Hello Everyone. Getting set up on this new site after being on SA for the past year +. Thank you @Chippyand @Lukefor what you've done here! Your willingness to do this is much appreciated! Especially considering that you yourselves are in the midst of WD. Your efforts have undoubtedly already been helpful to many, and will continue to be so for many more in the future! 
Let me know if I can help.

My SA thread;

My story so far:

1995: Started Paxil for depression, which resolved. Paxil was subsequently discontinued in 1996.

2001: Reinstated 10mg for AM Anxiety. Gradually built up to 50mg.

2016-2020: Several failed attempts to get off through guestimated tapering. Also drinking significant amount of alcohol during that time. Experienced body zaps, fatigue, bouts of anger/rage, severe migraines, depression, crying spells, anhedonia, vertigo.

2020/2021: Began "slower" tapering/holding but the reductions in dosage were still too much at 6.25mg per reduction. 

June 2024: Last dose of 6.25mg which was way too big of a drop. In essence, this was a CT/Cold Turkey discontinuation. (Insurance no longer covered and I figured I was “close enough" to Zero to DC.)

Within 3 weeks, began experiencing severe grief, regret, fear, dread, anxiety, anger, bad/negative attitude, mood swings, hideous depression, anhedonia and loss of personality. I also began to experience a weird emotional “sub-mental" mindset with the inability to reminisce or think any type of nostalgic thoughts without triggering extreme sadness and despair. 

Physically, I began to experience hard heartbeats, heart palpitations, abdominal quivering, muscle twitching, increased musculoskeletal pain/dysfunction, amplified tinnitus.

Oct 2025: 1 year and 4 months since last CT dose. I have seen a lot of improvement overall and believe I am winning the war but still fighting intense battles. Have been continuing to suffer from horrific intrusive images/thoughts and bouts of depression with associated anger.

Jan 2026: 1 year and 7 months since last CT dose. I'm still dealing with Waves, but things are waay better than they were. The waves aren't as hard hitting or as deep. I've actually begun to have more control of my mind with less effort overall...and, at times, the mind actually holds on its own without effort. I'm not out of the woods (waves) completely yet, but it's coming. 

Hi Chuey

Welcome to the forum!

Great to have you here you are most welcome!

I’ve linked your Sa thread above for you. 

Ive slimmed your signature down to just your drug history and inserted the more detailed data into your original post above  hope that all looks ok?

Could I ask you to fill in the registration info in your profile for me?

Looks like your recovery is progressing from reading your update. Like you said pretty much a CT, tough on the system for sure.

How you feeling at the moment?

I’d be careful with the cannabis use if it were me. Anything psychoactive is worth avoiding imo.

Speak soon

Chippy

Thank you for joining.

 

It sounds like you're making good progress, even though it takes longer than anybody wants.

On 1/14/2026 at 9:38 PM, Chippy said:

Hi Chuey

Welcome to the forum!

Great to have you here you are most welcome!

I’ve linked your Sa thread above for you. 

Ive slimmed your signature down to just your drug history and inserted the more detailed data into your original post above  hope that all looks ok?

Could I ask you to fill in the registration info in your profile for me?

Looks like your recovery is progressing from reading your update. Like you said pretty much a CT, tough on the system for sure.

How you feeling at the moment?

I’d be careful with the cannabis use if it were me. Anything psychoactive is worth avoiding imo.

Speak soon

Chippy

That looks good. Thanks for cleaning it up for me.

I'm doing good overall. I can't say I've reached Zero yet, but it's been the longest stretch of doing "decent" that I've experienced so far.

Yeah I agree, Cannabis can be tricky during WD. Overall, it's been really helpful to me before and during the tapering process. I did have to take a break from it completely for a while when I was in the depths of CT WD last year. It had become more aggravating than beneficial. Thankfully I've been able to resume utilizing it as a helpful tool as of late. 

Thanks again!

24 minutes ago, Chuey said:

That looks good. Thanks for cleaning it up for me.

My pleasure mate. 
 

25 minutes ago, Chuey said:

can't say I've reached Zero yet,

Just confirming youre off the drug now? 
 

26 minutes ago, Chuey said:

but it's been the longest stretch of doing "decent" that I've experienced so far.

This is good to hear. 😀

 

26 minutes ago, Chuey said:

Thankfully I've been able to resume utilizing it as a helpful tool as of late. 

No judgement here. I’ve friends who are cool with it. I’m not a fan of anything that messes with mind but it’s all a personal choice. You do you!

I mainly flagged it for others so they don’t think this is approved choice. 
 

Great to have guy hear mate

On 1/15/2026 at 10:17 PM, Chippy said:

Just confirming youre off the drug now? 

Yes I'm completely off since 6/2024.

My reference to Zero was in regard to WD symptoms/issues. I'm not at that Zero yet.

2 hours ago, Chuey said:

Yes I'm completely off since 6/2024.

My reference to Zero was in regard to WD symptoms/issues. I'm not at that Zero yet.

Yes thanks for clarifying I thought so just wanted to check. 

Hi Chuey! Happy to see you here. Glad we all had a place to land.

Jamie xoxo

10 hours ago, gardengirl2 said:

Hi Chuey! Happy to see you here. Glad we all had a place to land.

Jamie xoxo

Hello @gardengirl2! Yes so thankful for this site and the work put in by Luke and Chippy! 🙏

I read a lot about about how people have recovered from this hellish nightmare. They say that the symptoms pretty much go away eventually. I'm curious as to if there is anyone who has had horrific intrusive thoughts that have just eventually gone away and stopped? I can say that it has gotten "better", but I'm still tormented by horrific thoughts and images. If I can't find hope from others who have personally experienced relief from this, my only solution is to go on to high dose Xanax so I can numb my mind as much as possible. Ending my life is not an option as I love my family way too much to put them through that. But I cannot continue to suffer this torment.

11 hours ago, Chuey said:

I read a lot about about how people have recovered from this hellish nightmare. They say that the symptoms pretty much go away eventually. I'm curious as to if there is anyone who has had horrific intrusive thoughts that have just eventually gone away and stopped? I can say that it has gotten "better", but I'm still tormented by horrific thoughts and images. If I can't find hope from others who have personally experienced relief from this, my only solution is to go on to high dose Xanax so I can numb my mind as much as possible. Ending my life is not an option as I love my family way too much to put them through that. But I cannot continue to suffer this torment.

 

Hi @Chuey, I've moved this into your intro thread from the success stories section as it's a question rather than a recovery story.

 

Most of my intrusive thoughts are better now and I only struggle with it now in brief 1-2 day periods.

Oh ok. I just figured there's more chance for the post to be seen on the Success Stories thread than on my personal thread.

4 hours ago, Chuey said:

Oh ok. I just figured there's more chance for the post to be seen on the Success Stories thread than on my personal thread.

No not at all. The success story’s section is for personal success stories 😀

On 3/5/2026 at 9:40 PM, Chuey said:

I'm curious as to if there is anyone who has had horrific intrusive thoughts that have just eventually gone away and stopped? I can say that it has gotten "better", but I'm still tormented by horrific thoughts and images. If I can't find hope from others who have personally experienced relief from this, my only solution is to go on to high dose Xanax so I can numb my mind as much as possible.

Intrusive thoughts are a common wd symptom. You can’t treat them with more drug it only makes it worse I’m afraid. Time is the healer. I would look into working on distraction, mindfulness and acceptance. You will be ok eventually hang in there!

On 3/5/2026 at 11:40 PM, Chuey said:

I read a lot about about how people have recovered from this hellish nightmare. They say that the symptoms pretty much go away eventually. I'm curious as to if there is anyone who has had horrific intrusive thoughts that have just eventually gone away and stopped? I can say that it has gotten "better", but I'm still tormented by horrific thoughts and images. If I can't find hope from others who have personally experienced relief from this, my only solution is to go on to high dose Xanax so I can numb my mind as much as possible. Ending my life is not an option as I love my family way too much to put them through that. But I cannot continue to suffer this torment.

truly sorry you struggling so badly @Chuey Paxil is so brutal, let alone being stopped too quickly.

I feel you strongly with the intrusive thoughts, from what I've gathered it's one of the most stubborn and long-lasting symptom after full stop, it will certainly test your patience and strength at any given moment but it won't last forever, hang in there,  it will subside with time.

As for benzodiazepine, it might give you immediate relief with tons of trouble afterwards, it's not worth replacing one monster with another, I personally would stay away.

wishing you relief soon, stay strong, you'll get through it.

Edited March 9Mar 9 by Fullhealing

On 3/8/2026 at 11:09 PM, Chippy said:

Intrusive thoughts are a common wd symptom. You can’t treat them with more drug it only makes it worse I’m afraid. Time is the healer. I would look into working on distraction, mindfulness and acceptance. You will be ok eventually hang in there!

Thanks. I've been doing all of that and everything else I can think of too get through it. Just not sure how much longer I can be doing it.

On 3/9/2026 at 3:11 AM, Fullhealing said:

truly sorry you struggling so badly @Chuey Paxil is so brutal, let alone being stopped too quickly.

I feel you strongly with the intrusive thoughts, from what I've gathered it's one of the most stubborn and long-lasting symptom after full stop, it will certainly test your patience and strength at any given moment but it won't last forever, hang in there,  it will subside with time.

As for benzodiazepine, it might give you immediate relief with tons of trouble afterwards, it's not worth replacing one monster with another, I personally would stay away.

wishing you relief soon, stay strong, you'll get through it.

Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement. The waves have been more intense lately than they have been for a while.

10 hours ago, Chuey said:

Thanks. I've been doing all of that and everything else I can think of too get through it. Just not sure how much longer I can be doing it.

You’re stronger than you think. Just one day at a time @Chuey 

Feeling somewhat Window-ish today 🙏. Actually woke up without a sense of fear and dread. First time in a while. I hope it gets even better and lasts 🙏

A few years back during withdrawal and reinstatement, a switch flipped for me one morning when I woke up without the morning fear and anxiety. I knew I was on the mend then, and I was right. I hope your improved mornings continue! 🙏❣️🌻

3 hours ago, Chuey said:

Feeling somewhat Window-ish today 🙏. Actually woke up without a sense of fear and dread. First time in a while. I hope it gets even better and lasts 🙏

Great news, happy for you! 🙏 

Edited March 15Mar 15 by Fullhealing

4 hours ago, Chuey said:

Feeling somewhat Window-ish today 🙏. Actually woke up without a sense of fear and dread. First time in a while. I hope it gets even better and lasts 🙏

Great news !

1 hour ago, gardengirl2 said:

A few years back during withdrawal and reinstatement, a switch flipped for me one morning when I woke up without the morning fear and anxiety. I knew I was on the mend then, and I was right. I hope your improved mornings continue! 🙏❣️🌻

I really hope that is where I am at. I've been completely off those pills for 21 months. I have had decent window experiences but the waves have inevitably come back. Hopefully "switch off" 

A little more than a week of a Window... Now back in Hell... Fear of losing my children, horrible mental images and thoughts, depression, anger. I think this is what it will be like from now on. Brief Windows then back to hellish Waves....the Windows are actually cruel... making me think that I'm actually going to get out of this....only to go back into Waves. This has ruined my life.

Edited March 31Mar 31 by Chuey

1 hour ago, Chuey said:

A little more than a week of a Window... Now back in Hell... Fear of losing my children, horrible mental images and thoughts, depression, anger. I think this is what it will be like from now on. Brief Windows then back to hellish Waves....the Windows are actually cruel... making me think that I'm actually going to get out of this....only to go back into Waves. This has ruined my life.

I’m so sorry to read this @Chuey yes I agree the up and down nature of healing from all this is possibly the worst thing. Cruel. Hang in there! More windows coming and they will be longer and brighter as time passes. We are all here for you. Chippy