Hello everyone,

 

I decided to continue my story from Surviving Antidepressants here.

First of all, big thanks to Luke and everyone who participated in creating this forum - you are saving a whole community ❤️

 

I'm looking forward to documenting the rest of my recovery here and hopefully one day posting a success story. Also to connecting with and supporting others dealing with this condition.

 

I'm now 5 months off any psychiatric drugs, the last were escitalopram and trittico (trazodone).

I went through horrible acute withdrawal and now I'm in the protracted phase still experiencing many symptoms but it's more bearable now (I'm mostly functional).

I may post a summary of my experience so far in another post.

 

Here's the link to my thread on Surviving Antidepressants: 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/33320-justyna-my-final-attempt-to-get-off-ssri/

Welcome to the forum, Justyna.

 

I am the Recovery Assistant Bot and I am here to post some information for you whilst we await replies from other members.

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications. If you are experiencing an adverse reaction to them, withdrawal difficulties or are injured by them, we are very sorry to hear this and will do what we can to help you.

 

While we are waiting for human members to reply, there are some things you can do that will help you get the most out of this forum whilst you await further support.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help

 

Please update your signature. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the guides linked above, but here is a direct link:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help&hid=8

 

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default.

 

If you have migrated here from "SurvivingAntidepressants" feel free to post a link to your old thread in this one, or include it in your signature.

 

We hope that you will find this forum helpful.

Hey Justyna

 

Welcome to the forum! It’s great to see you here. 

 

When have a moment please update your signature with your drug history. 

 

I hope you find the site helpful in your recovery and I look forward to reading your success story!

 

Chippy

Hello, Chippy!

 

Thanks for the welcome:)

Just updated my signature. 

 

Justyna

Hello, Chippy!

 

Thanks for the welcome:)

Just updated my signature. 

 

Justyna

thank you!

Thank you for joining.

 

If you're mostly functional at 5 months off, that's good progress quite early on. It is likely that you'll continue to improve in time if you just keep gritting your teeth and doing what you can to remain functional, whilst being as kind to yourself as possible.

Thank you for joining.

 

If you're mostly functional at 5 months off, that's good progress quite early on. It is likely that you'll continue to improve in time if you just keep gritting your teeth and doing what you can to remain functional, whilst being as kind to yourself as possible.

 

Hi Luke, thanks to you for creating this space.

 

Yes, I think it's huge progress that I was able to keep my job after a relatively short break. That progress gives me hope for a full recovery, something I wish for each of us harmed by these drugs.

Hi Justyna

 

Lovely to see you here too. I'm so optimistic this online community will thrive. ??

Hi Justyna

 

Lovely to see you here too. I'm so optimistic this online community will thrive. ??

Hi Catbird 

 

It's indeed good to see you here and all the others! 

I have high hopes for this community as well  :heart:

Thank you for joining.

 

If you're mostly functional at 5 months off, that's good progress quite early on. It is likely that you'll continue to improve in time if you just keep gritting your teeth and doing what you can to remain functional, whilst being as kind to yourself as possible.

 

Hi Luke, thanks to you for creating this space.

 

Yes, I think it's huge progress that I was able to keep my job after a relatively short break. That progress gives me hope for a full recovery, something I wish for each of us harmed by these drugs.

 

 

You're welcome.

 

Chippy also deserves thanks for his work on this.

 

 

I was unable to work at all for more than two years. At 2 years and 8 months off, I work in a lower role than I did, part time. It's progress, even though it's slow.

 

If that's where you are at this time, then all you can and must do, is give it more time, and you will also likely improve from here.

@Luke

You're right, huge respect and thanks fo Chippy, too.

I'm sorry that you weren't able to work due to withdrawal. I thought I was headed for the same fate, because the first months were so bad. I was desperate to keep my job because of the loan and losing job would mean a risk of losing my apartment so I decided to suffer through it. One thing that enabled that for me was the possibility of working from home, thank God for that. 

After two months of absolute torture something changed and I started noticing improvements: nausea was gone, crying spells gone, and a bit more sleep so I decided I can manage with work somehow. If my job was more demanding, I'm not sure I would be able to keep it. 

 

Hopefully it keeps improving from here.

I had a few quite good days recently.

But on Christmas morning I woke up in another wave. Yesterday was full of intense anxiety and there was so much restless tension in my body, it was causing me this kind of semi voluntary jerks (like I could stop it if I really tried but then it feels like I'm going to explode). Also a lot existential thoughts. Today it's a bit better but still very low. 

I don't know if it's the Christmas food or staying up until late that caused this wave. Or maybe it's random.

Anyway, I keep on going and pray for better days.

I had a few quite good days recently.

 

Having good days at 5 months off is a lot of progress.

 

Having some bad ones doesn't negate that.

 

For many who heal from this, having some bad and some good is an intermediate step between having all of them be ok.

I had a few quite good days recently.

But on Christmas morning I woke up in another wave. Yesterday was full of intense anxiety and there was so much restless tension in my body, it was causing me this kind of semi voluntary jerks (like I could stop it if I really tried but then it feels like I'm going to explode). Also a lot existential thoughts. Today it's a bit better but still very low. 

I don't know if it's the Christmas food or staying up until late that caused this wave. Or maybe it's random.

Anyway, I keep on going and pray for better days.

Hey Justyna

 

Glad you see you've had some good days recently. It's totally normal to experience up and down ticks of symptoms as Im sure you're aware. Like Luke said, good progress for just a few months off. These thoughts you mentioned seem common also and not surprising in my view considering the ordeal our systems have been through!

 

I hear you on the Christmas activity. Diet does seem to affect all of this to a lesser or greater extent, depending on each individual. A bit of trial and error is the way. If you seem to react to something perhaps don't eat that. Certain things are obvious Alcohol, Caffeine. But other things such as chocolate and sugars, artifical additives and GM foods are worth considering avoiding.

 

That's the way focus on better days, they are coming for you!

 

Chippy

Thank you guys for replying. 

I'm trying to practice acceptance but damn, it's really hard when you see some progress and then you feel this awful again.

 

I hope this wave passes soon, it seems like they are getting shorter.

I'm still waiting for a real, good window, the kind I read about in some other people's stories, where they feel completely or close to normal or like their old selves. 

So far, my "windows" mean less anxiety and dread but still no positive emotions or motivation.

But it seems anhedonia is one of the most persistent symptoms, so I might wait a bit more.

It's definitely not going as fast as I would like. I hope there will come a day when these drugs are no longer given to people, they are so harmful  :@

Thank you guys for replying. 

I'm trying to practice acceptance but damn, it's really hard when you see some progress and then you feel this awful again.

 

I hope this wave passes soon, it seems like they are getting shorter.

I'm still waiting for a real, good window, the kind I read about in some other people's stories, where they feel completely or close to normal or like their old selves. 

So far, my "windows" mean less anxiety and dread but still no positive emotions or motivation.

But it seems anhedonia is one of the most persistent symptoms, so I might wait a bit more.

It's definitely not going as fast as I would like. I hope there will come a day when these drugs are no longer given to people, they are so harmful  :@

It's really hard. I would say the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. You can't understand it unless you've been there.

 

Acceptance is a constant battle to maintain. It gets easier but still a battle.

 

I hope this window comes for you. It doesn't for everyone. Some experience windows and waves as an increasing and decreasing movement of symptoms (as you have found so far) rather than an on and off. Don't worry about how yours progresses, just accept. Hard I know. It's great the waves are shortening. All so positive.

 

It never goes as quickly as we would like. The constant up and downs make this experience even harder. Keep with it you're doing great. This will pass. Healing is happening.

 

Chippy

Wow Justyna you are doing amazingly well!

 

Your story is very positive and hopeful for others too. 

 

Those existential fears are so hard to be with and bear, the entire process really.  And as Chippy says acceptance is such a battle. I recall Anders Sorensen saying that we are never ready physically, emotionally or spiritually for withdrawal. Too much for psyche. 

 

 

Pleased you are continuing your story here.

I recall Anders Sorensen saying that we are never ready physically, emotionally or spiritually for withdrawal. Too much for psyche. 

 

Hi Tracey!

 

Thanks for your reply, I couldn't agree more, it's not something you can prepare for. I was actually shocked that a human can even feel this way. And that a drug that is supposed to help you can do so much damage. And so many are in much worse situation than me, which I can't even fathom.

 

This community helps me see the positives and keep going. Really it's priceless I'm so grateful  :heart:

Update 6 months off

 

I've been having a very, very hard time lately and that's the reason it took me so long to post this update.

 

So as I'm writing this post, I'm 6 months off the antidepressants AND also 8 weeks pregnant and I'm feeling absolutely awful at the moment.

 

I think right now pregnancy symptoms dominate over withdrawal and mostly include:

- nausea: I had a withdrawal nausea that went away after 2 months, but this one is much worse and it's been getting worse every day for the last 3 weeks

- fatigue: it's extreme, sometimes I don't have energy to move an arm

- smell disorders: almost everything smells disgusting and very strong and it also makes me gag

- constipation 

- indigestion 

 

I've been experiencing this for the last 3 weeks but it feels like eternity already. I don't know how I'm going to survive this.

 

I do get some adrenaline rushes where I feel my heart pounding and I think it's more related to withdrawal than pregnancy, but it's very mild compared to other symptoms. 

I'm not sure if my anhedonia has improved or not because I feel absolutely awful every single minute of every single day and I'm just trying to survive.

I'll try to post updates at least once a month.

 

Sending you all love and healing,

Justyna

Hey @Justyna

 

Thanks for posting your update.

 

Im very sorry to read about how hard you have been finding it.

 

10 minutes ago, Justyna said:

8 weeks pregnant and I'm feeling absolutely awful at the moment.

Congratulations! 🙂 

 

10 minutes ago, Justyna said:

I think right now pregnancy symptoms dominate over withdrawal and mostly include:

As a man I can't really imagine what you are going through it but I can see how difficult it must be to add pregnancy ontop of WD. 

 

10 minutes ago, Justyna said:

don't know how I'm going to survive this.

You are stronger than you think. I know it.

 

10 minutes ago, Justyna said:

I do get some adrenaline rushes where I feel my heart pounding and I think it's more related to withdrawal than pregnancy,

Yes I would think you are right

 

10 minutes ago, Justyna said:

I'm not sure if my anhedonia has improved or not because I feel absolutely awful every single minute of every single day and I'm just trying to survive.

I think sometimes it's obvious how we feel and other times it just not, a general sense of feeling bad. I get this. Hard.

 

10 minutes ago, Justyna said:

I'll try to post updates at least once a month.

Just when you can and want. It's always good to hear from you.

 

Chippy

Hey @Chippy!

 

Thank you for your supportive words!

I think you're right, I'm stronger than I ever imagined, having gone through so much already yet I'm still here.

 

I have noticed some changes to the forum, great job and thank you for all that you do for the community ❤️ 

 

25 minutes ago, Justyna said:

Hey @Chippy!

 

Thank you for your supportive words!

I think you're right, I'm stronger than I ever imagined, having gone through so much already yet I'm still here.

 

I have noticed some changes to the forum, great job and thank you for all that you do for the community ❤️ 

 

You are strong indeed! Might not always feel like it that's all.

 

We have given the site a makeover. Just a tin of paint and an hours work. Smarten it up 😆

 

Honestly it's a pleasure to help this amazing community of people. Put back the support I've got and still get.

On 1/22/2026 at 2:36 AM, Justyna said:

So as I'm writing this post, I'm 6 months off the antidepressants AND also 8 weeks pregnant and I'm feeling absolutely awful at the moment.

Hi @Justyna, congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry that you are in awful withdrawals. 6 months is still early on. Prayers your way for some relief as you deal with pregnancy symptoms as well.  For some hope, Melissa Boutilier was also pregnant during her withdrawal on top of having type 1 diabetes. She healed, and you will too! You will be an inspiration for your child one day when they learn

what you went through. Stay strong, many healing prayers your way. 🙏💖🕊

On 1/24/2026 at 7:38 AM, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

Hi @Justyna, congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry that you are in awful withdrawals. 6 months is still early on. Prayers your way for some relief as you deal with pregnancy symptoms as well.  For some hope, Melissa Boutilier was also pregnant during her withdrawal on top of having type 1 diabetes. She healed, and you will too! You will be an inspiration for your child one day when they learn

what you went through. Stay strong, many healing prayers your way. 🙏💖🕊

Hi @HopePerseveres2.0

Thank you ❤️ I'm really trying to stay positive. I've watched some of Melissa's videos and yes, she's a big inspiration! Also I'm pretty sure her withdrawals were much worse than mine. 

Also it's somehow easier for me to explain my state by pregnancy, it feels like people are more accepting of it than withdrawal (which is a shame, but also understandable due to ignorance).

And thank you for the prayers, I really appreciate it 🙏🏽 and same to you ❤️

Hello @Justyna, I also wanted to congratulate you on your pregnancy! What I have seen when I and many of my friends went through pregnancy, was that the first three months were the hardest concerning nausea and fatigue for most of them (also for me). You have a good chance of feeling better soon. (I think it has to do with a sudden rising of progesterone, leading to fatigue, nausea and emotional instability. On the long run, the progesterone high in pregnancy makes you more relaxed).

I hope very much that you feel better soon! Maybe you will even have some windows in which you can enjoy your pregnancy. Expecting a baby is a very special thing. And  going through withdrawal is extremely hard. What a combination! You are strong, you will come through. I pray for you.
Nemina