@Luke I completely understand your state of mind, but even though it's hard, I believe each one of us will heal eventually. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes way longer than we imagined.

But you are getting there.

 

Sending you a hug and a thank you for giving us this online space. ❤️

@Luke sending you lots of love and support. it makes me so sad to hear what youre going through but i believe that one day you'll be able to thrive once again. youre an incredibly strong person and an inspiration to many. hope better days for you!

Thank you all for the kind words. I am improving on average. I just have to wait for that to have continued further.

Hey @Luke

 

I was scouring survivingantidepressants when I saw your thread on there. I can relate a lot to what you were saying there. But, I'm glad you have found some positive purpose out of this. You created this website for people to continue to vent. Be proud of that, no matter how silly that sounds. Perhaps it's an example of "Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven."

 

Hope you continue to see better days. 

Thank you.

 

I'm having significant difficulties.

 

Really, @Chippy does a huge proportion of the work to keep this place going.

7 hours ago, Luke said:

Really, @Chippy does a huge proportion of the work to keep this place going.

This has been a team effort. One I’ve really enjoyed mate. Dream team bud. 

@Luke 

I just want to thank you with all my heart for getting this side up and running. It’s been a lifesaving community for me. It made a turnaround in the terror I was in. And I am now able to funktion. I would not have made it, if it hasn’t been for your and Chippy’s commitment to create a home for all of us. 
I can’t thank you enough. You created this while you were struggling extremely hard. 
It’s fully understandable that you despair, given your situation. Luke keep up the hope, and in the dark hours remember, what you created and by that tought all of us. There are people who cares and there are comfort to get. Better days will come. 
Many caring thoughts and hugs.
🙏💕💕

Thank you for the kind words @Haa

 

I'm glad that we have been able to help you.

Hi @Luke, I just wanted to pop by and say thanks for everything you do. I've skimmed through your topic and it sounds like you've been through the ringer, so I can't imagine how much effort it's taken to keep this site up and running. I've only been here a few days and it's already been a lifesaver for me, not to mention the countless others you've helped through some of their darkest times. It's really amazing what you've all created here. 

 

I assume that's your cat in your profile pic? My husband and I have a cat and two dogs. The dogs force me to at least get out of the house once a day to take them on a walk, and I spend big chunks of my day cuddling with one, or sometimes all, of the pets. I honestly don't know if I would have made it this far without them. I hope your little guy or gal brings you some comfort too.

 

Sarah

 

 

Thank you @SarahMc, yeah, if you read back through the one in my link, it tells a story of immense suffering. There's no sugarcoating it really. It's nice of you to share some kind words.

 

Yes, that's him. He's been a huge source of support.

 

Now that I'm well enough to leave the house a reasonable proportion of days, he's not so keen, he got very attached to me because I was always around. He's lovely though.

 

He's actually very skinny under the gigantic amount of fluff.

I'm so sorry you went (and are going) through that. Really glad to hear that you're doing so much better though, even if improvement is excruciatingly slow and you still have a long way to go. 

 

Our pets have definitely gotten used to having me around all the time over the last 7 months or so that I've been off work. I definitely think they're going to struggle when I go back, whenever that might be. But for now I'll gladly accept all the cuddling they want to give me.

 

Our cat George is also a giant fluffball, but he's entirely black. He also looks about twice his size because of all the fur, even though he's really very trim!

11 hours ago, Luke said:

He's actually very skinny under the gigantic amount of fluff.

Just like one of my boys before he passed. Big fur ball but strong and lean underneath it all!

Hope you've seen some more improvements, and that work is going good. Hope that you are sleeping well especially, or atleast a lot better. Please always keep updating this thread with your thoughts.

@Luke Just thought I’d drop by and say hello. I was one of those severely disabled people you mentioned in your post to Alonelysoul. Thankfully, that’s in my rearview mirror now, and a lot of it is a blur. Sadly, what I do remember are some of the awful things medical people said to me during that time. Now that I’m healthy, I can see how ludicrous some of those statements were, and all I can do is shake my head and laugh.

It sounds like you’re healing slowly, much like I did, very slowly. Being on the other side of it, just feeling normal, is something I know you look forward to. One day you’ll be feeling that way. Inch by inch, you’re getting here.

Thanks again for helping set this site up and for inviting me to join.

@wheretogonow Thank you for the kind words.

@RachelSusan Thank you. I am improving, yes. Over the months I can see a clear trend.

I believe that today is the day that I am 3 years off of Mirtazapine. I have some days that are okayish, often with some difficulties of some kind, but they are tolerable.

I still have plenty of days that are really quite hard. I can mostly function through it but this is sometimes with a very high level of difficulty. I've been in a flare up of older symptoms in the last few days.

It's milder than it was a couple of months ago, when it is bad, and the "okayish" days are a pretty recent phenomenon. They're never really good, or great, but sometimes they're also not bad either.

I find it quite frustrating that I'm not recovered. The reality is that many reading this will be recovered by 3 years off of all drugs, and still having a lot of physical difficulties and not lengthy windows etc is really quite uncommon. However, I was very, very bad for a very long time, so its a miracle I've improved to the extent that I have even though it's still extremely difficult at times. It's quite hard not having many who have walked this road this far for support, reassurance etc.

Hopefully in more months I can say the same- that I'm better on average than a couple of months ago. Surely if that keeps happening, eventually I'll be good.

We'll see.

@Luke I hear your frustration. You are making progress albeit slower than what you want. You’ve been so patient and it sounds like you’re slowly turning the corner. I hope this trajectory starts to stabilise 🤗

I'm even worse today. I feel awful.

I regularly have nosebleeds, not as a direct withdrawal symptom, but because I am constantly run down, sleep deprived, ill, stressed and so on.

I'm hanging on by a thread a lot of the time.

It's pretty much impossible to find stories I relate to. Even the coaches that charge people eyewatering sums of money say that people shouldn't worry about taking years to heal because at 3 years people are either recovered or doing well despite some residual symptoms.

I read other people's stories, people who are under half the time off that I am, and I'm easily as bad as most of those a lot of the time. I really struggle to find my current state a good thing purely because I've spent years even worse to get to it.

Dear @Luke, there are not words onto which to put our suffering, truly NOT.

Hi Luke,

I am so sorry.. wish I could do something to make the pain go away for you… I don’t know I you have ever seen this story? He answers all the questions in the comments. He mentions:

“I would say I had about 4 years of really bad withdrawal. The worst of which were actually later in the process. I remember when I was about 3 years off the drugs I was having terrible terrible symptoms and I couldn't believe it was so bad after such a long time off the drugs. I guess the darkest hour is followed by dawn. What I later realised though was that the worse the symptoms were, the greater the recovery was when it finally did come”

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/31009-3bbsgurkpog-great-success/

He said his last wave after 3+ years off was the worst he ever had.. ❤️‍🩹

Hey Luke,

Just stopping by and reading through your thread. I’m sorry to hear things are still tough, though I’m so pleased that your baseline is improving in general and I hope that you are able to find some hope for the future in that too. You have suffered for far too long, I’m angry for you and all of the AD/Psych med harmed community.

Keep your updates coming, and know that everyone here understands how debilitating this harm can be.

I hope tomorrow is better than today for you.

All the best to you, G x

So sorry you’re still suffering after all this time @Luke

Thank you, @Sophia, to post always the appropriated success story. Reading it gives me a hope.

Svetla

Its frightening how much this stuff can damage people for so damn long. It really can shred peoples nervous systems and take ages to heal. By their nature these drugs are designed to change your nervous system and brain chemistry - that is the huge risk of them. And there seems to be no reason why some are badly damaged others quickly recover quite quickly - humans are damn complicated, unique machines. I'm 4 years off Mirt after 6 months on it, and still have symptoms - chills, tiredness and just feeling weirded out. Still haven't recovered full sensitivity.

Hang in there Luke - anything that can distract you is gold. The Internet was a life saver - YouTube, reddit, podcasts etc. Anything to help the hours slide by.

12 hours ago, Luke said:

I'm even worse today. I feel awful.

I regularly have nosebleeds, not as a direct withdrawal symptom, but because I am constantly run down, sleep deprived, ill, stressed and so on.

I'm hanging on by a thread a lot of the time.

It's pretty much impossible to find stories I relate to. Even the coaches that charge people eyewatering sums of money say that people shouldn't worry about taking years to heal because at 3 years people are either recovered or doing well despite some residual symptoms.

I read other people's stories, people who are under half the time off that I am, and I'm easily as bad as most of those a lot of the time. I really struggle to find my current state a good thing purely because I've spent years even worse to get to it.

Dear Luke, I am so very sorry to hear of your struggle, it can seem so relentless some days. Every day seems like a fight to hang on, and then there's a glimpse of relief. Hang on to that glimpse of light, even if for a brief moment. It does get better, brighter, and so very worth it. I am saying a prayer to the Lord our God for relief on a bright window to shine through for you. I've been keeping busy so my mind doesn'twonder, and as much time in nature as my system can handle. Hugs and peace to you and to all . We will all survive and heal. Sincerely Bernadette

Sorry to catch up a bit see you are having a hard time @Luke .

Be kind and gentle on yourself .