you are right normal function i important. i need to be careful switching up diets too fast, not good for stability

Edited June 14Jun 14 by wheretogonow

I did an experiment, for a few days I was somehow able to stop maladaptive daydreaming. This was not easy as I had to constantly yank myself everytime I slipped in.

I saw maybe a little (like 3% difference in pleasure/happy anhedonia).

However suddenly work related dopamine just kept pouring in. After months of complete slacking off at work I went crazy at work, simple tasks like replying to emails flooded me with so much dopamine, it felt so good to finish work. My adhd symptoms reduced a lot but depression/anhedonia was pretty much the same.

I also lost desire to maladaptive daydream (which is important me for to remember). But then I made a mistake, I thought maybe if I am getting work dopamine let's try doing a pleasurable activity and see if I get something from it for the first time in months? Sadly that was a massive mistake because it was a fantasy book so I went into a big daydream I got stuck in for days.

I also had trouble, sadness and stress with family that I was fearing led on to me maladaptive daydreaming after a 3 day break (so I thought it was a relapse) but while writing this post I realise no, it was reading the book that madd me daydream again. So that's something I can not do in the future, which is fine because I wasn't getting pleasure from it anyway.

The first day I went I to my maladaptive daydreaming I felt it was easy to get out, but I let it continue. Now it is 4 days in and it feels impossible to break out but I guess if I did it before I can do it again.

I think the fact that comfort and pleasure did not return (i think maybe like a 5% improvement) but task completion reward absolutely flooded my brain is atleast something. Like even simple tasks like replying to emails gave me sooo much satisfaction. I think clearly I can 100% say that maladaptive daydreaming was eating up dopamine i needed for other tasks and it was a positive thing to actually see benefit from stopping maladaptive daydreaming, eventhough the thing I wanted was for anhedonia to go.

In addition to not maladaptive daydreaming I also did dopamine fasting. The biggest things were cutting out music, social media, nofap and any procrastination-like activities (which is fine since they did not give me pleasure anyway). I only did nofap one day and I that same day depression anhedonia improved so I think I need to stick with it.

On one hand atleast I got something from this experiment. All that task achievement dopamine (maybe there is a better word for this is I dunno) came flooding in allowing me to do tasks put off for months is a good thing.

On the other hand I fell back into it bad and I'm scared of being stuck in a cycle where I MD then stop then MD again but I guess after 6 months of 16 hours day maladaptive daydreaming it will take some time to quickly bounce back.

My insulin resistance is also going insane I'm getting inhuman sugar cravings and hunger, feel like someone put me on Mirtzapine or something.

I have to somehow try dopamine fasting, the biggest of which is music and nofap, then also stop my maldaptive daydreaming. I mean that fact that my task completion pleasure came back is a good sign right even if comfort/love/motivation anhedonia is still so low.

I will report back after atleast 4 weeks of no maladaptive daydreaming. Hopefully during that time I can fit in vagus nerve exercises, cortisol lowering methods. Im not giving my body the right conditions to heal only because last time it healed on its own.

My biggest fear is I'm stuck at partial healing forever. I can't do that. I need to heal 100%. Atleast I have some pointers.

Edited July 4Jul 4 by wheretogonow

Is having seere insulin resistance issues a symptom? Which is accompanied by extreme stimming and binging behaviours? I have had adhd and binge eating disorder in the past but it was manegeable. Since my wave began, it's constant stimming and binging. Feels like I'm ON a drug not off it (I've heard of people going on mirt and becoming gambling addicts + binge eating).

When I did dopamine fasting and refrained from maladaptive daydreaming for a few days it improved my stimming behaviour a lot but not the binging. So something wrong with my dopamine and insulin.

Main symptom is still anhedonia, depression, no motivation, a flattening feeling, sexual anhedonia and inability to feel love. My biggest fear is healing partially and not fully. I really just want the anhedonia to go so badly.

2 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

I really just want the anhedonia to go so badly.

It will :) x

2 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

Is having seere insulin resistance issues a symptom?

Honestly no idea. WD seems to provide us with most symptoms you dream up, so maybe!

I don't know when this ordeal will end for me, the rest of my life will be in fear of the anhedonia coming back. Wish I could go back in time so badly. I have no motivation and feel so flat. I can't work, clean my room, take care of myself. I can't talk to people or socialize. I can't dream, look forward to or enjoy anything. I don't feel comfort from blankets or pillows. I don't feel love when I hug someone. I am unable to appreciate beauty like flowers or a sunset. It is maybe 10-20% better than it was last year but it just so so so so incredibly muted and flat.

I am constantly stimming and can't stop. I had this before too but it was never ever ever this bad. I have insane sugar cravings and hunger. Again, struggled with this but never this bad.

I cannot stop maladaptive daydreaming. I think this is key here. In Dec of last year I started daydreaming a lot. I realize that my wave started AFTER I began 24/7 daydreaming. I was able to stop for 3 days but a small trigger pulled me back now it feels impossible to stop. It doesn't seem like anyone else is struggling with this symptom which is even more isolating. I really need to stop this because in the days I stopped atleast I saw some progress.

I am not giving myself the right environment to heal. I have high cortisol, I need to try to lower it by keep a calming peaceful environment and routine. Even if I don't get pleasure I think my system is working enough to feel a little bit of calm. I need to spray lavender, have a nice bed routine, get sunlight in the morning, just do the things that will lower cortisol.
A big problem here is this binge eating. I keep eating highly inflammatory food. I am doing therapy for binge eating disorder right now so far it's not much. I really have to give myself the right environment to heal by stopping stimming and binging but it's really hard because I know this disorder is making me binge and stim more it was never ever this bad. If I can atleast lower cortisol first and then see what to do about the binge eating.

I don't want to sound so ungrateful. A lot of symptoms have not returned. Insomnia, anxiety, crying spells, intrusive thoughts are all gone. Even the anhedonia I am suffering with so badly is still 20% better than it was at it's lowest point last year. But goddamn I'm at 18 months now and a 7 month wave. Will a window come for me? Pleaseeeee ;(

Ok what I have to do
-- cortisol lowering morning, afternoon and night time routine
-- cut out stim behaviours (walking, music, internet)
-- heavily restrict maladaptive daydreaming (I did it for 3 days, I can do it again)
-- vagus nerve activation exercises daily (I'm pretty sure I was doing this last year too)

Other things
-- get a sleep apnea test
-- progesterone test
-- try and eat anti-inflammatory

Edited July 6Jul 6 by wheretogonow

I have this fear of only partial healing, thing is if it was insomnia, anxiety, or something else I could accept partial healing. But god anhedonia is so evil even if you have it 1% you feel it. It doesn't help most success stories you read they didn't have anhedonia :(


I have to remember that August of last year I felt how I feel now (but I wasn't maladaptive daydreaming though). Then September of last year I went to 80% healed. It was just 1 month, sharp corner recovery. I would much rather suffer months straight then be windows and waves for years. But gosh a 7+ month wave. I'm almost at 18 months now. Please sharp corner soon.

I also have this fear even if I do completely heal I'll always be in fear of it coming back. But I guess we'll deal with that when it happens.

26 minutes ago, wheretogonow said:

I'm almost at 18 months now. Please sharp corner soon.

I'm at 19 months and I feel you here. Our best friend is time....

21 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

anhedonia

This is a symptom I get during Windows and waves after 19 months. It gets better in time.

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

I'm at 19 months and I feel you here. Our best friend is time....

This is key @wheretogonow Time. We all spend so much time trying to get out of this and second guessing the future. Radical acceptance is key. I think we must learn to accept what ever the symptoms are when they come, almost learn to not care, as much as we can. The past is gone and the future is non of our business, only today, that is all that matters, just today. Time is 100% all of our friends!

@wheretogonow I think you'll go on to recover.

It's difficult as you made what seemed to be fast progress earlier on, but you're making progress nonetheless. You're still well within the timeframe that people often are still struggling in.

You have had windows, that's a very strong sign you're in the recovery process.

Thank you Chippy, Luke, Raymond

This maladaptive daydreaming is like worms eating my brain. What makes this hard is it seems like I'm the only one suffering with this, I asked within others places I seem to be the sole sufferer, no one else is talking about this. I can't explain how terrifying it is to have a symptom no one else is having. I had this before meds but never ever ever this bad. It's eating away at my brain and impossible to stop. I can tell this is making me worse, I was able to stop for a few days but cannot seem to stop again.

Edited July 8Jul 8 by wheretogonow

9 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

I had this before meds but never ever ever this bad.

Your nervous system is sensitive, so your maladaptive daydreaming has become stronger in WD. Makes sense. As you heal it will calm down.

Personally I think a lot of us have had issues with looping thoughts and all sorts of unwanted thinking prior to WD, it's normal for a human, WD makes it worse. I think the way to deal with it is to stop giving it air. Like just stop caring, for me that eases my looping, it does not get rid of it. I find my mind is active in WD it thinks of something all the time. Just fixates on anything, just like it is in a heightend state constantly, but I accept it is just WD and don't worry about it too much, that makes it easier to deal with. In time it will lessen.

I think that helps I need to really just TRUST that this is not me without meds, this IS me from bad reaction to meds, this is just withdrawal. I also thought my bad OCD was just me without meds but it turned out to all be med withdrawal induced and went away on it's own. So the same can happen with the maladaptive daydreaming that is eating me up right now. I really need to just trust and fallback on this thinking it's the only way I can surivive.

The maladaptive daydreaming I'm suffering with is just withdrawal and will go away on it's own just like other symptoms went. It will just take time. Maybe 2.5-5 years. Can't pause my life in the mean time and have to get my body in the right state of healing

14 hours ago, wheretogonow said:

Maybe 2.5-5 years.

It will pass. I think part of accepting is to remove timelines. Just today. That is all there is. What has happened is not relevant nor is what is about to happen. xxx

posting a comment from reddit here to remind myself it gets easier...

evertime you pull yourself out of slipping back into MD, your brain releases less and less oxytocin and dopamine from MDing, so you just want to do it less.

so the answer really is just stopping as much as you can in a day, doing it as little as possible.

and the most important everytime you slip in to pull yourself back out, so your brain knows this activity is not good I will not release any good chemicals for it.

I'm only day 2 of trying to stop and it's already getting easier for me to pull out and I'm getting less positive feedback from doing it. I'm assuming day 20 or day 200 my brain will want nothing to do with MD.

MD stopping encouragement....

It's really simple, actually. Just bring your awareness and focus back to the present. At first you'll only be able to do it once in a while, and when you do you'll only be in the present for like less than a second before your brain immerses you in another fictitious scenario.

What you're doing is overriding a decade long habit with mindfulness, and it's gonna take a lot of repetition and frustration. But there's no other alternative. You just have to continue practicing mindfulness and you'll see gradual improvements until one day you notice you can more easily snap yourself back to reality and be cognizant of when you're in a daydream.

In my experience, you'll see rapid improvements in a month if you solely concentrate on this.

It's good that you're making efforts to improve your ability to cope with symptoms. Even the desire and will to do this, when a year ago you would have just panicked, is progress.

I think it will just get easier in time for you and a lot of this is withdrawal related.

I still have issues with looping, racing thoughts that I did not have pre-drug.

9 hours ago, Luke said:

It's good that you're making efforts to improve your ability to cope with symptoms. Even the desire and will to do this, when a year ago you would have just panicked, is progress.

I think it will just get easier in time for you and a lot of this is withdrawal related.

I still have issues with looping, racing thoughts that I did not have pre-drug.

oh no how are you managing with it

Ok I've been busting my ahh trying to not MD for 3 days now and I think it is paying off,,,seeing some flickers of hope

On 7/12/2026 at 6:50 PM, wheretogonow said:

oh no how are you managing with it

Honestly? I don't really. I have them until they fade.

Sometimes I try distraction, but they tend to override everything when they're bad.

It's a lot better than it was. Mostly it takes the form of being really angry with my doctors for everything they did, and psychiatry in general.

On 7/15/2026 at 12:34 PM, Luke said:

Honestly? I don't really. I have them until they fade.

Sometimes I try distraction, but they tend to override everything when they're bad.

It's a lot better than it was. Mostly it takes the form of being really angry with my doctors for everything they did, and psychiatry in general.

I mean that is understandable completely. But like you can only do something that can benefit you. If you shittalk your doctor and then something happens and they put you in a psychward and give you an AP injection. Or getting ostracized by friends and family who think you are crazy. Not worth it, unless a good outcome can be had of it then only to confront the people who caused this. PSSD networks takes so many donations still don't see the outcome, nor survivingantidepressants had any