Update: appointment 1 of 2 done. The past week my nerves have been a mess and I had the biggest tension headache this morning. I only got through it with the grace of God, and some much needed Xanax. I’ve gotten a lot better over the months of not needing it… but otherwise in high stress moments, I’d be doing more harm trying to white knuckle it. To each their own, and I appreciate everyone’s concern about benzos. Unfortunately all the stress lately has me feel like I’m slipping back into a wave. Just that uneasy feeling, quicker susceptibility to anxiety, annoying thoughts,etc… Last night even had a moment of depersonalization, which is weird. It’s been a minute for that.

I think we all just need to really baby ourselves tbh. Be gentle, kind, forgiving, and giving ourselves grace in what is likely the most difficult trying times of our lives.

My prayers are with you guys. It’s hard. But I’m acknowledging that more… giving myself some leeway to be frustrated, feel all these emotions and recognize they’re not always mine.

Now then, as for me, I plan on taking it easy with some advil, heating pads, and some sitcoms to relax. 😅 @Chippy A good quesa birria with three dipping sauces and iced coffee is the first thing I’m getting once this nightmare eases up lol.

13 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

I only got through it with the grace of God, and some much needed Xanax. I’ve gotten a lot better over the months of not needing it… but otherwise in high stress moments, I’d be doing more harm trying to white knuckle it. To each their own, and I appreciate everyone’s concern about benzos. Unfortunately all the stress lately has me feel like I’m slipping back into a wave. Just that uneasy feeling, quicker susceptibility to anxiety, annoying thoughts,etc… Last night even had a moment of depersonalization, which is weird. It’s been a minute for that.

I take a low dose of Klonopin when we fly or when I speak in public. I think that's really what they're meant for--the occasional and situational stressful moments. IMO, they were never made for regular use. But if you ever need someone to keep your airplane in the air through sheer mental power, I'm your guy! 😂

19 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

@Chippy A good quesa birria with three dipping sauces and iced coffee is the first thing I’m getting once this nightmare eases up lol.

Sounds like a plan a good idea!

I’m glad your first appointment is all done now. You can try and relax a bit.

Chippy

4 minutes ago, mstimc60 said:

But if you ever need someone to keep your airplane in the air through sheer mental power, I'm your guy! 😂

True talent! 🤣

Bad neurological flare today. Not sure if it was something I ate or if I breathed the wrong way, but I had that God awful overlap of the pudendal nerve. I’ve been ruled out for pgad but this hell must be similar. No real urgency for once, and I’d rather have that than this. It feels like everything southern starts to burn and it may cross over to tingling in other regions. Not saying directly, but you get the idea. God, I hate it. It’s so damn invasive and every time it triggers awful anxiety. I hate that damn Lexapro and what it did to me. I’m scared of damage. The urogyno said if I’ve had it for 6 months now (fluctuating, and now less severe than initially thank God), then it’s likely to be chronic if I don’t do treatment.

There had to be some answer. And not another damn pill bottle with its questionable concoction of side effects. It’s ridiculous. Watch any pharmaceutical commercial (at least in the US), and it’s a joke. I can’t just wait this out, unless it’s just more withdrawals? Idk anymore. Emotionally exhausted.

10 hours ago, LunaLove96 said:

I’m scared of damage. The urogyno said if I’ve had it for 6 months now (fluctuating, and now less severe than initially thank God), then it’s likely to be chronic if I don’t do treatment.

There had to be some answer. And not another damn pill bottle with its questionable concoction of side effects. It’s ridiculous. Watch any pharmaceutical commercial (at least in the US), and it’s a joke. I can’t just wait this out, unless it’s just more withdrawals? Idk anymore. Emotionally exhausted.

Im not a doctor, but this sounds like a drug injury to me, I would be very careful about trying to medicate it. And as I said before I would also be careful about the use of other Psych drugs, which you end up taking just to have a doctor take a look......

I know it can be a balance between being treated for an actual medical condition and not assuming that everything is WD, but honestly occam's razor suggests it is more likley to be one cause for many things, then seperate causes for seperate things, that happen at the same time.

Just a bit of caution here, thats all. I see it all the time people try to treat what time is the only cure for, and end up making things worse. xxx

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

And as I said before I would also be careful about the use of other Psych drugs, which you end up taking just to have a doctor take a look......

It's a rescue med for me that either has me calm down or I go into a panic attack and cancel my appointment. Im not frivolous with these medications. God knows how much I suffer through. It wasn't an easy thing for me, and not just a look.

I won't be jumping to see what the Dr has to offer aside from holistic and PT measures which he says are actually helpful. In any case he knows something about this than most Dr's I've seen.

4 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

It's a rescue med for me that either has me calm down or I go into a panic attack and cancel my appointment. Im not frivolous with these medications. God knows how much I suffer through. It wasn't an easy thing for me, and not just a look.

I understand that. And I know I’ve pointed it out a few times, not to offend just because i genuinely believe that once the nervous system is sensitive, it can react badly and worsen when other psych meds are added. I know it was a tough thing for you to have to do. You have to make the choices you think are correct. I’m just trying to offer a second thought for you to add to the information you have going forwards. There is zero judgement. But I try to honest too.

8 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

I won't be jumping to see what the Dr has to offer aside from holistic and PT measures which he says are actually helpful. In any case he knows something about this than most Dr's I've seen.

I don’t blame you. I think anything non drug or supplement related is worth considering. It’s good your doctor is knowledgeable and more supportive than some.

Edited:

Sorry I did not read your whole thread and was too fast with my reply!

Edited May 6May 6 by Sophia

Update: Been a bit of both good and bad lately. Waking up with cortisol and anxiety in the middle of the night occasionally, and this morning I woke up fine. I forgot how nice it is to just feel sleepy in the morning and not having adrenaline jump starting the day.

I went out to a farmers market, and while it was a bit too much stimulation, I’m glad I went. I wish I could upload a picture but they end up being too big. I got a Goldie puppy today, the sweetest little doll ever… Lordy Lord I forgot how vocal puppies are… but I think she’s going to help me in the long run. I lost two kitties this year alone, amid my struggle which just was horrible and near crippling at the time.

But I’m treating every day as it comes, and not as a sentence of doom. Just healing.. not analyzing anything too closely… Though I do think a bit of this stress will be alleviated after this last freaking urology test Tuesday. At least then I’ll have a consult of what’s going on. Dr said he had seen people in my circumstances get better. 👍🏻

Great update, @LunaLove96 ! And having a fur baby to care for will be great therapy! You're doing great!

Thank you @mstimc60 . I’ve felt uneasy all day, as I have before, but I believe she’s going to be a good comfort buddy for me. 🙂

6 hours ago, LunaLove96 said:

Update: Been a bit of both good and bad lately. Waking up with cortisol and anxiety in the middle of the night occasionally, and this morning I woke up fine. I forgot how nice it is to just feel sleepy in the morning and not having adrenaline jump starting the day.

I went out to a farmers market, and while it was a bit too much stimulation, I’m glad I went. I wish I could upload a picture but they end up being too big. I got a Goldie puppy today, the sweetest little doll ever… Lordy Lord I forgot how vocal puppies are… but I think she’s going to help me in the long run. I lost two kitties this year alone, amid my struggle which just was horrible and near crippling at the time.

But I’m treating every day as it comes, and not as a sentence of doom. Just healing.. not analyzing anything too closely… Though I do think a bit of this stress will be alleviated after this last freaking urology test Tuesday. At least then I’ll have a consult of what’s going on. Dr said he had seen people in my circumstances get better. 👍🏻

Sounds like a good update overall. I think getting a new little friend is a great idea. I suspect you’ll get a lot of joy there. 😀

Your mindsets really good. One day at a time and trust your body. Perfect.

Thank you @Chippy . Though after last night I had to really take my own advice. something strange I’ve noticed is that if I have too much screen time, especially later in the day, it does something very weird when I try to sleep. I describe it like a remote taped with the buttons down so that the tv screen changes constantly. These are like my thoughts. ChatGPT calls it neural noise, which I think is pretty fitting. It’s like the brain is trying to process everything, and social media with doomscrolling is just sensory overload. It’s like you can be very sleepy and close to falling asleep but that last bit won’t let you drift off. It’s constant and makes it difficult to think straight.

It’s definitely a pattern I noticed and will work on. I just wondered if anyone else experiences this while their systems are more sensitive.

42 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

Though after last night I had to really take my own advice. something strange I’ve noticed is that if I have too much screen time, especially later in the day, it does something very weird when I try to sleep. I describe it like a remote taped with the buttons down so that the tv screen changes constantly. These are like my thoughts. ChatGPT calls it neural noise, which I think is pretty fitting. It’s like the brain is trying to process everything, and social media with doomscrolling is just sensory overload. It’s like you can be very sleepy and close to falling asleep but that last bit won’t let you drift off. It’s constant and makes it difficult to think straight.

I can’t say I have much problems with screen time. But I have found it takes a long time for my brain to shut down at night. Like it’s scanning for everything that happened in the day. Not ruminating. Scanning or replaying. It’s very odd. I’ve gotten kinda used to it.

To whoever does, I would appreciate any prayers. Im having my last urology test ATM. Hopefully a good diagnosis, something i can work with.

Thank you guys.. ♥️

Prayers and positive thoughts on the way!

Good luck @LunaLove96 thinking if you.

Good luck, @LunaLove96! 😊

Update, tests are done. It wasn’t fun but it was quick.

Lexapro gave me hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction. Everything is excessively tense and would explain my symptoms… minus the possible IC food sensitivity.. but I’m putting off a biopsy for that right now. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had seasons of anxiety in the past and never had this crap. Two weeks into Lexapro and bam. I guess I will be focusing on physical therapy. Dr said there’s no cure but only management.

But I believe differently. This stuff is leagues better than months ago and while it’s still concerning, the body is designed to heal. My stress will improve, my body will relax. Might take time but it.is.better.

Our paths on here might be different but I know that I know the body is meant for homeostasis.

And for what it’s worth… I always wanted to be a nurse practitioner. But since I’ve seen how meds hurt so many people, I can’t sleep at night knowing it might hurt someone. I think I’m going to become a rehab nurse and find a way to become a NP somewhere to help people heal from drug injuries. I know at least I want to help people in these hard times.

1 minute ago, LunaLove96 said:

And for what it’s worth… I always wanted to be a nurse practitioner. But since I’ve seen how meds hurt so many people, I can’t sleep at night knowing it might hurt someone. I think I’m going to become a rehab nurse and find a way to become a NP somewhere to help people heal from drug injuries. I know at least I want to help people in these hard times.

That's a great vocation, @LunaLove96 ! There needs to be a voice for people like us in the profession. Bless you!

12 hours ago, LunaLove96 said:

And for what it’s worth… I always wanted to be a nurse practitioner. But since I’ve seen how meds hurt so many people, I can’t sleep at night knowing it might hurt someone. I think I’m going to become a rehab nurse and find a way to become a NP somewhere to help people heal from drug injuries. I know at least I want to help people in these hard times.

That is a great goal @LunaLove96 so kind and thoughtful

Yes, that's a nice goal to have.

Thanks all.

I’m not sure if it’s because of yesterday’s test, but my bladder is extremely urgent and burning today. I thought I’d have relief for having a diagnosis… but if anything I feel all the more damaged. And very upset. I can recognize a wave/flare up, because my stress threshold is kaput. Emotionally frustrated, crying, fearful today. Just upset and overwhelmed.

It’s a beautiful day out and all I feel is miserable and like this thing won’t heal. All my Dr had to offer was some sort of electrophysiology chair but… it delivers energy for STRENGTHENING. What. Even if in some roundabout way it’s meant to relax my muscles, it’s a huge red flag to potentially make this worse. I can do that, or some very painful injections, PT, and my favorite…. More medication. And most of the muscle relaxers I’ve seen… don’t stop taking them suddenly now. Might just have a fit. No thank you.

So… fingers crossed for PT. I just want this pelvic floor stuff to stop as much as the mental one. God, I wish I could go back to October 10th, 2025 and slap that bottle of lexapro out of my hands. But I had to tempt fate and say ‘well there’s no way this can get any worse’. This is all so exhausting. Tired of being scared. And then scared of being scared later, and countless ‘what if’ thoughts I hate.

I’m not ungrateful for my progress, I just wish it wasn’t so heavy sometimes.