Hi making this thread because Chippy asked me to. I actually have a thread here already in the success stories. I was on Prozac 6 years, CT'd, then reinstated 3 months later at 10mg for 8 days, had an adverse reaction, suffered really badly till 7 months. Only survived because of people like LukeUK, Chippy and others on survivingantidepressants. Then around month 7 I turned a huge corner and felt so much better all symptoms went down. Sadly middle of month 11 I felt myself very slowly gradually entering a wave and now at month 12 I am in a wave hence I am here on this forum. It's fine, I felt so good month 7-11 I have hope I will return. I don't think anything triggered this wave? I felt it coming on very slowly and gradually. I had hair keratin done, laser hair removal, and a dental cleaning in December. That's because I absolutely needed to return to work after being off for so long because of WD and had to do self care. But I don't think anything triggered the wave because even after all those things I felt fine. It was like a slow gradual tumble. I did eat a plate of brussel sprouts and remember getting stomach pain from that and that made the wave significanttly worse, or it could have happened either way.

My biggest problem in anhedonia + depression. At first I was so afraid that what if this is just me without drugs but whenever I am in a wave I get really constipated, start getting nerve pains and stuff. So I know this is a wave and am hopeful it will pass 🙂

Chippy asked me to make an intro but really I made this account just to make this thread https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/275-is-it-safe-to-have-children-or-get-pregnant-even-after-recovering/#comment-5677
 

Hi @wheretogonow

 

Welcome back to the forum!

 

Slightly unorthodox method of using the site but just for we will accommodate 😊

If your pregnancy thread turns into an extension of this one we might have to merge them but let’s see how things go. We normally only want one thread and one account for that matter. 🙂

 

Hope you find the information you are looking for. 

 

Chippy

Been in a wave since Jan now...the only possible thing I can think of that triggered this is I got a hair treatment done called hair botox. But like, it's a topical treatment and is supposed to be be mild. Also the wave that I had started very very gradually. It wasn't like I woke up and a wave hit, it's moreso like everyday there was a gradual lessening till I realised I was in a wave.

It does have amino acids and stuffs but like applied on dead hair not like I ate it? I feel like I'm also being ocd. this is what chatgpt said:
 

Short answer: it’s very unlikely you ingested high concentrations of amino acids from a hair botox product under normal use.

Here’s the realistic breakdown:

🧪 Can amino acids from hair products enter your body?

1. Through the scalp

• Amino acids like arginine, cysteine, serine are small molecules, so tiny amounts can be absorbed through skin

• BUT:

  • The scalp is a strong barrier

  • Most of the product sits on the hair shaft, not deep skin 👉 Result: absorption is minimal

2. Through inhalation (during treatment)

• When heat is applied (flat ironing), some ingredients can become airborne

• However:

  • Amino acids themselves are not volatile (they don’t easily evaporate) 👉 You’re not inhaling amino acids in meaningful amounts

3. Accidental ingestion (mouth contact, residue)

• This would be the only realistic route

• Even then:

  • Amount transferred (hands → mouth, etc.) is very small

  • Amino acids are actually normal dietary substances (found in protein foods)

👉 So even if tiny amounts were ingested, it’s not harmful or “high concentration”

⚠️ What could be absorbed more significantly

If you’re concerned about exposure, these matter more:

• Preservatives (e.g., DMDM hydantoin → can release formaldehyde)

• Fragrance chemicals

• Conditioning agents (quats)

• Any acids (if present in some formulas)

👉 These are more biologically active than amino acids in this context

🧠 Key reality check

To ingest a “high concentration” of amino acids, you would need something like:

• Eating the product directly

• Or consuming gram-level quantities

Hair treatments simply don’t deliver anywhere near that level.

💡 Bottom line

• ✔ Tiny exposure? Possible

• ❌ High-dose ingestion? Extremely unlikely

• ❌ Health risk from amino acids specifically? No, not in this context

If you’re asking because of a symptom or reaction, tell me what you experienced—I can help narrow down which ingredient is more likely responsible (it’s usually not the amino acids).

 

6 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

Been in a wave since Jan now...the only possible thing I can think of that triggered this is I got a hair treatment done called hair botox. But like, it's a topical treatment and is supposed to be be mild. Also the wave that I had started very very gradually. It wasn't like I woke up and a wave hit, it's moreso like everyday there was a gradual lessening till I realised I was in a wave.

It does have amino acids and stuffs but like applied on dead hair not like I ate it? I feel like I'm also being ocd. this is what chatgpt said:
 

Short answer: it’s very unlikely you ingested high concentrations of amino acids from a hair botox product under normal use.

Here’s the realistic breakdown:

🧪 Can amino acids from hair products enter your body?

1. Through the scalp

• Amino acids like arginine, cysteine, serine are small molecules, so tiny amounts can be absorbed through skin

• BUT:

  • The scalp is a strong barrier

  • Most of the product sits on the hair shaft, not deep skin 👉 Result: absorption is minimal

2. Through inhalation (during treatment)

• When heat is applied (flat ironing), some ingredients can become airborne

• However:

  • Amino acids themselves are not volatile (they don’t easily evaporate) 👉 You’re not inhaling amino acids in meaningful amounts

3. Accidental ingestion (mouth contact, residue)

• This would be the only realistic route

• Even then:

  • Amount transferred (hands → mouth, etc.) is very small

  • Amino acids are actually normal dietary substances (found in protein foods)

👉 So even if tiny amounts were ingested, it’s not harmful or “high concentration”

⚠️ What could be absorbed more significantly

If you’re concerned about exposure, these matter more:

• Preservatives (e.g., DMDM hydantoin → can release formaldehyde)

• Fragrance chemicals

• Conditioning agents (quats)

• Any acids (if present in some formulas)

👉 These are more biologically active than amino acids in this context

🧠 Key reality check

To ingest a “high concentration” of amino acids, you would need something like:

• Eating the product directly

• Or consuming gram-level quantities

Hair treatments simply don’t deliver anywhere near that level.

💡 Bottom line

• ✔ Tiny exposure? Possible

• ❌ High-dose ingestion? Extremely unlikely

• ❌ Health risk from amino acids specifically? No, not in this context

If you’re asking because of a symptom or reaction, tell me what you experienced—I can help narrow down which ingredient is more likely responsible (it’s usually not the amino acids).

 

Sorry about your wave. Hope it passes soon. I’ve moved this back to your intro so the pregnancy thread stays on topic. 

thanks, it does suck to forget about WD for months then just have it come back. I hope this is a last wave of healing

10 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

thanks, it does suck to forget about WD for months then just have it come back. I hope this is a last wave of healing

Me too! 

19 hours ago, Chippy said:

Me too! 

Praying for your healing chippy hope it comes soon

Sharing my current symptoms incase it helps anyone in the future

Maladaptive daydreaming
Depression with anhedonia
Constipation pretty severe

 

I hope this is me so bad because month 7 - 10 I really did just forget about withdrawal felt 80-90% healed now I am back in a wave. I hope that this is just my body healing the remainder 10% and putting me in a wave while doing healing. Looking back my healing has been extremely non-linear so I hope that this is the case

3 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

 

I hope this is me so bad because month 7 - 10 I really did just forget about withdrawal felt 80-90% healed now I am back in a wave. I hope that this is just my body healing the remainder 10% and putting me in a wave while doing healing. Looking back my healing has been extremely non-linear so I hope that this is the case

Very sorry to read. Healing is so non linear. You’re no different and you’ll heal too. Just the path there is so up and down. 

7 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

 

I hope this is me so bad because month 7 - 10 I really did just forget about withdrawal felt 80-90% healed now I am back in a wave. I hope that this is just my body healing the remainder 10% and putting me in a wave while doing healing. Looking back my healing has been extremely non-linear so I hope that this is the case

So sorry for the tough wave now @wheretogonow as you mentioned it's not linear, lots of unwelcome surprises along the way, better to expect it and let it be.

The bright window you had will no doubt return, for now just hold on tightly to the sides of the carriage on this roller coaster and that too will fade, hopefully very soon.

Sending good thoughts and health your way.

Edited April 14Apr 14 by Fullhealing

On 4/14/2026 at 3:41 AM, Fullhealing said:

So sorry for the tough wave now @wheretogonow as you mentioned it's not linear, lots of unwelcome surprises along the way, better to expect it and let it be.

The bright window you had will no doubt return, for now just hold on tightly to the sides of the carriage on this roller coaster and that too will fade, hopefully very soon.

Sending good thoughts and health your way.

Thank you, best wishes for you as well

A setback, after 2-3 months of feeling close to healed, is still huge progress overall at only a bit over a year off.

It's extremely likely that you'll continue to improve (possibly with occasional setbacks), until they don't happen anymore.

In the middle of last year, I was telling you that the windows would likely get better and longer, and that you were making progress, and that was with days or a week of better days. Now it's months in a row. Clearly you are recovering.

Thank you so much for your post it, having this forum to talk is share our info with is such a big support.

Just sharing my symptoms here incase it helps anyone in the future. A major symptom I have right now is maladaptive daydreaming. I know it sounds like something minor but I can tell this is some chemical induced abnormality because it should never be like this. Basically 24/7 I keep daydreaming and cannot stop. I'm also binge eating a lot. I think maybe my dopamine is resetting or something because both of those are very dopamine related? I had both before meds but now it's like 10000x worse. But yeah I keep on being hit with the thoughts "what is this is just me without the meds" but some physical symptoms have returned (minor) which wierd as it sounds is making me grateful because I can remind myself this is not me this is just a wave.

I wonder if anyone else is suffering with maladaptive daydreaming I searched it on survivingantidepressants.org and found nothing. Anhedonia came back but this time it is more of the depression anhedonia then the purely loss of pleasure one. Still I know this is chemical jarble because during sept - dec I felt happy at things that I don't feel happy at now and nothing changed during this month.

I'm thinking of maybe starting vitamin d, magnesium and b12 again. I know I am low on all. I keep thinking maybe the wave isn't ending because I'm low? I just wish there was a way to know if this (since mid of Jan) is a wave that will just go with time or if I need to do something (like change my diet or some basic supplementation, nothing else ofcourse). Want to try carnivore diet again but it is so hard, the hunger and cravings I feel is insane, I'm assuming this is what mirtazapine feels like, feels so hard to fight. I feel better when I drink ginger tea.

Thank you again luke and chippy for this, felt so much despair until I came onto this site today

genuinely i felt so much despair, read luke's comment and got filled with some peace. this place is truly lifesaving. honestly this place feels so much better than survivingantidepressants even which kinda felt like a ward (credit to them where due ofc for all they did)

1 hour ago, wheretogonow said:

Just sharing my symptoms here incase it helps anyone in the future. A major symptom I have right now is maladaptive daydreaming. I know it sounds like something minor but I can tell this is some chemical induced abnormality because it should never be like this. Basically 24/7 I keep daydreaming and cannot stop. I'm also binge eating a lot. I think maybe my dopamine is resetting or something because both of those are very dopamine related? I had both before meds but now it's like 10000x worse. But yeah I keep on being hit with the thoughts "what is this is just me without the meds" but some physical symptoms have returned (minor) which wierd as it sounds is making me grateful because I can remind myself this is not me this is just a wave.

Thanks for sharing. It is so common to doubt if we are in a wave. So common. These drugs effect every part of our bodies and minds. Nothing surprises me. I do note, that often our sysmptoms can feel like extreme versions of what we have felt pre drug. I think this is because we all uniquely experience WD through the eyes of our own brains/experiences.

1 hour ago, wheretogonow said:

I'm thinking of maybe starting vitamin d, magnesium and b12 again. I know I am low on all. I keep thinking maybe the wave isn't ending because I'm low? I just wish there was a way to know if this (since mid of Jan) is a wave that will just go with time or if I need to do something (like change my diet or some basic supplementation, nothing else ofcourse). Want to try carnivore diet again but it is so hard, the hunger and cravings I feel is insane, I'm assuming this is what mirtazapine feels like, feels so hard to fight. I feel better when I drink ginger tea.

Could help. Sometimes these things, make it worse. If you do try, start low and one at a time. Better to try to get what you need from food.

It is also so common to look for solutions, to try to fix. For the most part, it has been my experience that time is the only way. Often I have witnessed looking for the cure, makes things worse. Acceptance is everything. Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

Yes Mirt Hunger is very overwhelming, insatiable.

1 hour ago, wheretogonow said:

Thank you again luke and chippy for this, felt so much despair until I came onto this site today

Absolute pleasure. Glad it helped.

1 hour ago, wheretogonow said:

genuinely i felt so much despair, read luke's comment and got filled with some peace. this place is truly lifesaving. honestly this place feels so much better than survivingantidepressants even which kinda felt like a ward (credit to them where due ofc for all they did)

Again, I am pleased to read this. I am a fan of SA and everything they have done for this community, this statement is a lovley compliment to this site. Thank you.

4 months in a wave so far

15 month in WD

Insulin resistance going crazy

Binge eating and maladaptive daydreaming

Hopelessness depression lack of joy ruminations

Clearly something in my dopamine circuits being fixed

I of course choose this over the more anhedonia numbing symptoms I had in previous waves

Must be grateful as well as hopeful for continued improvement.

1 hour ago, wheretogonow said:

Must be grateful as well as hopeful for continued improvement.

More improvement to follow. Body never stops healing. X

I know there are a lot worser cases then me, and am definitely not asking to take attention from other cases, but I am so lost and depressed. I was 80% healed for 3 months, only to go in a wave that has been going on for 5+ months. What if something went wrong in my body?

During Oct - Dec I remember feeling happy and enjoying things. I remember telling my mom, " I feel like the happiest person in the world. Because a healthy person wants many things, but a sad person wants only one thing, to heal." And I wrote 3 success stories on reddit as well as on survivingantipdepressants.org as well as here. I can't fathom thinking there was me who wrote a success story.

Nothing in my life changed, infact I actually got a pay raise. I have more reason to be happy then I did during Oct - Dec, yet I feel so depressed and sad and anhedonic. I know depression being my main symptom pales in comparison to to others' suffering (or even my own during the first 6 months of WD), but I mean depression is enough to get people to **** themselves even if they never had withdrawal, so I want to take my symptom seriously.

I keep on thinking something went wrong in my body. I've been in a wave for 5 months now. Nothing triggered it, I felt is starting very very slowly. I don't know what to do. What if this is something else?

What I really want to know is how can I trust this is just WD? What if something went wrong and I have to fix it? Obviously I will not take any other poisons. I hope I can find a naturopath to help me.

@wheretogonow

Im so sorry you are in a bad wave. This must be very disheartening.

Unfortunately this is not uncommon, it is the reason SA mainly wanted people to be 1 year healed before writing a success story, that is how common it is.

You can see that your life is actually going well, you have a pay rise, and when you were in a window, you were celebrating life and enjoying yourself! Unfortunately now you are in a long wave and things seem hard again and impossible Im sure. But this is just signs that the body needs to heal something a bit deeper, often people feel even better after a period of intense worsening of symptoms. More symptoms=morehealing. 😀

Don't think your suffering is less than anyone elses, it is all relative, and non of it is ok!

I would be careful not to go down the rabbit hole of health anxiety worries. Try and remind yourself you are in WD, and avoid causing more harm looking for a way out.

Of course if you want to get some checks done to make sure you are ok, this makes sense, however I think it is extremely unlikley IMO.

Chippy

@wheretogonow Hello I've been where you are ok I'm still tapering but up to about February I was doing fine then got hit with a few things chest infection stress and dental work was ok then got hit...like you my mind was all over the place wanting to find a reason wanting to find a fix desperate to get back to where I was. Though all I was doing was causing myself to be more stressed and prolong the misery . When we hit a wave our thinking mind goes into overdrive what when where who its desperately seeking to find some external validation for how we feel . I'm going to say the word but you have to accept how you are for now ,do not look for a reason ,do not look for a fix .Concentrate on the here and now and focus on self care dig deep and try and sooth your body and mind try maybe to take back some control of your eating ,do things that are good for the body. Focus on the present, forget how you got here its not going to change anything except make you more stressed and from the way you are thinking your mind is very stressed try to gain some control back . You will get over this I promise you ,its not easy ,just don't make it any harder 😉❤️🙏

7 hours ago, Chippy said:

@wheretogonow

Im so sorry you are in a bad wave. This must be very disheartening.

Unfortunately this is not uncommon, it is the reason SA mainly wanted people to be 1 year healed before writing a success story, that is how common it is.

You can see that your life is actually going well, you have a pay rise, and when you were in a window, you were celebrating life and enjoying yourself! Unfortunately now you are in a long wave and things seem hard again and impossible Im sure. But this is just signs that the body needs to heal something a bit deeper, often people feel even better after a period of intense worsening of symptoms. More symptoms=morehealing. 😀

Don't think your suffering is less than anyone elses, it is all relative, and non of it is ok!

I would be careful not to go down the rabbit hole of health anxiety worries. Try and remind yourself you are in WD, and avoid causing more harm looking for a way out.

Of course if you want to get some checks done to make sure you are ok, this makes sense, however I think it is extremely unlikley IMO.

Chippy

You are so right Chippy in the past my wave got much worse (I remember sleep dropped from 4 hours to 2 hours) before I got my glorious window. Also I had a 2 month long consecutive wave before I got a long healing window. So this really good be just some healing being done. And I would rather suffer 7-8 months in a wave then heal fully, rather than be stuck in a alternating window wave pattern for years. So maybe I just have to be patient. I remember how I felt 80-90% healed in the 3 months but not 100%, this is just the the rest of the 10-20% coming back.

I will stay hopeful and keep doing good things. Thank you chippy