Hello,

 

Many joining this forum will already know me from "SurvivingAntidepressants":

 

My SA thread is here:

LukeUK: Remeron/Mirtazapine Severe Withdrawal - Introductions and updates - Surviving Antidepressants

 

Once SA closes and no longer accepts further posts, I will continue to update this thread with the progress of my recovery.

Welcome to the forum, Luke.

 

I am the Recovery Assistant Bot and I am here to post some information for you whilst we await replies from other members.

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications. If you are experiencing an adverse reaction to them, withdrawal difficulties or are injured by them, we are very sorry to hear this and will do what we can to help you.

 

While we are waiting for human members to reply, there are some things you can do that will help you get the most out of this forum whilst you await further support.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help

 

Please update your signature. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the guides linked above, but here is a direct link:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help&hid=8

 

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default.

 

If you have migrated here from "SurvivingAntidepressants" feel free to post a link to your old thread in this one, or include it in your signature.

 

We hope that you will find this forum helpful.

What a Christmas present to drop out of the sky for you to grab on to Luke!

 

All the best with re-sorting all your New Year plans with how busy this site will probably become.

 

Your efforts are very much appreciated!

Yes, Luke, I also wish you every possible blessing for what you do! I have been reading in the thread onSA And it’s obvious that you have been struggling heavily for a long time. How are you doing these days? Be careful, stress can be really hard on us who have a destabilized nervous system. Take your time.

Thanks for creating this site.

Thank you everyone.

 

Today I am 2 years and 8 months off of Mirtazapine.

 

I am still struggling with mostly physical symptoms (even though it is also difficult psychologically), however in the last month I have had some periods that have not been so bad. "dirty windows" as people sometimes call them.

 

I am improving on average. I do not quite have the clear periods where I'm doing totally fine that others do (yet?), however, my symptoms do fluctuate and I have not as bad and much worse periods in recent months.

 

The severity of the "bad" is getting lower, although they're still pretty bad. The quantity and severity of symptoms in the lower intensity periods is also reducing. All of my symptoms fluctuate, so that hopefully means they will go away for good, eventually.

 

In recent days my sleep has also improved somewhat, although it needs to keep improving to be called good.

Hey Luke

 

It’s encouraging to read your progress. It’s been and still is a long and fought road. I hope and think in time you’ll continue to recover further. Im looking forward very much to reading your recovery story on here. 

 

Chippy

I think it is also likely that I will continue to improve. The rate at which I've been improving increase in October, November and December, however it was at a snail's pace before that.

 

My hope is that I will keep building momentum and turn a corner. The bad times are still brutal.

Hey Luke,

Nothing much to add here. I read through parts of your journey and boy does it sound rough and debilitating. I can't even imagine how hard it's been and still is for you. That you somehow found the energy to also be part of moderating and running this forum is a miracle. 

I guess I'm just trying to say: I am reading along!

Hey Luke,

Nothing much to add here. I read through parts of your journey and boy does it sound rough and debilitating. I can't even imagine how hard it's been and still is for you. That you somehow found the energy to also be part of moderating and running this forum is a miracle. 

I guess I'm just trying to say: I am reading along!

 

Yeah, I would say that really for close to two years I was essentially pretty much disabled. On the days where the physical impairment wasn't as bad, I'd be very cognitively impaired, and totally non functional. It fluctuated but I was almost always a mess.

 

It has been very, very hard for my family.

 

I am hoping to live independently soon, I'm just not sure when it would be wise to do so. I'm a lot better, but it's still quite hard. Had SA closed a couple of months ago, we wouldn't be here.

 

 

What I would say, is it should give people hope that it can be that bad and improve.

 

Thank you for the kind words.

Oh Luke, what courage you have. It will all even out and get better at whatever pace it happens. I hope it happens quicker and safer than most have been improving or can fathom. I pray for miracle healings for all of us. 

 

Two plus years of debilitation is so hard. But I’m so glad you’ve improved and have started this site. I wonder if you’d be open to seeing a functional or integrative doctor. Maybe there are other things that can be done. We are not best helped in the specialization areas of modern medicine vs holistically as in healing the whole person. Just my $.02 (2 cents, U.S. expression of just my humble opinion, for what it’s worth).

 

Happy New Year!

Oh Luke, what courage you have. It will all even out and get better at whatever pace it happens. I hope it happens quicker and safer than most have been improving or can fathom. I pray for miracle healings for all of us. 

 

Two plus years of debilitation is so hard. But I’m so glad you’ve improved and have started this site. I wonder if you’d be open to seeing a functional or integrative doctor. Maybe there are other things that can be done. We are not best helped in the specialization areas of modern medicine vs holistically as in healing the whole person. Just my $.02 (2 cents, U.S. expression of just my humble opinion, for what it’s worth).

 

Happy New Year!

 

 

Thank you.

 

I could, but I'm just not sure what they might do for me.

 

I am improving all the time, it's just slow and not linear. However, in recent months, I am further forward every month. That's about the sort of progress you'd expect from a medical intervention of some kind, if you found one that worked.

 

I'm inclined not to interrupt that at this stage, in a few weeks it'll be 2 and 3/4 years, and turning a corner at 3 years off, give or take, seems to be quite common in cases of quite severe harm, and I am definitely improving, even though the bad days are still bad and it's much slower than I'd like.

 

I'm trying to be somewhat active within my capabilities without overdoing it, I'm eating okay, my sleep isn't great but it's improving (very non linearly).

 

 

 

As an aside, thank you so much for agreeing to be a mentor. Please don't feel pressured to overdo it- just provide the support you feel you can, when you can. I'm sure whatever you do, members will find very valuable.

 

Also, I emailed you about the PDF, please check for this.

 

Thank you

 

 

Thank you.

 

I could, but I'm just not sure what they might do for me.

 

I am improving all the time, it's just slow and not linear. However, in recent months, I am further forward every month. That's about the sort of progress you'd expect from a medical intervention of some kind, if you found one that worked.

 

I'm inclined not to interrupt that at this stage, in a few weeks it'll be 2 and 3/4 years, and turning a corner at 3 years off, give or take, seems to be quite common in cases of quite severe harm, and I am definitely improving, even though the bad days are still bad and it's much slower than I'd like.

 

I'm trying to be somewhat active within my capabilities without overdoing it, I'm eating okay, my sleep isn't great but it's improving (very non linearly).

 

 

 

As an aside, thank you so much for agreeing to be a mentor. Please don't feel pressured to overdo it- just provide the support you feel you can, when you can. I'm sure whatever you do, members will find very valuable.

 

Also, I emailed you about the PDF, please check for this.

 

Thank you

————

 

Yes, sometimes it’s best not to introduce something new. Do what you think is best—follow what your heart-gut-brain connection tell you. 

 

You’re welcome ☺️ I will pace myself. Next week will be a big test when work starts up again. Im hopeful my fatigue will get better soon.

 

I don’t see an email from you. Maybe double check the spelling. I’ll message you here with it today too.

Glad to hear that you're you have turned a corner a few months ago. From the 'success' stories of those that wait it out like you have, this seems to happen at some point in time. It is the unknown in all this that can be difficult. You have had a really rough time for so long. 

 

After reading some of your story it seems that you may well have been through the most debilitating of your symptoms? Let's hope so. 

 

 

What made you decide to wait it out rather than reinstate at a lower dose? 

 

 

I hope that working on this forum gives you a therapeutic focus and plays a role in your recovery.

Glad to hear you are improving Luke, even if it’s slow.

 

Not sure how useful this will be, but I’ve found many success stories on other sites.

 

This one reminded me of your story. Dax Carrington, a minor celebrity, told his story of WD on Mad in America pod.

 

He specifically mentioned long periods of time being unable to walk/talk. It’s also on YouTube if you don’t use Spotify. If you ever need more encouragement in tough times, perhaps it could help. 

 

After reading some of your story it seems that you may well have been through the most debilitating of your symptoms? Let's hope so. 

 

I definitely am now, that's relatively recent though.

 

 

What made you decide to wait it out rather than reinstate at a lower dose? 

 

A few factors:

• I was never well on the drug, it began to poison me from the first dose, although I lived a somewhat normal life on it. At no point was I stable and ok without significant side effects
  
• By the time I learned about reinstatement, it was getting late and risky
  
• Advice from SA mods suggested that as I hadn't been on long, and had been off a little while, I might be better off staying off
  

 

I don't really know if reinstatement would have helped or not, it's very unpredictable. What is clear, is I reacted quite severely to this drug and taking it at all is incredibly risky and toxic for me, so I'm glad I didn't continue to poison myself.

 

I wish I'd tapered slower, but even then I've no idea if that would have helped or not.

 

I now know that what I experienced after trying to stop the drug after 6 weeks was withdrawal, and then I did a 1 month taper after 4 months of total use, and here I am years later.

 

Glad to hear you are improving Luke, even if it’s slow.

 

Not sure how useful this will be, but I’ve found many success stories on other sites.

 

This one reminded me of your story. Dax Carrington, a minor celebrity, told his story of WD on Mad in America pod.

 

He specifically mentioned long periods of time being unable to walk/talk. It’s also on YouTube if you don’t use Spotify. If you ever need more encouragement in tough times, perhaps it could help. 

 

 

Thank you, I've not heard of him. I'll take a look.

I'm struggling immensely.

 

There's just no end in sight, no time when I am generally ok and having some difficult symptoms I'm living around.

 

In a couple of weeks it'll be 2 and 3/4 years off and it just has not been worth surviving this long at all.

 

Yeah, I'm improved from total mental and physical disability. My "reward" for that is a life of struggling with illness and being completely miserable with the athletic capacity of an elderly person when I'm well enough to do things. I'm in my mid 30s and have to live with my parents, and I have physical issues that would prevent me from having a partner, family etc. The sexual dysfunction alone would ruin a healthy person's life, but I don't have a life to ruin. I actively hate what remains of a "life". What am I even "recovering" for?

 

What's the point other than pushing through more misery? I just have to wait and hope that in another 6 months, or year, or several years, it's worth waking up in the morning. Of course, I hoped that years ago.

 

I read other people's stories and even those who took 3.5 years to recover were having "good months" by this point. I have days when symptoms are mild, but they're occasional. I see "severe withdrawals" where people were working, exercising & hitting the gym, getting married, graduating from university etc. Today I just grabbed whatever I could stuff in my mouth because it was too hard to make something for breakfast.

 

How can it be like this literally years out from a few months of use? I've improved to worse than many people's acute stage, over YEARS. I have tried taking hope from recovery stories over this time, and eventually I always surpass the points at which they were doing at least okayish, and I've run out of them now.

 

I know that there is precedent for turning a corner, I know that I have improved slowly in time, and that in more time I might improve more. That's of very little comfort at this stage, I don't find living this way tolerable and all I can do is carry on doing that, and every month I do my potential quality of life after "recovery" gets worse.

 

The only two choices are die, or "live" this way, which I hate.

Oh, no Luck, don't desperate, you did this huge thing to create this site for us, we need you. You had improvements, you know this is happening. You are not alone, me and many many others suffer utterly. But if we give up we credit the hellish psychiatry, the awful Murtazapine. We will stay to encourage each other in this site and continue to trust in the body's intelligence to heal.

Svetla

Hi Luke, it’s so difficult for you right now, but it swing the other way. I know it will. How is your gut health? I ask because it’s so intimately tied to brain health. I don’t want to repeat myself too much if you’ve read B’s thread, eating good whole food fiber from vegetables, not supplements unless it is truly Whole Food fiber from Standard Process, will help to heal the gut. This is the most inexpensive way to do so, along with good non-PUFA oils, and any exercise you can tolerate. There are other things too numerous to mention. But an dry infrared saunas are also really good to sit in and detox through the skin. Good mental and spiritual nutrition are also important.

 

You have a lot of strength for beginning this site. Remember that. I’m glad that you have a family that supports you too. Even if you don’t feel motivated, do what you can to utilize the different skills that you know will help you. You will turn a corner for the better, it’s inevitable.

 

God bless you, Luke.

-Jen

Oh, no Luck, don't desperate, you did this huge thing to create this site for us, we need you. You had improvements, you know this is happening. You are not alone, me and many many others suffer utterly. But if we give up we credit the hellish psychiatry, the awful Murtazapine. We will stay to encourage each other in this site and continue to trust in the body's intelligence to heal.

Svetla

 

The forum would continue without me.

 

I am improving, yes.

 

Hi Luke, it’s so difficult for you right now, but it swing the other way. I know it will. How is your gut health? I ask because it’s so intimately tied to brain health. I don’t want to repeat myself too much if you’ve read B’s thread, eating good whole food fiber from vegetables, not supplements unless it is truly Whole Food fiber from Standard Process, will help to heal the gut. This is the most inexpensive way to do so, along with good non-PUFA oils, and any exercise you can tolerate. There are other things too numerous to mention. But an dry infrared saunas are also really good to sit in and detox through the skin. Good mental and spiritual nutrition are also important.

 

You have a lot of strength for beginning this site. Remember that. I’m glad that you have a family that supports you too. Even if you don’t feel motivated, do what you can to utilize the different skills that you know will help you. You will turn a corner for the better, it’s inevitable.

 

God bless you, Luke.

-Jen

 

Thank you. I'm doing a little better today.

 

My gut health seems okay (I have not had any formal tests). My appetite is mostly normal now (which for me is eating quite a lot), although it has taken a long time to get to this point. Over the last year or so, I've only really had one or two gut symptoms and they're mostly resolved now.

 

I eat quite a lot of fruit and vegetables, and most of what I eat generally is home cooked food.

 

I am doing my best to do something at least vaguely active every day. Sometimes that's very light exercise (which has only been possible recently), a walk, or doing some tasks/chores etc. On OK days, it is sometimes all of these.

 

Chippy has put a lot of work into this site to make it what it is, and is doing a huge amount of background work that isn't as visible, so he also deserves a lot of recognition for this.

Of course, Chippy has been putting in a lot of work; he’s pouring in his energy here, and so will you continue to do it, too. It’s still a big deal that you are a founder of this new site. That’s our point, Svetla and I. 

 

I’m glad your gut health seems to be fine. Who knows why the other symptoms remain? It’s all unique to the individual and includes some similar Sx with these Rx. I hope you get to where you’d like this year—and that goes for all of us. 

 

Have a pleasant evening!

Hi there Luke, Thanks for setting up this website, it's going to be a continuing lifesaver. Try not to work 

Chippy too hard. Now I am pleased you are starting to make improvements, like you say, all be it frustratingly

slow. I am disheartened by that, even with now knowing it's a painfully slow process. But thing is Luke as

you yourself know, you had a very adverse reaction to the drug. What a tragedy you didn't bin them from 

the first one. Now I was put on Amitriptylene before Mirt, and they just did NOT work, I think I took 2 pills

then back on the phone to the Doc.

But that didn't really help me either, yes they worked and got me to sleep. BUT they said nothing about

rewiring your brain. 3 weeks should have been the maximum time, then a slow taper off. I would have had more of

a safe chance. But hindsight is a rare thing, as my late old fella always said, it's easy to see AFTER the event. 

So yes I know you will continue improving, I also understand the HELL you have been through, I have been

very, very close to ending my life. The WAVE thinking almost demands it, NO other escape route, that thinking

as I type this is non-existent, so at this minute my mind is CLEAR. Has my wave gone for now? YES at the

moment, but I have now been bitten that many times, I fear it won't be very far away. So yes to SEE you

improving Luke is hugely reassuring and I look forwards to seeing you post your FULL recovery.

Take care,       B. 

Of course, Chippy has been putting in a lot of work; he’s pouring in his energy here, and so will you continue to do it, too. It’s still a big deal that you are a founder of this new site. That’s our point, Svetla and I. 

 

I understand, thank you.

 

I just want people to know how much Chippy is putting in. It isn't obvious to members but he's doing a lot more than just posting.

 

 

I’m glad your gut health seems to be fine. Who knows why the other symptoms remain? It’s all unique to the individual and includes some similar Sx with these Rx.

 

I believe that the dysfunction and damage that these drugs can cause is not at all limited to the gut.

 

 

Thank you for the kind words. I'm struggling, but if I look back over months, I have improved. I am better on average than I was 3 months ago. I hope that the same is true in 3 more, at the 3 years off mark.

 

I think what sometimes is difficult for people to wrap their head around is that if you've been extremely ill, you actually have quite a lot of scope for improvement while still being pretty ill. This is not just limited to withdrawal, I've been unfortunate enough to observe it in other chronic and severe illnesses experienced by close friends and family.

Try not to work Chippy too hard.

 

That's going to be a challenge, better not to try to control forces of nature. He's relentless and I'm very much not cracking the whip.

 

He's doing a huge amount in the background that's not easily visible to everyone else, but he very much is making huge contributions to this.

 

 

Thank you, I hope I do too.

 

It took a long time to really start improving at all, so it is completely possible that you will also begin to see improvement, even though it feels like you're treading water at the moment. I was, for a very long time.

Two years and 9 months off now.

 

I'm continuing to improve. Mostly to the point where picking out specific symptoms is becoming more challenging, other than on some bad days.

 

I still struggle with sleep, I fall asleep okay, but often wake up quite early. My sleep feels somewhat more natural but I pretty much always feel sleep deprived. Some days I feel okay, but sleep deprived and bit run down, some days I feel quite rough.

 

Other than generally feeling bad physically, distinct symptoms aren't a huge factor. The psychological symptoms have eased off to a large extent, but I often feel a bit down and a bit flat. It's mild, and feeling physically bad and tired all the time doesn't help, obviously.

 

Specific physical symptoms do flare up, but they're milder than they were. I'm managing to be fairly functional, most of the time.

 

There's plenty more healing to do, but I'm turning the corner, I believe. It's just that when you're very unwell long-term, even turning the corner isn't an overnight thing.

 

Overall though, I'm way better than I was in mid December.