11 hours ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

9 months now. I have settled into a constant routine which makes me forget how bad some of my symptoms still are. Whenever I have to go out and do some chore or read something complicated I am reminded that my brain fog is still really bad. I was hoping to be able to at least return to work after a year off but that seems impossible now. My mom is not happy about this. She seems to think I just have regular depression and that I need to go out and find a job and see a therapist or a psychiatrist. I keep telling her time is the only thing that can cure me but she is still dismissive of what I'm going through.

It’s good you have a routine. It helps pass the time as you’ve seen. I’m sorry about your mom. It’s typical for family to not understand. It can feel hurtful I know. What has helped for me is to accept they don’t understand rather than resist and try to change their mind. You know your truth and that is all that matters. 

14 hours ago, Chippy said:

It’s good you have a routine. It helps pass the time as you’ve seen. I’m sorry about your mom. It’s typical for family to not understand. It can feel hurtful I know. What has helped for me is to accept they don’t understand rather than resist and try to change their mind. You know your truth and that is all that matters. 

 Yeah I have given up trying to convince her. She is a doctor who has prescribed these meds to tons of people and is even on Paxil herself. I am grateful for her support but she is too entrenched in the traditional view of psychiatric meds

9 hours ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

 Yeah I have given up trying to convince her. She is a doctor who has prescribed these meds to tons of people and is even on Paxil herself. I am grateful for her support but she is too entrenched in the traditional view of psychiatric meds

Oh that makes it even harder then. Has she seen the Maudsley guidelines?
 

Giving up her current beliefs is going to be hard for her. Much of the decisions she has made in the past are validated and attached to this, accepting what you are going through is, for her, coming to terms with the idea she may have been involved in harming others. This won’t be easy for her to consider. Be a peace with it, it’s not her fault. 

9 months 1 week 1 day. I am trying hard to think of any consistent improvements I have made. The only things I can think of are head pressure maybe being a little better and appetite being more normal. Previously I didn't have much of an appettite but I feel I get hungry more normally now. They are minor symptoms but it's something I guess.

 

I won't lie, if I don't distract myself and I dwell on my lost personality and interests I start to get kind of vague suicidal ideation. I don't think I would ever do it but it's in the back of my mind.

I really hope you get a window soon! I know how you feel and I am always here to talk. Hang in there ! ❤️‍🩹

Hey Greg I read your history and I can relate a lot to your story, especially the DPDR. I find that its my hardest symptom, although it does fluctuate and I have good moments and bad. Its very good that you are off all medications though, this is when you nervous system can really do some serious healing. I know how hard it is being patient in a situation like this, its something I struggle with myself. Hang in there, I wish healing for you soon. 

I feel you very well, @GreggeryPeccary. You are off of all hellish psychiatric drugs, that is huge! I am at the end of my last poison, 1,5 mg of Mirtazapine, and the next week I will be on 0 mg. Living Hell...

Edited March 16Mar 16 by skamen

On 2/25/2026 at 12:07 AM, GreggeryPeccary said:

I used to be a very anxious person. I was always fretting about some nonsense and I had constant OCD. I was the type of guy to get nervous making doctor's appointments over the phone. Now I have almost zero anxiety. I actually think I have so little anxiety it might be dangerous. For instance, when you are driving, you need a certain level of anxiety to remain vigilant so you don't get into accidents. That combined with the brain fog and vision problems makes me wonder if perhaps I shouldn't be on the road.

I relate to this 100% as well. I think the only reason I haven't had a car crash is because I have had so much practice prior to WD. 

My entire brain feels like its just full of cotton or completely empty. Sometimes wandering around shops and stuff its so bad I feel like just collapsing on the ground because I can't handle the complete lack of stimuli and impressions. Chemical lobotomy is truly an accurate description. This state makes no sense to me, I don't understand why I am not in a coma, because I truly feel like I have no connection to my cognition, body or soul. 

I hope for better days soon for all of us, although I don't feel much either, being reminded that I am not the only person on earth in this, helps a little sometimes. 

 

Hey @Cloudy4ever Thanks for your post or encouragement for @GreggeryPeccary when you get a minute would you consider creating an introduction topic for us?

On 3/16/2026 at 4:41 PM, GreggeryPeccary said:

9 months 1 week 1 day. I am trying hard to think of any consistent improvements I have made. The only things I can think of are head pressure maybe being a little better and appetite being more normal. Previously I didn't have much of an appettite but I feel I get hungry more normally now. They are minor symptoms but it's something I guess.

 

I won't lie, if I don't distract myself and I dwell on my lost personality and interests I start to get kind of vague suicidal ideation. I don't think I would ever do it but it's in the back of my mind.

 

 

All I can really say is that it took far, far longer than that to start noticing much improvement at all for me, but I have been improving slowly.

 

It seems likely to me that in time you will as well.

9 months 3 weeks. I have noticed that I feel tired more often and I am getting to bed a bit easier and when I wake up I even feel a bit groggy sometimes. Before it was very hard for me to feel tired and it would always take me 1-2 hours to fall asleep. I guess this is proof that something must be slowly shifting in my brain. I just wish it was a more serious symptom that was getting better instead of this. I think my eyesight is getting even worse. I think it's because of the meds but I'm wondering if I should get it checked out just in case. I really don't want to have to explain to some random eye doctor what protracted withdrawal and kindling is though.

 

I won't lie a lot of my thoughts recently are very dark and negative. I won't repeat them here because I don't want to drag others down with me

Hi @GreggeryPeccary,

 

I can relate to so much you wrote 😞 

It would be so nice if our emotional range returns first.. 

 

Hang in there ❤️‍🩹

@GreggeryPeccary Speaking as someone who has been through all the ups and downs of WD and recovery, I know where you're coming from.  You bounce from overwhelming negative thinking to feeling nothing at all.  Your brain and nervous system is working hard to find its balance.  Give yourself time and practice self-forgiveness, and remember recovery isn't a steady climb; its more like a roller coaster with steep ups and downs.  But you can and will recover! 

1 hour ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

9 months 3 weeks. I have noticed that I feel tired more often and I am getting to bed a bit easier and when I wake up I even feel a bit groggy sometimes. Before it was very hard for me to feel tired and it would always take me 1-2 hours to fall asleep. I guess this is proof that something must be slowly shifting in my brain. I just wish it was a more serious symptom that was getting better instead of this. I think my eyesight is getting even worse. I think it's because of the meds but I'm wondering if I should get it checked out just in case. I really don't want to have to explain to some random eye doctor what protracted withdrawal and kindling is though.

 

I won't lie a lot of my thoughts recently are very dark and negative. I won't repeat them here because I don't want to drag others down with me

very tough journey but time will heal what is left, you have come a long and brave way, be proud and persevere @GreggeryPeccary

15 hours ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

9 months 3 weeks. I have noticed that I feel tired more often and I am getting to bed a bit easier and when I wake up I even feel a bit groggy sometimes. Before it was very hard for me to feel tired and it would always take me 1-2 hours to fall asleep. I guess this is proof that something must be slowly shifting in my brain. I just wish it was a more serious symptom that was getting better instead of this. I think my eyesight is getting even worse. I think it's because of the meds but I'm wondering if I should get it checked out just in case. I really don't want to have to explain to some random eye doctor what protracted withdrawal and kindling is though.

 

I won't lie a lot of my thoughts recently are very dark and negative. I won't repeat them here because I don't want to drag others down with me

Hey, sorry about the tough time still. It is very good news sleep is getting a bit better. That one can take a long time to resolve. So It is great you are seeing some progress. It is pretty common to not feel tired and struggle to sleep. These drugs really mess with our sleep architecture, but as we heal this starts to resolve. More sleep will help you recover so this is good.

 

No problems getting your eyes tested, rules things out. You don't need to try to explain your WD though. Just get the checks done. Dont add to your stress. Unless you want to try to explain or course!

 

The dark thoughts are hard. Don't lean into them too much, don't fight them either. Just accept they are there. Accept they are not yours. Accept they will pass in time. Wave brain is a powerful beast. You are doing great! Early days still.

 

Chippy 

@GreggeryPeccary I'm in touch with a number of people who had eye issues in withdrawal that eventually cleared up. Getting tested is good but still, hopefully it will improve.

 

Slowly improving sleep is a good sign.

6 hours ago, Chippy said:

The dark thoughts are hard. Don't lean into them too much, don't fight them either. Just accept they are there. Accept they are not yours. Accept they will pass in time. Wave brain is a powerful beast. You are doing great! Early days still.

Exactly, you just need to catch your thoughts going to this bad path, once you catch them, you just simply don't believe them, they do exist but just catching them and not believing them is quite helpful.

 

I also had wierd eye issues in the past like a lack of focus and vision feeling dizzy in a way.

 

10 months 2 weeks 1 day. Feels like I'm going backwards in terms of symptoms recently. Even though I have been off drugs for around 10 months I have been dealing with this soul crushing apathy since the summer of 2024, so about 2 years now. I guess it was actually 3 years but that first year wasn't as bad. I feel like I am forgetting who I used to be. 2 years of complete emotional silence. I guess I'm saying I'm really sick of being numb. Not feeling optimistic. People say I will recover but they don't know that. Just empty promises. Sorry for the negativity.

Looks like I'm going to be unemployed for another year. Brain fog is still too bad.

56 minutes ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

10 months 2 weeks 1 day. Feels like I'm going backwards in terms of symptoms recently. Even though I have been off drugs for around 10 months I have been dealing with this soul crushing apathy since the summer of 2024, so about 2 years now. I guess it was actually 3 years but that first year wasn't as bad. I feel like I am forgetting who I used to be. 2 years of complete emotional silence. I guess I'm saying I'm really sick of being numb. Not feeling optimistic. People say I will recover but they don't know that. Just empty promises. Sorry for the negativity.

Looks like I'm going to be unemployed for another year. Brain fog is still too bad.

Sorry to read @GreggeryPeccary it can feel like this, and very often it is the case things worsen some months out. I’m sorry you feel this is the case for you.

I’m a great believer that strong symptoms are just signs of healing, the brain doing its work, putting everything back to how it should be. People heal. It’s common to feel you won’t. Have a look at our post on acceptance. It’s a really powerful skill to start to wrap your mind around. You’ll heal without it of course, but it can seriously reduce the suffering.

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

1 hour ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

People say I will recover but they don't know that. Just empty promises. Sorry for the negativity.

You will recover. I've been a member or mentor for several years and I have yet to see anyone who had permanent issues. I had one member on SA curse me out for saying he'd recover; he swore he'd never get past the anger and self-loathing. Yet several months later he returned and said he was well on the way to recovery. Apathy is a byproduct of WD. Give yourself some space and patience and you'll get there. It took me thee years!

Thank you @mstimc60 and @Chippy for the encouragement. I guess I will try to believe in recovery but it's hard, especially since I haven't seen any recovery stories of people with my history. I haven't seen anyone recover from reinstatement induced emotional blunting. I know that doesn't mean those people don't exist but I wish I could find them. Perhaps they were too apathetic to post about their symptoms. I know I feel like that a lot.

20 minutes ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

Thank you @mstimc60 and @Chippy for the encouragement. I guess I will try to believe in recovery but it's hard, especially since I haven't seen any recovery stories of people with my history. I haven't seen anyone recover from reinstatement induced emotional blunting. I know that doesn't mean those people don't exist but I wish I could find them. Perhaps they were too apathetic to post about their symptoms. I know I feel like that a lot.

We all suffer in unique ways because we're individuals and its the nature of withdrawal to hit us in different ways. You'll never find anyone with the exact symptoms you have, but I just finished responding to another member with emotional blunting. The possible nature of the blunting isn't as important as adopting practices and an approach that will help you get your emotions back to where you're comfortable. And yes, apathy does play a part. So, unfortunately, does success--most people who reach a certain point in their recovery never come back to share their success. That's one of the reasons I've stuck around so long.

The point is anyone, regardless of symptoms, can recover. Its not easy and the time progress varies from person to person, but it can be done.

39 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

The possible nature of the blunting isn't as important as adopting practices and an approach that will help you get your emotions back to where you're comfortable.

Is there anything besides time that can help with emotional blunting?

Yes! Get outside and out of your bubble and find things to engage your senses. Go to a park and take a walk, but instead of looking straight in front of you, look around. Make mental notes of what you see in terms of emotions, like how beautiful a blossom is or the bright plumage on a bird. Don’t seek big thrills, just little bits of enjoyment here and there. I remember walking with my wife and being struck by the vivid color on a street tree blossom. Not a huge thing, but just a reminder the emotions are there ready and waiting to be felt.

5 hours ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

Thank you @mstimc60 and @Chippy for the encouragement. I guess I will try to believe in recovery but it's hard, especially since I haven't seen any recovery stories of people with my history. I haven't seen anyone recover from reinstatement induced emotional blunting. I know that doesn't mean those people don't exist but I wish I could find them. Perhaps they were too apathetic to post about their symptoms. I know I feel like that a lot.

If it helps any, I strongly suspect the emotional blunting, is the body’s way of protecting from worse symptoms, whilst it heals behind the scenes, it’s pretty smart like that, however I know how distressing this must feel. Pretty much everyone thinks they are unique, and won’t heal, but that in itself proves how wrong that assumption is!