11 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

my signature updated

Thanks. Did you feel any increase in anxiety or other withdrawal systems when you stopped taking it Match 1st? Any increase in symptoms after taking it March 11.

Obviously, it is best not to take it but if there has been no lingering issues or adverse reaction, it is up to you. Sometimes just telling myself I have a choice helps. You don't have to make a decision now and if you feel you need to, you have it there.

It is very hard because I can understand your concern... Things did not go smoothly before.

Can you write something out to explain what happened so that a repeat of the mistake is not made again? Will it be the same medical team. Just know that you have to trust your gut in this...no one will judge you for it. We just want you to be safe. ❤️🙏

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this awful anxiety. I’m similar, I also had anxiety before the drugs, and it’s worse now I’ve come off. I think it’s important to find support with managing it, whether that’s self-help resources or a therapist - now is the time we need it the most.

 

In terms of your immediate situation with the coming hospital visit, what is it you’re most afraid of? Could you let the clinician know ahead that you’re anxious about possibly fainting again, so that they can be extra supportive? Is there someone who could go with you for support? You've been through a lot recently but you got through everything, and you are safe. It feels like you’re in terrible danger but that’s the nature of anxiety and panic. Remind yourself you are safe, and try to leave the catastrophic thoughts (about the hospital) alone as best you can. I know it’s easier said than done.

9 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

Thanks. Did you feel any increase in anxiety or other withdrawal systems when you stopped taking it Match 1st? Any increase in symptoms after taking it March 11.

Obviously, it is best not to take it but if there has been no lingering issues or adverse reaction, it is up to you. Sometimes just telling myself I have a choice helps. You don't have to make a decision now and if you feel you need to, you have it there.

It is very hard because I can understand your concern... Things did not go smoothly before.

Can you write something out to explain what happened so that a repeat of the mistake is not made again? Will it be the same medical team. Just know that you have to trust your gut in this...no one will judge you for it. We just want you to be safe. ❤️🙏

@LostinCanada I honestly did not notice, my anxiety had been off the charts, I kept a diary in the home and it was just a horrible experience. The hospital made a mistake in what I was drawing up from the crushed pill which was all water, my recipe I use half water, half maple syrup - would that make any difference?  But 3 nights in a row I was given half the dose. The nursing home were utterly clueless and I had to explain the recipe endlessly, it was so distressing. In the hospital I was fine but everything went pear-shaped a few days later in the nursing home. Probably the dose and the cocktails of other drugs pushed me into a spiral. I've had a brain zap (my second one since 2024 when I began tapering), the tinnitus is awful, palpitations and the return of the head soreness and every night I have bad sleep, the mornings are all wave although I am now getting dirty windows in the afternoon so maybe this is a sign that things are beginning to settle? It will be the same medical team but my fear is around getting there - I present "what if" scenarios to my brain that will not shut up - like what if I pass out, completely lose it and so on. This is the final visit hopefully and I won't be non weight bearing anymore, I'll be allowed to get out and about and start the journey to full health, well physically anyway.  Thank you for putting up with me 🥰

35 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

my fear is around getting there

Is there anyone, friend, neighbour or family that can travel with you? Thankfully there was no bad reaction to the Xanax. 

 

35 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

maybe this is a sign that things are beginning to settle?

 Whether it was the dosing or other drugs, who knows but this sounds positive.

 

I think making a plan...for example-if I need it, I will take it and then just resolving not to think about it any more is best. If you are like me, your mind will go back there so just say nope, I already have a plan and don't need to think about this. I am going to do this to distract instead.

35 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

Thank you for putting up with me 🥰

My pleasure. ☺️❤️🙏

Edited March 27Mar 27 by LostinCanada

9 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

Is there anyone, friend, neighbour or family that can travel with you? Thankfully there was no bad reaction to the Xanax. 

 

 Whether it was the dosing or other drugs, who knows but this sounds positive.

 

I think making a plan...for example-if I need it, I will take it and then just resolving not to think about it any more is best. If you are likee, your mind will go back there do just say nope, I already have a plan and don't need to think about this. I am going to do this to distract instead.

My pleasure. ☺️❤️🙏

@LostinCanada thank again, here's hoping for less morning waves and more windows for all of us.

On 3/26/2026 at 9:30 AM, Nemina said:

Hello @Bawneen, I just wanted to drop by and say I’m so sorry for your suffering. I hope you came OK through the last night. We have to take it step-by-step, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I know the days can be really long and even more the nights. But time passes.  All this will soon be in our past. 

wishing you peace and strength! 

@Nemina i actually had a dirty window this afternoon. But the nights and mornings are waves 

On 3/27/2026 at 8:59 PM, sarahw said:

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this awful anxiety. I’m similar, I also had anxiety before the drugs, and it’s worse now I’ve come off. I think it’s important to find support with managing it, whether that’s self-help resources or a therapist - now is the time we need it the most.

 

In terms of your immediate situation with the coming hospital visit, what is it you’re most afraid of? Could you let the clinician know ahead that you’re anxious about possibly fainting again, so that they can be extra supportive? Is there someone who could go with you for support? You've been through a lot recently but you got through everything, and you are safe. It feels like you’re in terrible danger but that’s the nature of anxiety and panic. Remind yourself you are safe, and try to leave the catastrophic thoughts (about the hospital) alone as best you can. I know it’s easier said than done.

@sarahwthank you -right now I'm at fever pitch and need support. My sister is coming with me God I wish this would all just stop - I hate being like this and currently I'm isolated - any words of support from anyone would be appreciated. 

17 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

@sarahwthank you -right now I'm at fever pitch and need support. My sister is coming with me God I wish this would all just stop - I hate being like this and currently I'm isolated - any words of support from anyone would be appreciated. 

@Luke@Chippy @LostinCanada or anyone, what are the opinions about updosing? I feel I'm losing it?

1 minute ago, Bawneen said:

@Luke@Chippy @LostinCanada or anyone, what are the opinions about updosing? I feel I'm losing it?

I wouldn't personally advise that. Partly because your last drop was a while ago and secondly, because I think alot of what you are experiencing has been caused by the surgery rather than a dose drop. Updosing wouldn't help in that case. I know it is such a challenge this journey, but time is our friend. 

1 minute ago, Bawneen said:

I feel I'm losing it?

your nervous system is just adjusting to recent flactuations, you will be fine, you are safe in your home, it's all temporary ❤️

do a bit of breathings, either a 5-5 (breath in for 5 seconds and breathe out for 5 seconds)

or you could do 3-7-8 (breath in for 3, hold air for 7, and breath out for 8 seconds)

 

you could wash your face with cold water to help out.

 

find any distraction you can do, so you will be less bad, could be comedy shows, music, movies, etc...

 

You will heal out ♥️

22 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

@sarahwthank you -right now I'm at fever pitch and need support. My sister is coming with me God I wish this would all just stop - I hate being like this and currently I'm isolated - any words of support from anyone would be appreciated. 

Sending you lots of positive vibes and strength @Bawneen and reminding you of the dirty window you had that will clean up over time, hang in there, it's around the corner!!

15 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Sending you lots of positive vibes and strength @Bawneen and reminding you of the dirty window you had that will clean up over time, hang in there, it's around the corner!!

@Fullhealingthank you, my brain is on overdrive. 

21 minutes ago, Chippy said:

I wouldn't personally advise that. Partly because your last drop was a while ago and secondly, because I think alot of what you are experiencing has been caused by the surgery rather than a dose drop. Updosing wouldn't help in that case. I know it is such a challenge this journey, but time is our friend. 

@Chippythank you, I'm so impatient. 

4 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

@Chippythank you, I'm so impatient. 

No you are fine and more than welcome. xxx

48 minutes ago, Bawneen said:

@Fullhealingthank you, my brain is on overdrive. 

Screaming brain, I feel you @Bawneen one of my most dominant symptom, I'm working on letting him talk without really listening.. let it be and try not to stress about it, it will only fuel the flame, it will pass, it always does, stay strong, you got this 🙏

Edited March 29Mar 29 by Fullhealing

@Bawneen I agree with the other comments in these times when we are in total despair we are desperate for a fix of some kind just so we don't have to bear any more suffering, updosing now is a bad thing at times like this we need to hold fast and not make any changes . As hard as it is and most of us know how hard it is we just have to surf the wave until we find some solid ground . I am sorry you are suffering so badly . Hold on and wait for the wave to break the shore 🤗

Edited March 29Mar 29 by Beehive

Thinking of you, @Bawneen. I am so sorry for your pain. ❤️‍🩹
Good news that your sister is coming with you. You took good care of yourself and organized help. Well done 👍. So it won’t be that bad this time as it was before. You are much safer. Try to not listen so much to the worrying voices in your head. we are here with you. You will come through this.

@Bawneen.try not to fight your body and brain. Just let it flow. You are safe...this is not you but a reaction to all the drugs, dosing, etc. 

It will pass.

❤️🙏

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/340-dont-fight-the-panic-claire-weekes/?do=getNewComment

 

H ow are you, @Bawneen?

Hi everyone. I need soothing and support. I had surgery early February and had a non weight bearing cast. Long story short the final boot was removed yesterday and I was delighted as I'm returning to some sort of autonomy. To get out to the hospital itself took every bit of courage I could muster.  My sister came with me and I took a Xanax.  Last night I woke, like every night the two weeks before, at about 2 am and I lie in the dark waiting for 9 pm to face another endless day. I cannot focus on reading or anything. Can't even watch tv. I have YouTube and able to watch a couple of progs.  All I wanted was the boot off, I told myself it would be great. And it is great, I can walk weight-bearing, shower again.  So why an I in a constant state of anxiety. I live alone with no one to talk to bar a therapist once a week,  How do you stave off this dread and fear and maintain sanity. I feel I'm going crazy.

Just now, Bawneen said:

Hi everyone. I need soothing and support. I had surgery early February and had a non weight bearing cast. Long story short the final boot was removed yesterday and I was delighted as I'm returning to some sort of autonomy. To get out to the hospital itself took every bit of courage I could muster.  My sister came with me and I took a Xanax.  Last night I woke, like every night the two weeks before, at about 2 am and I lie in the dark waiting for 9 pm to face another endless day. I cannot focus on reading or anything. Can't even watch tv. I have YouTube and able to watch a couple of progs.  All I wanted was the boot off, I told myself it would be great. And it is great, I can walk weight-bearing, shower again.  So why an I in a constant state of anxiety. I live alone with no one to talk to bar a therapist once a week,  How do you stave off this dread and fear and maintain sanity. I feel I'm going crazy.

Hi everyone.  Meant to mention that the moment I lie down on my bed I become anxious, is that just association. My bed used to be somewhere I felt safe and secure.

Hi @Bawneen, good to hear from you. I was thinking of you because I knew that you had to go back to the hospital . so good that you have this behind you now.  

I’m so sorry to hear about your suffering. Lying awake at night for so many hours is really difficult. I think that the whole prospect of going to the hospital was very stressful for you, then the going itself was stressful and now central nervous system is still upset and under stress. But you have all these things behind you - now there’s a good chance that you will feel better soon. Have self compassion and patience with yourself, you have been going through a difficult process, your system is upset and it just needs time to calm down.
As chippy always says: acceptance is key. I know it is hard, but I have practiced myself to lie awake and just try to accept it. It has helped me. Tell yourself that you do not have to go to work, that resting is already your body doing good even if you don’t sleep.

things will get better!!.

2 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hi @Bawneen, good to hear from you. I was thinking of you because I knew that you had to go back to the hospital . so good that you have this behind you now.  

I’m so sorry to hear about your suffering. Lying awake at night for so many hours is really difficult. I think that the whole prospect of going to the hospital was very stressful for you, then the going itself was stressful and now central nervous system is still upset and under stress. But you have all these things behind you - now there’s a good chance that you will feel better soon. Have self compassion and patience with yourself, you have been going through a difficult process, your system is upset and it just needs time to calm down.
As chippy always says: acceptance is key. I know it is hard, but I have practiced myself to lie awake and just try to accept it. It has helped me. Tell yourself that you do not have to go to work, that resting is already your body doing good even if you don’t sleep.

things will get better!!.

@Nemina thank you for your response, I needed the support.  I probably sound like a broken record but there have been very dark moments lying in the dark and the days are endless. I can now weight bear and had two walks today and I can even go out in the rain. I feel sick at the prospect of eating but have consistently made myself eat regardless. I'm so grateful I'm physically over the awful casts/boots. So I was disappointed in myself that the ground went from under me and my mind just goes on a rollercoaster of a dark thoughts. Today was not a good day, the late afternoon and evenings have been windows for about a week now. But today was not good and my anxiety morphed into full blown panic. My neighbour sat with me for about an hour which was a godsend.  I need to hear the voices of reason here and a sympathetic ear. How do you get to acceptance when you feel so overwhelmed?  I'm genuinely curious. Once again thanks 

Hi sweet @Bawneen. One thing that helped make long, dark, lonely nights easier was going out to the couch to sleep, especially if you have a negative association with the bed right now. Something about being in a different setting does something to the mind. Maybe give it a try.

xxoo Jamie

@Bawneen

 

Im sorry to hear you have had such a hard few days. I am very pleased you are up and about and able to bare weight now. This is excellent news and you should celebrate this win! 🙂 

 

Sleep is hard. Acceptance is basically everything, in coping with it. You are currently suffering a physiological interuption to your sleep. This is normal and it isn't your fault. It is really important to first recognise this. If you can do that, you can understand there is nothing you can do to make it better. I know that sounds crazy right! But that there is acceptance. Just letting go. What this does, is firstly remove the chance of 'second fear' kicking and making it all worse. Secondly, it makes you more relaxed and likley to sleep. And finally, and most importantly, it takes away the resistance. This is where the suffering lies. If we can accept, and trust our bodies, the suffering reduces enormously. 

 

Remember your body knows how to sleep. You can't control it. It is about learning to simply, not care anymore. Acceptance is a constant daily maintained practice, not a end goal or destination. Chippy xxx