is right around the corner! But I knew a wave was waiting... (Still, I hoped it would be a milder one.)

I basically had a full month window - a miracle, a first time since all this hell started. But, all good things come to an end. Since my period started I am fully back into an intense wave. Intrusive thoughts, hopelessness, crying most/all days, very strong DP/DR and feeling of living in a horror movie. It's so intense and cruel. I can't believe just a week ago it felt like these feelings were so far behind me and now they are back as bad as ever and some more.

I don't know what to hope for. I know I am experiencing waves and windows, but it doesn't make it easier. I am grateful to have experienced such a window after so many months of just living in the dark. I just hate this horrific rollercoaster process and not knowing what to expect and when it will end. I keep thinking that by the end of this there will be nothing left of me. I will just be so drained and traumatized and unable to live like a human again.

Physically: I am terribly thin/underweight because of my histamine intolerance, my eyes are still very messed up because of all the webs of floaters and VSS and light sensitivity (I can't accept my eyes being ruined this way, especially because I am an artist/painter), tinnitus is pretty strong...

There are still pains, tingling, twitches all over the body...

Hi @Marina , I'm pretty new to this site but I just wanted to say it's so nice that you made a new friend who is supporting you through the WD process! I really relate to needing someone who believes you 100% about the WD and all the crazy symptoms, especially since doctors are generally dismissive and most regular folks just don't get it. My husband is the one person I have fully in my corner and I often wonder what I'd do without him.

Really sorry to hear you're back in a wave, but how amazing that you had a full month window! If you've been there once, you can get back there. The rollercoaster will end on a high.

Sarah

Hi @SarahMc 😊

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

My boyfriend and my family are supportive and believe me as well, but when I get very bad they start having doubts as well. ("Maybe I do need to be medicated...")

But yes, it's good to have some friends who believe me as well. Sadly, as I gained a new friend, I lost another... When I started entering my window, I guess she thought I was inveting everything and just gave me the silent treatment... 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm glad you have your husband's support. And I hope it continues through your taper and all the various stages of this process. ❤️

That window seems like either a dream or a fantasy now. I just wonder when I'll be blessed with feeling that good again. ☹️

Thank you so much for the encouregment, Sarah. I wish all the best for you in this terribly hard process. ❤️

3 hours ago, Marina said:

Sadly, as I gained a new friend, I lost another... When I started entering my window, I guess she thought I was inveting everything and just gave me the silent treatment... 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have lost (or at least had to distance myself from) a friend or two as well through this process. I suspect a lot of us have, to be honest. It's hard to stay close with folks who don't believe us or who just aren't interested in supporting us when we're in a really low place. But at the same time I think this shows us who our true friends are, you know? You don't need a friend who isn't going to trust you or be there for you at your worst times. Once you get through this you'll arrive at the other side surrounded by the people who truly love and support you no matter what.

3 hours ago, Marina said:

I'm glad you have your husband's support. And I hope it continues through your taper and all the various stages of this process. ❤️

Thank you so much. I know I'm really lucky because we had never been through anything this traumatic as a couple, so I didn't know how it would affect us. But really it's only strengthened our relationship because now we know how much we can rely on one another.

4 hours ago, Marina said:

That window seems like either a dream or a fantasy now. I just wonder when I'll be blessed with feeling that good again. ☹️

We all feel this -- when we feel good we forget how bad it can get, and when we feel bad we think we'll never feel good again. I know it's frustrating that this is all so unpredictable, but just focus on putting one foot in front of the other and you'll get there. 😊👣

Edited May 22May 22 by SarahMc

9 hours ago, Marina said:

Update - 8 and a half months:

Many times I wanted to write an update but it was too hard for me to be on here. It was hard on the bad days because I didn't want to sob and complain too much and on the good days I lived and didn't waste a thought on WD and this forum.

But I think now is the time for an update. Mainly because I am finally jumping off at cca 0,1mg of liquid Zoloft, scheduled on Monday. Honestly, I probably could have jumped off sooner but I kept going "just in case". I didn't feel any effects of lowering the dose for a long while now, but wanted to be on the "safe side".

My worst months were 4,5 and 6. I would get some windows and dirty windows here and there but generally I was living in a horror movie. It was just pure suffering most of the time and somehow enduring. The only thing that pulled me out a bit was socializing and engaging in an activity with friends (normal, fun people - no negative topics) and classical music concerts/opera. Most days I anxiously awaited the evening/dark. I would feel a bit more calm then. Would do some breathing, yoga stretching and watch a few episodes of a "safe" tv show.

Month 7 got even worse somehow. My physical symptoms had gotten worse and I had a few new health scares and had to visit many doctors all over again. It triggered a huge wave for me. I just stopped caring about anything and basically just gave up. I would get up every day and do my regular walks and house chores, but really - I have given up on hope, given up of ever being normal or healthy again. So, there was some acceptance - in my giving up I found acceptance.

Month 8 - physical symptoms eased up a bit and so did the mental ones. I suddenly felt an urge to read, but I decided not to read novels because they are still somehow overstimulating for me. I went for biographies and books that do with facts, history and stuff like that. I managed to read 4 books since then! And I enjoyed it!

Then about the same time I started feeling a tiny bit better, I was contacted by a girl from Instagram if I'd like to hang out. I was pretty upfront with her and told her I was not doing well at all and probably wouldn't be good company and that I'll leave a bad impression, so maybe it would be better just not to meet me in this state. But she insisted and we started hanging out and I am glad because I have a new friend now. She knows about my WD and all my aches and suffering and she believes me!

After that my mood started just gradually improving. I started getting back to my activities, to my creativity (I was drawing!), to my social media profiles (I made selfies! Whaaaat?!?!), I started listening to more music - I was singing, dancing! I was laughing most days, looking at memes/reels and sending them to my friends! I watched Eurovision and commented on it with my sister! It was such a fun and normal evening! Oh my God!!!!!! I was suddenly me again. My physical symptoms were all still there but mentally I was so normal - the DP/DR was almost non-existent, I percieved the world, my life and myself in a normal manner. I was just ME, living my life. I dared to hope this might be it - healing is right around the corner! But I knew a wave was waiting... (Still, I hoped it would be a milder one.)

I basically had a full month window - a miracle, a first time since all this hell started. But, all good things come to an end. Since my period started I am fully back into an intense wave. Intrusive thoughts, hopelessness, crying most/all days, very strong DP/DR and feeling of living in a horror movie. It's so intense and cruel. I can't believe just a week ago it felt like these feelings were so far behind me and now they are back as bad as ever and some more.

I don't know what to hope for. I know I am experiencing waves and windows, but it doesn't make it easier. I am grateful to have experienced such a window after so many months of just living in the dark. I just hate this horrific rollercoaster process and not knowing what to expect and when it will end. I keep thinking that by the end of this there will be nothing left of me. I will just be so drained and traumatized and unable to live like a human again.

Physically: I am terribly thin/underweight because of my histamine intolerance, my eyes are still very messed up because of all the webs of floaters and VSS and light sensitivity (I can't accept my eyes being ruined this way, especially because I am an artist/painter), tinnitus is pretty strong...

There are still pains, tingling, twitches all over the body...

Hi @Marina thank you so much for this update. I'm truly sorry for the long, hard road you have been through and for the current difficulty, combining with hormones is so brutal and hard to bear however I'm very pleased to hear about the excellent month you have had, a huge sign of a well healing system and which gives us all hope in this horrific journey.

I know how traumatic it is to go from window to wave especially after such a bright one but hold on to the good feeling you had, it will only get better and longer, the body will continue to cleanse, the hormones will calm down and significant relief will come, a little further on.

And the end even though it's hard for you to believe atm is the beginning of an amazing future that is just waiting for you!

Hang in there, you are doing so well xx

Edited May 22May 22 by Fullhealing

17 hours ago, Marina said:

Many times I wanted to write an update but it was too hard for me to be on here. It was hard on the bad days because I didn't want to sob and complain too much and on the good days I lived and didn't waste a thought on WD and this forum.

Hey Marina. Thank you for the update. I’ll never forget you, you were the first member I spoke to after the site went live from the original clunky software we were running to the better system. It’s been a pleasure having you here. I understand the need to be on here less. And for some this is the right move. You have to do what you thinks best.

17 hours ago, Marina said:

finally jumping off at cca 0,1mg of liquid Zoloft, scheduled on Monday. Honestly, I probably could have jumped off sooner but I kept going "just in case". I didn't feel any effects of lowering the dose for a long while now, but wanted to be on the "safe side".

I think we may have touched on this before but because I care I’m going to say here, please consider continuing to taper to 0.01mg. 0.1mg is too big a jump and I am concerned you’ll regret getting off this soon. When I look at those who taper but have a hard time still, they are always the ones who get off too soon. We want the best for you so I write this hoping it helps. Where is the hurry you’ve come so far.

I’m so happy to hear you have been reading, and following other hobbies, plus that 1 month window! Amazing!

And of course your new friend! This is incredible! So you guys meet in person? How great to have someone who gets this and can support you. I can see this has had a good effect on your recovery. 😃

I’m sorry you’re in a wave remember the fantastic improvements you’ve had and that 1 month window! More to come 😃

I look forward to another update where I hope things are better still Xxxxx

16 hours ago, Marina said:

That window seems like either a dream or a fantasy now. I just wonder when I'll be blessed with feeling that good again. ☹️

This doesn't take away at all from how difficult things are now, but a full month of feeling good and living life is absolutely not fantasy- it's a fantastic sign that your body is doing pretty well to function correctly for long periods of time, it just hasn't quite reached a point where it's 24/7, 365 days a year yet.

I hope that jumping off doesn't cause major issues. Once you are off, remember that you're in a process of adjusting to being completely drug-free and recovered. Any setbacks are just a bump in the road towards that.

Your body has shown amazing potential to heal and achieve month-long windows. It seems likely to me that in time drug-free it will do that again until eventually you're just recovered.

@SarahMc You are right. It does show who real friends are and toxic ones should be cut out. And I know it's for the better, but still can't help feeling like I am the one at fault.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 17 years and we had rough times before, but this really is the hardest thing and it's putting us both to the test. But I hope we make it. 🙏🏻

Thank you, Sarah. ❤️ I'm trying. Currently, it's that "minute to minute" survival, again. I still can't believe how it can turn around so extremely... 😣

Hey @Chippy ❤️ Thank you for your kind words, as always.

I am not leaving the site, but most days I find it hard to be here. I think my biggest problem is "taking on" other people's feelings and suffering. I read someone's story and I feel it way too deeply as if I was in their shoes. And so carry even more emotional burden than just my own.

There are multiple reasons for my jump off, but in some ways I am forced to do it. I do not think it's too high a dose. My full dose was 50mg Zoloft and I think 0,1mg is reasonable point for a jump off. But we'll see. Maybe you'll turn out to be right. (I hope not!)

Yes, my window was pretty incredible. But it feels so distant now - I can't read once again, I don't do anything fun, everything is overstimulating and scary again - music, tv, social media, shopping... I have looping thoughts about my symptoms and how my life is ruined. The fun stuff!

And yes, my new friend is here in my hometown. We walk around and talk (every now and then).

Thanks, Chippy. ❤️ I really hope I'll have some positive updates in the near future, but currently my mind says that will never happen. 😐

@Fullhealing Thank you for such encouraging words. ❤️

I really hope this shows healing is happening, but how to convince myself that is true? My mind is telling me this was a fluke. This wave is really hitting hard...

Thank you @Luke ❤️ What you said is completely logical, rational and reasonable. If only my WD wave mind could believe it.

Thank you. I hope that healing comes for all of us. 🙏🏻

11 minutes ago, Marina said:

@Fullhealing Thank you for such encouraging words. ❤️

I really hope this shows healing is happening, but how to convince myself that is true? My mind is telling me this was a fluke. This wave is really hitting hard...

I know @Marina it's cruel and blinding when it hits, at times there's not much to do other than letting the chemical cloud passes and the skies clear but remember you're on the right track and constantly healing, the good days you had will return,

better and longer, hang in there, it feels eternal but it's not, you had proof of that.

Just keep surviving and time will do the rest xxx

1 hour ago, Marina said:

Thank you, Sarah. ❤️ I'm trying. Currently, it's that "minute to minute" survival, again. I still can't believe how it can turn around so extremely... 😣

I know all too well that feeling like you’re just hanging on for dear life and every minute is excruciating. It’s so hard, but keep fighting and it will pass 💜

1 hour ago, Marina said:

Hey @Chippy ❤️ Thank you for your kind words, as always.

I am not leaving the site, but most days I find it hard to be here. I think my biggest problem is "taking on" other people's feelings and suffering. I read someone's story and I feel it way too deeply as if I was in their shoes. And so carry even more emotional burden than just my own.

I’m glad you’re not leaving us! But I think it’s good you ration your time here if it triggers you at times.

1 hour ago, Marina said:

There are multiple reasons for my jump off, but in some ways I am forced to do it. I do not think it's too high a dose. My full dose was 50mg Zoloft and I think 0,1mg is reasonable point for a jump off. But we'll see. Maybe you'll turn out to be right. (I hope not!)

I completely respect your choice. I will say that I’m not alone in my views on this. Mark Horowitz for example and others would agree with my feelings on the subject. I’m not suggesting you take years to get down 0.1mg, just maybe consider taking 2-3 months. Either way totally with you what ever you choose to do.

1 hour ago, Marina said:

Yes, my window was pretty incredible. But it feels so distant now - I can't read once again, I don't do anything fun, everything is overstimulating and scary again - music, tv, social media, shopping... I have looping thoughts about my symptoms and how my life is ruined. The fun stuff!

And yes, my new friend is here in my hometown. We walk around and talk (every now and then).

Oh but the fact you had this amazing window. Wonderful Marina!

Sending lots of love and healing your way. Xxxx

Thank you @SarahMc and @Fullhealing ❤️

And again, thank you @Chippy and @Luke ❤️

Your comments and encouragement mean more than you know. Yesterday I was so low, but already today after reading what you all said I feel a small nudge towards hope. Thank you. ❤️

Wow @Marina , what a wonderful update.

You are doing amazingly well and your bodies healing potential is shining through. Your month window sounded like heaven.

I understand the need to protect your nervous system from negative outside influences and taking on the suffering of others.

Look forward to your next update. xxxx 🙏🩷