6 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

I am dying today. Last 2-3 days were somewhat bearable. Waves were not as severe and I had some dirty windows.

Last night only slept 3.5-4 hours. And now I’m in severe wave. Feel like I’m being covered by a wet blanket. Can barely move, breathing is labored, electricity running through my body. Sitting on the floor feeling like a zombie. It feels endless. I’m desperate!!!

My first real window lasted only 20 minutes, and I had some terrible waves after that. But I hung onto that first small window and knew one day I would recover. Recovery is never a nice steady uphill trend; its a series of unpredictable ups and downs. But you've had some good windows so you know recovery will come!

Thank you @mstimc60. It’s just that this suffering is not just on another level, it’s beyond all levels. Inner Akathisia is unbearable. The scariest thing is I don’t know where that line is. The line no human being should ever have to cross.

12 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Thank you @Chippy for your kind words and encouragement. I appreciate everything you guys do more than you’ll ever know. Please keep an eye on me

It is my pleasure @Dnepr1234. We are here for you, and have your back.

8 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Thank you @mstimc60. It’s just that this suffering is not just on another level, it’s beyond all levels. Inner Akathisia is unbearable. The scariest thing is I don’t know where that line is. The line no human being should ever have to cross.

So very sorry to read, I hope things are easier today. Remember those better days, there will be more. Hang in there.

40 minutes ago, Luke said:

without harming yourself too much in the process (something many of us have done and sorely regret).

Hey @Luke do you believe that withdrawal itself can cause injury to the nervous system? Or is it just a matter of revealing the adaptations the drug has made. Another words, the drug already caused an injury and we are just trying to pull the band aid off slowly vs fast taper/CT is much more painful but not necessarily would mean more damage.

Thank you @Chippy. Today is a little easier but not by much. How are you?

For an update: I spoke with a new doctor today. Told them highlights of my story of the past 2 years. And that I think I need to give my system time to stabilize after all these med changes. She agreed. Still did not recognize withdrawal, was leaning more towards side effects. Anyway, I got my prescription. That’s all that matters. Thanks

11 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Today is a little easier but not by much.

Good to hear, even little bits are important at such an early stage for you.

11 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

How are you?

Bit wavy atm, but im ok.

11 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

I spoke with a new doctor today. Told them highlights of my story of the past 2 years. And that I think I need to give my system time to stabilize after all these med changes. She agreed. Still did not recognize withdrawal, was leaning more towards side effects. Anyway, I got my prescription. That’s all that matters. Thanks

Its good she is on board with sides effects at the very least! Yeah keep her happy and writing you the scripts, all you need her for any way!

12 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Hey @Luke do you believe that withdrawal itself can cause injury to the nervous system? Or is it just a matter of revealing the adaptations the drug has made. Another words, the drug already caused an injury and we are just trying to pull the band aid off slowly vs fast taper/CT is much more painful but not necessarily would mean more damage.

Ive moved this here to your thread @Dnepr1234

All sorts of things cause an injury/kindling once the nervous system is upset. Adding in extra drugs, tapering too quickly, big shifts in doses, pretty much anything you can think of.

Hi everyone. Just an update. I’m having a good day today. Yesterday was hell. Today is a nice window. Thank God! Don’t know how long it will last. But I’ll take it. I wish I could share it with everyone one.

11 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi everyone. Just an update. I’m having a good day today. Yesterday was hell. Today is a nice window. Thank God! Don’t know how long it will last. But I’ll take it. I wish I could share it with everyone one.

That's great news, @Dnepr1234! Even if you hit another wave, you know you can and will recover!

@mstimc60 thank you thank you thank you

Yes, try to hold on to the fact that your body is trying to stabilise and having windows if things get difficult again- it's moving the right way.

9 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi everyone. Just an update. I’m having a good day today. Yesterday was hell. Today is a nice window. Thank God! Don’t know how long it will last. But I’ll take it. I wish I could share it with everyone one.

Fantastic news!

On 5/24/2026 at 9:01 AM, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi everyone. 52 y.o. man here. I’d like to thank everyone and mods for being here.

I’ve been on antidepressants for a very long time. 27 years to be exact. My regiment has always consisted of an SSRI and 2mg lorazepam. Every 2 to 4 years I would CT my antidepressant because I felt I didn’t need it anymore and I wanted to be off meds. A few weeks or a month later I would start feeling worse and think it was my “original condition” coming back. Not realising it was withdrawal every time.

Fast forward to December of 2023. That’s when I quit my Prozac CT. Nothing happened for about 3 months. And in March of 2024 I started experiencing anxiety and panic attacks. So I went back to my original 20mg. A week later my life as I knew it ended. I was having severe anxiety and panic attacks, DPDR. Admitted myself to a psych ward in April of that year. That’s where they tried to CT me off lorazepam and gave me Effexor. I thought I was going to die. It felt like I was electrocuted for 12 hours non stop. The most horrible vertigo the next day. Got out 5 days later.

Since then a dozen medications have been thrown at me. Including Lexapro, Depakote, Zyprexa, Trazadone, vistoril, Mirtazapine, Propranolol. All these meds were prescribed for a month or two and then discontinued. And I kept feeling worse and worse.

In January of this year I developed Akathisia while tapering Zyprexa. So my doctor told me to stop it. On February 20 I also reduced my Lexapro from 10mg to 5mg. And what followed was utter hell.

I believe what I’m experiencing is drug induced Parkinsonism.

That includes tremor in my legs and really all over my body, severe tightness in chest and abdomen, difficulty initiating movement, inner Akathisia, severe shortness of breath, dread and feeling of doom, I cry daily, SI.

It’s been about 3.5 months since any medication changes and I’m still not stabilising. Currently on 5mg Lexapro liquid.

I don’t think I can do this anymore. Please help!

We’re going to make it!

Thank you @Finni 🙏

On 5/30/2026 at 5:38 PM, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi everyone. Just an update. I’m having a good day today. Yesterday was hell. Today is a nice window. Thank God! Don’t know how long it will last. But I’ll take it. I wish I could share it with everyone one.

Wonderful sign that you had a window! ❤️

3 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Thank you @Finni 🙏

If you ever feel up for more support, Angie Peacock has support circles wednesdays via zoom. Sometimes I keep my camera off and say very little, but it’s nice to hear from others. $25

Thank you @Finni, how exactly does one get into this group? Hi @Luke @Chippy @mstimc60 @SarahMc @SpiroC or anybody who comes across this. I would like to hear your description of brain fog. How would you describe that? The way I experience it is as following: blank mind most of the time, then a thought appears and that thought is not followed by another thought. It just vanishes. It does not lead to another thought. There’s is no continuity. Mind activity is very fragmented. There’s no natural flow, no sense of progression. I feel like my head is an empty balloon. Thank you.

https://www.heartcorecollective.com/

Taper Support Circle

8 hours ago, Dnepr1234 said:

I would like to hear your description of brain fog. How would you describe that?

I personally find brain fog very difficult to describe (especially on days when the fog is severe, like today!). For me, part of it is almost a physical sensation, as if I’m perceiving the world from underwater or through a cloud and all sensory inputs reach me extremely slowly and sometimes in a distorted way. Then on top of that my brain just feels sluggish, like it takes extra effort to think about anything and I can only do so very slowly. My ability to focus my concentration for any length of time is very low. Does any of that sound familiar?

@Dnepr1234

Hope you’re getting some stretches of relief 🌿

Hi @Finni thank you for checking on me 🙏. I had a very clear window yesterday. Felt 85% myself. It was beautiful. Went outside for an hour, and though it was very hot I still enjoyed being outside. Later in the evening enjoyed a movie, which I haven’t been able to do in more than a year. My waves/windows fluctuate rapidly. I get a day or two window followed by 1-3 day wave. When in the wave I experience severe fatigue, difficulty breathing, feeling like I’m going to pass out any second. Then I read people’s stories on this forum and start crying. How could this happen to anyone?

Thank you @Finni . I wish you a great deal of relief ❤️.

Hang onto those windows, @Dnepr1234 Those tell you that you will recover no matter how many waves may come. You’re recovering!

Thank you @mstimc60🙏❤️

1 hour ago, Dnepr1234 said:

Hi @Finni thank you for checking on me 🙏. I had a very clear window yesterday. Felt 85% myself. It was beautiful. Went outside for an hour, and though it was very hot I still enjoyed being outside. Later in the evening enjoyed a movie, which I haven’t been able to do in more than a year. My waves/windows fluctuate rapidly. I get a day or two window followed by 1-3 day wave. When in the wave I experience severe fatigue, difficulty breathing, feeling like I’m going to pass out any second. Then I read people’s stories on this forum and start crying. How could this happen to anyone?

Thank you @Finni . I wish you a great deal of relief ❤️.

Those windows are so, so hopeful! I’m thrilled to hear this ❤️