Small update: I definitely need to be more mindful of diet and how it affects me. Give a little, like with coffee, and man that brain really digs those tasty drinks again but pays for it later. Mostly just seasoned foods and bam, my bladder literally feels twitchy and two days later I still have urgency/awareness. God I hope it fades, it’s worse and more intrusive than anxiety. But I’ve also been very fatigued lately, so here’s to hoping it’s just hormones. Low level anxiety lately too with cortisol sleep, in other words waking up with anxiety and more prevalent worrisome thoughts that feel heavier. Like harder to dismiss. Our filter is definitely more.. fragile half asleep..

But life circumstances have definitely been more stressful lately than I cannot control. Unavoidable things which, I feel like I can only just go for a walk outside and pray a looong time. Like, Lord, I know you’re walking with me, but I’m glad you care enough about the small things in my life to listen to me complain and find solace in being mindful.

I’ll always say I’m not where I need to be yet, but thank God I ain’t where I used to be.

It sucks that life doesn’t give us a break when we’re in withdrawal. But you know you can make it just like you did before. I’ve always believed God sends us just what we need at the precise moment we need it. He’s always with us when we need Him.

@mstimc60 Yes, I suppose that even this whole situation can stir complicated feelings even in the closest of Christian relationships. Gives a whole new meaning to bearing your cross, I guess.

So I’ve come to the conclusion I need to lay off coffees, especially the acidic ones. No way in hell it’s worth what it later does to my bladder. I feel so twitchy and uncomfortable. But I guess if that’s all I have to complain about, I’ll be grateful. Not that it’s easy, but I do remember how it was.. Personally I feel like I’ve been writing in here like a diary. Highs and lows. Never even kept up with physical notebooks, but I hope it’s worth it to someone. I think maybe one of these days I’ll post a list here of all the symptoms I’ve gone through to organize some. What has alleviated and hasn’t.

Off/on past few nights have been difficult with waking to cortisol. It's a low level anxiety but enough to be bothersome and cause intrusive thoughts. They're not as prevalent during the day, so it's strange how it wakes you up in this weird night process. I guess everything feels more claustrophobic and intense at night.

I hate with a passion what Lexapro has done to my bladder. The urgency, the invasive overlap that feels like a low level stimulation, it's so damn gross and invasive. It's been rough yesterday and today and I'm not sure if I ate the wrong thing. What, too much dairy in a drink or God forbid a chip with some seasoning? It's been relatively more annoying than usual lately, and I'm very scared of it being anything close to how it was months ago.. When I was scared something spontaneous would happen, and mixed with heavy anxiety led me to the ER multiple times. But of course, they were clueless. I feel like there's little advice I can give myself when I feel that horrid feeling, which hadn't been common till lately, and the only thing that does ease it up is a rescue med. I'm not fond of it, but it feels like little else I can do. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

@LunaLove96 I'm sorry to hear that it's still causing you significant issues.

I have had it, but it's mostly better other than at night time, which gets disruptive.

It's unclear to me exactly when you fully stopped lexapro, but regardless of this, it can take longer than a year for symptoms like this to go away, unfortunately. What this does mean though is that there is precedent for it to get better in time on the basis that it did for others as well.

18 hours ago, Luke said:

@LunaLove96 I'm sorry to hear that it's still causing you significant issues.

I have had it, but it's mostly better other than at night time, which gets disruptive.

It's unclear to me exactly when you fully stopped lexapro, but regardless of this, it can take longer than a year for symptoms like this to go away, unfortunately. What this does mean though is that there is precedent for it to get better in time on the basis that it did for others as well.

I took lexapro very briefly, from 10/10/25 to Nov. Then all of Nov was a very fast taper to December. I know it was rushed, but the symptoms I just described were far more horrific then, so I wanted to get off Lexapro quick. The severity then only lasted a month or so, which looking back, thank God has not been as severe in months. Now its only aggravated by certain foods or stress. Sometimes it does flare a little on its own, but its a completely different thing now. So in hindsight I am very grateful for the change. Yes, others stories do give me hope.

Also, I know the nervous system now is highly sensitized as others have said, but I do wonder about other meds like in an emergency. Mostly pain meds like morphine or hydrocodone. I had a terrible pain the other day but I was nervous to take my old pain meds because of how different I am now. It would be a rare occurrence, but I don't want to undo any progress. I figure there's no specific answer for me, but possibly a general consensus how others are affected..

Unfortunately with PAWS it's still early days, but I believe that you'll continue to improve in time.

As for taking medication, if it is a medical emergency you're left with little choice. However, I would also suggest that if you did not take a pill and are now OK again, was it a medical necessity/emergency that you took it at the time?

Some countries and places are very pharmaceutical heavy culturally, such as the USA and it can be difficult to get out of this mentality for some.

That's not to say being anti-medicine is a good thing, just that in the USA people tend to go straight to drugs for symptom relief when in other countries people would just wait for them to pass for things like colds/viruses, pain etc.

I wish I had that mentality. I mean, I don't jump the gun on every little thing, but I certainly have seen people that do. I guess there's such a priority on relief and ease that it gives the idea we should always feel good at default.

5 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

I wish I had that mentality. I mean, I don't jump the gun on every little thing, but I certainly have seen people that do. I guess there's such a priority on relief and ease that it gives the idea we should always feel good at default.

Very true. There's way too much emphasis on being "happy" and feeling "normal" in US society, To be anything else for more than a short time means you have a mental/behavioral health issue that needs to be cured. That's not reality.

13 hours ago, LunaLove96 said:

that it gives the idea we should always feel good at default.

I think this is nail on the head, we are not taught to suffer well, if we were I think we may have avoided the drugs that have harmed us in the first place. WD teaches us these skills.

Ugh, so change of pace. Classes started again and it nearly set me back a lot in terms of anxiety. I had to reevaluate what I want to do, and that doesn’t involve the stress of nursing school I hadn’t even started yet. Something very important I’ve learned that would’ve saved me much trouble, I’m going to listen to my body. Tbh I knew, but I didn’t want to admit it… But after everything and others experiences, I’m going to pursue psychology instead. I still want to help people.. just not explode in the process lol. Currently still feeling very raw and uneasy, but I feel a semblance of peace with the change.

13 minutes ago, LunaLove96 said:

Ugh, so change of pace. Classes started again and it nearly set me back a lot in terms of anxiety. I had to reevaluate what I want to do, and that doesn’t involve the stress of nursing school I hadn’t even started yet. Something very important I’ve learned that would’ve saved me much trouble, I’m going to listen to my body. Tbh I knew, but I didn’t want to admit it… But after everything and others experiences, I’m going to pursue psychology instead. I still want to help people.. just not explode in the process lol. Currently still feeling very raw and uneasy, but I feel a semblance of peace with the change.

College students often change majors; there's nothing wrong with following what feels right to you. Kudos for staying open minded and being open to change!