Hi all

In 1999, I was prescribed Paxil for anxiety and OCD. It never really helped me other than to deaden my emotions and make me gain about 20 pounds. In 2006, my father died and I had to be the one to decide to take him off life support. That took me deep into a downward spiral, and I finally sought therapy, as I should have earlier.  That took me down a three-year road of withdrawal and recovery. 

 

I tried to taper way too fast at first, and had to reinstate twice.  My lifesaver was finding Paxilprogress.org, where I could share my struggle and get advice. My experience there made me realize how important support from fellow sufferers is.  I learned how to taper correctly and gradually, and in 2008 I found a therapist who understood the reality of withdrawal.  By late 2009 I was done with Paxil and by early 2010 through recovery.  After PaxilProgress closed, I followed Altostrata to Surviving Antidepressants, and from SA I cam here.

 

My lessons learned from my journey:

1. Give yourself time and space--and forgiveness.  Recovery is not linear--it has hills and valleys (windows and waves) and don't be too hard on yourself when you hit a wave.

2. Find and practice coping strategies.  Create a toolbox of coping tools. For me, the various tools offered by CBT and ERP work best.  Intentional catastrophizing, reality checking, and others work for me. 

3. Deal with what got you on meds in the first place.  I took Paxil for anxiety and OCD.  But because my PCP didn't refer me to therapy, the med just masked the symptoms.  Until I learned to deal with my issues constructively, I wasn't really doing anything to heal myself.

4. Accept that anxiety is a chronic issue.  I don't think anxiety just "goes away" anymore than  diabetes or any other chronic ailment. That doesn't mean we're doomed to a lifetime of suffering.  I see it as an incentive to learn how to manage the thoughts and sensations and put them in their proper perspective.  If we learn to accept the way we think and feel, and use tools to manage our feelings, we can enjoy life.

 

I am still on my journey. I still feel anxious sometimes. I still take a low dose of Klonopin before I fly (I'm the guy who keeps the plane flying by sheer will 😄). But I know thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings.  Through all these years, I've learned anyone, regardless of the depts of their current suffering,  of suffering can recover if they give themselves a chance and actively work toward recovery.  I've also learned to be more empathetic to others' suffering.  We're all in this together! 

Thanks @mstimc60 for putting your success story here as well as SA. Great idea! I know others will get great comfort from reading it. 

On 4/1/2026 at 9:03 AM, mstimc60 said:

 (I'm the guy who keeps the plane flying by sheer will 😄).

Thank you for your service. I only add my toe clenching willpower during turbulence

Just now, Talltreescoldseas said:

Thank you for your service. I only add my toe clenching willpower during turbulence

😃 My secret is to watch the flight attendants.  I figure if they're calm, we're not going to crash--at least not soon.

16 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

😃 My secret is to watch the flight attendants.  I figure if they're calm, we're not going to crash--at least not soon.

Reminds me of FMJ “if they run they’re VC, and if they stand still, they’re just well trained VC” 

 

i dont trust em. Hahaha

On 4/1/2026 at 7:03 PM, mstimc60 said:

Hi all

In 1999, I was prescribed Paxil for anxiety and OCD. It never really helped me other than to deaden my emotions and make me gain about 20 pounds. In 2006, my father died and I had to be the one to decide to take him off life support. That took me deep into a downward spiral, and I finally sought therapy, as I should have earlier.  That took me down a three-year road of withdrawal and recovery. 

 

I tried to taper way too fast at first, and had to reinstate twice.  My lifesaver was finding Paxilprogress.org, where I could share my struggle and get advice. My experience there made me realize how important support from fellow sufferers is.  I learned how to taper correctly and gradually, and in 2008 I found a therapist who understood the reality of withdrawal.  By late 2009 I was done with Paxil and by early 2010 through recovery.  After PaxilProgress closed, I followed Altostrata to Surviving Antidepressants, and from SA I cam here.

 

My lessons learned from my journey:

1. Give yourself time and space--and forgiveness.  Recovery is not linear--it has hills and valleys (windows and waves) and don't be too hard on yourself when you hit a wave.

2. Find and practice coping strategies.  Create a toolbox of coping tools. For me, the various tools offered by CBT and ERP work best.  Intentional catastrophizing, reality checking, and others work for me. 

3. Deal with what got you on meds in the first place.  I took Paxil for anxiety and OCD.  But because my PCP didn't refer me to therapy, the med just masked the symptoms.  Until I learned to deal with my issues constructively, I wasn't really doing anything to heal myself.

4. Accept that anxiety is a chronic issue.  I don't think anxiety just "goes away" anymore than  diabetes or any other chronic ailment. That doesn't mean we're doomed to a lifetime of suffering.  I see it as an incentive to learn how to manage the thoughts and sensations and put them in their proper perspective.  If we learn to accept the way we think and feel, and use tools to manage our feelings, we can enjoy life.

 

I am still on my journey. I still feel anxious sometimes. I still take a low dose of Klonopin before I fly (I'm the guy who keeps the plane flying by sheer will 😄). But I know thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings.  Through all these years, I've learned anyone, regardless of the depts of their current suffering,  of suffering can recover if they give themselves a chance and actively work toward recovery.  I've also learned to be more empathetic to others' suffering.  We're all in this together! 

thank you for writing this! so glad to hear about your success story. i have to agree that coping tools are incredibly important and for example some of the tools that i got from when i was in ocd group therapy while withdrawing before i knew what was happening to me have helped me immensely in coping with these horrible symptoms. while the tools dont make the symptoms go away, they change how i react to them and that in of itself is already a big help. you have my full support and stories like these give me hope.

Edited April 3Apr 3 by Some0n3

Just now, Some0n3 said:

while the tools dont make the symptoms go away, they change how i react to them and that in of itself is already a big help. you have my full support and stories like these give me hope

Thank you @Some0n3!  I agree--I still get the anxious thoughts but I've learned a thought isn't reality.  Its such a simple thing to say but so hard to put into action. 

youre most welcome and i very much agree. knowing that thoughts are just thoughts and dont have power over us helps alot especially with suicidal ideation etc. but you are right that at times it can be very hard to bring that reminder to proper fruition especially if the thoughts cause great anxiety. practice makes perfect though and i think that pretty much any thought no matter how awful, can be overcome. wishing you the best!

On 4/1/2026 at 7:03 PM, mstimc60 said:

Hi all

In 1999, I was prescribed Paxil for anxiety and OCD. It never really helped me other than to deaden my emotions and make me gain about 20 pounds. In 2006, my father died and I had to be the one to decide to take him off life support. That took me deep into a downward spiral, and I finally sought therapy, as I should have earlier.  That took me down a three-year road of withdrawal and recovery. 

 

I tried to taper way too fast at first, and had to reinstate twice.  My lifesaver was finding Paxilprogress.org, where I could share my struggle and get advice. My experience there made me realize how important support from fellow sufferers is.  I learned how to taper correctly and gradually, and in 2008 I found a therapist who understood the reality of withdrawal.  By late 2009 I was done with Paxil and by early 2010 through recovery.  After PaxilProgress closed, I followed Altostrata to Surviving Antidepressants, and from SA I cam here.

 

My lessons learned from my journey:

1. Give yourself time and space--and forgiveness.  Recovery is not linear--it has hills and valleys (windows and waves) and don't be too hard on yourself when you hit a wave.

2. Find and practice coping strategies.  Create a toolbox of coping tools. For me, the various tools offered by CBT and ERP work best.  Intentional catastrophizing, reality checking, and others work for me. 

3. Deal with what got you on meds in the first place.  I took Paxil for anxiety and OCD.  But because my PCP didn't refer me to therapy, the med just masked the symptoms.  Until I learned to deal with my issues constructively, I wasn't really doing anything to heal myself.

4. Accept that anxiety is a chronic issue.  I don't think anxiety just "goes away" anymore than  diabetes or any other chronic ailment. That doesn't mean we're doomed to a lifetime of suffering.  I see it as an incentive to learn how to manage the thoughts and sensations and put them in their proper perspective.  If we learn to accept the way we think and feel, and use tools to manage our feelings, we can enjoy life.

 

I am still on my journey. I still feel anxious sometimes. I still take a low dose of Klonopin before I fly (I'm the guy who keeps the plane flying by sheer will 😄). But I know thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings.  Through all these years, I've learned anyone, regardless of the depts of their current suffering,  of suffering can recover if they give themselves a chance and actively work toward recovery.  I've also learned to be more empathetic to others' suffering.  We're all in this together! 

Thank you very much for the inspiring story @mstimc60 I'm very sorry for all the suffering you went through but I believe you went through exactly what you needed to get to the point where you are today, strong, brave, living life with healthy insights and with large toolbox to properly deal with whatever comes. I try to see my journey as such and except that there is a purpose to all of this. we all go through enormous difficulties, each with their own unique story from which we can only learn and grow, and although it's very difficult to see it at the time, if we were to continue pushing and coping, we will reach a wonderful place from where, looking back, we will also be able to appreciate the essence of this journey.

Wishing you nothing but the best moving forward.

1 hour ago, Fullhealing said:

Thank you very much for the inspiring story @mstimc60 I'm very sorry for all the suffering you went through but I believe you went through exactly what you needed to get to the point where you are today, strong, brave, living life with healthy insights and with large toolbox to properly deal with whatever comes. I try to see my journey as such and except that there is a purpose to all of this. we all go through enormous difficulties, each with their own unique story from which we can only learn and grow, and although it's very difficult to see it at the time, if we were to continue pushing and coping, we will reach a wonderful place from where, looking back, we will also be able to appreciate the essence of this journey.

Wishing you nothing but the best moving forward.

Thank you! Its certainly made me much more empathetic to others' suffering.  I've found that people who have never suffered from anxiety and its related conditions can express sympathy, but they don't really understand what we're going through.  That's why I've stuck around--we need to help each other. 

Thank you for sharing this success story, it’s helpful for anxiety sufferers to know that this can be done, we can live well eventually without the drugs!

 

On 4/1/2026 at 5:03 PM, mstimc60 said:

4. Accept that anxiety is a chronic issue.  I don't think anxiety just "goes away" anymore than  diabetes or any other chronic ailment. That doesn't mean we're doomed to a lifetime of suffering.  I see it as an incentive to learn how to manage the thoughts and sensations and put them in their proper perspective.  If we learn to accept the way we think and feel, and use tools to manage our feelings, we can enjoy life.

I appreciate this viewpoint in particular. There are some prominent people in the deprescribing world who completely deny any individual differences in susceptibility to MH issues, claiming that the only cause of anxiety / depression / whatever is life circumstances or traumatic experiences. I understand why they do this - the notion of someone being susceptible to anxiety due to brain wiring differences sounds dangerously close to the chemical imbalance idea, and therefore may open the door to drugs being the answer - but when you know your own lifelong struggles with anxiety are bigger and more pervasive than just a temporary response to a specific situation, then not having your reality recognised at all by the people who are championing life without psych drugs… leaves you wondering whether a good life without drugs really is possible for you.
 

So thank you for sharing that it is possible!

2 hours ago, sarahw said:

Thank you for sharing this success story, it’s helpful for anxiety sufferers to know that this can be done, we can live well eventually without the drugs!

 

I appreciate this viewpoint in particular. There are some prominent people in the deprescribing world who completely deny any individual differences in susceptibility to MH issues, claiming that the only cause of anxiety / depression / whatever is life circumstances or traumatic experiences. I understand why they do this - the notion of someone being susceptible to anxiety due to brain wiring differences sounds dangerously close to the chemical imbalance idea, and therefore may open the door to drugs being the answer - but when you know your own lifelong struggles with anxiety are bigger and more pervasive than just a temporary response to a specific situation, then not having your reality recognised at all by the people who are championing life without psych drugs… leaves you wondering whether a good life without drugs really is possible for you.
 

So thank you for sharing that it is possible!

This is spot on, @sarahw. I've found that the books and advice that have helped me the most are the ones that say our brains are wired a bit differently.  Once we realize that. its incredibly liberating.  We stop putting pressure on ourselves to be "like everyone else" and let things roll of our back.  We accept the thoughts will come because that's the way we're made, but they have only the power we give them.  I've found great ways to channel my OCD and anxiety.  When we have a long trip coming up, I enjoy doing the planning and searching for good deals flights and places to stay.  I take that mental energy and use it in positive ways.  I've also learned to temper the urge to plan so I avoid being too rigid, like an overzealous tour guide. Its all about balance. 

Ugh!  Health anxiety rears its ugly head!  Tuesday, I went to my doctor to get a referral for PT for an old ab pull that's been flaring up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, it was 147/70! Usually its well within the normal range and sometimes a bit low. I had my annual physical in January and it was fine. Neither the nurse nor the doctor were concerned. This was my first time with a new doctor and she went over my health profile and didn't even mention the blood pressure reading, so I'm trying to tell myself it was a one-time thing (it was a pretty stressful morning when I had the appointment). I have another appointment in about a month and I'm trying to tell myself I need to wait till then to see if it goes back to normal.  But of course I want to run out and buy a BP monitor and scour the Internet for symptoms  Eesh! 

10 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

Ugh!  Health anxiety rears its ugly head!  Tuesday, I went to my doctor to get a referral for PT for an old ab pull that's been flaring up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, it was 147/70! Usually its well within the normal range and sometimes a bit low. I had my annual physical in January and it was fine. Neither the nurse nor the doctor were concerned. This was my first time with a new doctor and she went over my health profile and didn't even mention the blood pressure reading, so I'm trying to tell myself it was a one-time thing (it was a pretty stressful morning when I had the appointment). I have another appointment in about a month and I'm trying to tell myself I need to wait till then to see if it goes back to normal.  But of course I want to run out and buy a BP monitor and scour the Internet for symptoms  Eesh! 

So sorry @mstimc60 it’s a journey this, isn’t it! As you said, probably just a very stressful day added to the reading. Time to pull out the acceptance drum! What will be will be. Learning to almost not care. Helps bring in the peace. Easier said than done I know!

yeah, I'm already starting to laugh at myself for not taking my own advice.  The doctor ended my visit by telling me I'm in very good shape for my age (lets just say I'm Medicare eligible) and she saw nothing of concern.  I suppose if I was on death's door she would have mentioned it!

20 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

 I suppose if I was on death's door she would have mentioned it!

You would hope! 😅

On 4/10/2026 at 8:17 AM, mstimc60 said:

Ugh!  Health anxiety rears its ugly head!  Tuesday, I went to my doctor to get a referral for PT for an old ab pull that's been flaring up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, it was 147/70! Usually its well within the normal range and sometimes a bit low. I had my annual physical in January and it was fine. Neither the nurse nor the doctor were concerned. This was my first time with a new doctor and she went over my health profile and didn't even mention the blood pressure reading, so I'm trying to tell myself it was a one-time thing (it was a pretty stressful morning when I had the appointment). I have another appointment in about a month and I'm trying to tell myself I need to wait till then to see if it goes back to normal.  But of course I want to run out and buy a BP monitor and scour the Internet for symptoms  Eesh! 

Could very well be "White Coat Syndrome". Just the stress of having to visit a Dr. can elevate BP in patients that aren't going through the CNS hell that we are. Do good things for your BP (hydration, breathing exercises, Magnesium, etc.) and try not to stress over it. 

Thanks, @Chuey   Yeah, one high reading doesn’t mean much.  I exercise and my weight is pretty good, so unless my arteries clogged since my physical in January, I think I’m okay. 🙂

UPDATE: My doctor sent me a message to stop by the medical office for a BP recheck. I did it yesterday and its way down. Not quite normal but that could have been because I had coffee just before I went to the office and two nurses were loudly griping about another patient right outside the door. I guess I'm not going to have a heart attack anytime soon! 😅 Thanks for the support!

18 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

heart attack anytime soon! 😅

Good to know! 😅

On 4/2/2026 at 3:03 AM, mstimc60 said:

Hi all

In 1999, I was prescribed Paxil for anxiety and OCD. It never really helped me other than to deaden my emotions and make me gain about 20 pounds. In 2006, my father died and I had to be the one to decide to take him off life support. That took me deep into a downward spiral, and I finally sought therapy, as I should have earlier.  That took me down a three-year road of withdrawal and recovery. 

 

I tried to taper way too fast at first, and had to reinstate twice.  My lifesaver was finding Paxilprogress.org, where I could share my struggle and get advice. My experience there made me realize how important support from fellow sufferers is.  I learned how to taper correctly and gradually, and in 2008 I found a therapist who understood the reality of withdrawal.  By late 2009 I was done with Paxil and by early 2010 through recovery.  After PaxilProgress closed, I followed Altostrata to Surviving Antidepressants, and from SA I cam here.

 

My lessons learned from my journey:

1. Give yourself time and space--and forgiveness.  Recovery is not linear--it has hills and valleys (windows and waves) and don't be too hard on yourself when you hit a wave.

2. Find and practice coping strategies.  Create a toolbox of coping tools. For me, the various tools offered by CBT and ERP work best.  Intentional catastrophizing, reality checking, and others work for me. 

3. Deal with what got you on meds in the first place.  I took Paxil for anxiety and OCD.  But because my PCP didn't refer me to therapy, the med just masked the symptoms.  Until I learned to deal with my issues constructively, I wasn't really doing anything to heal myself.

4. Accept that anxiety is a chronic issue.  I don't think anxiety just "goes away" anymore than  diabetes or any other chronic ailment. That doesn't mean we're doomed to a lifetime of suffering.  I see it as an incentive to learn how to manage the thoughts and sensations and put them in their proper perspective.  If we learn to accept the way we think and feel, and use tools to manage our feelings, we can enjoy life.

 

I am still on my journey. I still feel anxious sometimes. I still take a low dose of Klonopin before I fly (I'm the guy who keeps the plane flying by sheer will 😄). But I know thoughts are just thoughts and feelings are just feelings.  Through all these years, I've learned anyone, regardless of the depts of their current suffering,  of suffering can recover if they give themselves a chance and actively work toward recovery.  I've also learned to be more empathetic to others' suffering.  We're all in this together! 

Hi @mstimc60 ,

Thank you for your recovery story

I also have OCD before I started meds and now coming off Lexapro, it is really bad. How did you get over OCD without meds. It has been extremely debilitating for the past 13 months.

Any tips for me will be great. I am losing hope.

Hi @ExLexaBro Therapy really helped, but there are a few at-home coping methods. Several years ago, I got the book "Everyday Mindfulness for OCD" and it offers many different Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) tips to deal with OCD impulses. For me, the key has been to accept the thoughts but not act on them or take them seriously. Fighting them just gives them more power. Mindfulness--being in the moment and focusing on doing the task at hand instead of the "what ifs" is one of my favorite techniques. You can manage OCD without meds and make it nothing more than a background annoyance!

Also, one of my favorite coping methods, described in the book, is "Doing What You Came to Do". Its a form of mindfulness. You focus only on the task you need to do at the moment. So if you need to go to the grocery store and start getting intrusive thoughts like "What if I get in an accident on the way" or "What is someone with an infectious disease touched the produce before I did?" you just tell yourself "I came to get groceries. That's what I will do, then I will go home. The dark thoughts can wait till then". Every morning, I do a 10-minute energy yoga routine, and for those 10 minutes I focus on the exercises and nothing else. Simply put, you're giving yourself permission to take a break from the OCD thoughts for a certain period of time. You're not fighting them or trying to think through them; you're accepting they'll come but reserving some time to deal with what's happening now in your world.

20 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

Hi @ExLexaBro Therapy really helped, but there are a few at-home coping methods. Several years ago, I got the book "Everyday Mindfulness for OCD" and it offers many different Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) tips to deal with OCD impulses. For me, the key has been to accept the thoughts but not act on them or take them seriously. Fighting them just gives them more power. Mindfulness--being in the moment and focusing on doing the task at hand instead of the "what ifs" is one of my favorite techniques. You can manage OCD without meds and make it nothing more than a background annoyance!

Thank you for your reply.

I will look in to that book and see if it helps. I have pretty severe contamination OCD so I spend lots of time washing and cleaning which has been debilitating for me.

I have been contemplating reinstatement to see if it helps my OCD as it's been 13 months and my OCD has been really bad. Just tying to figure out what to do. Thanks for your help.

3 hours ago, ExLexaBro said:

Thank you for your reply.

I will look in to that book and see if it helps. I have pretty severe contamination OCD so I spend lots of time washing and cleaning which has been debilitating for me.

I have been contemplating reinstatement to see if it helps my OCD as it's been 13 months and my OCD has been really bad. Just tying to figure out what to do. Thanks for your help.

I found ERP to be very helpful. You can practice it gradually, resisting compulsive behavior by just a few minutes at first, till you get more comfortable not automatically acting on your thoughts.