Hey Luke how is it going???


Reading through your thread, it does seem like people are offering you toxic positivity. You've done your best to deal with your suffering, don't think many understand why mindset change or happy thoughts in your case don't budge anything. Still thank you so much for making this forum for us despite still being in WD yourself.

3 years and 1 month off today.

About 8-9 days ago, something shifted a bit. I'm still experiencing physical symptoms- issues using the bathroom & sexual dysfunction, feel tired and run down a lot, various aches and pains, sometimes feel emotionally quite flat or down, but generally I've been considerably less ill and much less psychologically affected. I do sleep, but it's still not great- nightmares, waking up in the night burning hot, waking up early and so on.

Hopefully I can maintain this as a minimum, and keep improving. We'll see. It's still hard, but I'm able to function much more easily, with some challenges.

1 hour ago, Luke said:

3 years and 1 month off today.

About 8-9 days ago, something shifted a bit. I'm still experiencing physical symptoms- issues using the bathroom & sexual dysfunction, feel tired and run down a lot, various aches and pains, sometimes feel emotionally quite flat or down, but generally I've been considerably less ill and much less psychologically affected. I do sleep, but it's still not great- nightmares, waking up in the night burning hot, waking up early and so on.

Hopefully I can maintain this as a minimum, and keep improving. We'll see. It's still hard, but I'm able to function much more easily, with some challenges.

Good news @Luke Take the win 🤗

So glad to hear this @Luke. I hope it keeps up for you.

@Luke This is very good news! Happy to hear.

My window started in a similar manner - physical symptoms were still there but psychologically I was somehow less affected, as you say. Then it just went gradually with each day - slightly better and better. I hope it continues that way for you.

This whole process is so slow and gradual, but there is no denying positive progress is happening. ❤️

@Luke Can we rate this as cautiously optimistic, or should we keep expectations lower and call it guardedly optimistic?

Regardless of what we call it, I know you’ll take any improvement you can get. Wishing and hoping for the very best for you, Luke.

-Rachel

Wow @Luke ! Happy to read this! You struggled so much 2 weeks ago… maybe your body did so much recovery work to experience these improvements! I am praying that things keep continue to improve for you!

10 hours ago, Luke said:

3 years and 1 month off today.

About 8-9 days ago, something shifted a bit. I'm still experiencing physical symptoms- issues using the bathroom & sexual dysfunction, feel tired and run down a lot, various aches and pains, sometimes feel emotionally quite flat or down, but generally I've been considerably less ill and much less psychologically affected. I do sleep, but it's still not great- nightmares, waking up in the night burning hot, waking up early and so on.

Hopefully I can maintain this as a minimum, and keep improving. We'll see. It's still hard, but I'm able to function much more easily, with some challenges.

Fingers crossed for you!! May this be another step forward in your recovery journey that decides to stick around!

Thanks for the kind words.

15 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Luke Can we rate this as cautiously optimistic, or should we keep expectations lower and call it guardedly optimistic?

I'm hopeful that I'm turning a corner in recovery, but I'm very much still in it.

After that post, I spent most of yesterday feeling pretty terrible physically. I still get plenty of days like that, at present.

Every month I think I'm better on average now though, even though it's still pretty bad a lot of the time. If that trend continues I should eventually be ok, but I really need that to be sooner rather than later at this point.

The shift didn't last. It's been difficult since the last post.

Now that I don't have visible physical difficulties, my support system believes I'm simply mentally ill.

I'm devastated that this is still my whole life this far out.

@Luke I am very sorry to hear that. And I can relate a lot... Whenever my state worsens/I get into a wave my boyfriend starts having doubts if this all is "just" withdrawal - maybe I do need to be medicated, maybe I do need psychotherapy, maybe I am bipolar (suddenly)...

It is discouraging but we have to go on.

You made progress, there is no doubt about that and you will continue to do so and you will heal. The time it takes is excrutiating but you never know if a rapid shift will happen in the next months. None of us know. We just have to be patient.

I'm rooting for you. ❤️

I am so sorry Luke… you deserve that corner 😔

Stay true to yourself. You know your body and what happened to you. Be kind and compassionate towards yourself ❤️

Really sorry to hear this @Luke. I haven’t experienced the depth of your suffering, but I know what it feels like to think you’ve turned a corner only to have that hope ripped away.

We’re all behind you. Inch by painful inch, you will get there.

I believe you @Luke

Oh, Luke, it is terrible. I feel you very well. Psychological suffering is awful. I wasn't able to sleep at all last night, 0 hours...It is mentally unbearable. These drugs took from us everything, everything...

Hey Luke, I know I have been MIA on here but wanted to drop in and say that I understand the difficulties you are facing. I know you will one day turn a corner and not look back. This feels so much like chronic disease as to what these drugs are capable of. Our genetics are a whole other thing too.

I am reading Crossing Zero, maybe halfway through it, and it is bringing up a lot of what I endured many years ago as I taper off of the Mirt now. I was not well but somehow managed to work for a few years in PAWS not knowing that it was exactly PAWS, but was told by Alto back then in the earlier years of SA.org.

I will pray for you and all on here tonight. I am currently praying a novena for St Dymphna, the patron saint of mental and emotional disorders, it is that time of year for it, but I also do general prayers too. I really hope that you can find even a 1% improvement tomorrow and have joy about it. Peace my friend.

18 hours ago, Luke said:

The shift didn't last. It's been difficult since the last post.

Now that I don't have visible physical difficulties, my support system believes I'm simply mentally ill.

I'm devastated that this is still my whole life this far out.

My heart goes out to you Luke. When a support system does this, it is such a blow to keeping hope alive that you will heal psychologically. I believe in you and that you will indeed with time and courage. We just have no idea how long things will take.

Sending you strength and hope.

I appreciate all the kind words.

I think the staff and members on SA didn't really grasp how incredibly ill I was when I came off this drug, and for a long time after. I remember saying that I did not want to go through years of being very sick and disabled, only to partially recover to a miserable life trying to somewhat function through constant physical illness, and being told that I was catastrophising.

Yesterday, I tried to force myself out for a walk. I could just about manage a 7-8 minute walk around the nearby streets, feeling terrible physically. I felt awful and ill all day today but the fatigue wasn't as strong as yesterday when even a walk was unmanageable, after barely sleeping. The day before all this, I was asked if I was ill and needed to lie down. None of this is abnormal for me, quite the opposite actually.

I don't even much care what anyone in my life thinks. All that matters is that exactly what I did not consider worth surviving for years for, has happened and short term use of this drug utterly destroyed my health.

I tried to force a walk because I'm developing pains and problems in my knees from being so sedentary, and I'm desperate to try to salvage at least some physical health. I try so hard to help myself and it just doesn't do anything. If I express dismay at how much my health is damaged and the long term consequences of this I'm likely to face, I get told that actually I'm wrong, my mindset is wrong and it all magically goes away. Clearly this is false and everything that has happened to me has consequences and my health will never be the same as pre-drug no matter how much I recover, if I recover.

Withdrawal coaches like Angela Peacock say things along the lines of "don't worry about hearing of stories of people taking 3+ years to heal, at 3 years out people are living life and doing OK even if not totally recovered". What has happened to me is the horror story that people are afraid of ending up like.

Maybe I'll recover somewhat, in much more time, and I'll be left with the health and life fallout of all of this. That's pretty much the "best case" scenario.

Hey @Luke. What you have been through and continue to go through is horrific, full stop. Given the length of time, the depth of suffering, and the repercussions for your life and potentially your long-term health, you deserve to be listened to and not placated.

I’m sorry for everything that has happened to you. I know you didn’t want to end up where you are three years out, but I do think you are incredibly courageous to have come this far and done so much for others along the way.

Of course you’ve lost a lot in the past three years, and some of it you won’t fully recover. But I do think it’s still possible for you to reach a point where you are physically and mentally well enough to find some peace and enjoyment in life. And that in itself is worth continuing to strive for, I think. 💜

Pfff I am sorry Luke… wish I could take some of your pain and suffering away…

You really didn’t deserve this… it’s really unfair how a medication you took so short can do so much damage… :(

56 minutes ago, Luke said:

I tried to force myself out for a walk. I could just about manage a 7-8 minute walk around the nearby streets, feeling terrible physically. I felt awful and ill all day today but the fatigue wasn't as strong as yesterday when even a walk was unmanageable, after barely sleeping.

I am just curious and trying to understand what is it exactly that you experience? Do you get nerve pains? Muscle pains ? Is it fatigue in terms of condition or muscle fatigue ?

How much do you work now? Is it manageable for you? I hope you don’t overexert yourself…

1 hour ago, Luke said:

I don't even much care what anyone in my life thinks. All that matters is that exactly what I did not consider worth surviving for years for, has happened and short term use of this drug utterly destroyed my health.

You are 100% allowed to feel this way. You know your body and you know your pain.

1 hour ago, Luke said:

Withdrawal coaches like Angela Peacock say things along the lines of "don't worry about hearing of stories of people taking 3+ years to heal, at 3 years out people are living life and doing OK even if not totally recovered". What has happened to me is the horror story that people are afraid of ending up like

Maybe this is for the majority of the people the case indeed (significant healing writhing 3 years), but I do think of the “bel curve”. Outliers on both sides. I do know Angie hosts special support groups for people in protracted withdrawal from 2-7y post discontinuation. Have you ever considered joining one? I’ll leave the link here for you if you are interested….

https://links.heartcorecollective.com/widget/bookings/protracted-support-circle

I wish I could do something for you Luke. You deserve to be happy and healthy and I really hope you will get your health and happiness back in the near future ❤️‍🩹

My God, @Luke, breaks my heart to read how much you’ve been through. I am truly sorry for all of us.

On 5/27/2026 at 12:52 AM, Luke said:

The shift didn't last. It's been difficult since the last post.

Now that I don't have visible physical difficulties, my support system believes I'm simply mentally ill.

I'm devastated that this is still my whole life this far out.

I think anything I could add would sound trite or valueless. But know you can always find support and understanding here. You know the truth that you're not mentally ill--that has value in itself. Hang in there!

I am so sorry @Luke it is heartbreaking what this poison has done to you in such a short time, it is beyond brutal but please do not lose hope, hope is the only thing that gives us the will and strength to continue so do not let the great difficulty so far color the path forward, it has a huge power on the healing process.

3 years have passed and although it's long you are still moving forward, the fact is that the vast majority have recovered and you will not be exceptional, it may take another year/two and or you will turn a corner tomorrow but eventually you will reach a much better place worth living in.

You have already proven to yourself that you are very strong in surviving this, that strength is still very much there and it will continue to accompany you so hang in there and keep hope alive, better long days will come I'm sure of that.

Edited May 28May 28 by Fullhealing

On 5/14/2026 at 12:36 PM, poulette38 said:

We should have trusted our bodies so much. They are never against us, never. They help one's whole life and all we did in gratitude was to destroy them with toxic substances ("so called safe medicine)! Instead of taking in hand the situation for which it activates the sympathetic nervous system and/or trying to support it with natural products. 😢

Our sentence for this is Hell, and we have no other solution than to trust him now! We had to get here for that! I can't believe it 😓

This has been my intrusive thought for a long time now. Thank you for confirming I’m not crazy.

13 minutes ago, Dnepr1234 said:

This has been my intrusive thought for a long time now. Thank you for confirming I’m not crazy.

Sorry, but I won’t call this any insidious thought at all. It’s just the reality of the situation. And if you can see this yes, you are not crazy at all, and nobody is here. We hurt our bodies unconsciously ; the goal was the opposite. So the least we can do now is not make the same mistake again and take care of it.

An intrusive thought would have been "I’m bad, my life has always been bad, and these medications confirm it for me." That’s not what I meant at all. What I meant is that these so-called medicines have made us sick, yet they are indeed prescribed too frequently and normalized.

To react at @Luke 's post : it reminds me of a Dr. Josef video, who said that he found it criminal for doctors to prescribe AD to children, young people, or young adults. It is.