Hi. I need help badly. I feel so utterly overwhelmed and in Ireland knowledge about tapering and withdrawal is virtually non existent. I've no one to talk to about this so feel even more isolated

 

I started a taper in 2024 and got down to 0.20 mg of Escitalopram and have been there since last September as I was awaiting a surgery date and I didn't want to mess around with it. On Feb 11 last I had the surgery and 3 nights in a row in the hospital I was given a smaller dose, maybe half. I think it was a genuine mistake on the nurses part. I was freaked but hoped my body wouldn't notice.

 

I was then sent to a nursing home (a traumatizing event) and stayed for 10 days (it was supposed to be 4-6 weeks). While there I had to have a hospital check but passed out and they thought I was having a heart attack. My already stressed system went into a spiral and I pleaded for something, anything to take the edge off. I was so anxious about going back to the home. 

 

The prescription was one Xanax twice daily. My first Xanax was on 25th February, and last one 1st March  (5 days) . I stopped taking it as soon as I got home.  The surgery calls for non weight-bearing for 8 weeks and as I live alone I've been locked in my flat for a lot of that time. I can now go for short walks as I'm wearing a boot (for another two weeks).  I took one Xanax on 11th March as I had another visit to remove the cast and replace with a boot.  I was seized with panic attacks as I was catastrophizing about a repeat episode of me passing out.  Never fainted in my life before.  

 

I've been in WD for a few weeks now and it's been unbearable - the mental anguish is a hellscape.  I'm still on Stilnocht 10 mg nightly and maybe get 2-3 hours sleep a night.  I have been taking these for many years and until I come off the Escit I'm leaving this particular drug alone. I go to bed at 11.30 fall asleep but wake usually about 3 am.  Last night was horrendous, lying in the dark and freaking out begging for relief.  I can't even cry which would be cathartic, there is a permanent band of anxiety running across my stomach. I cannot focus on TV, reading. I listen to meditation channels, do deep breathing and I feel I am going from one hour to the next, even typing this I'm in an anxious state. I wanted to scream from the roof, last night was the absolute worst.  Thoughts of deep gloom and sometimes terror.  Please can anyone advise on, the days are endless and already I'm wondering how I'll manage the next and final visit to the hospital. Another Xanax or half a one.  During the night I was thinking of going back or to another drug.  I'm that desperate.  Thanks

 

My SA Thread;

Hi @Bawneen

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

I have noticed from your signature that you were a member of SA, so I have linked to your thread on there above for you.

 

I am sorry you are having such a hard time of it, we are here for you 🙂 

 

I can see from your SA thread that you tried to taper off Escitalopram much too quickly and had to RI. You then tapered yourself down to 0.2mg in Sept 25 where you have held.

 

You also take 10 mg Stilnocht nightly (zolpidem) to help with your sleep for 10 years and now occasional use of a benzo (xanax).

 

I think the surgery has upset your nervous system from what I am reading. It is not uncommon for this to happen. They often give you a cocktail of drugs before hand and then there is all the anesthetic too. I also note you think the nurses under dosed you once whilst you were in hospital, this may have added to all this.

 

Rather than being in WD per say I think your already sensitve nervous system has taken a bit of a hit and needs some time to stablise. You have been on the zolpidem for a long time so you need to keep taking this and taper it properly when you choose to.

 

I would advice against the Xanax going forwards if you can at all manage.

 

I would not think of going on any more drugs at this point. Will likely add fuel to the fire.

 

Given enough time this will all settle down. Im sure you know about the waves and windows patterns from your time at SA.

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

 

Chippy

 

6 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hi @Bawneen

 

Welcome to the forum.

 

I have noticed from your signature that you were a member of SA, so I have linked to your thread on there above for you.

 

I am sorry you are having such a hard time of it, we are here for you 🙂 

 

I can see from your SA thread that you tried to taper off Escitalopram much too quickly and had to RI. You then tapered yourself down to 0.2mg in Sept 25 where you have held.

 

You also take 10 mg Stilnocht nightly (zolpidem) to help with your sleep for 10 years and now occasional use of a benzo (xanax).

 

I think the surgery has upset your nervous system from what I am reading. It is not uncommon for this to happen. They often give you a cocktail of drugs before hand and then there is all the anesthetic too. I also note you think the nurses under dosed you once whilst you were in hospital, this may have added to all this.

 

Rather than being in WD per say I think your already sensitve nervous system has taken a bit of a hit and needs some time to stablise. You have been on the zolpidem for a long time so you need to keep taking this and taper it properly when you choose to.

 

I would advice against the Xanax going forwards if you can at all manage.

 

I would not think of going on any more drugs at this point. Will likely add fuel to the fire.

 

Given enough time this will all settle down. Im sure you know about the waves and windows patterns from your time at SA.

 

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

 

Chippy

 

Hi Chippy Yes I'd decided not to touch the Stilnocht as I've enough on my plate.  I already take a lot of Magnesium and usually take fish oil too.  I'm particular about what I eat, don't drink - should I hold off on the Magnesium. I'm a little more mobile so I can do short walks..  Is it okay to take half a Xanax in two weeks time when I have my next and hopefully final visit to the hospital. I'm already anxious about it.  So what I am experiencing is not WD. I forgot to say the physical side of things.  I got a brain zap over a week ago (my second one, the first was when I dropped off the end from 2 mg to 0 mg in 24.  I have tinnitus, palpitations and a feeling of nausea when I eat (when in WD) but I make myself eat. There's also this band of serious anxiety that runs across my stomach. Last night I felt completely overwhelmed and as I type this I feel the same. I got a window earlier for a few hours. I feel so awful.  But thanks for the support much appreciated. 

Just now, Bawneen said:

Yes I'd decided not to touch the Stilnocht as I've enough on my plate.

Good plan. You want to be stable before you think about that one. 
 

1 minute ago, Bawneen said:

I'm particular about what I eat, don't drink

Great stuff. I’m the same these days. 
 

1 minute ago, Bawneen said:

should I hold off on the Magnesium.

It’s up to you. If you tolerate it well and you find it calms your nervous system then all good. 😊 

 

2 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

I'm a little more mobile so I can do short walks..

That is so good to hear. It’s tough keeping fit if you aren’t as mobile. But sounds like you managing well!

 

3 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

Is it okay to take half a Xanax in two weeks time when I have my next and hopefully final visit to the hospital. I'm already anxious about it.  So what I am experiencing is not WD.

This is completely your choice. I personally would avoid these things. But no pill shaming here. You have to do what you feel you need to. Just wanting you to know that we don’t think it’s the best thing to do. 
 

5 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

forgot to say the physical side of things.  I got a brain zap over a week ago (my second one, the first was when I dropped off the end from 2 mg to 0 mg in 24.  I have tinnitus, palpitations and a feeling of nausea when I eat (when in WD) but I make myself eat. There's also this band of serious anxiety that runs across my stomach. Last night I felt completely overwhelmed and as I type this I feel the same.

I’m sorry to read this. These are all very common wd symptoms. It must be very distressing for you. In time they will fade as you stabilise. 
 

6 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

got a window earlier for a few hours.

Fantastic! Clear signs healing is happening. More to come. 😀

 

7 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

feel so awful.  But thanks for the support much appreciated. 

I’m sorry you do. We get it. And we are all here for you. 
 

Chippy

Hello @Bawneen, I just had a look at your thread in SA , you have been through a lot. I’m so sorry! And how terrible all the consequences of this surgery seem to be… I agree with chippy all the medications they give you there, and the trauma of surgery does a lot to a sensitized body.

 

a friend of mine just had surgery and was threatened to have to go in a nursing home for recovery. We could avoid it, I am sure that this can be a traumatizing experience. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this.
 

feb11 it’s not so long ago, so your newer symptoms can be related to all that. I hope the wave will settle down soon.

I would not touch the sleeping pill, too, if I was in your position. It probably doesn’t do much anymore for you, but tapering it could be another destabilization.

 

wishing you peace, strength, and a lot of good sleep!

 

Welcome to the forum and so sorry to hear about the rough time that youre going through, sending lots of love and support to you. im also on the escitalopram myself and i can definitely relate to some of your symptoms. 

2 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello @Bawneen, I just had a look at your thread in SA , you have been through a lot. I’m so sorry! And how terrible all the consequences of this surgery seem to be… I agree with chippy all the medications they give you there, and the trauma of surgery does a lot to a sensitized body.

 

a friend of mine just had surgery and was threatened to have to go in a nursing home for recovery. We could avoid it, I am sure that this can be a traumatizing experience. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this.
 

feb11 it’s not so long ago, so your newer symptoms can be related to all that. I hope the wave will settle down soon.

I would not touch the sleeping pill, too, if I was in your position. It probably doesn’t do much anymore for you, but tapering it could be another destabilization.

 

wishing you peace, strength, and a lot of good sleep!

 

@Nemina Thank you. today has been awful.  The whole thing about the surgery and aftermath sent me into a tail spin and has eroded my confidence. I just hope it starts to settle soon.  I can't even cry. I dread bedtime now which is not a good way to think.  I'm definitely not touching the sleeping pill at the moment - couldn't cope with it.  How has your day been?

Help.  It's 10.30 pm and I'm overwhelmed with fear about going to bed in an hour or so.  I've had an okay day today but the nights I dread.  I'll wake about 3 am and lie there for the day to begin, full of fear . Last night I drank some warm milk - it worked a bit.  I take a sleeping tablet (Stilnocht 10 mg for a decade at least, now). I'm recovering from surgery and cannot move about - non weight bearing boot on foot and I live alone.   When does this ever get better?   Any strategies from members welcome.  This is so wearisome

Hey @Bawneen

 

Ive moved this back here. We just have one topic each on this site just like SA. 
 

I’m sorry you have some fear surrounding sleep. This is common. LIC put up a video by Dr Claire Weekes. It’s really good. She talks about lots of things which I think are very important. One stand out thing is secondary fear. You have sleep problems from your meditation harm. But it’s important to not add to it with secondary fear. Learning to accept your situation regardless of how hard it seems stops the resistance. This reducing your natural tendency to fight and cause further anxiety over your symptoms. Here are a couple of links perhaps you might look at. 
 

Dr Claire Weekes

 

Sleep in WD

 

Time is our friend. Whilst the process of healing happens it’s good to work on these coping skills to help us get through and let the body do its work whilst not getting in the way. 

It's still valuable to rest and let your brain do nothing with your eyes closed, even if you are not asleep. This does provide some of the benefits that sleep does according to various studies that I've seen.

 

Try not to get too fixated on how much sleep you're likely to get or not get, just focus on going to bed and resting and trying to relax. Accept that you'll lie down and rest for a time, and whatever "resting state" that is, is ok.

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Bawneen

 

Ive moved this back here. We just have one topic each on this site just like SA. 
 

I’m sorry you have some fear surrounding sleep. This is common. LIC put up a video by Dr Claire Weekes. It’s really good. She talks about lots of things which I think are very important. One stand out thing is secondary fear. You have sleep problems from your meditation harm. But it’s important to not add to it with secondary fear. Learning to accept your situation regardless of how hard it seems stops the resistance. This reducing your natural tendency to fight and cause further anxiety over your symptoms. Here are a couple of links perhaps you might look at. 
 

Dr Claire Weekes

 

Sleep in WD

 

Time is our friend. Whilst the process of healing happens it’s good to work on these coping skills to help us get through and let the body do its work whilst not getting in the way. 

 

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Bawneen

 

Ive moved this back here. We just have one topic each on this site just like SA. 
 

I’m sorry you have some fear surrounding sleep. This is common. LIC put up a video by Dr Claire Weekes. It’s really good. She talks about lots of things which I think are very important. One stand out thing is secondary fear. You have sleep problems from your meditation harm. But it’s important to not add to it with secondary fear. Learning to accept your situation regardless of how hard it seems stops the resistance. This reducing your natural tendency to fight and cause further anxiety over your symptoms. Here are a couple of links perhaps you might look at. 
 

Dr Claire Weekes

 

Sleep in WD

 

Time is our friend. Whilst the process of healing happens it’s good to work on these coping skills to help us get through and let the body do its work whilst not getting in the way. 

@Chippy I wasn't great navigating SA and where to post, so sorry about that.  I haven't had a nights sleep in so long and it's the dread of having a full blown panic attack in the wee hours just frightens me. I lie there from about 3 am onwards and my days are endless too as I'm housebound for the moment. I can't focus on anything, can't read, watch tv etc.  I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything. Sorry

9 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

 

@Chippy I wasn't great navigating SA and where to post, so sorry about that.  I haven't had a nights sleep in so long and it's the dread of having a full blown panic attack in the wee hours just frightens me. I lie there from about 3 am onwards and my days are endless too as I'm housebound for the moment. I can't focus on anything, can't read, watch tv etc.  I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything. Sorry

You don't need other be sorry. About any of this! 

 

As Luke said even just lying and relaxing is enough sometimes. I understand, everything you are experiencing is very normal. We humans have a tendancy to react to tramatic events and situations in this way. (Wd is certainly one of these events!)

 

Make sure you have a good look at the posts I linked to you above.

 

It is worth also considering looking at this post on acceptance. A hard one to tackle for sure. But for those who do start to work on it, I always see such great progress in them. It has been a huge deal for me in my personal journey.

 

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

We are always here for you, you are not alone.

 

Chippy

On 3/23/2026 at 9:11 AM, Chippy said:

You don't need other be sorry. About any of this! 

 

As Luke said even just lying and relaxing is enough sometimes. I understand, everything you are experiencing is very normal. We humans have a tendancy to react to tramatic events and situations in this way. (Wd is certainly one of these events!)

 

Make sure you have a good look at the posts I linked to you above.

 

It is worth also considering looking at this post on acceptance. A hard one to tackle for sure. But for those who do start to work on it, I always see such great progress in them. It has been a huge deal for me in my personal journey.

 

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

 

We are always here for you, you are not alone.

 

Chippy

@Chippy @Luke  I just needed to post as I'm feeling I'm at my wits end. I haven't had a nights sleep in so long and I sweat profusely during the night.  I've headaches, palpitations, sick stomach (new) and feel sick eating although I still push myself to maintain a routine around meals.  I feel I'm losing my mind, a never-ending cycle of dark racing thought that won't stop.  I tell myself that these are symptoms but my brain won't listen to anything logical.  I'm housebound with two more weeks of being in a boot, live alone and very little company. I get out for short walks but I move from the sofa to bed.  Now, the second I lie down I get hit with another wave on top of the one I'm in. Just to have a snooze would be amazing.  When I take the Stilnocht, I get knocked out until about 2.30-3 am and then lie in the dark waiting for the next day. I've tried acceptance but when in the middle of a dark wave I find it really hard.  Help.

3 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

@Chippy @Luke  I just needed to post as I'm feeling I'm at my wits end. I haven't had a nights sleep in so long and I sweat profusely during the night.  I've headaches, palpitations, sick stomach (new) and feel sick eating although I still push myself to maintain a routine around meals.  I feel I'm losing my mind, a never-ending cycle of dark racing thought that won't stop.  I tell myself that these are symptoms but my brain won't listen to anything logical.  I'm housebound with two more weeks of being in a boot, live alone and very little company. I get out for short walks but I move from the sofa to bed.  Now, the second I lie down I get hit with another wave on top of the one I'm in. Just to have a snooze would be amazing.  When I take the Stilnocht, I get knocked out until about 2.30-3 am and then lie in the dark waiting for the next day. I've tried acceptance but when in the middle of a dark wave I find it really hard.  Help.

I’m so very sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you. It really does. It must be so hard to be by yourself too, in all this. 
You sound like you are doing everything you can to help yourself. Don’t give up working on it.
I know you what it’s like to wake very early and have hours till the morning. Over time I have learned to just rest and not panic. Just be relaxed but in the dark. I find an eye mask useful to block out the light. As time has passed the sleep has improved and I’m able to get more. In the early days I was getting very little indeed. 
 

It really is time and finding little coping skills and routines to buy that time for you. The body is a wonderful thing. It knows what’s doing. 
 

Youll get there eventually. 

9 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

@Chippy @Luke  I just needed to post as I'm feeling I'm at my wits end. I haven't had a nights sleep in so long and I sweat profusely during the night.  I've headaches, palpitations, sick stomach (new) and feel sick eating although I still push myself to maintain a routine around meals.  I feel I'm losing my mind, a never-ending cycle of dark racing thought that won't stop.  I tell myself that these are symptoms but my brain won't listen to anything logical.  I'm housebound with two more weeks of being in a boot, live alone and very little company. I get out for short walks but I move from the sofa to bed.  Now, the second I lie down I get hit with another wave on top of the one I'm in. Just to have a snooze would be amazing.  When I take the Stilnocht, I get knocked out until about 2.30-3 am and then lie in the dark waiting for the next day. I've tried acceptance but when in the middle of a dark wave I find it really hard.  Help.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time, I can imagine how it's like.

 

Try to do as best as you can and accept it, that you are just sick and you need to wait for it to heal out, that's it, the brain likes to rush into bad stories, but those are just stories our brain tells us as it's meant for survival, at the end the only factual thing is that there is the event that you are unwell and you gonna do the best you can.

 

Try to find any distraction that will make you feel less bad, whether it's a tv show or some other house hobby that you can engage in, it might not make you feel amazing but you would be more occupied.

if you have any friends/family that could come and be with you for a bit, that could be helpful as well.

48 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

I'm housebound with two more weeks of being in a boot

 

Could you clarify what this means please?

 

When did the sleep issues begin for you?

On 3/21/2026 at 4:23 PM, Some0n3 said:

Welcome to the forum and so sorry to hear about the rough time that youre going through, sending lots of love and support to you. im also on the escitalopram myself and i can definitely relate to some of your symptoms. 

@Some0n3 these drugs are horrendous thanks for your support

Hello @Bawneen, I just wanted to drop by and say I’m so sorry for your suffering. I hope you came OK through the last night. We have to take it step-by-step, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I know the days can be really long and even more the nights. But time passes.  All this will soon be in our past. 

wishing you peace and strength! 

3 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hello @Bawneen, I just wanted to drop by and say I’m so sorry for your suffering. I hope you came OK through the last night. We have to take it step-by-step, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I know the days can be really long and even more the nights. But time passes.  All this will soon be in our past. 

wishing you peace and strength! 

@Nemina thank you.  It's so hard, isn't it?  Your on the same drugs (or were) as me.  I'm still on the Stilnocht and when/if ever things get back to "normal" I'll tackle it.  I've had thoughts about going back on the drugs - and moments of utter despair about ever starting this journey.  Have you had those thoughts ever?

3 hours ago, Bawneen said:

I've had thoughts about going back on the drugs - and moments of utter despair about ever starting this journey.  Have you had those thoughts ever?

Oh yes. Utter despair 😞. But for me, it was a little bit different than for many other people here on this forum. I was in a very hard situation before starting the medication, I had suffered many years and at first it really helped me. But I should have stopped taking it much earlier and of course, I should have tapered it very slowly from the beginning. I’m desperate about the mistakes I have made in the beginning of my taper.

but it doesn’t help at all to be looking back and be desperate about it. Let’s look to the future. There are many forums on this Internet, where people share journeys in diseases that will never heal. Our problems will pass over time. We will heal, so let’s look to the future and take hope.

22 minutes ago, Nemina said:

Oh yes. Utter despair 😞. But for me, it was a little bit different than for many other people here on this forum. I was in a very hard situation before starting the medication, I had suffered many years and at first it really helped me. But I should have stopped taking it much earlier and of course, I should have tapered it very slowly from the beginning. I’m desperate about the mistakes I have made in the beginning of my taper.

but it doesn’t help at all to be looking back and be desperate about it. Let’s look to the future. There are many forums on this Internet, where people share journeys in diseases that will never heal. Our problems will pass over time. We will heal, so let’s look to the future and take hope.

I have to really steel myself.  I took these because of panic attacks and bad sleep and now I have both and lots more beside.  I love your optimism I need that currently.💪

Hi all. This is to anyone who has taken a benzo,  I'm in a hellscape at the moment.  Down to 0.20 mg Escitalopram and holding (I'd surgery recently).  I've been in a firestorm after hospital mistake with dose and then a horrible experience with my meds at the nursing home.  I'm lying awake most of the night, obsessing about every little thing, experiencing waves.  My next hospital visit is 8 April and I'm experiencing extreme panic about taking a taxi to the hospital, what if scenarios, my first visit there ended up with fainting and they thought I'd gone into cardiac arrest. My second visit two weeks ago and I took a Xanex to calm me which it did.  I know on this site taking any of these is not encouraged.  I'd taken some when in the nursing home, for 5 days, twice daily,  Would taking half a Xanax be okay.  I'm desperate? Please help and advise.

8 hours ago, Bawneen said:

Would taking half a Xanax be okay.  I'm desperate? Please help and advise.

Hey @Bawneen you really have been through the ringer. 

Taking the Xanax for 5 days twice a day is a lot. I was on Benzo buddies and dependency can happen very quickly. 

It would be great if you could add the exact dates, times and doses to your signature.

I know you want to take it again, but I am very concerned about dependency for you. I saw on Benzo Buddies that dependency can even happen taking it once or twice a week. 

You may even be experiencing withdrawal from it since you are having heightened anxiety, etc.

With the dose mix ups, etc at the hospital, you want to really give your CNS stability in my opinion. 

I wish it was easier for us all. ❤️🙏

On 3/25/2026 at 9:18 PM, Bawneen said:

@Some0n3 these drugs are horrendous thanks for your support

youre very welcome. wishing you better days!

1 hour ago, LostinCanada said:

Hey @Bawneen you really have been through the ringer. 

Taking the Xanax for 5 days twice a day is a lot. I was on Benzo buddies and dependency can happen very quickly. 

It would be great if you could add the exact dates, times and doses to your signature.

I know you want to take it again, but I am very concerned about dependency for you. I saw on Benzo Buddies that dependency can even happen taking it once or twice a week. 

You may even be experiencing withdrawal from it since you are having heightened anxiety, etc.

With the dose mix ups, etc at the hospital, you want to really give your CNS stability in my opinion. 

I wish it was easier for us all. ❤️🙏

@LostinCanada I've my signature updated.   4 days morning and afternoon 8 am and 4.30 pm (not to interfere with Stilnocht) and then 1  day morning only.  I've been catastrophizing and highly anxious about the final visit to the hospital on the 8th April - travelling by taxi - in the waves can think about little else.