17 minutes ago, poulette38 said:

Sorry, but I won’t call this any insidious thought at all. It’s just the reality of the situation.

I agree 100% @poulette38 But when I’m in depths of despair I keep cycling back to that thought

10 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

I agree 100% @poulette38 But when I’m in depths of despair I keep cycling back to that thought

I understand. It’s normal and I think we all do it. 😒 it only adds to the suffering because we’re just repeating that we made a mistake. It’s too late now. I sincerely hope that we will all recover. No one deserves to be so sick because of a so-called medicine (drug in reality). Given the state in which it leaves people afterwards... it’s a high form of violence, perhaps the worst, in my opinion, because it is insidious. I would have preferred a punch from my neighbor rather than the devil’s smiles, lies, false compassion, even mockery ; and in the end the delivery of a medicine of death. The worst kind of violence is not the one we are shown or the one we think it is, but the one we are all currently experiencing. That’s the real violence. And it was caused by authorized medication. I am deeply upset by all this.

And I will forever hate doctors, psychologists, and even more psychiatrists. I don’t generalize, there are some very good ones, but it’s objectively not the majority. Just look at the number of people currently undergoing wd: is it normal?! All of this could have been prevented with something called informed consent. But yes, in front of a doctor we are only numbers, they just force-feeding us like rats, they close the door on us with a smile, and it's the turn of the poor next victim. One who is lucky falls on someone who takes the time to listen, but who knows how to listen nowadays?

All these brave people are extremely violent in themselves, and I would never share it with them; I never wanted that. I am unable to kill a fly, and yet I found myself sharing the "delusions" of crazy people who knew very well that they were prescribing an extremely dangerous product. As much as I can understand that a general practitioner spreads false information about these medicines, because they are lost; as much as it is zero tolerance for psychiatrists. Frankly, this profession should be abolished, or almost reserved for certain people (violent people like them and those who actually suffer from a disabling mental illness). No star has ever been interviewed and said that she had succeeded in life, was happy all her life, and had taken psychiatric medication all her life. None. These things only bring misfortune in people’s lives. It disgusts me deeply! I'm just so angry sorry lol.

@poulette38 though i sincerely and wholeheartedly share your frustration, i no longer expect these so called “professionals” to understand in any meaningful way the extent of the harm they cause. And even if they did, that would not remedy the situation at all. All we have left is the path forward.

"Do not take life quite so seriously – you surely will never get out of it alive". Bernard Le Bovier de Fontenelle. ✨️

lol

13 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

@poulette38Bien que je partage sincèrement votre frustration, je ne m'attends plus à ce que ces prétendus « professionnels » comprennent véritablement l'ampleur des dégâts qu'ils causent. Et même s'ils le comprenaient, cela ne changerait rien à la situation. Il ne nous reste plus qu'à trouver une solution.

« Ne prenez pas la vie si sérieusement – vous n’en sortirez sûrement jamais vivant. » Bernard Le Bovier de Fontenelle  . ✨️

mdr

Frankly, I am grateful for all the efforts that are made to make this reality heard; I am sure it is useful in a way because some professionals really exercise for the well-being of their patients. And anyway the truth must always be told. Unfortunately (and I have experienced this), there are many psychiatrists who are upset to see their alleged knowledge being questioned: these people took advantage of the mental fragility -often temporary- of poor people to keep them sick all their lives and keep them in the "system" mentally ill people. These people (and we are some of them :() didn’t even try anything else than medication to get better -but also nobody said them to try other solutions- and they had to wear a false label of mental illness all their lives. And when they want to get out of it, they are told to sort themselves out. I wonder what pride they take from that at the end of each working day. But well, from what I understand, most of psychiatrists are themselves totally mentally ill (which would explain why they only work very few days a week). I saw a comment of someone on ytbe recently "my brother is a psychiatrist and he is half-crazy".

Maybe they should ask themselves to be intern. That would help a lot of people avoid at least a wd. They’ll just have to shoot themselves with their medication, since they know them so well.

Dear @Luke, I am so sorry for you, for us. I remember your photo you posted on SA: you were in the gym behind dumbbell... before this Hell happened with you... My heart breaks with sadness. What these drugs did with us? How is it possible? The psychiatry has to be banned, it kills people, destroys human lifes... Nobody deserves this Inhumane ordeal, there are not words to describe the Hell in which we live. You are not alone, Luke, I suffer a lot, and the tragedy is that I cannot live nor die... We have to support each other in this journey. And thank you for offering us this site.

Thank you all for the kind and supportive words. I'll just pick out specific things to answer, but I've read all of it and I appreciate it.

11 hours ago, SarahMc said:

But I do think it’s still possible for you to reach a point where you are physically and mentally well enough to find some peace and enjoyment in life. And that in itself is worth continuing to strive for, I think. 💜

Yes, that's very much possible. I hope for it.

10 hours ago, poulette38 said:

To react at @Luke 's post : it reminds me of a Dr. Josef video, who said that he found it criminal for doctors to prescribe AD to children, young people, or young adults. It is.

I took this drug in my 30s.

11 hours ago, Sophia said:

How much do you work now? Is it manageable for you? I hope you don’t overexert yourself…

I started doing 2x 2h days a week in spring last year. It was too early really, I struggled massively and I was very ill, but I ran out of any insurance income, sick pay etc and I would have had no income and I think I would eventually have been fired had I not gone back.

I gradually added hours, most months, with some holds.

I now work full time, since the start of this year, however I work from home an average of 3 days a week, often more if I'm not well. I do quite a "light" role with quite a gentle workload and duties/responsibilities far below pre-drug. I don't do anything with time deadlines, customer facing etc.

The two ish days a week I've been going in, I mask as much as I can, although people often ask if I'm ok because I look ill and so on. I usually come home and just struggle like mad all evening trying to rest.

My employers have been good to me, and have tried to give me work that is manageable while I recover. It's obviously good that I have a job at all after not working for so long, and then being on a phased return for so long, but it is so, so hard.

11 hours ago, Sophia said:

I am just curious and trying to understand what is it exactly that you experience? Do you get nerve pains? Muscle pains ? Is it fatigue in terms of condition or muscle fatigue ?

It fluctuates now, but most days it's some kind of variation of being very physically exhausted, and feeling immensely tired/sleep deprived. Often feeling really run down and ill, like when you are coming down with a virus.

When I feel really ill and exhausted, the skin on my hands cracks and bleeds, and I have weird allergic looking reactions on my face.

If you imagine when you have the flu, or covid, or any kind of bad illness, usually the worst day or days in the middle you are utterly and totally exhausted, and even a trip to the bathroom takes all of your energy- the bad days are like that.

Most days, it's not that severe, I just feel really exhausted, run down, and ill.

I do get stuff like aches and pains, headaches and all that, but it fluctuates and isn't constant. I also feel a deep kind of physical stress, like akathisia but a step down from it.

I struggle immensely with depression, but it's difficult to pick out what is "neuroemotions" and what is just the mental side of being so run down, ill and exhausted all the time.

The manageable week I had before this, I had one or two half days or days where I felt quite ill, but the rest of it I had symptoms, but it was all much milder, so I was tired, but that was mostly it, or I felt a bit off and ill, but not tired, and so on. This allowed me to function ok.

A lot of my symptoms have gone or improved, I had a LOT. However what is left is just almost constant illness, exhaustion and generally just feeling terrible physically and sleeping poorly. Every day feels like a huge struggle to get through, and then there's another. It's very hard.

The week or so where it was milder and more manageable, with just fluctuating symptoms, is a good sign. I'm just so exhausted from this constant fight in every sense of the word: mentally, physically, spiritually, willpower, sleep, stress- everything.

Thank you for asking.

9 hours ago, poulette38 said:

so-called medicine (drug in reality).

A very important distinction

16 hours ago, Luke said:

Withdrawal coaches like Angela Peacock say things along the lines of "don't worry about hearing of stories of people taking 3+ years to heal, at 3 years out people are living life and doing OK even if not totally recovered".

Angie is one of the people that took longer to recover. I think she said she was basically in acute for 3 and a half years, suffering a lot. She wasn't able to take a shower standing at that point. And I think she only started exercising in the recent years.

What I want to say, she might have thought the same thoughts but look at her now. She is not "somewhat recovered" and barely living as a chronically ill person. She is truly living - exercising, working, having fun...

If it happened for her, why wouldn't it happen for the rest of us? And she had it pretty bad, as we all know.

I believe in your recovery.

I also hope you will continue to take walks when you can. I think that is a big step towards more physical activity. It is understandable that it's hard after such a long time, but in time and with repetition it will become easier.

🙏🏻❤️

@Luke My heart goes out to you. Now that I'm experiencing every single symptom with my delayed withdrawal, I can't even begin to imagine experiencing this for 3 years... At least I was able bodied and running errands, enjoying time with friends, going for walks, videogames, tv shows for the first 7 months, and my time on meds. It's inhumane what they did to you. I barely can keep going on myself and I'm "only" really housebound struggling for 3+ months now. Even time starts to feel distorted after so long when you can't enjoy all that you've been enjoying all your life, whether is because of physical issues, sensitivity, symptoms or anhedonia. Maybe I end up joining you seeing how my recovery is trending, with no end in sight for this year.

Might not mean much, but you're the most resilient person I've seen. And managing to create a community such as this for others is a godsend, for there is literally nothing else out there. Maybe reddit, but the communities are very small, negative and very private with bots and fake accounts. I thank you with all my heart for giving all of us a home.

I'm not religious, but I pray to whatever force that drives the universe gives you a life worth living again, it's only fair after giving so much to others.

Edited May 29May 29 by ALonelySoul12

36 minutes ago, Marina said:

She wasn't able to take a shower standing at that point. And I think she only started exercising in the recent years.

What I want to say, she might have thought the same thoughts but look at her now. She is not "somewhat recovered" and barely living as a chronically ill person. She is truly living - exercising, working, having fun...

If it happened for her, why wouldn't it happen for the rest of us? And she had it pretty bad, as we all know.

I just went to her IG stories and found that she answered many questions there!

Maybe it gives you some hope / strength @Luke ! And like I said before, she runs support groups for people 2-7y off the meds, that’s for a reason…. Some people take longer to heal unfortunately :(

https://www.instagram.com/s/aGlnaGxpZ2h0OjE4MDk0NjI5MTEyNjIxOTM5?story_media_id=3683125768822904900&igsh=dW84bnc2bXJ4ZXRi

@Luke I have been lying low, but needed to reply after reading your recent posts. I am truly sorry about your life tragedy. I do understand the dilemma of staying alive for others when life has ended for you. And the absolute isolation of having no one, not a single soul, to truly understand. The losses and the grief of life as it was, that may never be again. I am sending you my care, and compassion, which is all I can give.

21 hours ago, Luke said:

Thank you all for the kind and supportive words. I'll just pick out specific things to answer, but I've read all of it and I appreciate it.

Yes, that's very much possible. I hope for it.

I took this drug in my 30s.

I started doing 2x 2h days a week in spring last year. It was too early really, I struggled massively and I was very ill, but I ran out of any insurance income, sick pay etc and I would have had no income and I think I would eventually have been fired had I not gone back.

I gradually added hours, most months, with some holds.

I now work full time, since the start of this year, however I work from home an average of 3 days a week, often more if I'm not well. I do quite a "light" role with quite a gentle workload and duties/responsibilities far below pre-drug. I don't do anything with time deadlines, customer facing etc.

The two ish days a week I've been going in, I mask as much as I can, although people often ask if I'm ok because I look ill and so on. I usually come home and just struggle like mad all evening trying to rest.

My employers have been good to me, and have tried to give me work that is manageable while I recover. It's obviously good that I have a job at all after not working for so long, and then being on a phased return for so long, but it is so, so hard.

It fluctuates now, but most days it's some kind of variation of being very physically exhausted, and feeling immensely tired/sleep deprived. Often feeling really run down and ill, like when you are coming down with a virus.

When I feel really ill and exhausted, the skin on my hands cracks and bleeds, and I have weird allergic looking reactions on my face.

If you imagine when you have the flu, or covid, or any kind of bad illness, usually the worst day or days in the middle you are utterly and totally exhausted, and even a trip to the bathroom takes all of your energy- the bad days are like that.

Most days, it's not that severe, I just feel really exhausted, run down, and ill.

I do get stuff like aches and pains, headaches and all that, but it fluctuates and isn't constant. I also feel a deep kind of physical stress, like akathisia but a step down from it.

I struggle immensely with depression, but it's difficult to pick out what is "neuroemotions" and what is just the mental side of being so run down, ill and exhausted all the time.

The manageable week I had before this, I had one or two half days or days where I felt quite ill, but the rest of it I had symptoms, but it was all much milder, so I was tired, but that was mostly it, or I felt a bit off and ill, but not tired, and so on. This allowed me to function ok.

A lot of my symptoms have gone or improved, I had a LOT. However what is left is just almost constant illness, exhaustion and generally just feeling terrible physically and sleeping poorly. Every day feels like a huge struggle to get through, and then there's another. It's very hard.

The week or so where it was milder and more manageable, with just fluctuating symptoms, is a good sign. I'm just so exhausted from this constant fight in every sense of the word: mentally, physically, spiritually, willpower, sleep, stress- everything.

Thank you for asking.

You gotta be one of the strongest warriors out there, man. I believe in you.

@Marina She was also hitting the gym and graduated from college in her first year off.

I'm able to do more physical activity at other times, walking and so on, it all fluctuates now. I was able to do more yesterday.

It is likely that I will recover in more time, at least to a good degree where life is okay.

Maybe I'm close to turning a corner, it felt like I had, before it came crashing down again.

Thank you everyone.

@Luke As far as Angie's first year goes - I think she kind of had a late onset of symptoms or they got worse about 9th month if I remember well. I know she developed POTS and was exercise intolerant for years, and, as I mentioned before, she couldn't even stand while showering for around 3,5 years.

And her time at college - I think she also has no idea how she managed to do that. I remember she was so "out of it" during the classes with akathisia, wearing sunglasses because of the light sensitivity and other visual problems. I can only imagine it was excrutiating.

I am glad to hear you managed to do more walking yesterday. I hope it continues that way and I hope your corner is very near. I believe you will recover. ❤️

@Marina She suffered a lot. I have issues with a far bit of what she says but it's not appropriate for me to list them out here on a public forum when she's not here to discuss.

She makes large amounts of free content to help people, and I am glad that it is helpful for a lot of people. The main thing is, she got a lot better.

I haven't felt particularly ill nor had psychological symptoms for the last couple of days, however the exhaustion has been really strong. If I could just be both not ill and not exhausted at the same time, that would be good.

Maybe it's coming soon.

4 hours ago, Luke said:

@Marina She suffered a lot. I have issues with a far bit of what she says but it's not appropriate for me to list them out here on a public forum when she's not here to discuss.

She makes large amounts of free content to help people, and I am glad that it is helpful for a lot of people. The main thing is, she got a lot better.

I haven't felt particularly ill nor had psychological symptoms for the last couple of days, however the exhaustion has been really strong. If I could just be both not ill and not exhausted at the same time, that would be good.

Maybe it's coming soon.

One of the most frustrating things about WD and recovery is that it seems when one thing improves, something else goes haywire. All we really want is a break and to get some true rest. That day will come for you. We're all for you.

8 hours ago, Luke said:

@Marina She suffered a lot. I have issues with a far bit of what she says but it's not appropriate for me to list them out here on a public forum when she's not here to discuss.

She makes large amounts of free content to help people, and I am glad that it is helpful for a lot of people. The main thing is, she got a lot better.

I haven't felt particularly ill nor had psychological symptoms for the last couple of days, however the exhaustion has been really strong. If I could just be both not ill and not exhausted at the same time, that would be good.

Maybe it's coming soon.

You're getting closer man. The proof is in the progress you've already done in the past years from being unable to work, to working again and creating this community. I understand the mental anguish and physical pain of it as I'm experiencing hell myself... Quite a bit delayed too, but you can do it.

I've read plenty of success stories of people that are more than 3 years off in survivingantidepressants, even 10 years. I know it's excruciatingly long, but if the trend is towards improvement, there's hope. At least, I hope you can eventually reach a point where this is nothing but background noise until it eventually disappears, allowing you to start living good years to make up for the lost time. For now, do what you can and keep fighting the good fight. We're all in this together, as sad as it might be.

Good luck Luke hope you see more improvements in the summer.

Withdrawal coaches are hard since no one can verify what someone went through. Personally when I spoke to Angie she did not understand anhedonia at all. I can imagine why it’s frustrating for you and being further out.

Are there any coaches you do like?

Also have you seen improvements in terms of the lighter mental aspects like joy, nostalgia, warmth etc?

Also congrats it’s been 5 months since this site has been up correct? Feel like this website should have its own social media plus YouTube account now

@ALonelySoul12 Thank you. I can rarely find any stories of those who are 3+ years off and still suffering with the kind of physical difficulties I'm having. Usually when I find them, they're living normal lives and are just anxious at 3+ years. Not always, but usually.

I wouldn't consider 10 years of living like this a success, really. I don't think I could keep up with work at this level of difficulty for another 7 years. I'm barely managing as it is.

Realistically, this is background noise for most people at 3+ years off, if they're even still in it at all. I was a relatively short term user as well. This has already totally wrecked years of my life and it still is. The overwhelming majority of the time, life is not tolerable and I'm gritting my teeth and pushing through. Much less bad than several years ago? Sure. Doesn't make it good though. If anything, getting to a point where I am somewhat functioning is immensely stressful.

@wheretogonow Thank you. I haven't had a session with any of the coaches and I don't regularly look at their material. There is no coaching myself out of being ill. There's just no point in speaking to any of them for me.

I get better, or I don't.

I've had improvements, most noticeably this year, in emotional range. Mostly my issues are physical. No real windows, some days are better than others but always have something wrong.

On 6/3/2026 at 6:17 AM, wheretogonow said:

Personally when I spoke to Angie she did not understand anhedonia at all.

Really? I see she talks a lot about it and said she had it for years on and off the meds in withdrawal.

Me personally think that there are two types of anhedonia.

1. Feeling lots of negative emotions like being anxious, sad, overwhelm, down/depressed and/or ruminating a lot. This takes up so much space for the brain that there is no room to enjoy anything.

2. Anhedonia where your mind is completely blank. There are no emotions or thoughts at all. Brain receptors completely dysregulated that even alcohol or other substances have 0 effect on brain as it is completely chemically numb. Just a blank existing zombie where even the body is numb (inside and out). 0 response of brain towards anything. All signals dead. At my worst even my skin was completely numb and my pain was also blunted.

I think many people in withdrawal experience the first thing, but not everyone experiences the latter. Its a very specific main symptom and not a consequence of other symptoms. Like the brain and body fell into complete chemical shutdown.

I experience the 2nd in withdrawal… is this what you also experience? Really curious to your thoughts on this and why you felt Angie didn’t understand? 😊

Edited June 7Jun 7 by Sophia

3 hours ago, Sophia said:

Anhedonia where your mind is completely blank. There are no emotions or thoughts at all. Brain receptors completely dysregulated that even alcohol or other substances have 0 effect on brain as it is completely chemically numb.

I have a feeling this second kind is rarer than the first kind. I was trying to find success stories on surviving antidepressants from people with this kind but I couldn't find any. It seems that people use terms like emotional blunting/numbing/anesthesia and anhedonia interchangeably which makes it more difficult. Not good news for someone like me who craves reassurance

Hi @Sophia. I think that the anhedonia is the state when the person doesn't have an interest for nothing, no motivation, emotional castration, not joy neither sadness. Inhumane situation.

I also have seen Angie's videos where she speaks has been in anhedonia many years.

@Luke, how long have you endured mental symptoms before feeling some relief? The depression, the anxiety, the terror, the feeling of dying, the inner akatisia, the shortness of breath, the internal pression, the cortisol agony, the brain fog became x1000 worse when I stopped Mirtazapine, 2 1/2 months ago. I have had these stuffs for 15 months now, after the CT but they exploded immensely after the last dose of Mirtazipine.

Edited June 8Jun 8 by skamen

6 hours ago, skamen said:

Hi @Sophia. I think that the anhedonia is the state when the person doesn't have an interest for nothing, no motivation, emotional castration, not joy neither sadness. Inhumane situation.

I agree, if you feel depressed I think it is depression or Neuro-depression rather, Anhedonia to me is feeling nothing, blank.

10 hours ago, GreggeryPeccary said:

have a feeling this second kind is rarer than the first kind. I was trying to find success stories on surviving antidepressants from people with this kind but I couldn't find any. It seems that people use terms like emotional blunting/numbing/anesthesia and anhedonia interchangeably which makes it more difficult. Not good news for someone like me who craves reassurance

I feel the same way… It’s a very specific separate symptom. But I really have seen and read recovery stories on this… but it takes (a lot) of time unfortunately :(