I'm sorry for my english and my crappy writing, I hope this is readable

 

My phycologist gave me Essitalopram for anxiety and didn't told me about anhedonia or anything just to take 5gm doses for two weeks. I took 5gms for four-six days in October but stopped due to awful nausea and tiredness. Mind wise I didn't feel any different before or after the drug. I honestly don't remember the exact date, just that it was late November probably after 27th as a doctor appointment encouraged me. I stopped taking it sometime in December might be 15th, I mainly took I 5gm with two or three 10gms before going cold turkey. My anhedonia started in the first week of December though I don't remember the exact date. No emotions since then, including love. I'm so indifferent and neutral towards everything. My body reacts but my brain doesn't; like there is a blockage. My family asks how I am and I just say 'fine'. I came here after reading some stuff in the old SA forum.

Welcome to the forum, Billford81.

 

I am the Recovery Assistant Bot and I am here to post some information for you whilst we await replies from other members.

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications. If you are experiencing an adverse reaction to them, withdrawal difficulties or are injured by them, we are very sorry to hear this and will do what we can to help you.

 

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Hey Billford81

 

Welcome to the forum! It's great you've found us!

 

We are a peer led community and cannot offer any medical advice simply some support and opinion. You can of course use this to discuss you condition with a medical provider who is knowledgeable about drug harms and WD.

 

It sounds to me as though you have suffered an adverse reaction to Escitalopram in October from those 4/6 days at 5mg. This adverse reaction will have bruised your nervous system and it will need time to settle. 

 

In November you reinstated your 5mg dose for around 2 weeks then increased it to 10mg and stopped CT. Both the reinstatement of the drug that irritated you, the updose to 10mg and the subsequent CT will have caused further harm to your already sensitive CNS. How did you feel after stopping in October? Can I ask. why your reinstated in November?

 

I wouldn't do anything other than wait for your system to find homoeostasis. This can take some time and we don't know how long that is. It varies from person to person.

 

All of this is my opinion so please bare that in mind. Others will no doubt comment in support here too.

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay away from Caffeine, Alcohol and Antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

-Good clean whole food diet. Avoiding GM/processed foods and sugar. Plenty of fluids.

 

Supplements are to be avoided they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

SA recommend Fish Oil, Magnesium and Melatonin. As with all these things some find them helpful some can't handle them. Start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

Again it's great to have you here. Do let us know how you get on.

 

Chippy

Than you, sorry for the late reply I didn't get any notification. I didn't feel any different after the october dosages, I had some symptoms from an unknown cause for months so I don't know if it was that or the drug. Mental wise I only started feeling different after I restarted, pretty quickly from what I was able to remember. I also took one 5gm pill in the tenth of November but it didn't feel any different. Eating is tough, I have nausea and eating is feels really tedious. I'm going to see a Psychologist soon hopefully. My only hope is that since I didn't take it for a long while, it will pass quickly but I don't know I read some scary stories. Thank you for the message

Hi @Billford81

 

Im sorry for the delay in replying. We were very busy moving to the new site and I didn't see a notification of your response above.

 

On 1/13/2026 at 5:46 PM, Billford81 said:

I didn't feel any different after the october dosages, I had some symptoms from an unknown cause for months so I don't know if it was that or the drug. Mental wise I only started feeling different after I restarted, pretty quickly from what I was able to remember. I also took one 5gm pill in the tenth of November but it didn't feel any different.

It sounds like perhaps you got away with the first 4-6 doses in October but your system was upset. Obviously taking a single dose in November will have added to the irritation. Unfortunaley when you got back on and then updated in Dec your system found it all too much.

 

On 1/13/2026 at 5:46 PM, Billford81 said:

Eating is tough, I have nausea and eating is feels really tedious.

This is very common. I experienced this as one of my main symptoms when I came off CT. Eating was very hard for me. It finally came back after a while but it wasn't good.

 

 

On 1/13/2026 at 5:46 PM, Billford81 said:

I'm going to see a Psychologist soon hopefully.

Just be wary of new drugs. They will make all this worse. Im going to say in my opinion as Im not a doctor but I I wouldn't add any fuel to the fire.

 

On 1/13/2026 at 5:46 PM, Billford81 said:

My only hope is that since I didn't take it for a long while, it will pass quickly 

This is quite possible. We don't know unfortunately. It really is just a time game. Do your best to keep healthy. Good food, a little exercise if you can, no psychoactive substances. It will help your system recover.

It can take some time but people do improve. We are all here for you. 

 

If you haven't already have a read this it's super important to think about. https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/57-acceptance-is-key/#comment-432

 

Speak soon

 

Chippy

I would definitely avoid taking further medications if I were in your position.

 

You're free to make your own choices, of course, but from my perspective it seems as though you've reacted adversely to the ones you've taken and need to allow your body to recover from this.

 

I'll add that the NICE guidelines in the UK for prescribing antidepressants state that clinicians should not attempt to treat adverse reactions to medications with further ones. You may not be based in the UK, and your clinicians may operate under different guidelines, but it is still relevant information.

Thank you both for replies and no I won't touch any medications. I'm going to phycologist to hopefully get some non-chemical coping mechanism but If she won't understand or push drugs on me then I won't see her again. I don't know if I can find a professional who would understand me but hopefully I can. I just need some guidance. The thing that scares me most is that I have no windows or waves, I'm static 24/7. Finding people close to my exact situation is hard in terms of dosage and drug. People who are closest all are still anhedonic. I'm so glad this place exist though, Reddit is supremely negative and unhelpful. Thank you so much for reaching out.

5 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

I don't know if I can find a professional who would understand me but hopefully I can.

This is a challenge. 

 

5 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

I just need some guidance.

IMO peers on here and all the info on surviving antidepressants is the best advice you can get. 

 

5 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

The thing that scares me most is that I have no windows or waves, I'm static 24/7. Finding people close to my exact situation is hard in terms of dosage and drug. People who are closest all are still anhedonic. I'm so glad this place exist though, Reddit is supremely negative and unhelpful. Thank you so much for reaching out.

This is a common thing I hear. I'm different somehow. We are for sure but the same at the same time. I don't really get clear windows either. I have had a few here and there but basically im not great or a bit better than not great a lot of the time. It's a frustrating experience for sure. We all understand and are here to support. Don't worry about others though. Their stories are not yours. Timelines etc vary widely. Just deal with today. 🙂

 

Luke has had some experience on Reddit I haven't. My impression aligns with what you are saying.

 

Chippy

This place and the text at SA is a blessing but irl interaction would ease me a bit more. Uncertainty gets me so much, I was already having a bad time unwell physically for months but now I have to deal with Anhedonia for months or even years. The fact that I could be giving the best years of my life to something like this, it's demoralizing. The worst part is, I was mentally fine before the Essitalopram so it's not even a exchange situation. 

30 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

This place and the text at SA is a blessing but irl interaction would ease me a bit more.

I can understand. Have you thought about an appointment with Dr Mark Horowitz? He does video ones. Might help. 
 

 

I'm not comfortable video chatting and I'm not from the US, so I will just shoot my shot with local doctors. Sleeping was also a bit tough these days and time passes so slowly. Thank you for replying.

Edited January 19Jan 19 by Billford81

8 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

I'm not comfortable video chatting and I'm from the US, so I will just shoot my shot with local doctors. Sleeping was also a bit tough these days and time passes so slowly. Thank you for replying.

Ive updated comments about the typo above to save confusion and updated the correct drug you meant to say in the original comment.

 

I totally understand. If you ever want to talk with him let me know.

 

Yes sleep is a big issue for a lot of us. Im sorry it is hard. My pleasure. We are all here for each other.

Some days coping is harder than others but at least I can distract myself. Money is also a issue, we are not a poor family but I don't think I can access some treatment options not the mention accessibility to them. Thank you for keeping in touch.

9 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

Some days coping is harder than others but at least I can distract myself. Money is also a issue, we are not a poor family but I don't think I can access some treatment options not the mention accessibility to them. Thank you for keeping in touch.

It is a bit like thet isn't it. up and down. distraction is super important skill. I understand about finances. Not easy to add that to your plate. Your registration details says Turkey? Is that right but you are in the US now?

Typo again sorry, sometimes I miss click. 

5 minutes ago, Billford81 said:

Typo again sorry, sometimes I miss click. 

That's ok I miss read what you are saying, anyway. You said you were NOT from the US. Just so you know nor is Dr Horowitz. He is based here in the UK where we are from. Just FYI. 🙂 

2 hours ago, Billford81 said:

The fact that I could be giving the best years of my life to something like this, it's demoralizing.

 

There are no fixed timescales. Some take a long time to heal, others do not.

 

It's very early, you're just a few weeks off. You have days that are easier to cope with and distract, at a few weeks out, and your main symptom is anhedonia.

 

There is plenty of scope for healing.

 

 

Hi @Billford81

 

I can relate somewhat to your story. I took fluoxetine for a few weeks and am dealing with anhedonia, head pressure, blunted emotions/sensations and a blank mind. 
 

always here to chat! ❤️‍🩹

Thank you, sorry for the late reply. Yes I also have the blank mind I can't think involuntary things, only when I am focused. I feel like I have glimmers of things once in a while, they are not feelings let alone emotions and they are really short but its better than nothing, hopefully it's sign it will get better even if it's slow. Plus I suppose it has some good sides like shrugging off bad social encounters though of course I want return to my previous state as soon as possible.

Me too!! I sometimes have very brief moment when things feel more like “me”! 
 

It is def a sign of healing! Keep going ❤️‍🩹

Hopefully, waking up feeling nothing at all is demoralizing. They are so small don't feel like emotions but like I said it's better than utter nothing. I also feel like my anhedonia is slightly better than my emotional blindness, because there times I look forward to things but my emotions are always static. I hope I had a window.

Hi @Billford81,

 

how are you doing? 🙏

Hi Sophia, I'm the same no improvements on my emotions or apathy. My mind problems also remain the same, I have trouble recalling thing. I'm trying hold on and distract myself. It's nice to see that you are better hopefully things continue to improve.

Hi @Billford81,

 

I am sorry 😞 

 

I am still far from normal, but I have seen improvements, basically since this month (5th month)! My mind was also really blank and memory also really poor. That’s has gotten better since this month. Hang on!! I bet you will improvements as well soon!! 
 

I’ve found this recovery story and try to hang on to it. It’s very similar to our situation ❤️‍🩹

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/26793-violets-fully-recovered-from-severe-form-of-pssd-after-two-years/#comment-583780

Edited March 12Mar 12 by Sophia

8 hours ago, Billford81 said:

Hi Sophia, I'm the same no improvements on my emotions or apathy. My mind problems also remain the same, I have trouble recalling thing. I'm trying hold on and distract myself. It's nice to see that you are better hopefully things continue to improve.

Hey Im sorry to hear you are suffering. 😞 

 

Time, so much time is needed to recover from these kinds of injuries. But healing happens. Its not been long and you've got so much potential to heal from here. Trust me!

 

My best advice is to continue as you are and work on those techniques. Distraction is super important as you have said. I have found it 50% of the battle.

 

The 50% acceptance. Have a read:

 

Acceptance is key 

 

Why Acceptance Feels Impossible