2 hours ago, Dngu said:

I’m going to lose my husband and daughter. They essentially lost the mom they knew Jan 20th. That breaks my heart beyond measure. 
everything feels HOPELESS. This is the most honest I’ve been able to be and that may be the window. 

 

Dear @Dngu

You are very worried now, of course you are. It is very important to keep in mind that during withdrawal our thinking is affected also, and we have to learn to not believe all of our thoughts. In withdrawal, we often think this will last forever, that death would be better, everybody will leave me… it is the injured brain talking, not our true self. Try to step back and tell yourself: yes it feels like that.but I refuse to believe it. I will heal. I am still me, my true self is not lost - just buried under the symptoms. 
 

 I am feeling for you…and I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. 

Love,

Nemina

 

Hey @Dngu

 

As getofflex has said it is great news, your body looks to be accepting the reinstatement. I agree with everything getofflex has said. You would be VERY wise to do all she has mentioned. 

 

Please continue to hold on tight. You will be ok, this time is going to be hardest period and you will get some light at the end of the tunnel. In a week or two you can assess how you are and make some further decisions. For now your body needs time and stability.

Please avoid or more honestly dont use the Benzo and THC. It might seem like a good idea but have a think about the damage that is already there and causing all of this and the likely further damage taking such things can do. It just isnt worth it. Help yourself where you can. 🙂 

 

We are all cheering you on and here for you 

 

Chippy

I could count on one hand how many hours of sleep I’ve gotten. Sorry to be so sad but my daughter is worried, doesn’t want to leave my side, I haven’t bathed or left bed and I’m not able to connect with anyone or anything. My husband is bringing her to and from school and working. Reading the coping with withdrawals section is alarming to me too because all I can do at the moment is be in bed eyes closed. I haven’t ate because we are running out of food and I haven’t been to the grocery store and quite frankly don’t know if I’m capable of it. I’m losing cognition day by day and I think that’s the lack of sleep along with lack of nutrition. I’m wasting away. The only time I feel the slightest bit of comfort for a second is in bed and that wares away quickly. I flip between SI and it’ll be okay 100s of times a day during the ruminating thoughts. I’ve gained enough forethought to understand how badly this is affecting my family, I don’t think I could tell it was at first but it is 
the reinstatement is still showing no bad effects. Wish I would have taken it at night instead, it seems to be sedating 

And my husband is already becoming burnt out. At this point part of me doesn’t care because the anhedonia and I just want to be in bed. 

I have to survive this and I don’t know how I’m going to 

How do I focus on healing when I am unable to do the bare minimum and I have to pick my stuff up from work and take care of my family! 
I know this is a mental block. I don’t know how to get around it. I see my hobbies I was working on just under a month ago, it’s like I don’t even know them. I’m going to have to force myself just like everyone else, I understand. 
I want to live. I don’t want to permanently scar my daughter or family. I am still not the same person they knew and idk how to explain how or when that’ll come back 

@Dngu Bless your heart. I only just stopped by but saw your posts and had to stop and say hello. 
 

This WILL be ok. You WILL be ok. 

I think your reinstatement seems to be going ok. I’m pleased to hear this. 

 

Right now it’s all about surviving the day and nothing else. Just take it min by min second by second if you have too. String enough minutes together and you’re through the day. String enough days together and you’ll get through this. It’s that simple. You CAN do it! I see others do it all the time and I can tell you have the strength to get through this. 😀
 

Chippy

Thank you all for the kind words. I know that everyone is different but my symptoms appear to be inconsistent with what I usually see, I’ve found accounts of those that had “activation/crash” events and it is not as different than mine. Would I call mine an crash? Even those CT from high dose. I know comparison doesn’t help but I’m so confused why I don’t have the aka. Or maybe I do? 
when the initial event happened, I couldn’t of taken another dose if I wanted to. I was in bed essentially hallucinating but falling in and out of sleep I think for days. Was able to get up and google. Then declined from there more. This is why I fear there is significant injury. 
 

I’m done trying to figure out “what happened to me” I just wanted to find another account similar to mine activation event wise. I feel like this broke my dopamine as well. All I am motivated to do is seek reward essentially. Now going from SI to not SI is part of the cycle. 

@Dngu I think many of us can relate to the state you are in right now. Severe mental torment and confusion, trapped by your own head and body in a seemingly endless vortex. And I can very much relate to those fears of never being able to function again, because even walking 5 steps is too difficult, physically and cognitively. 

 

But please remember this is a chemical state you are in. This is not you, the real person. This is your brain playing tricks on you. I found that holding certain objects or having hot and cold things to touch or rubbing my palm against a comb helped ground me during these times. 

 

I am not a religious person, but I have just prayed to whatever deity might listen, ease your suffering just a little bit today. Sending love.

55 minutes ago, Dngu said:

Thank you all for the kind words. I know that everyone is different but my symptoms appear to be inconsistent with what I usually see, I’ve found accounts of those that had “activation/crash” events and it is not as different than mine. Would I call mine an crash? Even those CT from high dose. I know comparison doesn’t help but I’m so confused why I don’t have the aka. Or maybe I do? 
when the initial event happened, I couldn’t of taken another dose if I wanted to. I was in bed essentially hallucinating but falling in and out of sleep I think for days. Was able to get up and google. Then declined from there more. This is why I fear there is significant injury. 
 

I’m done trying to figure out “what happened to me” I just wanted to find another account similar to mine activation event wise. I feel like this broke my dopamine as well. All I am motivated to do is seek reward essentially. Now going from SI to not SI is part of the cycle. 

Try not to go searching for other cases like yourself, it can be incredibly damaging, especially in your state right now. 
 

Just try to hold on to hope that so many of us have been exactly where you are right now and have come through on the other end. The suicidal ideation is a horrible thing, trust me I’ve been there. Please do not give up, and do not give in, it WILL pass, even if it takes some time to do so. 
 

Your receptors are quite obviously incredibly sensitive right now and your dopamine is probably down regulating heavily. That does NOT mean your receptors are broken or damaged, it just means they’re dysregulated. 

 

Try to remember that the state you’re in, your thoughts, the emotions, the suicidal ideation - none of it is YOU, it’s simply your chemicals being altered. It’s too easy when you’re in this state to almost gaslight yourself into believing this is you, but it’s not. Your brain needs time to regulate again, but when that occurs is unique to your brain. 
 

Hopefully the reinstatement proves beneficial and in time you’ll feel better. Try to hold steady for a while and ride this out, I wouldn’t go messing around too quickly with doses or other substances just yet. Give your brain and nervous system time to settle. 

13 hours ago, Dngu said:

I’m done trying to figure out “what happened to me” I just wanted to find another account similar to mine activation event wise. I feel like this broke my dopamine as well. All I am motivated to do is seek reward essentially. Now going from SI to not SI is part of the cycle. 

Hi @Dngu These drugs are beyond dangerous. You have reinstated....that's good. Patience needed in bucket 

loads now. Have you or your husband family members you can call up? Getting HELP on the domestic side is

essential. YOU have to concentrate on YOU for the time being until you level out. And you WILL. It takes time

for the reinstatement to work. You need to have the PATIENCE to give the meds time to work. There is some

EXELLENT people following you, with even better advise than me. But we ALL want you SAFE. We are with you ALL the way

on this one. Rant on here as often as you feel, it get's it out of you system. Please stay close.

Take great care, and PLEASE stay safe.        B.🙏🙏🙏🤞

Thank you all. Still here. Reinstatement still okay. Literally day by day. Today feels like I have a future for some reason.
Question because I need more understanding, and I have looked at the files but am wanting to ask for clarification. Do people stabilize to doses like 5mg and stay? Or is the goal always stabilize and taper off? How will I know when I’m stable on a dose? Wouldn’t want to go up and make a mistake. Will I always have issues after this with anesthetic/medication/caffiene/supplments? 
currently my symptoms remain psychological with severe insomnia and lack of appetite but with more sleep in past couple of days. 
 

you people are incredibly strong to have gone through similar and angels on earth. I’m sorry I have not had the right mind to connect. I’ve been hanging on for my life and your words have helped. I’ve never felt so desperate and hopeless in my life. Truly terrifying. 
I’m scared to admits how suicidal I am, being hospitalized would certainly put the nail in the coffin and I don’t know if they understand. This is why I’m thinking of hiring mark Horowitz to explain to family. 

 

I will be honest, when this FIRST started a couple days after the reaction I found SA. the very fist thread I found on there while searching “1mg reinstatement lexapro”, the first story that caught my eye was ScaredDad. Having some from his story on my thread, scared me. Bless his heart. It was very traumatizing, I read it over and over but can’t/couldnt control it but I will not anymore. 

2 minutes ago, Dngu said:

Thank you all. Still here. Reinstatement still okay. Literally day by day. Today feels like I have a future for some reason.
Question because I need more understanding, and I have looked at the files but am wanting to ask for clarification. Do people stabilize to doses like 5mg and stay? Or is the goal always stabilize and taper off? How will I know when I’m stable on a dose? Wouldn’t want to go up and make a mistake. Will I always have issues after this with anesthetic/medication/caffiene/supplments? 
currently my symptoms remain psychological with severe insomnia and lack of appetite but with more sleep in past couple of days. 
 

you people are incredibly strong to have gone through similar and angels on earth. I’m sorry I have not had the right mind to connect. I’ve been hanging on for my life and your words have helped. I’ve never felt so desperate and hopeless in my life. Truly terrifying. 
I’m scared to admits how suicidal I am, being hospitalized would certainly put the nail in the coffin and I don’t know if they understand. This is why I’m thinking of hiring mark Horowitz to explain to family. 

 

I will be honest, when this FIRST started a couple days after the reaction I found SA. the very fist thread I found on there while searching “1mg reinstatement lexapro”, the first story that caught my eye was ScaredDad. Having some from his story on my thread, scared me. Bless his heart. It was very traumatizing, I read it over and over but can’t/couldnt control it but I will not anymore. 

The idea is to stabilise at a certain dose and assess your symptoms and overall state. Usually most will cut slightly and then hold for a while, especially if they’re incredibly sensitive at very small cuts. If you feel your symptoms haven’t changed much after cutting then feel free to cut slightly further but the smaller dose you’re on, the slight cuts will most likely make you sensitive and symptomatic. 
 

The idea is to cut, hold, cut, hold until you’re safely off the drug entirely. It can be take a while, but it’s the safest method to coming off without severe complications. 
 

You might have sensitives to certain stimulants, supplements and medication for a while, this is totally normal and to be expected. I myself have an adverse reaction to both an antibiotic and antiviral medications after about 7 months off all medications. I then also had sensitivities to taking melatonin not that long ago which caused a resurgence in akathisia for me, but the longer I’ve been off medication the better it’s gotten. 
 

I have since been on prednisolone, amoxicillin without much issues, and I take a number of supplements without too much hassle. Plenty of people have healed completely and years later live a normal life, take medication like they used to without any issues. 

Hey!

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

Reinstatement still okay.

Good

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

Literally day by day. Today feels like I have a future for some reason.

This is the way! Im glad to hear this. Time is the key for sure. Seeing the light now. 🙂 

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

Do people stabilize to doses like 5mg and stay?

The dose people stabilise on varies alot from person to person. 

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

Or is the goal always stabilize and taper off?

This is obviously a personal choice but ultimately these drugs have harmed you and the goal is, as you say, to taper off. 🙂

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

How will I know when I’m stable on a dose?

You just need to see how you go. It's not going to be likely for you to feel 100%. We are looking for a stable baseline. This is different from person to person. Once you establish that and feel ready to taper then you can make your first drop and stay at that dose for a time, whilst looking out for additional symptoms caused but the drop. These would be WD symptoms and at that point you would hold. If you don't get any then you can proceed. Have a read of this: Tapering Information

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

Will I always have issues after this with anesthetic/medication/caffiene/supplments? 

We dont really know. I think many managed to return to a normal life after and I have certainly seen those who start having the odd beer or glass or wine and return to drinking coffee and so on. Cross that bridge when you get there. 🙂 

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

currently my symptoms remain psychological with severe insomnia and lack of appetite but with more sleep in past couple of days. 

Super common in this early stage. Good to see your sleep improve a little. Another positive sign.

 

3 hours ago, Dngu said:

you people are incredibly strong to have gone through similar and angels on earth. I’m sorry I have not had the right mind to connect. I’ve been hanging on for my life and your words have helped. I’ve never felt so desperate and hopeless in my life. Truly terrifying. 
I’m scared to admits how suicidal I am, being hospitalized would certainly put the nail in the coffin and I don’t know if they understand. This is why I’m thinking of hiring mark Horowitz to explain to family. 

You will have time to be able to chat with members soon enough everyone here is here for you and each other. Dont need to apologise. 

Yes unfortunately the hospital, as crazy is it sounds, is the wrong place for you, and they will certainly turn to medication and that will make things much worse. 

I think booking a session with Dr H would be a great idea! I can give you some info if you Private Message me.

 

Dont read others stories. Plenty of people recover. You will be ok! 🙂 

 

Chippy

9 hours ago, NT1100B said:

Getting HELP on the domestic side is

essential. YOU have to concentrate on YOU

This is so important...being a parent makes you always put yourself last. You just can't do this now. Just like emergency protocol on a plane...you need the oxygen mask first. 

You cannot feel guilt over this. You are suffering from an iatrogenic illness...it is no different if you were dealing with something like cancer. You need to prioritize yourself. 

Your body wants to heal, trust that. Do all you can to make an environment for healing.

We have been there and survived. You will too. Just day by day. You will be okay.

2 hours ago, Dngu said:

Today feels like I have a future

This is great...hold on to that.

❤️🙏

This is miserable. I have health anxiety and suspect ocd from my dad. I have some compulsive behaviors before withdrawal. The only thing I can do is be on my phone reading about withdrawal or on reddit reading threads about those that have experienced SI, or other things to do with SI. It feels therapeutic each time. I’m so sick in my head right now and I don’t know how to escape my own mind. A hospital is where I should be but can’t. What does one do when you’re so stuck? I know there is CBT, mindfulness, and others but they are just not working. 

the only thing that makes me feel like a have a soul is the idea of returning to work. I wish so badly to wake up and have a cup of coffee and go to work. Without that, I feel like I can’t heal. I can’t work because I’m broken. 

 

when I’m not reading those other two subjects I read scripture which is something I’ve never done in my free time. 
 

thought about going to the grocery store today and just can’t, immediate panic. 
 

I don’t think my relationship is strong enough to survive this. It’s already had 10 years of hard times. Things were finally okay and it’s tragic.
 

today after my dose 2 house I had some slight muscle twitching, more than normal. 
 

I spend ever single minute in my phone or in my bed thinking. Please tell me, is this normal for withdrawal? the OCD ruminating looking for answers thoughts? The thought hurt my brain at a point 

This link may help you....it is very common to have spiraling and ruminating thoughts.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/28492-neuroemotions/

 

❤️🙏

Hi Dngu,

There is so much happening within in your thoughts--I hope you don't listen to the negative ones. They are not from God for sure and are part of this Rx circus we have all found ourselves in. Other drugs as @getofflexmentioned are not advisable and will just add to the crazy monkey show.

You might have been referring to me from earlier in the week about prayer. Yes, I pray daily and for everyone here. I hope that you find yourself closer to Jesus or God the Father--whatever works for you on the spiritual realm. For many, it gives them strength to keep going--a secure attachment/relationship can come from faith. If you would want to discuss or join us on Zoom for a Christian support group meeting, let me know. Community here is great though too. We are all here for you and each other. 

Take in the wisdom of the group for everyone here has something special to offer. What a blessing to continue to with everyone here 🫶🏼 🌲 🎼  Being in nature around trees and listening to uplifting music are also good coping mechanisms. Be well, my friend.

 

On 2/4/2026 at 12:15 PM, Dngu said:

Read your comment that you were praying for me last night. I was wondering if someone was, because I felt it. I was reading scripture yesterday too. I’ve not spent my life close with Jesus but was becoming close before this and now it feels like the only thing I have. 

 

 

 

42 minutes ago, Dngu said:

This is miserable. I have health anxiety and suspect ocd from my dad. I have some compulsive behaviors before withdrawal. The only thing I can do is be on my phone reading about withdrawal or on reddit reading threads about those that have experienced SI, or other things to do with SI. It feels therapeutic each time. I’m so sick in my head right now and I don’t know how to escape my own mind. A hospital is where I should be but can’t. What does one do when you’re so stuck? I know there is CBT, mindfulness, and others but they are just not working. 

the only thing that makes me feel like a have a soul is the idea of returning to work. I wish so badly to wake up and have a cup of coffee and go to work. Without that, I feel like I can’t heal. I can’t work because I’m broken. 

 

when I’m not reading those other two subjects I read scripture which is something I’ve never done in my free time. 
 

thought about going to the grocery store today and just can’t, immediate panic. 
 

I don’t think my relationship is strong enough to survive this. It’s already had 10 years of hard times. Things were finally okay and it’s tragic.
 

today after my dose 2 house I had some slight muscle twitching, more than normal. 
 

I spend ever single minute in my phone or in my bed thinking. Please tell me, is this normal for withdrawal? the OCD ruminating looking for answers thoughts? The thought hurt my brain at a point 

@Dngu I feel you strongly, dealing with it too, it's pretty common, even if you had it at some degree before, it's amplified by the million in this process, no matter what loop goes through your head, don't identify with it, it's very easy to fall into incorrect self-definitions during withdrawal, it's not true, your mind is tricking you.

As you heal, it will fade, and even if there are remnants left, you will later be able to find appropriate coping tools that will be easier for you to implement.

@Dngu, Reading your posts, it is like there are my words... I am the same, it is the WD Hell.

Svetla

10 hours ago, Dngu said:

What does one do when you’re so stuck? I know there is CBT, mindfulness, and others but they are just not working. 

Hey

 

CBT and mindfulness will not likely help you as you have a drug injury/wd and so its not the real you having these feeling/thoughts/experiences. It's all about acceptance and coping strategies to help buy you the time you need to heal and adjust to the reinstatement. 

 

Chippy

Hi @Dngu

 

Nice to meet you and I’m so sorry you find yourself here 💔. I also had an activation event/ADR that totally rocked my world, you may or may not find some similarities in my story so I will share the links here for you.  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/33353-citeforsoreeyes-citalopram-and-quercetin-interaction/#comment-751616

I am recovering, WD isn’t this level of horrific all the way through for all. I want you to know that this WILL get better, it does pass. Right now you are in the “acute” phase, for me this phase lasted 3 months, acute is horrific, there is no doubt about that but your body is trying to slowly heal you. During those first three months, and a lot of time since, I was GLUED to stories online of other people who had been through this. I spent all day at “work” just reading and reading, I would ruminate on the worse case scenarios - I note you mentioned “ScaredDad” I also had a thread that ended similarly that I would frequent and had left a lasting mark on me. These are, unfortunately, normal behaviours in WD. Try and replace the doom scrolling through SA with scrolling through the success stories - when you catch yourself deviating, scroll back to success stories in time the rest will be less scary. The ruminating, the worst case scenario, the fear, it’s all part of the elements of your brain that are activated right now. It does lessen over time, it’s gradual, it requires patience. It will require your husband to continue to step up I’m afraid. You CAN do this and you WILL get through to the other side - you are not the first to walk this path and you won’t be the last, you just have to ride your way through ❤️‍🩹.

 

Right now it might feel hopeless, but this is the part where you have to keep going through the hell. @Chippy mentioned that CBT is unlikely to help at the moment and I tend to agree, it’s really back to basics at the moment, this is chemical. Some things that may help - cold showers, grounding yourself outside a bare feet on the ground or as much of your body as possible (I would sometimes just take myself into my garden and lay), being in nature as much as you don’t want to or feel you can’t you need to connect with our roots, box breathing, dunking your forearms in cold water. Also don’t push yourself right now, the grocery store will have to be your husbands job, or order online. This will come back, you will be able to do this again but just being gentle to begin with is important. 
 

You are doing so well right now, we know how hard it is, you are not alone ❤️

Edited February 7Feb 7 by SparklingG

On 2/6/2026 at 1:14 PM, Dngu said:

Question because I need more understanding, and I have looked at the files but am wanting to ask for clarification. Do people stabilize to doses like 5mg and stay? Or is the goal always stabilize and taper off? How will I know when I’m stable on a dose? Wouldn’t want to go up and make a mistake. Will I always have issues after this with anesthetic/medication/caffiene/supplments? 
currently my symptoms remain psychological with severe insomnia and lack of appetite but with more sleep in past couple of days. 

 

The goal is to get well.

 

Once you have stabilised and are somewhat well, that is the time to make further decisions about what to do next.

On 2/6/2026 at 3:11 PM, Dngu said:

when I’m not reading those other two subjects I read scripture which is something I’ve never done in my free time. 
 

I strongly suggest you continue to read scripture, and refrain from reading stories on your phone about SI, as this will only spiral you down further. 

 

On 2/6/2026 at 3:11 PM, Dngu said:

I spend ever single minute in my phone or in my bed thinking. Please tell me, is this normal for withdrawal? the OCD ruminating looking for answers thoughts? The thought hurt my brain at a point 

I'm afraid that this is one of the symptoms of withdrawal.  Here is what I did in early WD:  I distracted myself with simple physical tasks, and it helped me not to think or ruminate so much.  Things like simple house cleaning, taking gentle walk outside, adult coloring books, simple arts and crafts, etc.  

 

On 2/6/2026 at 3:57 PM, namastejen1 said:

I hope that you find yourself closer to Jesus or God the Father--whatever works for you on the spiritual realm. For many, it gives them strength to keep going--a secure attachment/relationship can come from faith.

This! What @namastejen1said.  This is what got me through my withdrawal, and through many other tough circumstances in my life.  

 

Please try to think about your worst symptom or symptoms, and come up with a couple of non drug coping strategies to help yourself get through this. It can be very helpful.  

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

On 2/12/2026 at 4:11 PM, getofflex said:

I strongly suggest you continue to read scripture, and refrain from reading stories on your phone about SI, as this will only spiral you down further. 

 

I'm afraid that this is one of the symptoms of withdrawal.  Here is what I did in early WD:  I distracted myself with simple physical tasks, and it helped me not to think or ruminate so much.  Things like simple house cleaning, taking gentle walk outside, adult coloring books, simple arts and crafts, etc.  

 

This! What @namastejen1said.  This is what got me through my withdrawal, and through many other tough circumstances in my life.  

 

Please try to think about your worst symptom or symptoms, and come up with a couple of non drug coping strategies to help yourself get through this. It can be very helpful.  

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

@getofflex Good suggestions from SA, and yes, spirituality and reading sacred texts are what helps so much of us and that relational piece to God/Jesus/Holy Spirit/angels/saints or other religions' practices as well. Thanks for tagging me and adding more to the conversation for @Dngu--which I hope you are doing well, hun.

It is not everyone's way to read scripture but I have seen such improvements from singing the psalms (I cantor and am in choir at church) - it is really powerful to sing, they say it is praying twice.

♥️ Be well, friends...and as I mentioned earlier in replying to other threads, I will pray for everyone on here tonight.